•Major TW Chapter, proceed with care•
Third Person
Another two weeks went by with a kind of silence that hid tragedy within its handle. The two men both had their own issues to take a grasp at. Even if they wanted to care for each other deeply the past would always arrange for something different.
Thomas refused to take his medicine. The same medicine that kept his PTSD under control.
Only a few people knew about his condition.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a disorder characterized by failure to recover after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event.
It was three years ago.
Sophomore year.
A year before the Incident with Alex.
It happened so fast. So fast.
He thought he could stop the train from crashing. That maybe if he didn't drag his mother into the metal transportation way, maybe just maybe....
She died because of him. His selfish ways led to her death. He would always remember the bodies that laid among each other.
Like sardines hundreds of people lifeless. The cars were full of blood stained seats and decapitated bodies.
He was never the same after that. Constant nightmares and flashbacks haunted him so frequently he couldn't tell the difference which was reality.
The doctor prescribed him medicine.
Serotonin. That's the only thing that kept Thomas sane and sociable to the public eye.
Alex didn't know about Thomas's condition. He met the tall figure a few after his mother passed. Alex helped Thomas's recovery without even knowing it. They bonded and shared struggles becoming best friends in the process.
Then it happened.
Guilt always filled his mind and now that Alex was back in his life, Thomas couldn't focus.
He couldn't eat, sleep, nor find the strength to go on.
Slowly began not to speak another word. He slowly drifted by into depression. The nightmares and memories flooded his mind.
Thomas.
I stayed up all night.
Rocking myself into sanity.
This had now became a nightly occurrence. I would wake up at 2 am in a panic attack. I pulled out my phone and tapped the name I wanted to contact.
'U up?' Sent 3:15
'Yeah. What's going on.'
Received. 3:20
'It happened again. But this time I ended up on the floor staring at a razor across the room.' Sent 3:21
'What did it tell you?'
Received 3:22
That's the scary part. It said nothing, as if it wanted me to make the decision on my own.'
Sent 3:25
'And what decision did you make?'
Received 3:27
'I took it.' Sent 3:45
'And?'
Received 3:46
'Used it.'
Sent 3:50
'What made you do that?'
Received 4:02
'The pain of it all. I like it.'
Sent 4:10
'What? Please help me understand. Why?'
Received 4:13
'You're not me James. You'll never understand.'
Sent 4:30
Alexander.
I knew something was wrong with Thomas. He hasn't even spared me a sympathetic glance. I know my actions are very harsh towards him.
I mean when someone betrays you like that the only logical reaction your supposed to have towards them is shitty, right?
You aren't suppose to feel for them? Care for them? Treasure them? Think about them day and night? Miss them?
Love them?
That doesn't make sense. The reasoning doesn't sense. I need this to make sense.
All I ever wanted is for someone to tell me that I made sense.
I remember when I met him. It was sophomore year.
Three years ago. ..
The trees danced in the wind as the leaves threw themselves to the ground. It was three days till Christmas and I couldn't give two shits. Everyday seemed to be a struggle that life dared me to get through.
Sometimes I barely make it.
I stood in the middle of the flooded hallway. Waiting for the strong current of teenagers to subside. My eyes became low and the bags below them felt fucked up. I was fucked up.
The bell rung and I was still standing in the now empty hall.
I could go to class and be studious....but I don't wanna.
Seemed like I could never pull up enough courage to go to class.
Lately I've just been stressed out of my mind. My sleep pattern is out of tune and I am basically living off of coffee. John moved schools a couple weeks ago because of some ass hats that were bullying him. God I miss my best friend.
"Why are you crying?"
My fingers instantly grazed my cheek. It was wet.
"No reason."
I looked over to right. He stood there. Body propped up against the wall. A cigarette hanging dangerously between his fingertips. White clouds escaping the prison of his mouth flowing.
"-you're killing yourself smoking that stuff."
"Isn't that the goal."
My eyes fluttered close as my lungs trapped the ash within its hold. The smell seduced me into asking the male his name.
He answered back with shrug before blowing a puff of smoke smoothly into my face.
He was sure enough to get cancer.
He was killing himself faster.
Soon enough he would kill me to.
I wouldn't mind.
......
Gathering my things from the couch I got up and walked to the front door of the dorm. You could see the rain drench the land that was before me. It was dark but light peaked through the clouds every so often. I felt a light vibration through my back pocket. I pulled out my phone and checked my messages.
1 message unread.
Thomas: We can consciously end our life almost anytime we choose. This ability is an endowment, like laughing and blushing, given to no other animal... in any given moment, by not exercising the option of suicide, we are choosing to live. Don't be like me Alexander, live.
Live.
A shiver rushed through my body as I ran out into the rain without a source of clothing to cover my arms. The wind blew my hair around furiously as I looked everywhere. Tears streamed down my face as I ran against the wind and rain soaking wet. My breathing became irregular and I felt like my heart was about to burst out of my chest. My feet stomped upon the ground splashing water.
He had to live.
He was my everything and more. He still is.
I'm going to be there for him even though he wasn't there for me.
"Thomas!" I banged on the door trying to get him to open but he didn't answer.
"Thomas please it's Alex!." Still no answer.
No, no,no.
I didn't hesitate this time. Full force I picked up my leg and kicked the door a few times before it broke off it's hinges and fell to the ground. Thomas stood on top of a chair with a rope dangling near him that hung from the ceiling. His arms were cut and gushing blood. Patches of his hair laid on the ground with broken glass scattered around him.
I ran to him and knocked him off the chair to the ground. I held him close to my heart as he cried and shook violently trying to get out of my grasp but I held him tighter.
"Let go of me! Let go! I deserve this!" He cried out
"No you don't Thomas. You deserve so much more."
"I watched my mother die in a fucking train accident that I could have prevented. I let you get raped. It's all my fault Alex. I've could've done something and all I did was sit there." He seemed to calm down but the shaking of his body never subsided.
I turned him around towards me and held his face close to mine. He looked in my eyes and as we sat in silence. "Please Lexi say something."
I stared at him. I didn't know what to do.
"It's not your fault."
So I lied.
_
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Anndddd there's chapter 8. Alex accepted his feelings for Thomas in a very....bad situation.
Now you guys know about Thomas and his background.
Comments? Questions?
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