Katie POV
The first few months of school actually went by quickly. It was a shock that it did. I was glad that I was able to smoothly get through everything. Trigonometry wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but also the help of Luke was a plus. Currently, I was sitting in the guidance office waiting for my appointment time. This was a time to talk to my guidance counselor and discuss college stuff. I couldn't help the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I was completely nervous. I tried to think more about college and things to do, but I really wasn't sure. I couldn't even fathom what was going to happen. Hopefully this meeting could ease my tension a bit.
"Katie, you can go in now, she's ready for you," the guidance secretary said. I stood up and took a deep breathe. I was beyond nervous, and I couldn't control. I gripped Lucy's leash tight and we headed into the office together. I opened the door and I saw my guidance counselor sitting at her desk looking at her laptop. Her glasses rested on the tip of her nose. Her hair was long enough all the way past her waist and had an immense amount of curls. This definietly wasn't the first time I ended up in this office. There had been multiple occasions I've had to be in there.
"Ahh Katie, come in!" She said. I walked over to the chair in front of her desk and sat. Lucy walked around and then made herself comfortable under my seat. "So. Let's talk today about where you're going with your future." She told me and pulled herself away from the laptop. She pulled in front of me and looked at me. FUTURE. That word made me sick. "Have you given any thought to what you might be interested in." She asked me and I shook my head.
"There's just too much to think about. And everything is even harder for me." I said and sunk a little in my chair. "Okay," she said and thought for a minute. She pushed her glasses up her head and said. "So. What interests you." She asked me. I shrugged. Everything was kind of interesting. There wasn't something I personally was drawn too, but then again I thought about science and what my teacher said. "Science is kind of interesting," I told her and she smiled.
"That's a good start. What particularly about science interests you? Like a specific type of science, or..." she started saying then stopped.
"Well. I've always kind of liked the human body, and how things work inside. So I guess biology type stuff." She nodded. "I see, okay. So I have some brochures here that might be able to steer you in the right direction." She said and started looking around on her desk. I don't know how she could find anything on there because it was of massive amounts of paper work. "Alright so, here's a couple." She handed me about 10 different brochures. I'm pretty sure I didn't need ten, but I took them kindly anyway. "Take a look and maybe narrow it down. If you need any help you can always come and talk to me. I can help." She said and I shook my head. "Mint?" She asked me and I declined.
"More for me then. Okay, so have you thought about where you want to go."
"Not really. It's not a big conversation in my house." I told her and she seemed puzzled. "You haven't talked about it with your dad at all?"
"No." I told her and she looked like she could faint. She shook out her hair and composed herself. "Alright. Well if you're going to stay local, you can always start at community college. Until you really decide what you want to do. Then when you do, you can see what else is out there. We have a nice community college in the town next door actually. Here have this." She said and handed me another brochure. How many brochures did this lady have. I added it to the pile and then she sat back. "Lets look at your grades shall we," she said and went to her laptop. She was typing some stuff and then the printer started going off. I looked over and she printed out two pieces of paper. She got up and danced over to the printer. She pulled them out and handed me one. I looked down at it. It was my unofficial transcript. I looked down seeing all my past grades.
Freshman year was the absolute worst. That's when my seizures were at its worst as well, and I had trouble paying attention and keeping up with my school work. There was mostly C's and one D. Ouch. I wished my whole freshman year could be erased. Sophomore year wasn't too horrible. There were average grades. A couple A's, one B and one C. Junior year was mostly B's and A's, and so far there wasn't much for Senior year. We were only in the first quarter, so it didn't even count.
"Well, you can see improvement here. Colleges love that. That will make them see you as a hard worker. You're not part of any clubs or anything though. Why is that?" She asked and I almost felt like snorting.
"I don't have any interests here." I told her. That wasn't necessarily the whole reason. Maybe because I felt completely alienated from the entire school because they all think I'm a freak. It seemed like Lucy could hear my thoughts because she stood up in front of me and rested her head on my leg. I rubbed her head and instantly felt better.
"Okay. Well, I think you could really go wherever you want to. But I do recommend starting at community college. It's a great place to start and explore." She also tried to lecture me on having an actual conversation with my father about college. Too bad she didn't know my dad. I thought about what she said and maybe she was right. We didn't talk much after and then I headed back to class. I looked over my transcript again and looked towards the bottom where it said class rank. Rank 101 out of 200 kids in the senior year. I felt sick. That meant I was in the lower 50%. I wished I could have done better, but there was nothing I could do about it.
I didn't bother heading back to class. I just went and hid in the bathroom until lunch time started. Once the lunch bell rang I headed into the lunchroom and waited for Luke. Once he showed up I told him all about my crazy trip to the guidance counselor. I showed him everything she gave me and he was flipping through them. "There's some interesting stuff in here though. Like look at this. Environmental scientist." He said.
"No. I'll pass on that." He laughed and pulled another one. "She put veterinary technician in here. That could be interesting." He passed it over to me. I looked at it. I didn't really read it. I just scanned could be interesting. I put it in the maybe pile. "I didn't know that was considered a science."
"Life science maybe?" he told me and scanned through. As he was looking through the brochures a girl was coming out of the lunch line. She had long black hair and pale skin. I had seen her around before but I couldn't remember her name to save my life. "Hey Luke," she said as she walked over to our table. She had two girls following behind her. They both stayed quiet. She sat at the seat across from Luke and I stared in utter confusion. I looked to Luke who just looked up at her. "Oh, hi Layla." He said and shifted his attention to her.
"Listen. I wanted to know if you could help me with my math homework after school today. I'm retaking algebra 2 because last year I just flunked. I'm really struggling. Can you help me?" She asked. She talked like she was in utter distress. Which I highly doubt. I looked to Luke, we were supposed to work on my math problems after school. He looked to me and was talking with his eyes. I knew he was trying to ask me permission. I thought about it, I was doing okay in trig. I wasn't really stressed about it currently. I nodded my head and he looked back to her. "Yeah sure Layla. That'll be fine. I'll meet you in the library?" He asked and she grinned.
"Yes totally. Thanks Luke!" She said and got up, with her girls following behind her. She felt completely off to me. I didn't know what it was about her that was bothering so much. "Thanks Katie. I owe you one. I could always come over after I'm done with her?" He said and I shook my head. "It's fine Luke. We can work on it tomorrow. Who is she anyway?"
"Layla Star. She was in my science class last year, she was my lab partner." He told me and I nodded.
"I've seen her before. I just didn't really know who she was. Are you guys friends?" I asked. I have no idea why I asked him that. It seemed like my brain decided to just let it out. Thanks a lot brain. I've heard that name before, but I couldn't put my finger on where.
"Not really. We didn't talk a lot last year, but I don't know. Lately she's been talking to me more and more. Now I guess she needs help in math."
"Yeah," I said back and looked at the brochures. Luke helped me narrow it down to four I was interested in. There was vet tech, genetic counselor, biochemist, and speech-language pathologist. It was very different fields but I couldn't decide on just one. It was a good thing they weren't the same type of job, it meant I could really research into each one. Thank god I had Luke to help me sort out my life. If it wasn't for him I would have so much more stress.
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My dad had just picked me up from school. I told him earlier that Luke had to stay at school so he picked me up. I hopped in the car and Lucy jumped up on my lap. She crushed me underneath her weight, but I just let her sit there. My dad started driving and asked, "How was your day today."
"It was pretty interesting," I said trying to speak through Lucy. "I had a meeting with my guidance counselor."
"Oh, about what?" I looked over to him and he opened the window for Lucy. "Actually," I started. "It was about college." I told him and he looked at me for a split second, then focused back on the road. "Really?"
"Yeah. She was trying to steer me in the right direction about what to do and where to go." I told him. He stayed silent for a little while. I think he was trying to collect his thoughts. Before I knew it, we were home. "Sit at the table. I'll be right there." He told me and I headed inside and did what he said. I sat and waited patiently. He had gone upstairs for a few minutes then he came back down holding stuff in his hand. It was mostly papers and he placed them on the table in front of himself.
"Have you been thinking about this whole thing," He asked me and I nodded.
"A bit. I mean, I have to try and do something with my life. I just haven't been able to find what really suits me. But Luke helped me kind of narrow it down to four choices of what I want to do." I told him and he looked beyond surprised.
"Why didn't you talk to me?" He asked and I shrugged. "I don't know. It just seemed like you didn't want to talk about it. You always just get awkward over stuff like that." I told him and he rubbed his hands against his temples. "You really think that?"
"Yeah, I do." I said. He looked up at me into my eyes. I tried to read what he was thinking, but I had no clue. He had no tell what so ever.
"Oh Katie. I'm so sorry," he said and sat back in his chair. "I know that sometimes I'm not the best person to talk to, but I'll be damned if you think I don't want you to go to college." He crossed his arms and scoffed. "I just, I don't know how to approach you sometimes. Maybe that's something I need to work on, but I try my hardest, and I don't want to stress you out, because we know what happens if I stress you out too much." She did know. She would probably be in the hospital as they spoke.
"I know," she said quietly. Lucy walked over to her dad and sat at his feet. That dog was so smart. He ran one of his hands over her head quickly and smiled. "Here's the bottom line." He said and passed the paper over to me. "This is all the money I have put away for you, for your future. Wether you decide to go to college, or it's not for you, that's your money. As soon as you turn 18, it's yours. I want you to do what you think is best for you. Maybe I live too much in fear of what could happen to you to think clearly sometimes. But you're always my number one thought," he told her then sat straight up again. "I don't want you to feel held back, and I think I may have been doing that. Holding you back I mean. I'm sorry if I've made you feel that way." I felt my breath picking up it's pace. I had held so much resentment for my father, and yet he was just as scared as I was.
I brought my hand to my mouth and looked down at the paper. There was an account number with my full name typed on it. Further down on the paper it said, $75,000. I didn't even know that much money existed. I had heard big numbers, but the fact that was going to be mine, made me turn to jello. "It's not a lot, but it's all I've been able to get in there. As soon as I found out we were going to have a baby, I opened that account. I wanted you to have some sort of security in your life."
"Dad," I choked out and felt the tears begin to fall down my face. He stood up and walked to my side of the table. He pulled the chair in front of me and grabbed my hand. "I know that you haven't had it easy, and I don't make it any easier on you, and I'm so sorry for that. You're my daughter and I love you. When I was in the hospital and found out you had epilepsy, i felt like my entire world just shrunk. I had so much I had to look out for now, and then it was just you and me kid." He gripped it a little tighter. "I wouldn't change anything we have right now. We have made it through this, and you will make it wherever you want to go. I'm sorry for holding you back." I couldn't listen anymore. I stood up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I could hear my own violent sobs coming out of my mouth. It almost sounded inhuman.
"I'm so sorry Dad," I told him and I gripped him tighter. I couldn't explain all the emotion that I was feeling right now. It seemed like everything had just came out at once. Everything I had been thinking about my dad was right, but I didn't really understand how scared he was. He hardly ever opened up about emotions to me. I guess I wasn't the best at expressing them either. Another trait I probably get from this man.
After about a few minutes I had finally calmed down enough to sit and compose myself. Once I did my dad was looking at me. "Since I have you here, there's something else I need to talk to you about." He had a more serious look on his face than he did earlier.
"You're not dying are you?" I asked him and he shook his head. He let out a small laugh. "No no. But this is important. I don't really know how to ease in to this, so I think I kind of just have to say it." I didn't like the way this was starting to sound. It was freaking me out. "Just spit it out please." I told him. He nodded.
"Your mother." He started saying. "She came here a couple weeks ago. You were at Luke's house. I've been trying to think of how to say this to you, but I guess our divorce was never fully finalized. She came to get me to sign the papers. I signed them and then she was looking for you and I told her you weren't here. She gave me her number. She wanted me to give it to you." He got up and went over to a drawer in the kitchen. He opened it and pulled out a piece of paper. He sat back down and slid it to me. "She wants to talk to you. Whatever you want to do is fine, but I figured the choice should be yours." I held the paper in my hand and looked down at it. I couldn't believe this. That woman actually came here, looking for me. In my head I was laughing continuously. What could she possibly want to talk to me about?
"The decision is yours. If you want to call her, you call her." He told me and I nodded.
"What could she want to talk to me?" I asked him and he just shook his head. "I have no idea. But if you end up talking to her, you don't have to tell me." He said and my heart sank. This time I could tell exactly what was in his face. He was freaked out and he had no idea what to do. This was a new situation for him and he had no idea how to handle it. "Thanks," I told him and grabbed his hand. Now I was faced with two of the biggest decisions of my life. I literally felt like I held the keys to my own kingdom and if I turned the wrong door, everything would just blow up.
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"Wait your mother?" Luke said and then took a bite of his sandwich. "No way," he said with a mouth full. I rolled my eyes. "Yup. He handed me a note with her number on it. He said that she wants to talk to me." I told Luke.
"That's crazy," he said then wiped his mouth off.
"I know. It's really crazy." I told him. Now that I was able to calm down a bit from all the hype, I really thought about everything my dad told me. The money was one thing, but my mother was a whole other demon. I couldn't sleep thinking about her actually being at my house. I got no sleep thinking about her all night. Why did she have to come to the actual house? Couldn't she just call and mail the damn papers? And how were they not divorced? That didn't make any sense to me.
"So," Luke started. "Are you going to call her?" I really thought about it. I wasn't so sure that I even wanted to talk to her. Just sit there and what. Listen to her try to come up with some bullshit excuse to why she left. It didn't really sound like a good idea to me.
"I don't think so." I told Luke and he nodded. "Anyway," I said changing the subject. "Are we still hanging out Friday."
"oh, um...." He said then rubbed the back of his neck. "I actually have other plans. I'm actually going on a date." He said in a question form.
"A date?" I was in shock. Luke hadn't mentioned liking anyone before. "With who?" I asked.
"Layla. I don't really know how it happened. We were studying and we were talking and it just kind of slipped out. I'm kind of nervous." He told me and started tapping his fingers on the table. "I've never taken a girl out before." I knew that. I had never gone on a date with a guy before either. I hadn't really met one that I liked. Luke was the only guy I ever talked too. I was really surprised about the fact he was going out with Layla. I didn't think it was such a good idea. Something about her seemed so weird to me. It was like she was just way out of it.
"I didn't even know you liked her," I told him. He never mentioned anything about it before.
"Yeah. I didn't really know it I guess. Yesterday when we were sitting I just kind of looked at her and realized that she was really pretty, and we seemed to be getting along pretty well. I thought why not give it a shot." He seemed to be pretty certain about it.
"Oh wow. Well that's good then." I said and got quiet. It was just one date. Why did I feel so bad? I couldn't shake it off. I suddenly just felt alone. I sighed and then the bell rang signaling lunch ended. We finished up and headed back to class.
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Friday night, and now I was home by myself. It felt strange. I would hang out every weekend with Luke. Now I couldn't even text him because he was out on his date. He told me he would call me after, but it didn't feel the same. My dad had just knocked on my door. "Come in," I said and continued to look at the ceiling.
"I'm surprised to see you home," he told me and stood in the doorway. "Usually you're at Luke's house." I propped myself up on my shoulders and looked at him. He just got home from work and already changed out of his work clothes.
"Yeah. He's on a date." I told him and I felt myself frown.
"A date? Oh wow. I remember those days." He said and I rolled my eyes. I laid back down and groaned. "Now he's going to go on a date probably every Friday night and I'll never have any plans again." I said and grabbed a pillow. I covered my face with it and groaned again. My dad walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sure that's not true Katie."
I shook my head. "Of course it is. Luke's my only friend. He's the only person I ever hang out with. Now he's going to be spending all his time with Layla." Just saying her name made me want to vomit. My dad let out a small laugh and shook his head. "I don't think so honey. Luke doesn't seem to be the type to forget his friends. Didn't you tell me he talks to his friends back home everyday." He said.
"That's different though. He did that before he met me. And he wasn't going on dates back then either. I don't like this feeling." I told my dad and he sighed. He rested his hand on my calf and said. "I hate to break it to you kid, but that's life you know. I'm sure he'll feel the same way when you find a boy you like and start dating," he told me and I just let out a long laugh.
"No one's going to want to date me dad. I'm too much." I told him.
"Oh stop. That's not true. There will be a boy one day who will see you and want to get to know you." I tightened the pillow on my face and groaned again. "Alright, alright. Well come downstairs and we can watch a movie. I'll make popcorn." He told me. I felt a little better now. He left the room and I sat there for a couple more minutes. Of course he said that. He's my dad. I highly doubt any guy would want to be with me. I was too much of a burden. And there wasn't really anything special to me. I was just plain average Jane.
I got up from the bed and headed downstairs with Lucy. We went to the living room and sat on the couch. I could see my dad in the kitchen staring at the popcorn in the microwave. He was acting like staring at it would make it pop faster. After a few more minutes he came out with two bowls and handed me one. He sat in the recliner and put his feet up. He took the remote and started looking for a movie on the TV. "You know," he started saying. "It's been almost months since you've had a seizure." He told me and I nodded. I didn't even realize how long it had been. I hadn't even felt as tired as usual either.
"I didn't even realize," I said and looked to Lucy who was laying across my lap. I rubbed my hand over her head and smiled down at her. She was so tired lately, and I couldn't blame her. It had been almost eight long years since she's been with me.
"That's a big deal. Considering how frequent they were. Hopefully they stay like this." He told me and I agreed. I couldn't even believe how great I was feeling. I felt like I could do so much, but I knew that I had to watch it. Although I didn't feel restricted, my body automatically restricted itself.
It took us about 10 minutes to decide on a movie we both wanted to watch. We ended up deciding to just watch tangled. It was my favorite disney movie. We started the movie and I anxiously waited. I fought my urges to sing along, trying not to annoy my dad. As we watched I realized how much Rapunzel was actually relating to my life currently. She was about to be eighteen, and become an adult. She was cut off from the real world for so long that she couldn't take it anymore and she just wanted to breathe in the fresh air. That's exactly how I felt. I felt like I was this girl, who couldn't get out of her tower. In my case, my tower was my head. Mentally I felt trapped. I had been pining so much anger and resentment on my father, but I realized that I had never really fought back at him. That was a difference between Rapunzel and I. She finally stood up to her mother, and it was something I could never do to my father. Then when I tried, it ended up in hell.
It was weird. Watching this movie as I was older. I could actually understand the bigger themes behind it. In the end Rapunzel got what she wanted. She got her freedom and she ended up finding true love. I wondered if that was ever going to be me. If I was ever going to truly get a happy ending like she did. As the movie came to a close I looked at the time. 10:30 PM. I pulled out my phone and checked it.
No New Messages
I felt myself frown. Luke said he would call me, but he never did. I tried not to take it personally. Maybe he was just really tired. I shouldn't be that upset should I? I wasn't sure what to do in this situation. I was happy for Luke that he was finally experiencing those things, and living life, but I was sad because I felt like I was disappearing. It was the most important time of my life, yet I wasn't happy.
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"I'm really sorry. When I got home I got into this conversation with my brother and lost track of time. I thought you'd be asleep." He said to me. I nodded even though he couldn't see me over the phone.
"It's fine."I told him. I had gotten over it, or at least tried too. I just had to accept that this was going to be part of growing up. "How did your date go," I asked trying to change the subject.
"Oh that. Yeah actually it went pretty well I think. We just went to Starbucks and talked for a while. She's pretty cool. I asked her on another date." He told me. Wow. Two dates.
"That's good. You must really like her then," I pointed out.
"Yeah I think I do. Are we going to hang out tonight? I thought maybe we could try and get you back in the pool again if you're up to it?" He told me. I thought about it. It had been awhile since I had gotten in the pool with him. The last time I did he tried to teach me how to breathe underwater but I panicked and freaked out as soon as the water hit my face. I was disappointed in myself. I just couldn't get myself over the fear. I wanted to so badly, but the pool was the reason my life was as complicated as it was now.
"I don't know Luke," I said quietly, then bit my lip.
"That's alright. We don't have to do that. I just thought maybe you'd want to." He told me. I knew he meant well, but this was just something that was going to take time. I wasn't sure how long, but it would take a long time. "What do you want to do?" He asked me. I told him I wasn't sure and I would text him later on tonight. We said our goodbyes then I was left to my own thoughts. I laid myself back on my bed and looked up at the ceiling. Lucy was in the corner of my bed room laying down. I looked over at her. She was sleeping yet again. She didn't even try to jump on my bed today. It was a little unusual, but maybe she just didn't want to bother.
I looked back up at the ceiling. Was I ever going to beat this fear? Luke pretty much beat his, but I couldn't get over mine. I wanted to be able to just be near a pool and not think about drowning. Luke had done a great job are few lessons, but there was just something stopping me.I couldn't identify it, but I felt if I didn't figure it out soon, it could kill me.
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A/N: Hello my lovely readers! As you see, I've been on a writing kick and I've been trying to keep my momentum up. I hope you guys are enjoying this story. Sadly, there is not a whole lot left. Maybe about five chapters or so, and possibly an epilogue. I haven't decided yet. Original ideas I've had for this story are not achievable. But I have come up with a new ending that I hope everybody will be happy with. It is time to finally wrap this up. It's been too long. I'm hoping to finish this story within the next two months.
What do you guys think is going to happen with Katie and her mom?
Comment what you think! Make sure you vote and I'd appreciate any feedback you guys can give me! And if you get a chance check out my other 5SOS fics. I promise you won't be disappointed.