Aiden's pov :
Who am I ... why am I doing this ... where am I going ... all this questions are making me insane . What should I do when I don't even know nothing anymore . The only thing that I could feel right now is guilt ... the guilt is killing me , it's tearing apart my insides . But why am I feeling like this ? ... is it because i became a compeletly different person ? a person that I hate , a person that disgust me in every ways ... I am becoming more crazy each day I'm spending with him . Detach from what destoys you they say ... but how can you , when what is destroying you is your own self ?. I am smart enough to know that I am the only thing standing in my way .And I don't know what to do anymore ... I want things to change , I want it to stop . But how could it stops when he is causing me all this pain ? yet I can't find the force to run away and forget about everything ... Why am I doing this ? This relation is unhealthy and I know it , I got attached to this person ... but I'd rather have a body covered in scars and a head full a memories than have a perfect skin a head full of regret . And I think that I misunderstood everythings ... it can't be love when you fear the person that you're loving ... it can't be poetry when the only words that you hear are destroying you ... Be careful , because butterflies can be wasps . When your stomach flutters and your hands shakes and your cheeks flush , sometimes it's not love ... it's pain . And when you'll call me a hypocrite or a heartbraker . There is no way you will know that I'll leave no heart more broken than the way that I'll leave my heart . I did what I wanted to do ... I made him fall for me , I guess its not that easy for him to open up for someone .he told me what I wanted to hear ... so it's time for me to move on . And I will take the responsability if I fail ... and I will enjoy the bitter taste of failure . But I won't allow myself to feel regret cause what I am doing is right ... even if it's not , I accept to be selfish ... I wanted soo badly to be his " happily ever after" but I wasn't even his "once upon a time " . And when I'll go ... soon enough , I won't think about him every single day , and I may even forget to mention his name . Soon enough , I will be able to survive if someone manages to steals him away . And hopefully , soon enough , I will forget why I loved him in the first place ... but soon enough is a life time away . But I prefer remembering him every day than regreting everything that I've made .
I tried to get up but I couldn't ... strong arms where holding me close . I tried to move his hands but he squeezed me tightly against his chest . We stayed like this for few minutes until he let go of me and went to the barthroom . I got up and puted some underwear and a t-shirt , then , I layed back on the bed . When he got out of there , our eyes met , he gave me a soft smile . My eyes traveled to his body then I looked away ... it was embarrassing . I heared him laugh about that and my heartbeeting became faster . He walked towred me and kissed my lips making me look at him with a shoked expression...
"Come on Aiden , we just had sex last night and you're embarrassed seeing me naked ?" he said while getting dressed up . Then he grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the room , when we arrived at the kitchen he made me sit on the counter ... he seem more relaxed . He had a soft smile on his face , his hands felt so tender against my skin .
"I'm making you breakfast , you need to eat more , you're so thin " he said while running his hand over my thigh . "plus , you're pregnant , don't you think it's bad ?".
"I'm s-sorry " I said as my voice cracked and tears runned down my cheeks , I tried to get down from the counter but he grabbed my waist and pinned me down ."please klaus let go of me " I managed to say looking at him in the eyes . I felt him let go gently and take a step back . I took the opportunity and ran back to our room... I entered the bathroom and locked the door . I slide down the wall and began to cry uncontrollably . What is this feeling ? My heart is killing me , my chest hurts so much . I felt like crap for doing this to him . I'm an idiot... i'm just an hypocrite . I only judge the others and expose their mistakes but I became even worst . Is this is what a breakdown means ... is this is the moment where I realize that he is not the only monster here ? After long minutes , I decided to get out of here after washing my face . When I entred the bedroom , I saw him sitting on the bed with a worried expression ... this sceane made my heart flutter . I walked towred him slowly and then sat on his lap . I puted my hands around his neck ... I just wanted him to make me feel safe ...
"Hug me klaus , please " I said with a soft voice . He hesitated a bit then I felt strong arms around me then he kissed my neck . At that moment I lost it an other time and I began to cry .
"It's okay Aiden , just calm down" he said while running his hand all over my back .
"I may end up hurting you " I managed to say fearing his reaction .
"You wouldn't even hurt a flie , how would you even hurt me ? " he said while laughing ."do as you please if it makes you happy .".
How can a person change so easily ? It's impossible ... he was cold , violent , mean , so why is he acting this way all of a sudden ?. I feel like i'm the only one who will get hurt after all of this ... I just made it even harder for myself to run away from him . Then I looked at him in the eyes ... and kissed him as if we will never see each other again ... he kissed me back then traved to my neck and puted soft kisses on it .
" I need to go , I have work " he said ," we will meet for lunch , okay ? " . I just got up and went down stairs with him . I decided to eat breakfast alone as always . After few minutes i went back to the room suddenly , Amy entred . It was the maid that worked here ... we talked often , she will tell me everything that happens in the pack . It was fun actually , you could say that we were ... friends , i guess . When she saw me , she ran towred me ...
" Aiden , you wan't believe what happened ..." she was saying with a wide smile .
" I'm leaving ." I simply said avoiding her gaze .
" Wait what? where ? " she asked . she looked somehow confused . I dind't answer her , I just kept collecting my clothes ... It made me sad to ignore her , but I didn't want to say anything right now . She may even betray me if I told her whrere i'm going . I can blame her for that , what will she do if he find out about her knowing . He will kill her for sure . All of a sudden , I felt hands grab my wrist ." Why wan't you tell me , Aiden , please don't do anything stupid ." she said . I looked at her and gave her a soft smile , why is she worried ? it's not a big of a deal ... right ?
"I'll be okay , i'm old enough to know what good and what's not "
"You don't know anything . If you were aware of what you're doing you wouldn't even think about running away in your state" she yelled at me " you're pregnant from klaus , explane to me who will want to help you ? do you want to die ?". I dind't say anything , hearing that made me realize how idiot this whole plan was . But I was determinated to go ... I didn't care about my safety . I don't care if no one wants to help me . I don't need anyones help ... I can take care of myself .
"I'll be fine , no one will know that he's my ma-"
"Just by your scent .... just by that , they will know that you have a fucking alpha as a mate and plus you're pregnant , do you hear what you are even saying ? " she continued . But I didn't want to hear anything , that was my choice and I was determinated in doing it .
"I don't care if i fail or if i get hurt , i just want to go " i said while looking at her " so , please, just help me , because i can't change my mind ." She kept looking at me with wild eyes than started to laugh .
"I'm going to regret this , you're putting me in such a fucked up situation ..." she said then got up and grabbed all my clothers and puted them back in place , i looked at her with questioning eyes ." if you don't want him to know , you don't take anything with you , it will give you more time until he find out, I guess " she said . That made sense . We went down stairs after that , she grabed the cars key and we went out , I followed her around , I dind't know what to do either did I know what to say , I just kept quiet . The thought of actually doing it made me feel weird . I can't express this feeling ... I don't know if it's joy , satisfaction , fear .... or emptiness . I wanted to write exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty . And I could not have described it any better ... but I swear I tried and I tried as hard as I can to leave him at least a word ... I tried to describe what I felt , to tell him that this last months that I passed with him were for some reasons relieving ... but I blamed him , all the words that I wrote were mean , I could only blame him because I can't allow myselt to tell him how I honestly feel ... I couldn't . When we got in the car , I took a deep breath as my hands started to shake . And then i remembered Trico , i'm not going to leave him right ?...
"Wait for me please , I have to go get something ." i said and got out of the car. I rushed to the house . But when I entred I hit something hard , I was about to fall when hand catched me ... I looked up , it was Luke, klaus disturbing friend . I took a step back and gave him a soft smile . I tried to pass by him but he stoped me making look at him with a hateful look .
"Where are going , Aiden" he asked me still not letting go of me .
"Sorry but I think this is none of your business , Luke " i answred sarcasticaly .I puched his hand and made my way past him only to be grabbed an other time by my wrist .
" I think you're not allowed to go out by yourself , Aiden " he told me with a harsh voice , I didn't say anything . Part of me wanted to give up and stop what i'm planning to do ... but I don't know why I continued . I just need to fool him and he'll leave me alone ...
"Stop making such a big deal about this " I said while pushing him away , he stepped aside and looked at me in the eyes , he was suspicious of something that's for sure but why ? how could he know ? we barely talked with each other ."Do i need to get permission from you to go out in the graden , do i ?". he didn't say anything he just laughed , I ignored him and called for Trico , when he came I picked him up . I was rushing to get out when I heard him say something that made me even more confused ... When he called my name at first , with such authority , I froze in place, then I heard him walk my way and when he was right beside me he puted his hand over my shoulder , he squeezed it making me hiss in pain . He leaned towred my ear , I could feel his powerful aura and that made me afraid for some reasons . At that moment i could hear my own heart beeting .
" I think you've really got to wait and see how things play out . Sometimes a decision you might consider a regret or failure in the present can turn out to be a catalyst for something extraordinary in the end " he said calmly sending shiver down my neck."But what disturbs me , Aiden , is that you're lying to yourself , willing to leave him and consider him as a regret , what pathetic of y-"
"So what ? you're going to let me go ? do something about it , luke , since you know me soo well now " i yelled at him " you know i learned to not explain things to people . It misleads them into thinking that they know every single thing about me . And that sad actually , to see how dumb people can be . but i'll accept what you said ... only if you give me time , and give him this " I said while giving him a paper that I was too afraid to leave but now ... I have nothing to be afraid of , I don't care anymore . We looked at each other for a long time until he gave me a smile .
"You know that he will hunt you like a rat , he will chase after you even if it'll take him years . And when he'll find you , Aiden be prepared , cause he wan't spare you . He will destroy everything that you'll build , he will kill every single one around you . When he'll find you be prepared to live a true nightmare because you didn't even see the true klaus " he said with a serious tone , hearing this made my legs shake , but i can't give up now , can i ?. " i'll give you three hours , now go " as i heard that i rushed outside , and runed as fast as i could .But all of a sudden i felt tired ... really tired , as if the world drained me . all i could remember is falling on my knees while hearing my name being called ...
But why were you the only person that i thought about when my world was falling upside down ?
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