I sank comfortably into my sofa-crease, grabbing my laptop and opening google and searching:
Youtube
I found a fall out boy song I hadn't heard yet and would let it auto-play after that. I then opened wikipedia.
Look, okai, it's not like I do this all the time I just like knowing stuff.
Well, I do do this all the time, but... ack! That's not my point.
----
I spent countless hours clicking hyperlinks on wikipedia articles, to new articles. It always seemed to come back to a new phobia I hadn't heard of yet. I loved knowledge and phobias are just knowledge.
Plus, now I read this kind of stuff I know I'm philophobic.
'You and me are the difference between real love and the love on TV...' I muttered, along to 'Where did the party go' by Fall Out Boy. Suddenly, I heard a knock at the door.
Probably the postman or something, I don't have any friends. All good though, I don't want any.
I got up and shuffled over to the door. My head was filled with thoughts of automatronophobia, the fear of anything that falsely represents a sentient being. So, like ventriloquist's dummies, wax figures, animatronics, etc, etc.
Chris had hated Madam Tussauds, maybe he was automatronophobic...
I shook the thought of Chris out of my head. He was not my friend.
He was NOT my friend.
I don't have friends, they lead to pain.
Mum and Dad had been friends before-
Knock, knock.
Oh, shit, right, I was getting the door.
I opened it and instead of the familiar blue jacket, I was greeted by an obnoxiously purple t-shirt.
I looked up, and saw two piercing blue eyes.
Jesus Christ, who's this?
'Hi!' he waved at me. I shrank backwards. Look, I don't hate people. People are pretty (A/n Soft and) neat actually, they got men on the moon, cured diseases, etc, etc. What I hate are friends. So, when a guy with a matching fringe to you and baby-blue eyes turns up at your door looking all friendly and bouncy, anyone like me would freak. But, so far he hadn't made any advances to try to be friends, so I gave him a chance.
'H-hi.'
'Shy, huh?' he giggled. I shivered. Was that the phobia? I... I'd never shivered because of it before... 'Hello?'
'Huh? O-oh, hi.'
'I'm Phil, I just moved across the hall! What's your name?'
This was getting uncomfortable... 'Dan.'
'Hmm... I like it! Dan, like Daniel?' I nodded awkwardly. 'Well, Dan, I hope we can be friends.'
Friends.
The word reverberated around my head, every time it hit the side another shot of fear was let loose in my stomach.
Unable to control myself, I started shaking, wanting to just run back into my sofa crease and go back on wikipedia like normal, not having to talk to someone who had an interest in being friends...
'Dan? HelloOo?' Phil joked, but instead of laughing like I would have 2 years ago, I burst into tears.
Like, actual, streaming, salty, I'm-all-up-in-your-mouth tears. Simultaneously embarrassed and terrified beyond words, I slammed the door and ran back to my sofa crease. I heard an, 'Ooookai then.' I just cried harder, grabbing a cushion and burying my face in it. I let out a scream, long and pure, even if it was muffled.
Knock, knock.
I froze.
Again?
AGAIN?!
I shakily stood up and went back to the door.
I took 5 long, deep breaths before opening the door to...
Phil.
Again.
AGAIN.
'Hi, um, I'm sorry if I offended you or something, I just...' he trailed off, watching me back against the wall behind me. I started shaking again. 'Dan, what's up?'
Another tear rolled down my cheek.
'Hey, have this,' he held out a bag of crisps, 'I brought 'em over for you. I swear, I'm not mean! I-I didn't mean to make you cry, I just- I-'
'I-it's okai,' I spluttered, 'I-I just don't want fr...' I hadn't said this word out loud since... 'friends.'
'Oh, why not? They're great! I actually moved with two of my best friends! We moved here yesterday. Come meet them! Their names are Chris and Pj.'
For a moment, all was still. I was quiet, not shaking, completely still. And Phil, he was stood, still holding out the bag of crisps, silently apprehensive.
And then I slammed the door again and collapsed, sobs wracking my body.
Sure, there was more than one Chris in England, and there was more than one Pj too. But what were the chances that there was another Chris and Pj? Let alone, a pair of people who would move in with someone who wears Gengar t-shirts and Nintendo shoes? Their's only one pair of them, and they were my friends.
Were.
--Phil's P.O.V.--
Feeling dejected, I walked away from the door, opening the crisps.
What had I done? Had I offended him? What happened?
I bit my lip and unlocked our apartment door.
'Hey Phil!' Pj smiled.
'So, who's the new neighbour?' Chris said excitedly, 'Are they nice?'
'I... I'm not sure...' I said, looking down.
'Whadda you mean?' Pj looked up quizzically.
'Well... His name's Dan and-'
'WHAT!?' Chris and Pj yelled. They then turned to each other.
'Th-there's more than one Dan in the world, but-'
'But what if-'
'Yeah!'
'Oh my god!'
They were nearly crying, holding onto each other, taking in shaky breaths.
'PHIL!' Chris jerked his head around, 'What did he look like? Full description!' They both ran up to me, staring at me, waiting intently for an answer.
'W-well, he... he had brown hair-' they inhaled sharply, 'with a fringe like mine, and... he was... wearing black?'
'What colour eyes?!' Pj almost screeched.
'U-UH... BROWN!' I squeaked.
'OH MY GOD!' Both Pj and Chris started crying, hugging me tightly.
'It's Dan! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod,' Chris whispered frantically.
Suddenly, they pulled away. Confused, I opened my mouth to ask what they were talking about, but they ran out of the apartment.
'GUYS WAIT!' I yelled, running after them across the hall.
When no-one answered their knock and they heard sobs from inside, they slowly turned to me.
'Oh. Um, Phil, okai, so I guess we should tell you some stuff.' Pj whispered, leading us back to the apartment. When we'd sat down, Pj said, 'He's... what was it, Chris?'
'Philophobic.'
'Oh come on guys, that's mean!' I sighed. They were toying with me. Philophobic? What was that, afraid of people called Phil?! I huffed.
To my surprise they frowned. 'Phil, it's the fear of loving someone.'
'Oh,' I blushed at my stupidity, 'I thought you were pretending... pretending he was afraid of 'Phil's or something.'
Pj laughed sadly, 'No, but it does sound like it.'
Suddenly, it all clicked into place. 'P-Pj, does that include... friendship?'
He nodded, and my head fell into my hands. 'I-I scared him! Oh my God, I'm such an idiot. What have I done!? I've hurt him! Ohmygodohmygod-'
'Phil, calm down,' Chris soothed.
'No, Chris! I don't deserve this... this kindness... I'm not good enough, I-'
'Atelophobia.'
'What?' I looked up.
Stood in the doorway, fiddling with his sweater's cuffs, was Dan.
'Atelophobia. Th-the fear of not being good enough. A-and, Chris, Pj, you left the door open.'
He twiddled his fringe in his fingers, stretching out the curls and letting them spring back.
'Oh. Is it serious?' I asked in a small voice.
He nodded. 'It's classified as... as a mental disorder. Not to scare you.'
'Right.' I looked down.
Turning to Chris and Pj, I suppressed a giggle; they had their mouths wide open, struggling to move at all. I expected them to burst out with 'DAN OH MY GOD' or something, but, to my surprise, only Pj spoke, and he very slowly said, 'It's good to see you.'
Dan looked down. 'Mm.'
'So, how are you these days?' Chris said carefully, in the same way he would touch something that could collapse at any moment. Maybe Dan would collapse at any minute, let the fear through, run away.
We had to be tactful.
'Alright.'
'That's good.' Pj's voice was extremely soft.
'Yeah... um, I'm gonna go now...' he began to shuffle out of the door, waiting for one of them to reply.
'Yeah, that's fine. Bye, Dan'
'Bye Pj, bye Chris... bye Phil,' and with that, he pulled the door shut behind him and we heard his apartment door open and close.
'So, Phil, will you help us?' Chris said excitedly.
'Um, with what?'
'Being his friend,' Pj smiled.
'Sure! Ah, but are you sure it's... it's a good idea?'
'If we're careful, we can do it,' Chris reassured me.
'Alright then, I'll help.'
'Okai. So, ever since we lost him, we researched philophobia. Don't make any advances to try to be his friend straight up. Let him do it. He's got to be comfortable with it,' Pj said.
I nodded slowly.
'And also, this is important Phil, don't EVER say 'see you soon', 'talk to you later' or anything that would imply he HAS to talk to you, okai? Because he'll feel pressured,' Chris added.
'Okai.'
'We should sleep, it's 11 o'clock. Talk about it in the morning,' Pj got up, and Chris and I followed, going to our bedrooms.
A/n Hoi! So yeh! I don't know much about philophobia, but I researched it a SHIT TON, and I think all this is true, regarding the way to overcome it or help others overcome it and the no friends thing. And also, atelophobia is actually what I said it was, and is a medical disorder, and anuptaphobia is the fear of staying single, which is what Dan's mum had in this story. Okai, thank's for reading! Adios! ~ Author-chan