death
is never
cliché;
we lose people
differently.
we love them
uniquely.
And you'll never
get used to the
pain.
Because others
were worth
dying for,
while they were
still
living,
and even
after they
left.
•
To my Sweet Creature,
My name is Harry. I'm your bestfriend, your boyfriend, your fiancé, and your husband. I'm your shoulder to cry on, the person who'll carry all your burden, and stand beside you through the storm. I'm your partner, your cuddle buddy, and your everything. But unfortunately, I forgot who you are to me.
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with something called Alzheimer's disease. I became guarded by my own soul. A phase of emptiness and missing pieces.
Those around me are innocently unfamiliar to my mind, they seem unknown and non existent. And the hardest part is you were a part of my shadow. You are part of those who vanished. I was lost. I lost you.
-----------------------------
Marbles
Tess: Why are you here, love?
Harry: Louis hasn't been home for the past couple of days, do you know where he is?
-----------------------------
I thought, I'd forever be left in the prison my heart couldn't escape. Then one night, as I cluelessly stand in the middle of an unknown road, you brought me back into our world.
You tried to change for me. Because before I lost everything, you we're the reason of all my hurting. You caused so much pain I burried myself in fake smiles and a promise kept deep: that what matters most is you. You gave up on me. You threw me down the drain. You were there, but felt like you weren't.
That night, was like the first night I laid my eyes on you. An image of a man– a stranger, who once caused hurting was the same person who saved my life. You became someone different. A loving man who endlessly cares, a man who'll hold you through thick and thin, and the person who'll make you feel special. Yes, that's you. But that man, has secrets. That man is filled with lies. Making that man, only a person I knew. Not my husband.
-----------------------------
Marbles
Tess: I'll take you home.
Harry: But where's Louis?
-----------------------------
Everything was a lie. You lied to me about your identity, and who you really are to my life. You kept our real relationship hidden, just so you can change my heart's perspective on you; that maybe I'll forget the pain. You were a lie. But it saved us.
Your sincerity shown through the darkness you were trying to portray. You didn't change, you only realized the truth of who you really want to be in my life. And who you really were.
-----------------------------
Tess' Car
Harry: Where's Louis, Tess? (cocerned)
Tess: I took you for granted. (whispers) I thought you'd forget. I thought you'd remember. (glances at Harry with worried facial expression) I'll take you home.
-----------------------------
You came back.
As a caring friend, a thoughtful fiancé, and a loving husband.
Thank you, for staying. Thank you for believing in me when my heart was soaring through the skies. Thank you for being brave when I was on my weakest. Thank you for saving me even if I don't need saving.
Thank you for picking me up and not fearing on getting criticized by having an ill husband. Thank you for spending your time and effort. Thank you for your compliments and being my light. Thank you for the smiles you gave. Thank you for the pain and sacrifices.
Thank you for showing me the world's grace. Thank you for keeping me held tight and not letting me crash. Thank you for the heartbreaks, the lessons, and the answers you've given. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you 'cause you didn't surrender till the very last. Thank you for being who you are.
Thank you for loving me.
-----------------------------
Home
Tess: Harry, you need to listen to me carefully. (shaking) You need to listen to me. Do you really want to know where Louis is?
Harry: Where is he Tess? (confused)
Tess: He um... (pauses)
Do you...uhm, remember that beanie Louis always likes to wear? The one you want him to put on?
Harry: (nods)
Tess: Uh, (controls tears) you see (pauses) There's a reason why Louis always wears that beanie.
Harry: [silence]
Tess: That beanie was quite significant to him since you bought it for him on your first anniversary. And because he was currently undergoing... chemotherapy.
-----------------------------
Thank you, for protecting me eventhough you were already suffering.
You didn't lie. You didn't kept a secret. You didn't hide. You protected me, from any more pain, because I simply forgot– you were slowly dying.
-----------------------------
Home
Tess: The night Louis first picked you up, he just got the results from his appointment.
He was positive. Doctors confirmed to him that he has a malignant tumor growing inside his brain. (bites lower lip/struggles to continue)
He didn't cry. (shakes head)
The first thing he actually did was call me, and asked me if I saw you standing in the middle of Rogue 28. I said yes. (pauses) Then he told me the news.
In a snap, I bawled. I broke down. Since I knew the both of you quite well, I struggled to understand everything that's happening to not only Louis, but also to you.
He told me he was given a year and a half to live. But since he doesn't want to do anything other than test chemotherapy– yes, test only, his span shortened. He was given nine months to a year.
Up to that point, he didn't cry. He stayed on the line, assuring me he'll be fine. He even had the opportunity to joke around telling me how you and him are definitely Soulmates for having brain issues. I ended up getting mad at him since nothing was funny to me anymore.
For a few seconds, we went silent. Then he told me he was so scared. (starts tearing up) He...He was so scared for you. He doesn't want you to be lonely. (looks at Harry in the eye while crying) That's when he cried his heart out.
-----------------------------
Darling, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for questioning my life too much. I'm sorry for setting you aside since I want to know everything about who I am to you. I'm sorry for not being the person you deserve. I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for being selfish, committing suicide, and blame you. I'm sorry if I'm weak. I'm sorry– I couldn't save you.
-----------------------------
Home
Tess: The days you saw us together, we actually just got finished from a session of his chemo, his last one.
I know, he told you my husband called him, but he didn't. I know he told you, it was about my daughter. Well, my daughter didn't even bother knowing where her Mummy is. Louis simply needed someone, but couldn't take you with him cause he knows you'll make him continue. He doesn't want you to know that he's stopping his chemo and medicines; he's already letting himself go.
(cries) There are nights where he doesn't pick you up, because he's embarrassed on how his hair was falling off, or his lips were chapped, or he's emotionally worn out. He was so afraid to leave you, that he started distancing himself slowly, just so when he dies you won't be that hurt.
Then– about a month ago. We had to face the truth. Louis was already withering badly. The pain he was feeling can be seen on the tears he shed every single day. And we can't do anything. We can't do anything Harry. We watched– we watched him suffer. (pauses) Our words weren't enough to comfort him. We couldn't take his pain away. (cups face/crying)
Harry: (covers mouth with had/sealing the sound of his cry)
-----------------------------
Love, you woke me up. You were my other half. You were everything. But you left me.
I'll miss your jokes. I'll miss your laugh, your smile, and your chukles. I'll miss our car rides. I'll miss ordering the usual with you. I'll miss arguing and crying over dumb things with you. I'll miss blasting the radio and belting out songs with you. I'll miss your scent, your body, your fingertips gliding through my skin, your endless kisses, your I love yous, your goodnights, and your morning breath. I'll miss our moments in the kitchen, our photography sessions, our date nights. I'll miss every single bit of your face; from the wrinkles on the side of your eyes, your thin lips, up to your button nose. I'll miss your tattoos, your singing in the shower, and your sacrifices.
I'll miss waking up in the morning beside you. I'll miss you, Louis. I'll miss you so much. I miss you so much. I miss you being home.
-----------------------------
Home
Tess: Harry, the night Louis died. You were beside him. (reaches out for Harry's hand)
I could remember the way you glanced at each other, and how peaceful that moments was. It was painfully beautiful.
Let me tell you this Harry. (crying hard) I've never seen that much love in the eyes of two people. I've never seen that elsewhere before. Mesmerizing is an understatement to the mutual emotion the both of you have proven. There's this string that attaches you, that bonds you, that makes you one– and I saw how it slowly fades.
(gazed at Harry intently) He requested for you to place your hand on his chest while he places his hand on yours. Louis whispered words that only the two of you understood, and I remember the way you smile at him and how the tears fall down your face. I remember how you silently exchanged vows, and kissed deeply.
I remember the pain in Louis' eyes as he lets go of himself. I remember your grip and how you don't want to set him free. I remember him locking eyes with you. No words. No action. A simple look. Then he smiled. I remember, how you nodded and kissed him. By that time, I knew you were already ready, to let him fly.
Eventually, (pauses) Louis' breath starts shortening. Doctors were already around his bed ready to do some saving. But Louis stopped them, telling them he's never been more alive than that moment– that's the true meaning of living– to be around the person who brought the sun to your life. That he's alright. That he's happy.
Harry: Tess (bawling)
Tess: I stood there at the end of his bed, with my husband on my side and my daughter on the other. We watched Louis glance at you for one last time, telling you how much he loves you. Telling you he doesn't regret lying to you. Telling you he'll always be there. Then he pointed at me, telling me to take good care of his baby boy. Telling me to always remind you that he's there. Always there. And I said yes, I'll always take good care of his Hazza.
Gently, (long pause) Gently uhm...god...uh...(pauses) I'm sorry.
Harry: (walks up to Tess/gives her a hug)
Tess: Gently, his hand slipped away from your chest. But yours still placed on his. You kissed him one last time, before he said his last words:
"I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight, sweetheart."
Harry, I've never seen such genuine love it already hurts. It clenches so hard it was such a magical moment. I thought, bringing life to this earth was wonderful as it is. But that death– was beautiful and the most painful to end.
You were there on his last breath, on his last goodbye, on his last kiss, last smile, last words, and... (sighs)
Up to his last heartbeat.
-----------------------------
Louis, I made this letter not to remind myself who you are, who I am, and those I've forgetten. I made this letter to remind myself, that someone cherished me, loved me unconditionally, and proved to me my own importance.
This is to remind myself, that I learned how to love– till death do us part.
Maybe tomorrow, or the next day. Maybe next week, or next month. Maybe your existence will no longer be a part of me. But my heart will never forget that heartbeat I lost.
My dear Sweet Creature, I'll continue to stand in the middle of Rogue 28, I will continue to visit your favorite diner and order the usual. I'll continue to sleep in the same bed we once laid on together, to cook for two, and to live. Because the moment the sun shines– you already brought me home.
I'll see you in the morning, darling. I'll see you soon. Goodnight.
I love you.
Sincerely,
The man who forgot 🌹
- - - - - - • - - - - - -
f i n a l n o t e
Are you guys, alright? Hope you didn't cry. *hands tissues.
Alright! That's a wrap for Sweet Creature everybody. Time to curl up in a ball on the side.
First of all, thank you for reading this book and patiently anticipated. Second, I'm sorry of it's not that awesome and perfectly written. And third I love you all so much.
But wait! Since this book is already edited, I can now tell you guys that this book is part of the #Wattys2017. I hope you guys can support this book eve if there's a slim chance of winning.
As I said, thank you for spending your precious time reading this book. I would really love to know your feedback especially for this last chapter. I appreciate every single one of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you ❤️ All the love in the world!
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s o n g | All I Want - Kodaline
•
Want the full list of songs in this book? Then you can turn to the next chapter! I have provided a complete list of the songs and even made a playlist on YouTube.
Go check it out!