Forgiveness.
'Forgiveness is the attritbute of the strong.'
Omniscient P.O.V
Raina held Makai in her arms as she rocked him back and forth. Her brother was in his daily exercise about to come out, she wasn't to sure as to what he was doing in there but she knew he had to do it because of what had happened.
"Hi Chris." She said as he walked into his room and laid on the bed ignoring her. He still hadn't forgiven her for what she said. The pain was rooted deep within his heart and to forgive her would take more than coming to his room every other day, what it took wasn't apparent to either of them but he knew when it happened he would know. "Airing (ignoring) me still I guess." She sighed as she placed Makai on the chair to sleep, he was 3, curly headed and just adorable. She loved him with everything in her and every time she sees him she remembers the words she spat out that night, 'Dem hira wedi sharmuta!'
Bleed blood, son of a bitch.
A language full of love used to express hatred. Christian asked her to leave as he watched the ceiling fan rotate. He then thought back to his encounter with Tristian.
Christian's P.O.V, Flashback
"Hi Mr Hall, you have a visitor by the name of Tristian." The nurse said pushing the door delicately as I saw my brother appear from behind her. "30 minutes OK." My eyes widened as I saw him walk in bashfully, he then stood at the foot of my bed watching me as I watched him. We both looked like shit by the looks of it. "You look like a crackhead." I chuckled as he tried to crack a smile. "Who shanked you bro, smile." I said watching him.
"You want me to laugh when you look like this?" He said breathing heavily, watching my every movement like I was bait and he was the prey. I didn't want him to be like this, I already knew he's blaming himself but it really wasn't anything he could have done to stop this and he needs to understand that what happened is no ones fault apart from the person who pushed me. Raina.
"Bro, I'm alive and happy to see you, that's all that matters, so ju-"
"Yeah but I could be looking at a corpse man, you think I wanna be stressed out like this, you know I only have you and your family, I don't trust all these niggas like I trust you and ..." Once he started crying I began to see how much this attempt had effected him, not only his physical appearance but his mental state.
Watching him caused me to grow weak and start crying. We stayed there crying for a good minute or two before we both wiped our tears and started laughing. Our brotherhood was weird and complex but it made sense to us. "Does anyone else know about me being here?" I asked wondering about the other boys, like Andre, Kofi and stuff like that.
"Naah, only Kimani, she was the one who brought me here to be honest." He replied, "She was the only one who was really stressed out about where you were so I told her, if you don't mind, she's quiet anyways." He justified. Damn, Kimani was out there worrying about me when boys from my own group weren't even stressed, she was a real nigga. I respected her for that.
"Calm, why aint she here then?" I asked puzzled, if she was here then where was she. Unless she had on them Harry Potter cloak shits on.
"Only one of us were allowed to come in here, so she said I should come in instead of her." He answered as he got comfy on the sofa which was facing the television mounted on the wall.
..
Since he came to check on me I've been waiting to see Kimani, I don't understand why she hasn't come, she knows where I am, so why she hasn't come I don't know. I laid there watching the fan, the room I was in didn't have a television, something about media, depression a study etc. I wasn't really listening to the woman, I was just watching her boobs. I'm mad horny now that I'm in this place. Why couldn't them videos where the nurse just jumps on my ting happen right now. This is just adding to my frustration of being in here right now.
Kimani's P.O.V
Saturday, Kimani's House, 9pm
I cried myself to sleep and then woke up to the thud of the front door slamming against the door frame, indicating my mothers arrival. I took a deep sigh wondering whether or not to talk to her about my dad contacting me. A part of me was saying, 'bitch you know what you gotta do' and another side was telling me 'she hid him from you already, do the same.' I was stuck at a cross road, hide it from my mother or confront to her about my dad.
"Hi Kimani are you OK?" My mom said sitting down on the couch eating an apple.
"Yeah I'm fine mom." I said watching her take a generous bite into the apple, the crunch of the apple and then the sound of the chewing and then the sound of the tv and then the sound of the clock and then, "Dad called me today." I couldn't hold it in anymore, I just blurted it out. I'm not someone who can hide stuff from my mom, I just couldn't, she's my best friend, someone I can confide in.
My mothers smile turned straight, her lips thinned as she tucked them in and her eyes followed suit as she bit vigoursly into the apple and then gulped the piece down. "Why did he call you?" She asked, looking straight past my eyes and into my soul, I felt the ambience of the room change, all the sounds were muted and it was just my mother and I in the living room. No clock, no television, no chewing, nothing, just the words of my mother and I.
"I don't know." I replied truthfully.
"What do you mean you don't know Kimani, so he called you and you said nothing to him?" She asked with a hint of annoyance in her tone. Coming from her it sounded stupid but it was the truth, I didn't say anything, I froze, I couldn't speak, what could I say to him?
"Yeah, I didn't speak to him and then he cut off the phone." I said staring into her eyes to tell her it was the truth.
"OK, good." She said reverting back to the television. "I don't know why he's calling my baby, think I won't ugh." She mumbled to herself. I sighed and continued to watch television with my mother. I wish she would forgive him, but I know she wouldn't, he passed the line when he placed his hand on her and ..
I stopped my train of thought before I broke down in front of her but all I wanted was a nuclear family again, a mom, a dad and myself but I already knew that wasn't gonna happen. The craziness in my life would never permit it. I walked into my bedroom and closed the door softly as I watched peoples stories on Snap Chat.
"Erugh look at my parents please, the really think they're my age." I heard from Asia's snapchat with her parents dancing in the living room. Thanks a lot, thanks for adding to my mood, way to make myself feel better. I turned off my phone and went to sleep again. I honestly didn't want to be up at the moment, I just wanted to be sleeping, away from the world.
When I said 'went to sleep' I meant I struggled to fall asleep, I laid on my bed in silence watching the ceiling, in the pitch black of my room allowing thought, dreams, ideas to flow in and out of my mind without cluttering anything. As I was thinking about the Chinese I had today I could hear my mom on the phone. See its not being nosey if their loud.
"Jameilia, I don't know what to do anymore, Devon's come back and is contacting Kimani, how did he even get her number?" She asked her best friend.
"I want her to have a relationship with him but if she chooses that route just know he's not getting back into my life, in fact before he can even enter my life I need to slap hi upside his head and across the face." She said laughing.
"Naah, I don't care about your philosophical be calm bullshit, if an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind then good, cause I don't want to see his bullshit or be near it." My mom replied to her. See what I meant, my mom would never forgive him and if she did it would be a miracle.
"Yes girl, I already know about his two children." She said doing the sinister laugh. "And he had the cheek, tooth, and tongue to question me when I had Kimani." She replied.
I zoned in and out of her conversation, she was basically just trashing my dad and making jokes of his family. It's kind of fucked up though, the fact that he used my mom and I as a prototype for love, happiness and commitment. I was his first born and I was casted aside, instead of being loved I was neglected, instead of being happy I was beating myself up. For how many years have I been here questioning myself, thinking less of myself because he couldn't see my worth and now he has the nerve to come back and act like he hadn't done any damage to our lives, to my life.
I couldn't take it anymore and texted Jermaine. I haven't spoken to him much either, he made it official with Dora, I mean Delora and ever since it's like .. I've been casted away, pushed away from him. We talk here and there but when I see him in school its only for a few seconds before he runs off to whisk Delora away. Leaving me.
20 minutes, still no reply. It was now 11pm and my mom was asleep and I was up in this house, alone. As usual. Loneliness has become my normality, growing up an only child, with one parent, one friend, one everything. I've never been able to be in a place of comfort with many people, as soon as it passes 10 people I'm no longer sane, I turn into a uncomfortable person who pushes my loved ones away.
Sunday, 7am
I was woken up by the sounds of gospel music surrounding the house. My mom walked into my room and put my laundry on the foot of my bed as I groaned at how loud the music was. "Good morning to you too, get ready for Church Mani." My mom said as she left my room, leaving the door open. I rolled my eyes and got ready. I wore a white striped shirt, blue jeans and my cream loafers. I didn't do too much with my face and hair as it was Church. I just slicked my hair into a bun and done my eyebrows.
..
Once we had finally got to Church it was about 10am meaning Church was going to start soon. We sat in our places and Church began, after praise and worship the pastor came to the altar and began to teach us about todays topic, 'Love.' He brought some very good points about love and loving those around you, it was as if he was talking to my mom.
'Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.'
It was true, loving one another and forgiving one another could really help us. Help us come back together and I knew my mom wasn't evil, she was far from it, she was just, forgive me, stubborn. The fire isn't hot until my mom feels its warmth, 2+2 isn't equal to four until she does the equation. That was how my mom behaved, it could be annoying and/or humorous at times and at other time it could be the most annoying thing anyone could do.
"Kimani, your dad wants to have dinner with you today, I'm not forcing you stay or go, you're nearly an adult now and you can make your own decisions." I could see she was being sincere but he wanted to have dinner with me, not us. The same way he left US, he could come and see US.
"It's cool mom, there's rice at home." I said using the famous African line on her causing her to laugh at me and push me. How can I face him if I couldn't even hold a conversation with him over the phone. There was no way I was going to be able to go and talk to him face-to-face and see him with his new family most probably, not gonna happen, at least not today.
For those wondering,'why is her story so slow, they still here on the same day but with two chapters or something', its because, personally, when I read a book I find it REALLY unrealistic when two or more characters are all up on eachother and crying over spilt milk when they barely know eachother and it detaches me from the character as I can't sympathise with them as I don't know how they would feel or act. So sorry if you think the story is slow, I just don't want a fast paced book which just heads straight for the exciting parts. I'd rather have cliff-hangers which annoy you, chapters you can read in parts, characters you can connect to.
- Devon trying to play Daddy?
- Is forgiveness always the way?
- Should Christian forgive his sister?
This chapter is short because the next chapter I already know I want it to be long and maybe filled with a bit of drama, not killings and shoot outs or what not but some healthy drama. Sorry Mani. xo
Again, thank you for reading, voting and/or commenting on this chapter and the book as a whole, we have over 2,000 views you guys and over 150 votes! I honestly wanna take my time to thank you guys, I'll try to follow my schedule but again, my life isn't always Gucci some shit pops up and stirs it up.
I hope you have a good morning, day, afternoon, evening and/or night. - Madmarsz xo.