Chapter 17 - By The Dock
On my way to the lake to check that all the boats are in perfect condition after I went to the retreat centre to deliver the daily order, I can’t stop humming Skinny Love, as that is the song I picked with Mare to practice. It's a lovely song and only on piano, it's absolutely beautiful. I’m teaching her the song so in the video she can play it and I’m even trying to teach her to sing it. It’s not that Mare doesn’t have a good voice, I mean, it’s not incredible, it’s just a normal voice, but she doesn’t know how to control her breathing and her muscles to sing, so we’ve also started to work on that. Maybe we won’t get a deal with this agreement, but at least she’ll get something if I teach her to sing and play the piano. It’s very unlikely that from a video on the Internet someone will contact her. Many people do that and they still haven’t been discovered.
Last night I came home really late but I did not only stayed practicing with Mare and then cleaned, she also gave me many advices and homework, of course. One of the advices was to keep talking to Timmy as I told her about him. And I did that today, we had a small but nice conversation and I barely stuttered. He is really nice and I’m sorry that I didn’t try to talk to him before. But well, the past is in the past and now we’re talking so that’s good. Mare will be happy to know that I’m making progress.
My homework is to greet everyone I see today, just a simple hello and keep going. Being nice, being polite.
Mare always tells me, “You have the confidence inside of you, you know they won’t hurt you or laugh at you. You can do it.” It’s pretty similar at what I used to tell myself before —at least the part that I know they won’t hurt me— but it’s different when someone else says it, someone you admire. It actually makes me believe in myself a bit more, plus, she’s already made great progress with me.
So guess what I did today? Oh yeah, besides talking to Timmy, of course.
When I went to the centre to deliver the daily order I didn’t just smile to Carl. Oh no, this time I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for three seconds and thought of Mare and her words, so I said, “good morning.” Believe me, Carl’s expression made me chuckle but then he soon recovered and replied, “good morning, Ariel.”
It’s amazing how believing in someone can make you believe in yourself a bit more, how someone can give you the strength to do something else. It was really nice to greet Carl and when he said “good bye, Ariel. Have a good day,” I could actually reply back with a “you too.”
All these little things make me so happy. I know they are nothing compared to what other people do, but these are huge steps for me and I know I’m making progress so I try not to compare myself to others or lose my perspective of things. I don’t want anything to take away this happiness from me, especially myself. I’ve realised that oneself is the first to destroy our hopes and dreams, the first to attack our thoughts and happiness. So I’m trying to control that, as well.
When I arrive to the dock I still have that big smile plastered on my face whilst I check all the boats are securely attached. Everything seems in order so next I go to the cottage to make sure all the necessary supplies are there, but when I turn to go there I find someone else on the dock.
Startled, I scream and take a few steps back, almost falling on my bum. Apparently, I’m easily startled.
“Woah there, you okay?” he asks reaching to grab my arm but I gain my balance back and stand straight.
“I-I-I’m fine,” I stutter and have to close my eyes for a few seconds. I try to even my breathing and calm down my racing heart. I remember Mare’s words and I tell myself I can do this, I can do this. It’s just Harry, I’ve talked to him before.
Saying it’s just Harry actually makes it worse.
I can do this, I can do this. I did it before.
Yeah, but I was in a excitement rush kind of thing, now it’s different.
I still can do it.
And I have to stop having conversations in my mind.
When I open my eyes Harry is looking at me, a little smile on his lips that barely shows his dimples, but they are there. My heart is beating so strongly in my ribcage that I have to put my hand on my chest as if like that I can keep the muscle inside of me. I have a lump in my throat and I know all my limbs are shaking, but I keep telling myself I can do it.
“Hi,” he says, his smile widening and my heart jumps in my chest, I can feel it in my hands. Holy cow!
“H-hi,” I reply, my voice trembling like my limbs. “H-how… how are you?”
Well done, Ariel! Keep going! I imagine Mare saying and that actually helps.
“I’m great,” he replies with that big smile of his, a heart-warming smile that puts me at ease, just a little bit. “It’s nice to see you. Making sure everything is okay for the tours today?” he asks and I nod. It’s just what comes more naturally to me. “No one is dying today then.”
I chuckle at the goofy way he says that, it’s hard to describe, but it makes me laugh and his smile widens even more, if that’s possible. “No, no one is dying,” I agree with a bit more of ease as I start to get a bit relaxed in his company.
“So… too busy right now? Can I steal a bit of your time?” he asks next a bit unsure and my eyes widen in shock.
“Do-do you need… do you need anything?” I ask, my eyes still wide open.
He chuckles a bit embarrassed, messing with the curls in the back of his head and looking down for a few seconds. I never imagined I could’ve seen the Harry Styles being shy. I didn’t think that was possible. He looks so confident all the time in a way so different from Mare, but confident nonetheless.
“No, it’s just… it’s okay if you don’t have time or you don’t want to. I thought it’d be nice, that’s all,” he replies and I notice his cheeks are a bit rosy. Is he blushing?
I can’t stop blinking. Surprised is an understatement because I realise even people like Harry, who are practically on top of the world, get shy and insecure.
“I-I have time,” I reply and he flashes me a lovely smile.
“Is it okay if we sit by the dock? I love the view of the lake,” he adds and I nod before I turn around to sit at the edge, my feet not touching the water. I wait there until Harry sits by my side and his proximity makes my heart race by I try to keep it together. “This place is amazing,” he adds and I nod.
“I’ve… I’ve always loved it here,” I reply lowly, not looking at him. It’s not as hard when my eyes are locked on this familiar place, on my kingdom, the place that brings me serenity. “I grew up here.”
“That must’ve been amazing,” he comments on my statement. “This place reminds me of a video we shot in Kent,” Harry adds next and I stop to think of which video he could be talking about.
“Live While We’re Young?” I suggest and I feel his eyes on me so I turn to meet his gaze for a few seconds but then I turn back to look at the lake.
“Yeah. It’s true you’re a fan then,” he says and I can hear the smile in his voice. “Yeah, there was also a lake like this one and a forest and it was so fun. We had an amazing time shooting that video.”
“It looked like fun,” I reply with a smile of my own. “I used to be the only… the only one to swim here but now so many people come. It’s good, I think,” I hurry to explain. “I like that more people can enjoy this lake.”
“That’s nice,” he says and I look at him for two seconds before I focus on the lake again, feeling my cheeks heating.
I pull some hair behind my ear, still avoiding Harry’s gaze but I feel it on me, examining me and it makes me feel so self-conscious. “You also met Niall yesterday,” he says and I nod. “He says you’re really shy and I agree,” he chuckles and I feel my cheeks heating even more. Even my ears and neck. I’m totally blushed.
“I-I-I am,” I stutter. That he says that makes it kind of worse. I know he’s not insulting me or laughing at me, but I still feel like a little ant under the lens of a microscope. I feel like running but I’m anchored there. I can’t move.
“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Sorry,” he apologies and I pull another lock of hair behind my ear that falls next to my face when I look down, focusing on all the little dots of my dress.
“It-it’s okay,” I say but I still can’t look at him and I know I’m still blushing.
“Still, I’m sorry. Eh, so… what else do you do here? Besides delivering the vegetables and those things,” he asks and I know he wants to change subjects so I let him.
“I-I help in the house. I-I make sure all the boats are okay,” I reply and dare to meet his eyes for a few seconds. He’s always looking at me.
“So you’re always around,” he muses. “And if someone, let’s say, would fall into the lake you could totally save him, right? I mean, you must be an expert swimmer.”
I look at him with my eyes wide open for a full second before I look away again, my heart racing again because the night I saved him flashes in my mind. I don’t know if he suspects it was me again now that he knows I’m not mute and I guess I could tell him now that it was me, that I actually saved him. I really don’t know why I don’t tell him.
“I-I guess I could,” I reply pulling another lock of hair behind my ear. Looking down at my lap makes my hair fall around my face all the time.
“Well, it’s good to know you’re around, then,” he says casually and I smile although I don’t meet his eyes. “Don’t you feel lonely here, though? You say there are more people now, but what about before?”
“I have six sisters,” I say and I hear his exclamation of surprise, which makes me chuckle. “But they all left already. I’m the youngest,” I add. “So it’s Dad and I now. It’s a bit lonely, but I’m… I’m used to it.”
“How old are you? If you don’t mind telling me, of course.”
“Seventeen,” I reply. “I’ll be eighteen in a few days, though.”
“Your birthday is coming?” he asks and I chuckle as I nod. “When?”
“The twenty-fifth of June,” I reply.
“Oh, really soon! We must do something that day, then!” exclaims Harry, really excited.
I look at him, surprised myself. I know eighteen is important but I was a bit bummed this year, knowing none of my sisters was going to be here. But now… now I feel excited again and really nervous, though.
“That’d… that’d be lovely.”
-:-:-
PLEASE READ! There's a book called "Aware Princess Series (Extra Material)". You can look it up or go to my profile to find it. In that book I post one shots related to this series. So far I've posted two from Harry's POV (for those who always want to know his view on the events) and just today I posted one from Mare's POV. My last attempt to make you understand she's not the villain of the story and she won't hurt Ariel. Read those short one shots if you want to see other perspectives of this story as it's solely Ariel's POV.
Dedication to @SnowlyNouis. I'm proud of you for standing for yourself and that this story helped you makes me so happy. I also hope we can meet one day.
Bel, xx
NU: Tuesday
PS: Video of Bella Ferraro (Ariel's voice) singing Skinny Love. Perfect.