Sarah:
Seth called hours later. Judging by the tone of his voice, he already loves it there in New York. I always knew he would—always as in since he first told me he was moving. Of course, he did miss us, but his amusement in the city was conspicuous. I said that I wished I was there to see what it really looks like—how it feels to be there. However I’m cooped up in San Diego—and I’m more content being here than anyplace else. This has been my home for eight years.
Leon was at his apartment; I’m in my room, just hung up from my call with Seth, and about to call Leon when he coincidentally calls me first. “Hey,” I greeted.
“Hey.” After an excruciatingly long pause, he asks, “Look, I know it’s not really proper to take you out after Seth left and all. I know you’re still a little down that he’s left, but is it okay if we just go somewhere tonight?”
I looked at the clock on my wall and noted, “It’s almost eleven.”
“So?”
“So…it’s really not a good idea. It’s getting late.”
“Then do you not mind me coming over?” he offered.
I sighed, “If you’re just going to come over every night, then what was the point in getting your own apartment?”
Leon took a moment to consider this before answering simply, “Good question. But I still want to go somewhere with you.”
“Hmm…can you let it wait?”
He groaned irritably, “Why?”
“Please?” I started to act tired, yawning casually, “I’m tired…so goodnight.”
“Ha-ha,” he laughed sarcastically, “nice try.” Damn it…I thought. “Fine though, I’ll wait.”
“Thank you,” I said into the phone teasingly before hanging up.
I can’t help but wonder why Leon hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet. For one thing, the scheduling of his working shifts aren’t as tight as before; for another thing, it’s been out of a relationship for more a little more than two weeks. I mean, I understand that he’s just being considerate—I could ask him to be my boyfriend, but it just doesn’t seem right when a girl asks. Then again, I could already guess his answer: My best friend has just left, so he’s going to give me some space until I don’t have anything else troubling my mind so greatly.
I swear, sometimes his consideration really pisses me off—especially in these types of situations. What happened to the persistent, selfish Leon that I once hated? I guess he grew up—matured a little. But it’s true, I do need some space; Seth’s gone, but I’m still not ready to accept that. Everyday, everything will seem out of place without him. Leon’s waiting for me to adjust to these changes so that he won’t have to listen to my “I miss Seth” talks. He wants our relationship to be normal. Well, depending on what you call normal in a relationship. Still, I wish he’d hurry up already.
* * * *
Time goes by fast. I’m only saying that because it’s already February 14, Valentine’s Day. It feels like just yesterday that Seth left. But recently, I’ve grown accustomed to his absence. Sure, it’s easy to feel lonely when you’re best friend isn’t around—especially when you want to talk about a particular topic that you only discuss with that person. I swear, I’m talking to a wall—ranting—every night. I’d turn to Leon, but he’s busy with his jobs sometimes; plus, some of the subjects I’d talk about would just make things awkward. Nothing’s the same when I explain it to Lee and Soph. It’s one of those lonely times where you really need you’re best friend.
Sure, I could call him; here’s the problem, we haven’t been able to have a good, lengthy conversation due to the time differences—three hours. So whenever I was at school, he’d probably still be in school or already out; once I’m out, he’d probably be working some part-time job there; when he’s done with his part-time job, I’m basically working my ass off on homework (and we both know how much I hate to be disturbed when I’m busy with that); and whenever I’m free to talk, he’s already asleep—it’s the same vice versa when it’s the morning.
When I get to school, I’m utterly annoyed with the girls that get asked out on this day—mocking me because I’m still single (and the guy I love isn’t taking the next step). But I kind of have to laugh when some of the girls get dumped, especially when it’s some bitch I don’t like. There are those who don’t give a damn (I used to be one of those people) and those who expect way too much. Now, I’m the one who’s impatiently waiting for Leon to make a move. But…he wouldn’t be that clichéd as to ask me out today, would he? I sighed, shaking my head, refusing to believe it.
Getting to class, sitting in Mrs. Attebury’s class, Laurie walked up to me, flaunting off her bouquet of flowers and a huge box of chocolates in front of me. Getting right in front of my face, her perfume suffocating me, she scorns, “It looks like Leon didn’t give you anything—scratch that, it looks like you got absolutely nothing.”
I rolled my eyes at her. Now that I was seeing her up close, I realized just how overdone her makeup really is. She applied way too much foundation; her makeup was just plain heavy, to put it simply. “At least they’re not doing it to just have sex with me,” I countered.
She only laughed in disdain. “At least I’ve experienced the pleasure, my dear.”
“What’s so great about being a whore who just sleeps around nearly every few days? What if you get AIDS, HIV, or STDS?”
“I’ve got nothing to worry about,” she said smugly. What an ignorant bitch. Still, I waved her off, her leer only trying to provoke me.
Leon entered class, taking the seat next to me as always. When he overhears Laurie in the back, he heaves a sigh. “I swear, the next time she sleeps with a guy, she’s going to end up getting and STD or something,” he muttered under his breath.
“That’s what I’m saying,” I respond. After a moment, two minutes to spare until a dreadfully long lecture about World History, Leon stared at me for the longest time. Turning around to meet his stern gaze, I ask, “What?”
He just smirks in response as he replies, “Nothing.” Yeah sure…nothing… I didn’t bother pressing onto the matter any further since he’d just be stubborn enough to deny anything.
Once the day was over, I headed to my locker, tucking my binder and textbooks into my backpack when I find a note attached to a rose. Seriously, that’s so corny. What’s more corny is the poem written on the note in calligraphy. It was so corny—but I smiled at those words that expressed his feelings.
This love is better than the last
I fell for you twice, and I’m not letting you go
The first time didn’t last
But this time I’ll take it slow
You weren’t prepared
You weren’t looking my way
So I keep waiting until we’re paired
And I’m wondering if you see me now in this way
I was ignorant then
I needed to grow up
I hate to see you with other men
My love for you is like an overflowing cup
And with you, I couldn’t ever get enough
Of your sweet, gentle smile
Forgetting you at times was tough
While wanting you greatly all the while
Give me a chance
I’ll make this right
I promise I won’t try to get in your pants
Tonight
And I want to let you know
That I love you
And as the time starts to slow
Tell me you love me, too
I got to hand it to him, it was a pretty damn good poem—though the second to last stanza cracked me up. And right underneath, was a small scribble, reading:
Are you reading this now? If you are, turn around.
When I did, I smiled at the sight of Leon who just smirk right back at me. “Seriously,” I began, “‘I promise I won’t try to get in your pants tonight’?”
“Shut up,” he teased, “I couldn’t think of anything at the time.”
I laughed, “But what did you mean by ‘try to’? I thought you’re all chaste? I guess I was wrong.”
Leon shook his head. “That’s not what I mean—I needed some humor in it at least.”
I laughed again, looking over his poem again before turning back to him. “You’re so cheesy!”
“It’s Valentine’s Day, silly; what do you expect?” I wrapped my arms around his neck while he rested his hands on my waist, gazing right into my eyes. Then he crushed his lips to mine, pinning me to the lockers where our kiss intensified—but when I remembered where we were, I broke the kiss. “So what do you say?” he asked breathlessly.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to be my girlfriend?”
I couldn’t suppress a smile, my heart was racing, and I pressed my lips to his. When I pull away, I tell him, “I thought my answer would be enough without you asking?”
Leon pressed his lips against mine for a long, passionate kiss. For the time being, I didn’t care about the girls that were giving off dirty looks at me—we ignored the guys that were hooting and hollering at Leon. Apparently, when our kiss intensified once again, the whooping got louder and louder, urging us to go further. However, the both of us just did as we pleased, stopping the kiss when we felt like it. And when we did, the halls fell silent.
* * * *
Our first real date: Stargazing. Honestly, I never thought we’d have such a clichéd date. I couldn’t argue though—I actually love to look at the stars. Sure, I couldn’t make out even one percent of the constellations up in the sky, but I just loved to see millions of twinkling lights with their never ending glimmer shining into my eyes.
We lied on the grass, my head rested on Leon’s chest, and I could hear his steady heartbeat. The sound of its repeating rhythm was lulling me to sleep, and the feel of his arms encasing me in his warmth made it even harder to stay awake. While he was stroking my hair, we had this unspoken conversation between us.
And out of the blue, Leon says to me in a hushed tone, “I love you.”
Lifting my head from his chest, I stared right into his eyes, leaning over so my lips were only an inch from his and said right back, “I love you, too.”
“I love you more.”
“No, I love you more.”
Leon smirked at me as he asked in a teasing manner, “Do you?”
That’s when I kiss him, giving him my answer. His hand reached for my head, his hand holding strands of my hair while the other hand was resting at the small of my back. Both my hands were occupied with messing up his dark brown hair as I lay on top of him. Eventually I found his hand underneath my shirt, but he wasn’t doing anything, his palm rested right below the hook of my bra.
We both let out soft, low moans when our tongues would enter each others mouth. And when he bit my lower lip, the moan the escaped me was louder than I expected it to be. We were losing ourselves in our kisses; I knew one of us had to stop this until we cross that line. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it anyway.
Eventually I felt his hand unhook my bra—but then I suddenly realize where we are and I pull away. God, I swear, each time we do this, we get closer and closer to doing it. I must be out of my mind, but right now I wanted to do it now—if only we weren’t outside on the grass…in my backyard. Sure, it’s dark and we’ve got some privacy, but no. There’s no way I was going to do it out here. And even if we decided on it—forgetting our promise to remain chaste—by the time we get to my room, the mood will have already been gone. So what’s the point in that, right?
I could hear a groan of disappointment coming from Leon. Staring right into his eyes, I murmured, “Sorry…that was a close call.”
“Yeah,” was all that he could say.
Examining his expression, I ask, “Did you seriously want to do it earlier?”
He sighed, trying to think of words to get around it, but he said in response, “Yeah…I did. But the moment’s gone.”
“Well…we’re outside of my house—it’s not the best place to do it here anyway. Plus, didn’t we say we’d save it until we get married? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not implying that we absolutely will get married together in the future. I mean that when we have our own wife and husband.”
“What are you saying? Are you saying that you don’t want to marry me in the future?” he asked, and I knew he was being serious about this from his stern tone.
“That’s not what I meant either. Look, we don’t know who we’ll marry in the future. It may or may not be us, okay?” His face softened a little, but he was still a little hurt by my remark.
Leon:
Those fleeting moments—I wasn’t going to forget them. I know, I promised myself I wouldn’t have sex until I’m married, but I wanted Sarah so bad. The feel of her body in my arms deepened my longing. The moment was heating up, and I didn’t want to lose it—I wanted to make her mine. We were so close, but we just had to stop because we’re outside.
Would it have been different if we were elsewhere like in her room—my room in the apartment? Her parents aren’t home yet, we could do it—if she’s ready—but the mood is already dead. I couldn’t help but be disappointed. I could tell that even she had the same desire as I had, putting aside our promises and letting ourselves indulge in the pleasure.
And when I looked at the time: 11:25, I tell her, “I think I should go,” as an excuse to not show my irritation towards how she just had to stop it. When she doesn’t object, she gets off me and I give her a light kiss before heading to my car, driving off to my apartment.