"peripatetic"
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(pɛr ə pəˈtɛt ɪk, noun) A person who spends their time wondering.
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I give Zach a nervous smile because I don't know what else to do. I know he expects something from me, I even know what he expects from me, but I can't give it to him.
Zach leans back with an understanding look. "I see how it is ..."
I look at him in confusion. Zach takes a step back from me. "Tell me, did I take advantage of you? Did you feel obliged to kiss me?"
"What? Zach, no -"
"I simply misread the situation, then," he notes, completely ignoring me.
I want to step closer to him, but he gives me such a look that it makes me retreat instantly. "Zach, please. It's not like that."
Zach scoffs, looking somewhere behind me. "Ah, the famous words."
This time it's me that ignores him. "Listen to me. You did not take advantage of me, I knew perfectly well what I was doing and I could stop it if I wanted to, but ... I wanted that to happen."
"But you don't want it to ever happen again. Noted."
I sigh. "Zach," I scold him mildly. "I can't do this. I'm sorry, but I'm not ready for that right now ... I've got other things to worry about."
"So do I!" he snaps irritatingly. When he sees my frightened expression, he exhales and thrusts his hands into his hair, pulling it. "What is it? Is there another man? You said you're not seeing anyone. Are you in love with someone else, though?"
I shake my head. "No. I'm not in love with anyone and I'm not involved with anyone. It's not like that."
This time, Zach comes closer and leans his hip against the counter. "Then how the fuck is it? Tell me."
"Let's start with this. What did you expect out of ... that?"
"You not flinching and avoid it when I want to do it again, that's for sure." I can just hear the confusion in Zach's voice and I understand him, I do. It's all my fault he feels conflicted like that.
"Okay ... Well, I'm sorry if I led you on. But right now, I'm not prepared to have anything with anyone. It only complicates things and right now, I can't afford to be distracted. But," I quickly go on, "I don't want us to stop hanging out and being friends. I just don't want to destroy what we currently have. Can you accept that?"
Zach is puzzled for a moment, looking at me with a lost expression. "Do I have any choice?"
I cock my head to the side. "What do you want?" I ask him, giving him a chance to explain it to me.
Zach hangs his head. "It doesn't matter anyway."
I gape at him. "Of course it does, Zach!" I exclaim. "I want to know," I tell him. If we don't talk about this, we won't get anywhere.
"I don't know, Ana. Okay? That's the whole truth. I didn't think it through. We can forget about it now," he murmurs.
Forget about it? There's not a chance I'll be able to ever forget it! "If that's what you really want ..." I say softly, disappointed a bit. But I get it. I shouldn't have let that happen. I had a chance to stop it, but I didn't. And now we're in this mess.
The one person who tried to get to know me and I screw that up, too. Maybe it's really better if I don't surround myself with people. It seems like I always ruin everything.
Zach looks at me, really looks at me, his eyes staring deep into mine. I see how tired he is, the exhaustion visible on his face as it probably is on mine from not getting enough of sleep. I see he wants to say something, but he just frowns and turns around, dismissing me and the subject. "Do you want coffee? Anything to eat?" he offers with his back to me.
In any other situation, I would take this time to appreciate it and admire his back muscles, but I'm too distracted to do it now. "Coffee will be fine, thank you," I say politely. I feel the air just cooled off in the room and I try to warm myself up and get rid of the goosebumps by rubbing my arms with my hands.
Zach takes notice of my gesture. "Are you cold?" he asks.
I shake my head. "I'm fine," I lie. Zach frowns. He disappears out of the kitchen and I stare at him with my opened mouth, wondering what the hell happened now. But he appears minutes later again, holding out his sweater for me. Another piece of your clothing, Zach?
I take it without words, trying to look him into the eyes, but he avoids my gaze. When I put his sweater on, I see he's holding out a mug for me, but when I try to take it from his hand, he doesn't release it. I flick my eyes upwards and see him looking down at my chest.
I shift on my feet to gain his attention back to my eyes and Zach unapologetically smiles, not even caring that I caught him staring. "I was just admiring you wearing my clothes."
I look down at the sweater to hide my blush that's starting to creep on my cheeks. "It's like ... 3 sizes too big on me?"
Zach sends me a charming smile that makes my heart skip a beat. "You still wear it better than me." He confirms it with a wink, taking a sip from his mug and finally giving me the other one.
Oh, Ana. Are you sure you want to stay just friends with this man? I mean ...
I shake my head to myself, getting rid of those thoughts. Yes, I'm sure. Zach Crawford is an exceptional man that I've got a privilege to meet, but he's not a man for me. Somewhere out there is a woman who's right for him, a woman who's going to be enough for him, but that woman is not me.
We both come from such different worlds, we could never make it work. And I don't even know why I'm thinking about a relationship because it wasn't even offered. He didn't say he wants to suddenly have a relationship with me just because he kissed me, foolish me. I just assumed that and jumped to conclusions. My God, I should have let him explain first before I shot him down like that, making assumptions.
I give Zach a small smile, relieved that he's back to being normal. It's not exactly like nothing happened - I think that kiss is forever going to hang above our heads - but he's at least being the Zach I know.
"I think I should head back home soon," I announce, looking around to see if there's a clock anywhere. I still don't know what time it is.
Zach looks at me with a scowl and a clear distaste on his face. "Why?"
I arch my eyebrow. "Why do I need to go home?" I ask him pointedly, rolling my lips together so I don't chuckle out loud, but I'm sure Zach can see the laughter in my eyes because his own lips twitch.
"But do you need to go home? Like, do you have something important to do?" he questions seriously.
I purse my lips and place my fingers on the counter, tracing the smooth wooden surface with my fingers. "Not really, but -"
"Okay then," Zach dismisses me and turns around. "What would you like to eat?"
"I'm not -"
Zach swiftly turns around with a stormy face. "Don't make me mad by saying you're not hungry, Analeigh."
Oh, back to using my full name now? I nervously look at him. "But I'm really not -"
"Okay, I'll choose then," he says simply, cutting me off in the middle of the sentence yet again.
I point a finger at him. "You know, you should really stop doing that. Let me finish my sentences!"
Zach threateningly steps forward, but I see his mouth twitches and his eyes shine with interest. "Or what?" he asks quietly, his voice dropping lower.
My heart skips a beat and a lump forms in my throat, making it hard for me to breathe normally. In just a second, the mood changes completely and he makes me nervous to be around him. I'm still not used to my feelings changing like that whenever I'm with him. "Aren't we going to eat?" I squeak out pathetically, trying to shift his attention elsewhere.
Zach smirks, his lips pulling up at one side, his eyes getting dangerously dark. My legs start shaking as he takes his tongue out and slowly, teasingly licks his bottom lip. "Ah, yeah. It looks like I'm getting very hungry."
I don't think he's talking about the food. As on cue, I blush like a tomato. In fact, a tomato would be jealous of my red colour on my cheeks right now. And I blame Zach for it. "Uhm." I literally have no response for him.
Zach cocks his head to the side, watching me with deep mischief, his eyes focused solely on me.
I grip the mug in my hand tighter so I don't drop it on the floor. I notice my hand is shaking, so I grip the mug with my both hands, gripping it like my safe line. "I'm really hungry," I blurt out, feeling my body getting even hotter in embarrassment. Would you just shut up now?!
Zach's eyebrow slowly lifts. I see he places his palm flat on the counter, his movement slow and measured. I think he's playing with me on purpose. Is that a payback? "Are you now?" he murmurs.
I nod my head eagerly, my stomach in such a knot that it's starting to hurt. Zach shakes his head and decides to put me out of my misery. "Let's get you something to eat then."
I sigh with relief until Zach extends his arm, lifts his hand and comes into a contact with the skin on my jaw. If I grip the mug any tighter, it's going to break in my hands. Zach is looking at me intently, all traces of playfulness and smile now gone.
I stop breathing altogether. His touch leaves a burning feeling on my skin. Zach looks like he's thinking deeply about something, but he releases me all too soon and turns around without another word, leaving me to sag against the counter like an empty bag.
Why do I suddenly feel so ... lost without his touch?
No. I must stop this. This is not right. I don't have time for this. This is getting into a dangerous territory.
"Can I help with anything?" I offer when I remember that would be a polite thing to do as a guest.
Zach shakes his head. "I got it," he replies.
I don't know what to do with myself in this enormous kitchen. I take the time he gave me to look around a bit, admiring the luxury the money can give you. But his place still feels pretty cosy and warm, just like a home.
I eye the table we've had a dinner at yesterday evening and notice it's now empty and spotlessly cleaned. "Your housekeeper was here already?"
Zach turns to look at what I'm looking. "She comes every morning at 9," he tells me.
I turn to look at him, but he's not giving me his attention anymore, rather focusing on the preparing the food. I can't even see what he's preparing over his shoulder. "What time is it?" I ask once again.
"Don't you have your phone with you?"
I pause. "No. I guessed I wouldn't need it," I admit.
Zach pauses for a second before he turns his head and gives me such a serious, meaningful look that's so full of emotions, it makes me stumble back from a force. He keeps his stare on me for long, long moments, making me unable to breathe yet again. My, God, Zach. What are you doing to me?
I'm the first to look away. I can't hold his stare any longer, his deep eye contact is making me slightly nervous and putting me on edge. "It's around half past 11," I hear Zach murmur.
My lips uncontrollably lift a little. I don't remember when was the last time I slept so late. But it feels quite early and my body feels tired. No wonder, since I slept for a little more than 4 hours ...
I walk around his place without an invitation, the force to go to the living room and gaze out at the city is too strong. I go to the windows - my favourite place in Zach's flat. Well, I haven't really seen the rest of it, but I don't know if anything could compare to that.
"I see you quite like the spot right there," Zach observes melancholically, surprising me. It's hard to look away from the beautiful view in front of me, but when my eyes land on Zach, I see it's totally worth it. And now it's hard to look anywhere else but at the magnificent man in front of me.
"Your place is really lovely," I tell him truthfully.
Zach looks around as if he's trying to see what I see. I know he doesn't see it in the same way, but I'm not used to such extravagance, while Zach comes face to face with it every day.
"I can give you the tour if you want. Although you've seen most of it." Zach shrugs, coming closer to me.
The closer he gets, the more nervous I get for some unknown reason. Am I so jumpy because of that kiss we shared? Possibly. "I haven't seen your bedroom yet." I smile.
Theo James is going to be my baby daddy byE
Well, alright, I don't know what to say, other than ... hooray? They're getting somewhere, although too fast in Analeigh's opinion and too slow in Zach's. Huh.
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