Hi guys, this chapter is mostly from Seb's POV. I hope it'll finally clear some things up and you'll understand both sides of the story. The chapter is a bit longer than usual, but there was just so much I wanted to put in. I hope you like it and I would love to hear your feedback! :)
Seb was following Keira through the masses of people, but she was too quick. Before he knew it she had escaped from his eyesight and he was left scanning the room in a desperate attempt to find that reddish hair somewhere in the crowd. Unfortunately she was nowhere to be seen and he considered for a moment if he should ask people if they had seen her, but he quickly shoved aside that stupid idea. The only thing he could think of where she would have gone to was outside, but maybe she had already gone somewhere else. Not knowing what else to do he made his way to the exit, trying not to get any attention on himself. He was in no mood to deal with fans asking for photos or autographs at the moment, so he kept his head down.
Despite the high consumption of alcohol Kimi had been able to get into him, he had considerably sobered up after what had happened with Keira. The one moment they had somehow ended up on the ground with their bodies together and the other moment she was yelling things that didn't make sense at all, before shouting at him and running away. He had been completely taken aback by what she had shouted at him, he had felt the blood escape from his face as a result. She knew about Hanna, she knew he had hidden Hanna from her. At that point he knew he had totally screwed up and that he should have broken it off with Hanna way sooner.
After last race he had sat down with Hanna to discuss their relationship, he had dreaded the conversation because he had felt awful for what he had done, he still did. When he had found the courage he had gone as far as to tell her that he had met a girl that brought out the best part of himself, that he dreamt about at night, that he spent as much time with as possible and that he had tried his best to ignore those feelings. After a short silence he had continued and had told her that despite his best efforts he had ended up kissing her. Hanna had looked down at her hands and he had been sure that she was going to cry. He definitely hadn't expected her to raise her head and directly look into his eyes while saying that she herself had some things she wanted to get off her chest. She then had confessed that she had made some mistakes too, even bigger mistakes than he had done according to her. He immediately had known he couldn't be angry with her, but it still had hurt to hear that she too hadn't been honest about their relationship.
Hanna had looked anxiously at him for a moment and then had told him there had been someone else for a while now. She had struggled to find a moment to confess that to him, because she hadn't want to distract him from his championship fight. He had sighed, because Hanna was always this sweet, but at the same time he had also been relieved that she had found someone else. Not only because he could feel a lot less guilty, but more the fact that there was someone else who could fulfil her needs better than he could ever do himself being away most of the time. She deserved someone who was at home with her, because that's what she liked most, someone she could depend on every day and build up a steady life. Hanna had never said it to him, but he knew she hated that he was always somewhere around the world instead of at home.
In the end they had ended up spending the entire evening talking. After a few glasses of wine Hanna had been ready to confess to him what she had been up to when he had been away at race weekends. It turned out she often had spent these days with a guy she had met during a night out with her friends, Peter was his name. She had tried not to like him, just like he had done with Keira, but you can't stop feeling what you feel. She had spent the days and some nights at his house, there where she wouldn't be alone and it had became clear to Seb that Hanna had even gone further than he had ever dared to with someone else. It seemed like she already was in a new relationship and he couldn't even blame her for that, their lives had gone into such opposite directions because of his racing.
After a short silence they had ended up sitting opposite to each other, wondering where it had all gone wrong. They couldn't be angry with each other as they had both made the same mistakes and only had themselves to blame for letting it get this far. The fact that they hadn't been intimate for months should have rang a bell, but they somehow had both ignored it or just hadn't wanted to face what it meant. In a final attempt to fix things they had gone out for dinner and despite trying their best to be the couple they had always been, it hadn't felt the same anymore. It was when they had gone back home that they had decided together that it was best if they would end it there, but they had both still been unsure if it was going to be the right decision.
They had cried and spent the rest of the evening in each other's arms, recalling all the good things from the past while draining another bottle of wine. Laughter had filled the room as well as sobs, especially when they had recalled their time at high school, where it had all started. They had put on their favourite music, danced with each other in the middle of the living room and got drunk without even caring. When they had decided to watch their favourite film they had snuggled up together on the sofa and finished the bottle of Vodka he had found somewhere. Although the film wasn't that sad, they had ended up crying again and when he had wanted to comfort Hanna, they had suddenly kissed. It had been different from the kiss in the restaurant, because this time it had meant something again. The kiss had been passionate and they both had put in all the feelings they currently felt, but couldn't express any other way. They both hadn't want to let go, because they both had known that it would be their last kiss. When they finally had pulled apart, they had looked into each other's eyes, understanding each other without saying anything. They had snuggled up again and both had tried to ignore the fact that everything they were doing then was going to be the last time.
When the film had ended and they had sobered up a bit, they had talked about the future. They both weren't ready yet to share it with the world, as it was still so fresh and they both needed time to process. They had to build up their lives from scratch again and they preferred to do that without the attention of the media. For now this was going to be between them and they had even discussed what they were going to do with the house. They had both gotten depressed when that topic had came up, so they had agreed to talk about that later, because it hadn't been the right time for it. Before they had gone to sleep, they had apologised to each other again and promised to make the best of what life had to offer. They had given each other the blessing to follow their heart, like they should have done a long time ago.
Seb blinked his eyes and shook his head to get back to the present, because he had temporarily zoned out. He need to get that evening out of his mind, as there were more important things on his mind. It had only been at that moment hearing Keira shout Hanna's name that he knew he was completely in love with her, he wasn't even sure that he had ever felt that way about Hanna ever. They had been so young when they got together that it was possible that he never had felt so strongly about someone before. How could he have been so blind for so long? Keira was worth so much more, he should have taken a chance on her long before. He didn't mind her having some baggage and in her words 'not being normal', he was a racing driver himself and that also couldn't be classified as normal. He should have fought for her earlier and seeing again how her past was still haunting her tonight, he should have protected her.
He made his way past the bouncers and stepped outside, immediately feeling the cool air calm him down. He hadn't noticed himself all getting worked up and was glad that he was now standing outside, using the quiet surroundings to think things over. He needed to find Keira and explain, he needed to explain to her about the situation with Hanna and how complicated that had gotten. He had to explain that Keira wasn't the reason for him acting the way he had done, he had to explain that he and Hanna had practically been over for a long time and that Keira hadn't been just someone to enjoy when he was away from home. He sighed when he realised he had to explain why he had been such a coward to not mention Hanna in the first place. He was so used to people using everything against him that he had made it a habit to keep as much from anyone as possible. He was afraid of what the media would say and the accusations that would bring. He had always lived for racing and the way he and Fernando were battling for the title made everything else somehow seem less important. He now knew that he had been completely wrong, some things were definitely as important as racing and he shouldn't have been afraid of what the world was thinking of him. His arguments about giving her space and not talking about his relationship because of her own having failed also seemed rather weak now suddenly. He clenched his fists and tried not to let out a frustrated yell. He should have known that Keira wasn't just anyone, he should have trusted her.
After taking a few deep breaths he looked around him and tried to come up with a plan. A few people were sitting on the steps or smoking a cigarette, but Keira wasn't among them. Not that he expected her to be, he knew that she didn't want anyone else to see her when she was upset, she thought that would show how weak she was. See, he already knew so much about her, why did he only just realise what that all meant? He clinched his fists and when he spotted a small ally between the building and some bushes, he decided to take a look. If you didn't know it was there you would probably have passed it without taking notice of it. A perfect hiding place.
He felt nervous when he approached the ally. What if she wasn't there, what if she was there? He didn't even know if she wanted to see him, he didn't even know what state she would be in. He hated to think of her all alone and upset, so he quickened his pace. He was going to fix this, he needed to fix this. When he turned the corner he indeed saw a person hiding behind a few discarded boxes. When he got closer he could see that Keira was sitting on an old crate with her head in her hands. The way her shoulders were moving he knew she was crying, that sight made his stomach sink. He was responsible for this, what had he done?
'Keir?' he tried carefully, not wanting to scare her. He didn't await her answer and crouched down next to her, making sure to keep his distance. They had been in this situation before and he remembered what had happened then. No contact when she was upset, that was what he had learned.
She slowly raised her head from her hands, showing a tear stained face and red eyes. 'What do you want?' she said with a strained voice, not even having the energy to tell Seb to go away.
'I wanted to check on you,' he said while staring at the ground. 'I'm sorry,' he added and he lifted his head to look at Keira again.
Keira stared at him. 'Sorry for what?' she asked while using the back of her hand to dry her eyes. Her mascara was now smudged and a few black stripes marked her cheeks.
Seb chewed on his bottom lip, thinking over what best he could say. 'I'm sorry for upsetting you,' he decided upon. He still wasn't sure what exactly had gotten her in this way, but he had a vague presumption that it had something to do with Hanna and also with something that had happened in the past. He was dying to know what exactly, so he could make sure that it would never ever happen again.
'You don't seem to mind upsetting people,' retorted Keira and she shifted to find a more comfortable position to sit in. The crate couldn't be comfortable at all, but it seemed like she had other things on her mind.
'What do you mean?' he asked. He didn't really get what she tried to tell him, so he moved a bit closer so he was able to look her in the eyes. Those beautiful big green eyes, which were now bleak and red rimmed because of her crying. They were still beautiful though, still the eyes he would choose to look into when he stood on the top step of the podium celebrating.
Keira hung her head again and with a strained look on her face closed her eyes. Her knuckles had gone white from pressing her hands together so forcefully. She opened her eyes again and looked at the figure crouching next to her. 'Hanna,' she said in a fragile voice, showing how much of an effort it was to get that word over her lips.
Now it was Seb's turn to close his eyes, he knew this was coming, even if he wasn't ready for it. 'You need to hear me out,' he started and he made an attempt to grab Keira's hand. She scowled in reply and quickly escaped his fingers keeping hold of her hand.
'You don't need to explain, I know what's going on,' she turned her head back to Seb and a certain determination was visible in her eyes. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, showing that although she tried to come across strongly, she still was shaken on the inside.
He sighed at that realisation and admired her for always wanting to be tough, although he wanted her to feel comfortable with him again and let her guard down like she had started to do lately. 'I need to explain, there are some things I haven't told you. I know I should have done, but I'm not perfect myself. I wish I was, but spending time with you showed me that the world isn't as big of a scary place as I always thought it was. You showed me that there are still decent people around and that it's okay to show others that you aren't perfect as it shows you're only human. It shows the journey that made me the person I am today and it also leaves space to improve,' he said trying to sound confident. He smiled and hoped that what he was saying made sense.
Keira raised her eyebrows and leaned back a bit. 'Are you trying to say that cheating on someone is alright, because you aren't perfect?' she said sounding appalled. Her face went from blank to horrified and she made an attempt to stand up, to get away from Seb.
'No, no, that's not what I meant,' he almost yelled and he tried to grab her hand again, not letting go this time. Damn it, that was not what he had intended at all. She had completely misunderstood and he had now made the situation only worse.
Panic was setting in and Keira clearly wanted to get away. 'Let go of me!' she yelled.
'Keira, Seb, what is going on?' a voice yelled from the other side of the ally.
They both froze and looked over their shoulder. Minttu and Macy were running towards the pair, as far as running went on heels and they seemed a bit out of breath. Seb quickly shot a glance at Keira, but she wasn't looking at him. She had let out a sigh when the others had turned up and was now pulled into a hug by Macy.
Minttu kept some distance and instead looked at Seb, who was still crouched down. 'What have you done?' she asked suspiciously. She had worked out that Seb was the reason for all of this, although she didn't know exactly why.
Seb quickly stood up and hoped he didn't look too dishevelled. 'I don't know,' he sighed, speaking his mind. 'There are some things that I would like to keep between Keira and myself, but it was never my intention to hurt her. I need to explain to her, but she doesn't seem to understand,' he now almost sounded desperate. Why didn't they understand what he was trying to say?
When Seb had said that he hurt Keira, Minttu went all defensive. 'Seb, what on earth have you done to get her this upset? You haven't done anything stupid, have you?' she had crossed her arms and looked back at Macy comforting Keira.
'I may have done something that I shouldn't have done, but do not regret in the slightest,' he explained, although he knew that it wasn't much of an explanation. He couldn't tell her though, he couldn't betray Keira if she didn't want others to know.
Minttu's expression had gone icy. 'I think you should better go Seb,' she said in the same icy tone.
'But I need to explain,' he tried again and he made a step into Keira's direction, only to find himself blocked by Minttu.
'Not now Seb, you have upset her enough for now. Please go,' Minttu's eyes shot fire and she looked like someone not to cross, far different from her normal demeanour.
He knew he had lost, he wasn't going to win this. 'OK, but please tell her to find me when she has calmed down. Please?' he didn't want to sound like he was begging, although he knew he practically was. He wanted to fix this now, but he also could understand where they were coming from. He could at least be pleased that Keira had friends in the paddock that cared for her, that were looking after her.
When Minttu nodded he turned around, facing the ally again. With one look over his shoulder at the girl he truly loved, he started to walk away.
Keira was still held by Macy, but when Minttu told Seb to go she couldn't help herself and move her head so she could see what was going on. Seb looked broken and she hated to think that she had caused that. Despite that he still looked perfect as ever and although she tried not to notice, her stomach lurched when she looked at him. She wanted to stroke his hair and tell him it was all going to be OK, because this all was making him look so innocent and like he didn't understand what was going on. He did know what was going on, she reminded herself, he had brought this upon himself, not her. She had every right to be upset with him, hadn't she? He had lead her on and cheated on his girlfriend, the girlfriend he had never told her about.
'Keira, are you OK? I told him to go, he's gone love,' Minttu's voice sounded close and she pushed a stray strand of hair back into its place.
'Yes,' she almost whispered. It reminded Keira of Seb, he used to do that all the time. Damn it, why was he still inside her head?
'What did he do to you Keir?' Macy whispered back. She slowly let go of Keira, so that she could look her in the eye.
Keira used the space to take a deep breath and try to fix herself, she probably was looking dreadful. 'It's nothing important,' she tried to hush the question away. She didn't want to include them into her own mess.
'Oh come on Keir, it isn't nothing. You are upset and Seb is also upset and we don't see him upset that often,' Macy looked at Minttu for confirmation and when she nodded looked back at Keira. 'We care about you and you are part of the team, we need to look after you,' she said in a more soft tone and her eyes were friendly and welcoming.
Keira took another deep breath and thought here goes nothing. 'He kissed me,' she almost blurted out and stumbled on the words. She immediately closed her eyes when she heard the gasps from the two girls next to her.
'He kissed you?!' Macy yelled on top of her lungs, making the others thankful that there was no one else around.
Keira nodded, because it felt like she couldn't talk anymore. She still had her eyes closed, because she was too afraid to look at her friends. Maybe they would hate her for that? They should know Hanna and that would make for an awkward situation surely.
'I can't believe he did that,' Minttu didn't yell, but disbelief was definitely audible in her voice. She ran her fingers through her long dark brown hair and she seemed to be deep in thought.
'Me neither,' Macy shook her head and looked at Keira, who was trembling. 'Come here dear,' she pulled Keira into a hug again.
'I didn't know about Hanna until after,' Keira had opened her eyes again and tried to explain. It suddenly all seemed such a long time ago, like it had happened in another life. That feeling of ecstasy and elation had long gone, leaving only the emptiness in her heart.
'Wow, I didn't think Seb had that in him,' Macy whistled through her teeth and still looked stunned. 'But wait, you mean it wasn't tonight that he kissed you?'
Keira shook her head and stared at her feet, feeling uncomfortable to go into details. 'No, it was at the party last race. I only found out about Hanna when I was back home and saw them kissing in a restaurant,' she ended the sentence in a whisper. Her eyes were burning again and she felt fresh tears streak down her face. The memory was too much, it hurt so much to think about that. The moment her happiness had been killed off again.
'Wow,' was all Minttu could answer and Macy seemed lost for words. 'He's a dick, I never thought I would say that about Seb,' Minttu's voice was still filled with disbelief.
'Come on, let's get you back to the hotel. Luckily we're all going home tomorrow,' Macy took Keira's arm and Minttu followed her by taking her other.
That reminded Keira of something. 'Oh no, oh no,' she groaned and her heart sank. She hadn't thought about that yet.
'What?' the girls asked in sync.
'We are on the same flight home,' Keira sighed and she felt her chest tighten, she wasn't ready to face him again. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever she thought.
'Fuck,' Macy answered, not knowing what else to say.
Minttu however suddenly smiled, looking at the other two. 'You can fly back with Kimi and myself, we only live like 20 minutes apart if I go by the distance from Seb's house. We can drop you off at home?' she asked tentatively, not wanting to say something that could upset Keira any further.
'Would you do that for me?' Keira asked in awe, she would never expected such a friendly gesture. Maybe there were people she could trust after all. It at least cheered her up massively and she pulled the two girls into a hug, she was lucky to have these two looking after her.
'Let's get you back then, I think we can all use some sleep,' Macy announced and without looking back they set out back to the hotel where their beds were waiting.