It had been an enjoyable dinner with Fernando, but she had struggled to finish her plate. Also the conversation was more like one-way traffic, because he liked to talk about himself very much. Sometimes he had asked her a few questions about herself, but her answer then triggered another story he remembered to share with her. To make it clear, she liked his stories, because he had the life experience of an eighty-year old. Only it made her feel so excluded, because she couldn't relate to any of his stories. She hadn't met anyone famous, of course except from Sebastian and the other drivers, and she also didn't go to fancy parties or visit expensive holiday destinations. That had made it impossible for her to contribute to the conversation and although Fernando didn't seem to mind, it made her feel like less of an equal. Seb on the other hand always knew how to make her feel included and he seemed like a regular human being, just like she was.
She noticed herself smiling when she thought about Seb and got angry at herself for doing so, because it hurt every time she realised that Seb would never be hers. She loved everything about him and the feeling of elation when she thought about him made her feel invincible, only to have that feeling crushed when the image of him kissing a blonde girl popped up in her head. It was so unfair, why was life doing this to her? She was used to having thrown curveballs at her, but this rollercoaster of emotions after what she had went through with David made it all so much worse.
'How do I look?' Macy had just stepped out of Keira's bathroom and sounded rather insecure. She tugged on the collar of her Red Bull shirt and positioned her hair so that it was covering only her right shoulder.
'Normal,' Keira grinned when she had sat back up from the bed she was laying on. Macy had knocked on her door in distress early this morning, so she was still very tired. She had been home early enough last night, but she had spent a couple of hours Skyping with Tom and Abby. It was the closest thing to spending time together with them and they had loads to talk about. It had also been a good distraction from keeping her mind off Seb, but it also made her realise that she missed her best friends massively when Abby and Tom kept on arguing like they had always done.
Macy eyed Keira with suspicion and turned towards the large mirror. 'Are you sure?' she asked.
Seeing her normally very confident colleague being this unsure, made Keira stifle a laugh. 'If you are so self-conscious about it, you should have told Jenson to hold back a bit,' she chuckled.
'I didn't know he was going to do this and that it would still be visible this morning!' Macy shrieked and she had her face now up close to the mirror while looking very flustered. 'Do you think people will believe me when I say I fell or was beat up?' she looked over her shoulder at Keira.
Keira shook her head and this time didn't suppress the urge to laugh. 'Mace, we work with a bunch of guys, what do you think?'
'But-,' Macy began, but stopped when she noticed the look of victory on Keira's face. 'Shit,' she screwed her eyes shut and popped up the collar of her shirt in another attempt to hide the purple marks on her neck.
'Brace yourself for questions about who was the lucky guy though, you know how they are,' Keira teased when she put on her shoes.
Macy's eyes went wide, as she realised what Keira had said. 'I'm not ready for them to find out about Jenson, they would murder me. Also I don't really know what we are, as we haven't discussed that yet,' she turned pink and combed her hair with her fingers so it would cover her exposed neck.
'I'm a bit surprised though no one has found out yet, I have walked in on you kissing several times now. Maybe I can take a photo and send that to the press, to just get it over with. Painful, but quick, just like ripping off a bandage,' Keira chuckled and stood up to check if she had put everything she needed into her bag. She found a couple of papers she needed to take with her to the track still laying on her bedside table and quickly stowed them into her bag.
'Don't you dare! Or I will tell everyone about your crush on Seb,' Macy answered warningly and checked herself in the mirror one last time before she also gathered her stuff. She had only been here an hour, but her stuff already was spread across the room.
Ouch, that hurt. Macy's words had felt like a knife stabbed into her chest and Keira was sure that dying wouldn't be more painful than this. David had brought her close to death, so she thought she had the right to compare those feelings to each other. Being overdramatic was also one of her much used skills, so she wasn't sure which feeling was closer to the truth in the end.
'Keir, what's wrong?' Macy had noticed the way Keira's face had fallen and also the lack of response had her worried. 'I won't tell anyone, I promise!' she tried to cheer up her friend, but it looked like Keira wasn't even hearing her.
She was drowning in a flood of memories that had washed over her when she had been taken off guard by Macy's comments. Flashes of sitting together on the rocks at the lake, watching films on her sofa, teaching Seb how to cook, laughing about silly things, taking long walks and feeling his touch on her skin all made her heart ache even more. She only was brought back to reality when she felt a hand on her shoulder and found Macy's eyes when she looked up.
'Are you okay?' Macy sounded worried, but her eyes gave away that she knew something was seriously wrong with her friend. 'Has it something to do with Seb?' she inquired carefully.
It all became too much for a moment and before Keira could get a grip on herself again she felt the tears escaping from her eyes, exposing her weakness to her colleague. It was only when she was softly pushed back to sit on the bed that she could find the strength to stop the source of her wet cheeks.
Shock was still visible in Macy's eyes, but she tried to hide it from Keira. She wrapped her arms carefully around Keira's shoulders and rocked her back and forth to calm her down. The fact that her friend could go from laughing and teasing her about Jenson to looking absolutely broken in just a minute worried her.
They sat in silence until Keira's phone rang and it was a welcome distraction from the suffocating thoughts in her head. Somehow Fernando had also crossed her thoughts several times and she didn't know what she wanted anymore. Maybe Fernando could be more than just a distraction and she just had to open her heart to him. With a little shake of her head, for making no sense at all to herself, she picked up the phone to listen what Christian wanted from her.
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The build-up to the race was the most stressful time of the weekend, but also the part she liked most. The rush of adrenaline and the expectation of a great race made her feel alive and she was totally focused on her job. She herself was also highly competitive and therefore wouldn't want to leave a stone unturned for reaching their optimal performance. That's the reason why she was rushing through the garage, there had been some concerns about Seb's car and they did not have much time to get it fixed. She dodged people who were in her way and in the mean time checked her notes, she really needed to start writing more neatly.
'Hey, watch it!'
She had been focussing on decoding some of her notes and hadn't watched where she was going, which resulted in her walking straight into someone. Fuck, it felt like she had run into a wall and that was something she wouldn't recommend to anyone. She was glad that the person she walked into had the reflexes to catch her before she ended up on the ground. When she looked up to see who it was she felt her stomach lurch and breathing suddenly became very difficult. She was immediately caught out by those twinkling dreamy blue eyes which were hovering inches above her face.
'Hi,' Seb spoke again, 'you could've just asked for a hug, you know?' he grinned while still holding Keira very tightly.
She was still too stunned by the situation and her eyes were still on his face, asking herself if he had became handsomer since she had last seen him. The crinkles of his eyes in combination with his soft lips made for another twitch in her stomach when she observed those traits. The sparkle in his eyes was still there and the curve of his lips when he smiled was more perfect than she could remember. With her mouth turning dry when she noticed Seb eying her lips and biting very seductively on his own, she almost dropped the notes which had caused this situation in the first place.
'I can let you go, if you want?' he had leant in even closer and whispered that sentence into Keira's ear, all while still holding her dangerously close to his body.
She swallowed and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, all while a certain warmth and excitement started to spread through her body. 'Not necessary,' was all she could reply and she wasn't even sure if that had came out right. The way his hands were positioned on her body were way too distracting and the fact his face was even closer than before made her forget about all the basic things like talking.
'I told you I will always be there for you if you fall, literally this time,' he grinned, but his eyes showed that there was more to that statement than just the joke.
She smiled faintly. 'I you weren't in this corridor, I wasn't going to fall in the first place,' she said while still not being able to look away from his eyes. His perfect blue eyes, which you could drown in anytime without wanting to come up for air once.
'You always know how to make me feel bad,' he pouted, but the corners of his mouth had quirked up. 'At least you never give me the chance to get arrogant,' he smirked. He moved his hands, which were still on Keira, from her back to her waist and pulled her a bit closer to him again.
'We have a very different idea of arrogance then,' she grinned and shot him a teasing smile. She tried not to notice his hands moving to her waist and wanting to do the same to him. Instead she decided on trying to wind him up again, as that was always one of her favourite things to do and a welcome distraction from a certain feeling that was building up in her body resulting from his hands on her waist.
'You think I'm arrogant?' he had raised one of his eyebrows and an amusing grin was playing on his lips. He pulled her even closer, so that their bodies were almost touching. He removed one of his hands from her waist and raised it to run it through her hair.
'Maybe,' she teased. She couldn't remember feeling this special, ever. The caring look on his face, the acceptance of her constant teasing resulting in that beautiful smile and just the way he looked at her. Maybe it was because she wanted to see and feel those things, but she didn't care right now. She felt safe and wanted, appreciated for who she was and he always radiated that confidence what made her able to be completely herself around him. He never judged her and that was such a difference from David, who always tried to make her feel small and insecure.
'What part of me makes you think I'm arrogant?' he tried to get more information on the subject. He let his fingers wander from her hair to her face and then to her neck, letting his arm rest on her shoulder.
A shiver shot down her spine and she tried her best not to show to Seb what he was doing to her. 'Hm, let me think,' she began and she pulled a face like she was deep in thought. 'Your finger waving when you've got pole or a win,' she said with a devilish grin, as she knew he always got a lot of stick for doing that.
His expression turned to worry and disappointment. 'You also think that's stupid?' he sounded a lot more insecure and the twinkle in his eyes had disappeared. He withdrew his hands from Keira's body and took a step back.
Keira panicked, this was not what she had intended to happen. Clearly Seb wasn't the confident guy he always pretended to be and the sadness in his eyes made her feel guilty as hell. Why did she have to bring that up? Besides guilt she also felt a sudden wave of relief hitting her, what confused her as she didn't know something had been bothering her. Seb showing his vulnerable side to her and relying on what others were thinking of him made her feel even more connected to him, because it showed her that he was just a normal human being like herself. Not an entire normal human being of course, but life wasn't as plain sailing for him as she thought it was.
'No, I was only joking, I think it's incredibly cute!' she quickly responded and without thinking putting her own arms around him and pulling him close again, she was missing the warmth of his body against hers.
'Are you sure?' he was still sounding uncertain, but a small smile had already crept back on his face. When Keira had closed the distance between them again by putting her arms around him he had let out the tiniest of moans.
That moan, although very little, hadn't escaped Keira's attention and it had her immediately flustered. It had aroused her massively, but also painfully brought her back to reality. The whole situation she found herself in was everything she had said would never happen again and still here they were. She was conflicted what to do, she wanted to let go of Seb right away, but the way his body showed he was still not his smiley self after what she had said made it very hard for her to do exactly that. She wasn't used to this Sebastian and he looked so fragile, she didn't want to screw him up even further just before the race. She wasn't going to be responsible for a bad result, she was never going to forgive herself for that.
With her hands still tight around his body, she looked back up to him. 'I'm really sure, everyone who says something else is just jealous. They all want the drivers they support or themselves to be in your position, don't let them get to you. You have worked your butt off to get here and the other drivers should just work harder if they want to beat you,' she smiled and she hoped it had sounded as sincere as she had intended it to. She rubbed her hands on Seb's back in a comforting way and felt relief when she saw his face turn into a huge grin again. That's better.
'Forget that I said that you always make me feel bad, you definitely also know how to make me feel better about myself,' he beamed and he pulled Keira into a hug, hugging her maybe a bit tighter than what he would have done with someone else.
'Promise me you'll never stop being Finger Boy, it's what makes you you,' she said sounding muffled, as Seb still hadn't released her from the hug. Not that she minded, in fact she had melted into his body and she had her face buried in the curve of his neck. It fitted perfectly.
'Finger Boy?' he laughed. 'Is that what you're calling me behind my back?
'Yes, everybody does,' she grinned. Reluctant to let go, she moved her head so she was now able to see his face again. The way he was laughing made her want to join in too, because it was just so contagious. She wasn't going to forget that smile on his face for a very long time and although it was wrong it always made her feel instantly better. Always when she was feeling down the image of Seb smiling somehow floated through her head, comforting her without him even being there himself to do that.
'I don't know if I should be offended or honoured,' he chuckled and looked down at Keira, as if she knew the answer.
'That's for you to decide, but you're definitely the cutest Finger Boy there is,' she giggled and she poked him in his stomach to tease him.
'You never let go of an opportunity to call me cute. I'm starting to think you actually mean it,' he winked and with his eyes still fixed on Keira's he poked her in return, resulting in a squeal.
With hot red cheeks she tried to disappear from the situation, but of course that wasn't possible as she was currently held by Seb. 'Uh, hmm...,' was all the sound she could produce.
'Don't worry, you're very cute yourself,' he smiled and it wasn't even in a flirtatious way this time, but a very honest one. He stroked her hair as if he was handling something that was very precious.
That was it, she was certain she was going to faint. There wasn't a more perfect guy than Seb, she was sure of it. It felt like time was standing still, they were staring into each other's eyes without saying anything, but saying so much at the same time. The hassle of the garage around them didn't seem to exist anymore and the only thing they could focus on was on each other.
'There you are!' Heikki had walked into the small corridor and found the pair in a very intimate situation, again.
Like they were burnt they let go of each other and both turned bright red at the sight of Seb's trainer. This wasn't the first time he had found them in a similar situation.
'I was just on my way to the front of the garage,' Seb said clearly trying to act like the situation hadn't been anything out of the ordinary.
'Sure,' Heikki answered while folding his arms, giving Seb a very disapproving glance. 'I didn't know that required hugging your colleagues,' he said while now staring angrily at Keira, as if she had made him do that.
'I was just wishing him good luck,' Keira tried to explain herself, but it was rather half-heartedly and she could now understand why Heikki looked so displeased. He was very close to Seb and therefore must also know Hanna very well. Damn it, Hanna. She had almost forgot about her and it hit her like a brick again when she remembered why she had been feeling like shit in the first place.
'I could see that,' Heikki sighed and it looked like he had decided on not investigating any further as he wouldn't like what he would find out then. 'Everybody is looking for you two, so I would suggest coming with me,' he tried to smile, but you could see that it took him a lot of effort.
When Heikki had turned around Seb quickly squeezed Keira's hand and they shared a moment of understanding before following Heikki back into the busy part of the Red Bull garage.