"Are you okay?" Luke asked me.
I snapped my eyes away from the spot where Alex had been. "Huh?"
"You look worried," he said. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, yeah," I said, looking back toward the door. "Just... hold on a second. I'll be right back."
I moved past him before he could say anything else and went straight for the door, pushing my way through the crowd. I quickly shoved open the door and stepped out into the street, my eyes scanning every empty space for Alex.
But he was gone, vanished somewhere into the night.
Huh.
Why had he even bothered coming at all if he was just going to leave? I'd told him on the phone earlier that day that I was going to be here, so surely he'd come to talk to me about what happened. So why had he left as soon as he'd found me?
I was still trying to figure it out as I made my way back into the pub, finding Luke standing where I'd left him.
"Everything alright?" he asked me.
"I don't know," I answered truthfully, pulling out my phone.
"Well, this might not be a good time, but I've gotta hit the road," he said. "We're playing a show in London tomorrow. But I think we'll be back this way within the next few days."
"That's nice," I said, scrolling through my phone to find Alex's name in my contacts.
He laughed, causing me to pull my eyes up to him. "What?"
"I'd like to see you again, Emilia," he said, grinning. "I was kind of trying to hint at that."
I just looked at him for a moment. "Why?"
He shrugged. "I guess I just have a soft spot for broken hearted girls in love with soon to be married men."
I glared but was unable to help myself from laughing.
"But really," he said, "You seem like you need a friend. One that understands whats it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back. Because trust me, Emilia, we're in the same boat right now."
"Really?"
He nodded, and even though I saw a sadness pass through his eyes, he kept a smile on his face. "But mine's a bit worse. She got married back in October. I mean, I was even at the wedding, but yet I still can't find it in me to let go of her."
"Shit."
"Yeah," he said. "I never told her how I felt, never tried to make a move. And now my chance is gone."
"I'm sorry," I told him, and I really meant it. Luke had been nothing but a genuinely great guy to me so far, and he didn't deserve to feel the same shit I was feeling.
He shook his head dismissively. "Don't worry about it. The heartbreak gave me some good writing material."
"I know what that's like," I said just as the guy who'd been on stage with him earlier approached.
"We gotta get going, mate," he said to Luke, smiling a bit shyly at me as he handed Luke the beat up guitar he'd been playing on stage.
Luke motioned for me to give him my phone. I handed it over and he punched his number into my contacts, then gave me his to put mine in.
"I'll give you a call when we're back in town," he said as I finished putting my number in and handed it back. "If you're down for a drink or more horrible dancing or something. Or if you just need someone to talk to."
God. Where had this guy been my whole life?
"Thanks, Luke," I said. "Really."
He shrugged, giving me his signature sloppy grin. "It's no problem. The more friends we can make in this world, the better, right?"
I couldn't help but smile. He gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek before heading out with his bandmate, guitars in hand. They both gave me a small wave as they headed through the doorway.
So maybe tonight hadn't been all bad. But I still needed to figure out what the fuck was going on with Alex.
I made my way to a quiet corner of the pub and immediately called Alex. But of course he didn't answer. I tried again a minute later and he sent me to voicemail.
Dickhead.
I contemplated calling a third time, but I decided greater action had to be taken. I found Lukas and Elliot and told them I was heading out for the night. They were already five drinks deep (at least) at this point, so they didn't really care much. They just kissed me sloppily on the cheek and told me they'd see me back at the apartment.
I got a taxi and texted Jamie for the address of Alex's hotel. Of course he was staying at the Sinclair, the nicest hotel in a 50 mile radius.
It took nearly a half hour to get there, and when I stepped through the lavish double doors, I instantly felt out of place in my t-shirt and jeans. Even the front desk staff gave me patronizing looks.
I took the elevator up to the fifth floor, searching both lines of doors for room 555, feeling a bit discouraged when I couldn't find it at first. But then I saw the small sign at the end of the hall pointing down another small hallway to the right that read "penthouse" and it all came together.
Of course the fucker had gotten the pent house.
I followed the sign and found the door at the end of otherwise empty hallway. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out what I was even going to say to him, before knocking.
Nobody answered at first, and I lifted my fist to knock again when finally a lock clicked and Alex pulled the door open.
He was wearing the same thing he'd been wearing in the bar a half hour earlier-- deep blue button up and dark jeans. His quiff was messy and his eyes were hard and unsurprised to see me.
"Dav," he said simply.
"Why were you there?" I asked him, unable to force myself to greet him without getting to the bottom of his mysterious appearance at the pub.
He just stared at me. "Why was I where?"
"Alex."
He stared at me innocently.
"You were a the pub in Rotherham," I said. "I saw you."
"You must have mistaken someone for me," he said. But by the way he said it, I could tell that he knew I'd seen him, but he just wanted to be a dick about it.
"No," I said solidly. "You're impossible to miss."
He leaned against the door frame. "Is that why you're here? To ask me, a man just a few notches short of a raging alcoholic, what he was doing at a pub?"
"No," I said, narrowing my eyes. "I'm here to ask my best mate why he's being so fucking shady all of a sudden."
He looked like he was going to say something, but before he could Estella appeared behind him.
"Emilia," she said, smiling. "I didn't know you were coming over."
"I'm not," I said, quickly. "I was just coming back from Rotherham and I couldn't pass your hotel without saying hi."
The words sounded completely hollow, but I didn't exactly care at this point.
"Well come in," she said, moving to Alex's side. "We're just having a drink and doing some wedding planning."
I could imagine them then, sitting in their expensive hotel suite, drinking wine that cost more than my net worth, basking in each other's perfection as they talked about their big day.
It made me feel sick to my stomach.
"I can't," I said right as Alex said "she can't."
"Don't be silly," Estella said dismissively. "You're already out and it's just a for a minute or two. I really want your opinion on some of the wedding stuff."
"Really, I can't-"
"Okay, then just give me an opinion on Alex's tux," she said, pulling out her phone. "We can save the other stuff for later."
Alex and I caught eyes. I don't think either of us could tell what the other was thinking.
"I'm in love with the traditional one," Estella said, holding up her phone to me. "But Al loves the blue."
There were two pictures on her screen, one of Alex looking absolutely miserable in a traditional black and white suit. He looked good (really good), but he looked much more like himself in the retro dark blue one. It didn't have a tie, and the white dress shirt underneath was halfway unbuttoned.
"They're both nice," I said, feeling my throat close up a bit. "But unless you want Al to change in the middle of your reception, I'd go with the blue."
She seemed to consider my statement for a moment before nodding and smiling at me. "You're right."
"Glad I could help."
"You know, Emilia, you're such a good friend to Alex," she said to me in a way that for a moment almost made me feel bad for kissing her fiancé two nights before.
Almost.
"I hope we can all be good friends," she said, wrapping an arm around Alex's middle and leaning into him. She gave him a kiss on his temple before pulling back and looking to me.
"Of course," I said.
What else could I say?
She grinned. "I'm glad you agree."
I didn't exactly have a choice. I couldn't tell her that never in a million years could I be friends with any girl who got to go to sleep with Alex every night, to wake up with Alex every morning, to spend every day sharing the same last name as Alex...
My Alex...
Fuck. Not my Alex.
"Well I'm gonna go order the blue tux," Estella said, pulling me out of my heavy thoughts. "We're already a bit behind schedule, seeing as we moved the date up a week."
I looked at Alex. Of course he hadn't told me.
"I'm going to walk Dav out," he said, keeping his eyes on mine.
"Alright, babe," she said, focusing on her phone. "See you in a few."
She disappeared into the room and Alex stepped out, both of us waiting to say anything until the door had shut.
"Forgot to mention that," he said as the door clicked shut.
I wanted to get angry. I wanted to grab him by his shoulders and shake him and tell him to snap out of it. I wanted to tell him that he wasn't ready for marriage, that two and a half weeks was too soon.
But that wouldn't exactly be subtle and the thought of it all already made me feel ill, so I decided to move on to what was still burning in my mind.
"Why were you at the pub?" I asked him.
"I wanted to hang out with you," he said, starting toward the elevator. "But you looked a little busy."
I followed after him. "And so you just left?"
"Do we have to talk about this now?" he asked, pulling out a cigarette. He didn't light it, but instead just let it hang off his lips.
"It's just weird," I said. "You've just been weird."
"It's this whole wedding," he said, rubbing his temple. "It's all been a bit crazy is all."
"Then don't marry her," I wanted to say.
But of course I couldn't.
We made it to the elevator then. We stopped, catching eyes for a moment before we both instinctively dove for the button. My fingers landed on it first and I pushed it in just as Alex's hand landed over mine.
"I win," I said triumphantly, as we both busted out in laughter. Alex and I had always been competitive, and elevator buttons were no exception. I couldn't count the number of times I'd punched him in the arm for hitting the button before I did.
"For once," he shot back.
We stayed there for a moment as the tension that had been between us previously melted away. We looked down at our hands, which were still connected over the button, and laughed awkwardly as we pulled back. Neither of us said anything for a minute. We just looked at each other, and I felt like I was able to breathe again with all of the agitation between the two of us gone.
"Look," he said after a silent moment. "I know I've probably been kind of weird, since, well, you know, but I promise you that it has nothing to do with you."
"Then what is?" I asked him.
"I'm just worried about..." he trailed off, and I knew he had to be talking about the kiss.
"You think I'm going to tell Estella about the kiss," I said.
He didn't respond.
"Al, I would never tell her," I said, grabbing him by the shoulders. "No matter how pissed off at you I am, I could never do that. Your happiness..." I trailed off, my chest suddenly aching.
His eyes softened. "What, Dav?"
"Your happiness means everything to me," I finally said. "And if you're happy with Estella, then I would never do anything to mess it up."
No matter how much I wanted to.
The elevator doors dinged and slid open. I pulled back from him, though all I wanted was to do the opposite.
"I'll see you at the Peak," I told him. "You should get some rest and spend time with Estella. You need to remember why you're going through all this trouble."
He looked at me a little unsteadily with those huge brown eyes. "Why am I going through all this trouble, exactly?"
I stepped onto the elevator. "Because you're in love, Al."
He kept his eyes on me as the doors began to shut, something in them shifting. "I am, aren't I?
And then the doors clicked shut, locking me away from him and his budding life with Estella, and all at once I felt nothing but complete and utter despair.