Gym - Tuesday
The usual day of horrible girl sweat and other girls smelling like they haven't took a shower in weeks- also known as me.
Dear, Journal
Yes, I know what you really want to hear about. My kind of on and off boyfriend Ross... Well, I have no idea what to tell you because I felt absolutely nothing when I kissed him. (God, why did I kiss him?) I'm the dumbest feminist ever ...
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* . *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
Just another sign of the universe telling me that I and Ross shouldn't be together. He's a bad boy, and I behave.
But aside from the stupid bad boy stereotype, we all know when we deserve more. When the stars should grant us what we love every once in a while instead of what we don't.
So there's your new information. OK, OK! Fine, stop grilling me! It was perfect!!! But you know how important it is for me to NOT get involved -- Well really, you don't care -- but I do. My mom saw me as a whore; well I'm not. I know. Basically, it's going to happen but I'm better than falling for a guy that only likes a girl for her boobs.
You are what you allow.
And if Ross' mom suspects that we are dating, I'm going to be in more trouble than I might've been on Report card pick up day where his mom through a full on bitch-gasket.
Love, Maia
Dear, Journal
It's been a while since I wrote what I'd been feeling. To be honest I even felt embarrassed to write what's been going on in my own journal. But I've decided. Well my mom still grounded me for punching me in the nose. (She's dumb as hell) mainly for my bad grades though, and accusing Maia for giving me drugs. Well I never told you what went down with me in the past with my English teacher. That's a big part on why I try to be a player with other girls...Trying to get past the fact that I did it with someone as old as my mom.
It was the last day of school when she took me on a field trip to the museum individually (I wasn't sure why) and she wasn't as old- "looking" as you might be picturing her. Just was beautiful. Big boobs, big ass, big everything; after the field trip I told her could I help her take her things upstairs (She brought all these gigots' and gadgets) and I ended up taking her clothes off.
Unfortunately, we hooked up days into the summer and ever since then we had sex. But then we finally got caught as my dad paid Ms. Gilbert and my teacher, to never speak of it, but was disappointed in me years on.
-Ross
After Gym On The Soccer Field
The most awkward part of the days of Gym class... Showering with your fellow peers; this is why I shower at the very end of the girl's locker room. Hearing the girls snickering and everything is just disturbing. But as for Nina and Allie they we're all open with showing themselves, which me- personally freaked me out. And just imagine. If I can't handle my own species being naked in front of me how can I handle Ross being in the same room with me alone?
"Maia, come on!" Nina said from the middle of the locker room showers, with Allie. I gave them the brow and gave them a nodding head signal that said 'bitches shut up' and Allie gave me the signal with the talking mouth. I still haven't told them about Ross and I, which was weird. Considering I tell them everything.
Telling them everything; also looking up Away From Their "Girl Parts"
"I'm going to kill you!" Allie said while flinging the soap around, luckily not hitting me in the eyes. As I scrubbed under I told Allie that it was all nothing. My eyes we're constantly looking aside from my friends bodies.
"I couldn't help it. He was upset... it was the perfect way to make him stop... you know... it just felt right." I told them the best way I could but they were looking at each other like 'What!?' Well hello! I need to get my friends tool for understanding sentences.
"Meaning you liked the kiss, right?" Nina giggled.
"No. Yes. Maybe?" I said. Alright, I need a tool to understand myself as well.
"It's complicated. All I know is that if I have sex with Ross, it'll ruin the promise. I really don't want a guy in my life, right now. I don't need a guy."
They both rolled their eyes. "Again with this promise? What was the deal again?" Nina asked narrowly looking at me like I had a problem (Which surely, I didn't.) If I let myself believe that miracles could really happen, I'd had been already had sex with Ross.
"Do I have to say it? It's pretty long." I complained.
After Yapping About the Promise
"Like I said," Allie exaggerated the sentence. "Your mom doesn't control your life." I told them what she wanted my future to be like and if I ended up having sex with Ross it would be bad tracks all over again. For god's sake, I was at a party while she died.
Washing My Face
I wasn't going to let my Allie and Nina influence me to do it. It wasn't gonna happen. Everyone had left the locker rooms because they had class early, and for me, Fifth period started 17 minutes later. I had time to take another round in the shower because these pits we're still smelling like horse chow.
"Well hi, sexy." Ross was in the mirror behind me and I swear I almost screamed before he covered my mouth. "Shhhh!"
I pulled his hand off my mouth. "Are you crazy!? There's a reason why it says girls locker room- unless you can't read!! Shoo!" I gave a faint stare, even though I was really freaked out. Ross once again just smiled right into my face looking at my white towel that was around my chest to thankfully covering up everything else under.
He quickly reached at the back off the towel stripping it off; as I blew a hard breathe. "Let me take this off for you." I was incorporating, fighting back as he finally took me by the legs and lifted them around his waist. "Put me down Ross! Put me down!" He didn't listen as he dragged me into the same locker room stale, Allie, Nina, and I we're in.
"Trust me," He turned on the shower, still holding my legs with only one of his arms. Wow... I banged his shoulders with my weak girl hits. "Ross if you don't put me down I'm gonna-"
He shut me up pressing his lips hard against mine. As if he was trying to swallow me whole. The hot water started to pour down on us, and I knew what I had to do.
Telling Ross to Get Naked
"Take your shirt off..." I bluntly said.
He couldn't believe what I had said- I know why, but it wasn't going to happen Mr. Show up and carry a girl to the shower. As soon as he let go of his tight grasp on my legs, I ran out the stale and quickly grabbed my clothes, hiding somewhere, where I could change without a boy popping up behind me. God, I feel violated.
Fifth Period
The bell had rung, right after I solved a few formulas for the class on the board. Ross could pick up a thing or two besides sex, from me if I was his tutor. Bad idea; More time with Ross is all just bad. "Sweet, Mia!" Mr. Dewin says my nickname once again. I smiled at him, even though I absolutely hate his name for me. Mia just sounds like a two year old's name or some pushover (no offence's Mia's in real life) but I'm fine with Maia.
Everyone cleared out as I cleaned the black board as the mature student would do. And once again someone burst into the classroom. You already know who it is.
I ran to my desk to grab my stuff and make a beeline for it, but Ross had already gained up on me. "Nice babe. Nice trick." He gave me a look clapping. "Why don't I try it on you, now?" He held me in the grip like we've done it before. I started to blush as he was talking with his low voice. Should I scream? I should scream.
He lifted me on top of the desk as he started spreading all his boy juice to my lips. I dropped my books to the ground, and held my hands to his face. I started taking off his plaid shirt button by button and almost ripped it off. Trying to kiss and take clothes off at the same time was harder than it looked.
And that's when the universe sent me another message as Mr. Dewin came right in on our Fifth period after class honey-moon.
My heart popped.
On the benches next to the Principal's Office
I hadn't said a word to Ross. I've never been so ashamed of myself in years... but part of me didn't care what everyone else was saying or thought of me... everyone except for Ross. For some reason all day, all his attempts we're to have been with me. I couldn't bring myself to figure out why he couldn't understand... I wasn't ready to have sex. I wanted it to be special. Wild... Special... and he kept turning me on...
He was going to get hurt.
I just wanted to rip his head off, but he had been looking at me, like it was my entire fault. His voice, abs, charisma, and double viveing for my affection, is even the reason we almost friggin did it on a desk.
"What are you looking at?" I told Ross all push over like. Sort of like how Bitchy D would talk. Ross told me that it was all my fault. "My fault!!!?" I shouted. He started to explain. "You kissed me last night, wrong?!" He yelled. "When I came to school today, I wanted you. You kissed me, and you we're good. Great, even. So I'm thinking I should make an effort -''
"By wanting me to lose my virginity?"
"Maia." He said. "You kissed me for the last time."
"Me!!" He yelled again, almost like he was outside. No one's ever made such a big deal about me before. It felt awkward. Is it that bad I just didn't want him...
Ross wasn't smiling and if Ross wasn't smiling, this conversation wasn't going to end well. "Last night! You kissed me! Stop all the sudden decide you're going to avoid me!" I looked down into the floor, wishing I would just vanish right there. I was standing; he was sitting on the bench.
"I felt sorry for you." I'd admitted. "Maybe, I did mean that kiss halfway. But you can't blame me for being scared, that I'm just going to be thrown in the dumpster after you get what you want from me." A tear came, but I wiped it off.
"Okay." I croaked. "Help me understand this. Why would I go out with some one like you? Tell me why there can never be a boy out there who just wants to slow dance with you and not worry about knocking you up. This is not on me, I don't like you and you can't hate me for it."
"Maia I do like you... for you."
"No you don't."I shook my head. "You want the chance. You want me to give in."
"Ross, you have to understand..." I wasn't ready for a boy friend. I don't have him.
"Shut up, bitch." Ross looked away from me as I gasped, my eyes starting to water up. Ross had never called me a bitch. Never before has he ever told me otherwise. "I'm not the bitch. I'm about to be suspended because of you!"
"Look Maia. I'm done playing these back and forth mind games with you," He said still not facing me. I told him that the world could never allow us to be together, meaning I didn't want to be with him. "What does the fucking universe have to do with us!?"
"It has everything to do with us Ross! I can't like you. It defeats the purpose of a future I want. As much as I want to. I can't..." A tear shot down my face as I quickly smacked it off. "I don't want to." I didn't want Ross to see my cry. Ross grumbled and leaned his head on the wall aside. "Whatever, Mitchell."
As the principal told me to come in, the last time I saw Ross was with him banging his head on the wall, wondering what was left for us.
Dear, Journal
you know the saying... "You'll never be brave if you don't get hurt. You'll never learn if you don't make mistakes." That's all I can say to what happened today.
Maia
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* . *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
Allie came by my house later and hugged me. I didn't have the strength to write and once word got out of Ross and I, I just didn't have the strength. So Allie's embrace meant the world. "You don't have to talk about it. Consider him a bug, I step on." She said as I nuddled into her. Consider him... the boy I can't stop thinking about no matter every possible distraction and every other embrace.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* . *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
The next day, I couldn't open my curtains. But that's just because I figured my room didn't need much light anyway.