It certainly has been a long time since I last skated here. After spending every waking hour either in school, at practice or in the recording studio, it was damn time for me to spend some alone time skating. It usually helps me to calm down and relax, to think about how my life had turned out so far.
Other than running, skating was a release for me too.
With both hands tucked behind my back, I glided around the rink gracefully. With a smile framing my face, I allowed myself to sigh in happiness as I passed many people who were also having fun with their friends. Sticking to the middle of the rink, I sped along faster than the others and made sure I stayed away from the edges, not wanting to repeat the same incident again.
Two days ago, the boys and I had viewed YouTube to see how the video that Elizabeth had done turned out. We had our own VEVO page and the newest video was of us making the acoustic cover. I made a sound of wonder when I saw myself singing with a smile etched on my face.
I could see the chemistry that I had shared with Rip when we sang.
Even the comments that the viewers had given were inspiring. Some said that the boys had chosen the right singer, some said that my voice was exceptional and that it was the first time they had heard that type of voice. Some commented that they can’t wait to hear the newest album.
So far so good.
While there are good comments, there are also negative and outrageous comments but I was too happy to care about what bad comments they had for me. I mean I had plenty of those in school and I doubt they’re going to ruin my ecstatic mood. Nothing can ruin it at all I guarantee you.
When we finally noticed the views, we made sounds of wonder and amazement. We didn’t realize that many people actually viewed it. It was almost a hundred thousand. I think it was thanks to the bands’ old fans that we were able to snag that much views or maybe it’s due to the fact that there were three handsome boys in the video.
All in all, we were so damn happy!
‘See the people loves you!’ Connor exclaimed at me, pointing at the video and started doing a little jig dance in the middle of the control room. ‘Yeah we are so going to make the best second album ever! And it’s thanks to both you and Rip! How can we ever thank you?’
I had shrugged as I thought things over. ‘Buy me loads of coffee,’ I had told him with a huge grin on my face making the other two boys burst out laughing at my request. ‘Especially every morning, I am a caffeine addict.’
Connor had grinned at me widely. ‘Okay it’s a deal then!’
I shook my head at the thought with a small smile framing my lips as I glided past a corner for the fiftieth time and then did a double take when I saw a familiar figure hovering near the side of the rink where the seats were currently at. Frowning at him, I swerved past some strangers and stopped in front of him swiftly.
‘Hey you.’
Stuffing my hands into the pocket of my letterman jacket, I watched the man that was towering in front of me. I wasn’t surprised that Rip was there but it was peculiar to see him in a skating rink. ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked him cautiously. ‘We’re not having practice today right?’
‘Nice jacket,’ he said instead, his tone had gone all weird as his eyes remained glued onto the letters on my left shoulder. ‘So you’re the Captain of your school’s softball team? And you’re also able to skate? That’s interesting to know.’
Frowning at him, I looked down at my own attire. I was wearing the official softball letterman jacket, complete with the school’s logo and the softball bat on it with a black shirt underneath. Thanks to Coach, my name was sewn onto the other side with the word ‘Captain’ on it too. It was one of his gifts for making it to the top.
Even Mitch has one.
‘And what is up with you?’ I asked him and folded my arms in front of my chest as my frown turned to a scowl. ‘You’re acting all weird and shit man. How in the first place did you find me here?’
He rolled his eyes at me. ‘I’ve been working on a song,’ he said. ‘And I want your opinion on it. I’ve laid down the drums part earlier in the morning and the two boys are in the studio currently messing around with the guitar chords. I need you back in there ASAP.’
‘But we’re not supposed to have practice today!’ I wailed at him and didn’t care that I sounded like a child right now. Or probably attracting other people’s attention. ‘You’re being mean! Rip is a big meanie!’
He looked amused. ‘You know Rip isn’t my real name,’ he pointed out to me thoughtfully, pursing his lip as he did so. ‘I don’t care if I’m being a big meanie to you but I really want this song in your album. So let’s go.’
‘Well obviously that isn’t your real name, what do you take me for man?’ I told him with a flat look. ‘And no I am not going to the recording studio. I want to skate goddamnit. It’s been a month since I got back here. Come back again tomorrow Rip.’
He lets out a loud sigh and ran a hand through his long hair as he did. ‘I knew your bestfriend wasn’t joking when he said that you’d be like this,’ he muttered aloud and sent me a condescending look, making his dark eyes glint dangerously under the bright lights.
‘Mitchie told me where I was?! I hate that idiot,’ I exclaimed beseechingly and my mind suddenly went blank when I felt myself being moved forwards slightly. Letting out a gasp, I felt a strong hand on my arm and I looked up to see Rip grasping me tightly. ‘What the hell are you doing?!’
‘I’m going to pull you from where you’re standing and I’m going to carry you out of the skating rink if it’s the last thing I do,’ he told me flatly. ‘I don’t care if you scream or shout or threaten to kill me, I will so do it. Now god help me, get out of the rink before I force you to!’
‘Fucking hell,’ I muttered under my breath and shook my head before skating my way out of the rink, pulling myself off the iced ground to put my blades on the soft padding they have placed on the ground. Walking quite awkwardly towards the seat where my bag was, I muttered curses under my breath as I switched my skates with shoes.
I’m beginning to really hate that idiot.
He came nearer to me while I sat tying up my shoelaces and made an impatient noise at the back of his throat as I purposely tied slowly, wanting to rile him up a little. ‘Hurry up will you?’ he hissed at me and I shot up from my seat in anger, glaring at him before shoving my heavy bag onto his stomach hard, making him grunt in pain.
‘Asshole.’
…
‘Hey baby sister who’s from another mother!’
I spat my drink out inelegantly, coughing loudly as I saw Seth and the other three boys crowding around behind him. My eyes widen and my jaw dropped wide open as I saw them standing in front of me. ‘What the hell are you guys doing here?!’ I shouted at them in surprise.
Both Darren and Seth had their guitars slung across their backs while Connor had stuffed his drum sticks into his back pockets. Rip was hovering between them with a flat expression on his face as he looked around the cafeteria they were in. thanks to their abrupt entrance, the whole room had gone silent.
Mitch and I exchanged bewildered looks before I frowned at my band. ‘We’re here to perform since Mr Jones wants us to have a free performance,’ Seth told me with an easy smile. ‘Henry said it was fine if we go to your school for this performance.’
‘Hey aren’t you guys Bang the Riot?’
The doors suddenly burst open, making everyone else turn and I felt my mouth drop open again to see a whole crew of people dragging in the drum kit, sound amplifiers and mikes. The other students were making sounds of amazement and they were all whispering amongst themselves.
‘Yeah we are!’ Darren replied to the boy with a charming smile on his face and then he addressed the other students who were looking at him. ‘We’re here to perform for you guys our new single!’
The whole room suddenly burst into cheers. I felt myself pale and looked at my band in shock. They left me sitting there wide-eyed to gather around in the middle of the cafeteria where the students pushed the tables aside to make space for the drum kits and everything else.
Rip remained standing in front of me and jerked his head to the band, holding his hand out towards me. I sighed heavily and got up from my seat, glancing at Mitchie before I left to grasp Rip’s strong hand as I passed him. ‘I really hate you guys,’ I told him somewhat unconvincingly.
‘You’re going to thank us some day,’ he answered me with a huge smile. ‘Besides I’m going to sing with you so you don’t have to worry about it. I’d be providing Seth the back-up guitar because this song needs two electric in it. We are so rocking this school. Your friends will love you more.’
‘I know my team loves me Rip, you don’t have to tell me,’ I replied him cheekily which made him roll his eyes at me as we stopped in front of the mike stands. ‘Stop doing that, your eyes might get stuck at the wrong direction.’
‘Ha-ha very funny Nirvana,’ he said after staring at the shirt that I was wearing underneath my letterman jacket I had borrowed from Mitchie earlier in the day. ‘That’s a nice album From the Muddy Banks of Wishkah; I didn’t know you’re into the grunge scene.’
I ignored him and paid attention to the other boys who were setting up around me. Connor was busy arranging the drum set and aiming the microphones that it could be heard clearly while he played. Both Darren and Seth were ready, just plugging in the chord into the amp before adjusting their pedals.
The sound tech guys were busy rolling out the wires and connecting everything to the amplifiers and making sure that everything was switched on while there was Elizabeth and another guy holding onto cameras. I think they were already rolling their video since they were aiming at us.
‘Nervous Ally?’ Darren asked me.
I pursed my lip and glanced back at the crowd who were looking at us with anticipation. I could see Mitch, Liam and the rest of the team looking at me with huge smiles on my faces. Blake was the only who was looking at me with a frown on his face. I could feel the fear in my chest but I pushed them down because I’m doing what I loved to do.
‘A little though,’ I admitted and glanced around the mini-stage that they had made in the middle of the cafeteria. This is so last minute. ‘What songs are we playing?’
‘Any random songs,’ Seth replied me.
‘Punk version of Adele’s Rolling in the Deep would be the first one,’ Rip said a beat after shocked silence from me and gave me a slight smirk at the way I was looking at the boys. If looks could kill, the boys would already be dead a couple of times. ‘You do know the lyrics to her song right?’
‘I hate you guys,’ I retorted back but lacked conviction as I said it and that made the boys burst into laughter at my failed attempt.
About five minutes later, everything was set. The sound crew was satisfied with everything and they hovered away, in case of anything happens. Seeing Chad hovering near the soundboard to check the sound also seeing both Elizabeth and the other guy armed with camcorders, I think everything and everyone is ready.
Even the other students were looking at us with bated breath.
Seth started with his guitar chord first, his fingers crooning the sounds out easily and he had a mask of concentration on his face as he did so. I could see his aqua eyes going unfocused as the music gripped him tightly in a cocoon. Exchanging glances with Rip, I stepped towards the mike and held it with both hands before leaning close to it.
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I did so and sang the first verse clearly, hearing in amazement at the way my raspy voice echoed throughout the cafeteria easily and beautifully. Soon, the rest of the band joined in with their instruments, adding up the song elegantly as I continued with the verse.
Rip added his own sultry voice at the second verse, his lips brushing onto the mike closely as he looked down on the guitar that he was playing. Rip was one multi-talented guitarist; he looked so at ease as he played and sang, almost easing the chords out from the guitar easily.
Both of our voices were so different in pitching, so different in sound but combining as effortlessly as we sang together. I took the mike off from the stand and moved around the stage I was in, pulling the wire as I did so. I jumped along with the three boys and leaned my back against Seth as he played a solo.
We were already making the crowd go crazy. I could hear them screaming at me and singing along to the song that we were playing. I saw all of my team members jumping up and down with me, their cheers echoing throughout the whole area. I grinned widely at them and sang along with them-feeling the high of performing.
By the time we got to this certain part of the song, I looked at the crowd who were pumped up with our performance and cheering like crazy. I pointed at them and started clapping my hands along to the beat. Soon after, they followed my example. Letting Rip sing the next verse out, I danced along to the beat and with Seth beside me, we were making quite a spectacle.
All of us actually had fun.
We played song after song until we were supposedly kicked out of the cafeteria because lunch was over like hours ago but we wouldn’t stop playing and the kids didn’t want us to stop playing. I sang song after song with a huge smile on my face and I had never felt this happy before in my entire life.
I can perform and sing for the rest of my life.
…
‘Ally, can I talk to you for a second?’
I raised my head blearily from where I had been thoughtfully staring at the ground to see Blake standing in front of me with a hopeful expression on his face. My mood sank and I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach but I cracked a smile even though it didn’t even reach my eyes. ‘Sure Blake.’
‘So you really are in a band now?’
I gave him a peculiar look. ‘Yes.’
He frowned at me a little and shoved both hands into his jeans, rocking back onto his heels as he looked at me imploringly. His bright eyes were clouded with something and his expression wasn’t really that readable. ‘What about college and the scholarship you got?’ he asked me.
I looked away and stared blindly at the entrance gate of the school. ‘I can’t play anymore, I can’t raise my arm to take a swing either,’ I told him softly and fidgeted with my fingers that were placed lightly on my lap. ‘The fell I suffered robbed me that chance.’
He kept quiet for a long time. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said so softly that it was hard for me to listen. ‘I heard from Mitchell that you’re going to tour around the world with the rest of the guys after graduation.’
‘Yeah, we’re doing shows around the globe.’
I could feel his gaze boring a hole onto my face. ‘When are you coming back from tour?’ he asked me quietly making me turn swiftly to look at him, noting the sour expression that was on his handsome face at the moment.
‘I don’t know, my manager is still working on the dates though,’ I told him easily with a one-shoulder shrug. ‘It should last a couple of months; we have a lot of states to pass through and many more concerts to perform at. Besides, we need to get to New York to our main HQ first.’
He stayed silent for a moment as he considered my words, biting his lips thoughtfully. I stared at him the whole time, seeing his expression flicking from one emotion to another so quickly that I can’t even read them all at once. This boy is feeling overwhelmed at the moment. ‘So what is going to happen to us?’
I had to do a double take at his question staring at him in disbelief. This boy really thinks that there’s something going on between us? Hell, I don’t even know him. ‘There is no us Blake,’ I told him flatly. ‘There’s nothing between you and me.’
Seeing his face go slack and his shoulders slumped visibly, I steeled my heart against the onslaught of guilt at my harsh words. ‘But I love you-‘
‘No you don’t. You don’t know me Blake,’ I interrupted him darkly and shot upright, glaring at him at the way he said it. Pain flashed across me again and I struggled to maintain the pain that was threatening to bubble over. ‘We can never be together; you and I can never be together.’
A horn blaring suddenly to my left made the both of us turn to see Seth’s car parked in the middle of the carpark. I could see him and Rip in there. Steeling myself against the pain, I turned to see Blake who was staring at me with so much hurt in his eyes. ‘You deserve better than me,’ I told him gently and turned to grab my bag before turning back forwards. ‘You deserve more.’
I gave him a pained smile, a small lift at the edge of my lips and forced my legs to move away from him. My boots making thuds on the ground as I moved away quickly. sighing heavily, I dragged a hand through my hair and stared at the ground as I made my way towards the car.
Rejecting him because I didn’t deserve him was such a low blow even for myself but I don’t know what to do about it anymore. Even if I was in love with him, I’m going to drag him down with my own problems and I don’t think he’d understand the shame of living in fear all the time.
He had never understood me but he had never judged me for what I had gone through. In fact, he had just embraced that part of me without a question. He had seen all my scars, he had seen me when I was at my worst yet he still loved me for who I am. I don’t know what I’m doing right now but it was for the best.
I was doing what was best for him.
I don’t even know if I loved him. Sure I was attracted to him because of his body but there’s no warmth when I see him or just plain happiness when he talks to me. I think I used to feel that but right now; all I feel was just emptiness. I feel so damn hollow inside me that I think I don’t feel anything at all.
Nearing the passenger door, I flung it open and shoved my bag in unceremoniously before sliding myself into the seat. Without another word exchanged to the boys in front of me, I pulled the door shut with a loud bang. I knew the two boys were staring at me with confusion but I ignored them, pointedly staring out the window with a scowl on my face.
I hate myself.
I really do.
‘So what happened earlier just now that you wanted to break my precious door down?’ Seth asked me after a moment of awkward silence that had stretched in the car as he drove. ‘You know I love you baby sis but this car is like my baby and you have the strength of a full-grown man.’
‘Now you’re describing her way off man,’ Rip supplied haughtily.
‘Have you seen her workout before dude?!’ Seth exclaimed at his producer. ‘She has a freaking six-pack underneath that baggy shirt of hers; don’t let her innocent look fool you man!’
‘And how the hell do you even know that?’
I rolled my eyes at them both. ‘I’m not innocent!’
‘I found her running laps on the treadmill we have installed in the basement gym and she wasn’t wearing a shirt at the time,’ Seth stated telling Rip almost enthusiastically. ‘I almost got a heart attack!’
‘Why? Not used to seeing girls actually sweating it out?’ I asked him with a frown and a slight tilt of my head.
‘What no! It’s the fact that you’re running flat-out without a pause, the speed that you’re running actually terrified me,’ Seth confessed me as he glanced at me through the rear-view mirror.
‘Oh, well sorry about that,’ I muttered and glanced outside, not wanting to meet their eyes at all.
‘I didn’t know you’re that fit,’ Rip pointed out to me and I could feel his gaze lingering on me as he leaned over from his perch in front. ‘Are you really good in softball Ally? Can I watch you guys play?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘And why am I the captain of the team Rip?’ I asked him sarcastically as I raised my eyebrow at his dumb question. ‘Yes you can but I won’t be playing though, I’ll be supervising them from the side.’
‘How come?’
‘You don’t know?’
He frowned at me. ‘Know about what?’
‘We’re here guys! Get out of my car!’ Seth interrupted us swiftly and shoved himself out of the car. Rolling my eyes at him, I didn’t bother replying Rip’s question and just grabbed my bags before getting out. Slamming the door shut, I joined Seth and Rip by the lobby before entering the record company building as one.
Today is going to be a very long day.
…