"You cleaned your car." I commented, keeping my eyes trained on the small, perfect yards and buildings blurring into nothing as we turned from turned up dirt and desert and back into the healthy green of the suburbs.
"Yeah." Cain muttered, tapping his fingers on his steering wheel in a strange rhythm, seeming like some sort of Morse Code.
I could have cut the tension in the small rusty Acura with a knife; neither of us cared to ask the other what was bothering them. If we were being honest with ourselves, it was pretty clear.
Cain was hurting, I had hit him where he was weak. I had shoved a blade into his gut and kept twisting it until he finally snapped. Almost as if I got some sort of sick pleasure out of it.
I lifted my head from the smooth and cold glass and gave him a quick sideways glance.
He looked like crap, possibly even worse than I did. And I had mascara smeared on both cheeks and the lipstick I had one was borderline clown material.
His face was ashen, all color drained. His eyes were on the road, but I could see the strangeness of his repetitive blinking from where I sat. But it was the attempt at an emotionless look that made me feel as if I had just killed any friendship that may have been sparking up between the two of us.
The only person that had cared enough to confront me on the rumors, to not say anything about my blog.
"Why are you staring at me?" he didn't look in my direction.
"I. . ." I trailed off, turning away and staring out the window again. To my relief, the car slowly came to a stop as it struggled to crawl up the driveway of his house. I waited until he put the car in park to unbuckle my seatbelt.
"Thank you for the ride." I whispered, purposely moving as slow as possible. I didn't understand why, I should just put him out of the misery of being in my presence and leave. But. . . but there was a small part of me that wanted him to grab my hand and assure me I wasn't the reason he looked as if he'd been hit by a truck.
"Hey." Cain caught my wrist, my eyes flickered back to him. He was leaning forward, his lips so close that I could have pushed myself forward an inch and kiss him. Not that I ever would, I wouldn't ever be Monica or Kassndra, I would never have enough confidence to it.
"Promise me you'll be okay tonight." I averted my eyes and started to slip my wrist from his grip.
"I can't promise that, Cain."
"Kasey, please." Desperation began to spread across his face and to his fingertips locking around my wrist.
"What do you want from me, Cain?" I let my hands fall back on to my lap, "I can't give you whatever the hell it is you want."
"You can." his voice was barely audible.
"I can't." I clarified, "I saw you with Monica, why can't you just do whatever this is with her? I don't need friends right now, I-"
"Monica is my best friend, Kasey." He said it like it would make some sort of difference to me.
"You need friends, you need someone, Kase. Stop pushing me away." I reached for the door handle again, tears surrounding the rims of my eyes.
"I survived for seventeen years without them, I don't, Cain. I don't need you."
*
I stared down at the cursor hovering over the record button on my laptop, ignoring the comments below. Shaking, I hit the play button and sat back on my bed.
"Dear No One,
Why does the world have to be so cruel? Why does it have to keep beating you down when all you want to do is get back up?
Those of you watching this are probably only going to sit and laugh, and I want you to understand that words hurt. What hurts even more?
Being betrayed by someone close to you. Feeling as if your heart was torn from your chest and stomped on. That's what hurts.
You know who you are, and I'm sure you're watching this. What you did was wrong, on more levels than one. I trusted you and you abused that trust like it meant nothing. I can't say I hate you, because there's no part of me that would allow the words to come out.
For those of you that are watching this and care? Well, guys, be careful what you say and do. Words can hurt people more than you think, more than actions can. The person you might call a name may have a reason for being the way they are, you don't know how someone lives unless you walk in their shoes for a while.
So the next time you think it's okay to believe rumors, to bully, to hurt someone, think about how you might feel walking in their shoes.
If you ever feel that you need to talk to me, make sure you contact me personally, anonymously or not.
See you Later,
Ms. Nobody.
*
I stirred the hot chocolate in my cup with a sigh, barely listening to my parents and siblings dive into another long conversation about some ridiculous family reunion we'd have to go to in a couple months.
We had it once a year; we'd meet with family members from all over the country. Steph was usually by my side through them all, even if she didn't say a word, I loved having her there for support. The last four years were off, everyone looked at us in a pity, even after years of grieving, they still acted as if it happened yesterday. I hated it.
"Are you going to answer that?" Kevin asked from across the table, gesturing toward my buzzing phone beside my plate. I reached for it, confused on who would be contacting me right now. Everyone thought I was a joke.
Mr. Mysterious: Log on and look at the views your newest video
I stared at the text for a second, not having enough time to comprehend why Cain was actually talking to me before another text alert appeared.
Mr. Mysterious: Meet me in the yard in 5.
I grabbed my untouched glass of ice water and downed almost the entire thing before lifting my head to join in on my family's conversation. To my surprise, they were all watching me closely, like I was an endangered species at the zoo.
"Can I be excused?" I mumbled, clearing my throat. Mom looked ready to protest, Kevin cut her off.
"You haven't even touched your food," he commented, "Are you okay, Kaser?" I nodded, pushing back from the table and pushing my chair back in.
"I'm fine, Kev. I'll see you guys in the morning." I headed down the hall and out the back door before anyone could speak up or stop me. I found Cain standing in the middle of my yard, his German Shepherd Roxie curled up at his feet.
"When did you upload your latest video?" he questioned the second he saw me on the back patio.
"A couple hours ago." I whispered, jogging down the steps to join him.
"It's already got over two thousand views, Kase." I shrugged, crossing my arms tightly over my chest.
"So?" I grumbled. I was still trying to get over the fact that he was talking to me, that he hadn't turned his back to me like everyone else. I deserved it.
"So? Two thousand views in two hours in impressive." He grabbed my wrist a little too roughly for my liking and forced his obnoxiously big phone into my hands.
"Read the comments." I shook my head, fear creeping up on me.
"No, it's probably just everyone from school making fun of me. I don't-"
"Just read them, Kasey." I took in a deep breath and forced my eyes on to the screen as I scrolled down.
Finally someone who understands
If only more people understood
Preach!
Who is this girl? She's amazing
YES SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT. WORDS HURT!!
"Wow." I breathed out.
"I know." Cain was beside me again, Roxie's tail thumping repeatedly against the top of my foot.
"They aren't making fun of you, Kasey. They're agreeing." I felt a smile tugging at my lips as I turned off the phone and handed it back to Cain.
"Why aren't you happy? Isn't this what you want? To help other people through their problems." He questioned, I nodded.
"Thanks for showing me that, Cain." I started to back away, ruffling Roxie's fur.
"Kasey, can I ask you something?" He called after me. I waited for him to go on, but he gestured toward the phone in his hands. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket a second later, pulling it out with a confused look.
Mr. Mysterious: Are you really okay??
It took me a second to understand why he hadn't asked the question out loud; he wanted an honest answer. I lifted my head and met curious eyes for a moment before giving him the answer I knew he really wanted to hear. The truth.
No. I'm not okay.
***AN***
Hope you guys enjoyed!
Let me know what you thought!
~ChasingMadness24