Chapter 15 - Excitement
I feel like jumping and dancing and singing with all the birds. I, Ariel Hamilton, did it. I talked to a stranger and not just a hello, I actually had a conversation. Did I almost die? Totally, I almost had a stroke and I’m sure I got an ulcer. But I did it, regardless of how hard it was, I did it. I’m not sure if it was because I was under pressure, because I saw this as homework or something else, but I did it and I couldn’t be happier.
I feel powerful, I feel incredible, I feel like I can conquer the world and nothing can stop me. I know this feeling won’t last long but it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever felt. This adrenaline pumping in my veins is indescribable. I wonder if this is how people feel when they are high?
I stop on my tracks for a few seconds just to look at the sky and smile. I can’t stop repeating I did it. Maybe Mare is right and I have the confidence inside me, hidden and really hard to access to, but I have it. For her it’s easy to be confident, for me it’s difficult, extremely difficult, but not impossible and this experience with Niall has proved me I can do it. I just have to keep trying, practicing until it’s less difficult. It will never be easy, but it’ll be easier than it is now.
When I look in front of me again, I still have the huge smile on my lips until I see Harry Styles coming my way. I freeze, but in a very different way. It’s not terror that makes me want to run away, it’s surprise.
“Hi there,” he says with a big smile, cute and sweet, a smile that can put anyone at ease. And I’m still so happy and excited for what I did that I smile back at him, a big smile.
Harry blinks a couple of times and his own smile flutters a bit as he keeps staring at me. My heart is racing but I’m still so pumped up that I don’t lose my smile, my happiness is so much more than my anxiety right now and I never thought I would feel this way.
“I um— I,” Harry mumbles shaking his head a bit as if he forgot what he was doing. Seeing him like that makes me giggle. Is that how I look like when I face new people? If so, I look cute. “I— I was looking for Niall, my band mate. Blond, Irish, laughs at everything. Might look a bit sad, though,” Harry explains and I nod.
“Stables,” I say surprising myself.
Did I just… did I just talk to Harry Styles? One word, no stuttering and with a smile? Did I actually do that? I didn’t even realise! I was… it was….
My eyes are so wide I think they will pop up out of my sockets.
“Thanks!” Harry chirps and he’s about to walk past me when he realises I’ve said a word. The girl he thought was mute is talking now. “Wait, you’re not mute!” he exclaims and I laugh but his eyes are so wide and saying he is surprised is an understatement.
“I’m not,” I say and I giggle because I’ve talked again. I don’t know if this is a result of my excitement or something else, but being able to tell Harry something, to make him see that I’m not mute is making me even happier. I’m talking to him!
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! It was so rude of me to think you were. My God, I’m really, really sorry!” he apologises and he looks really stressed about it so I shake my head with a smile still on my lips. I don’t want him to feel bad about it. “Really, I’m so sorry.”
“It-it’s okay,” I say and giggle a bit. I stuttered this time but I’m still talking. I think I’ll hug Mare for making me do this.
“I’m sorry,” he says more calmly this time, his smile uncertain and I can’t stop looking at him and smile. I am talking to him, I just can’t get over that fact. I’m talking to someone. Small sentences, but I’m talking. He doesn’t believe I’m mute anymore. “So, what’s your name?”
I keep smiling, I just can’t stop, and I tell him, “I-’m Ariel.”
Harry’s smile widens and there’s something so sweet in the way he’s looking at me. Something that makes my heart race in a different way and I feel more self-conscious. For a second I look away, feeling heat in my cheeks. And it gets worse when he says, “that’s a cute name. It suits you.”
I really feel like my cheeks are burning and I giggle again just because I’m nervous, pulling hair behind my ear and still looking down.
“So, you work by the lake then or do you live there?” the boy asks and I look up at him again. I thought he was looking for Niall but he’s still here, making me talk.
Well, I better take advantage of this situation. I don’t think I would’ve talked to him if I hadn’t forced myself to talk to Niall first. If I hadn’t been this happy for what happened, I wouldn't have talked to Harry at all.
“Both,” I reply still smiling and he raises both eyebrows so I explain further. I can do this, I’m doing it. “My dad… my dad owns the place. I help. I help here, too,” I carry on pointing at the retreat behind him. Harry turns around to see what I’m pointing at and when he meets my eyes again I see the surprise in his eyes.
“I’ve never seen you in the centre, and you’re not wearing the uniform,” he questions and I get why he’s confused. He’s used to see all employees with the same uniform.
“At-at the lake we don’t wear the uniform,” I explain and every time I say another word without stuttering I feel such a big sense of achievement. “I deliver the order every morning, vegetables and fruits we grow,” I explain and he nods, listening carefully. I think this is the longest conversation I’ve ever had.
“That’s great,” he smiles. “And uh, so you said Niall is at the stables?” I nod, surprised that he suddenly remembered what he was looking for. The interrogation stopped.
“He-he took a-a ride,” I reply and he nods this time.
“Oh, I’ll guess I’ll wait until he comes back,” Harry thinks out loud and I just wait. I don’t have anything to say. “Do you, um, do you have to go back now?” he asks and I nod. Although I could still talk to him, I mean I already started, I’m so used to reply with nods and shakes that it comes naturally to me. “Can I… um, can I walk you home?”
I smile at him. He’s really nice, as I thought he would be. All smiles and politeness. “I-I have the truck there,” I say pointing at the kitchen, where I parked the truck.
“Oh, then I can I walk you to the truck?” Harry offers next with an uncertain smile so I nod.
He steps aside and we start walking towards the truck. No one is saying anything but it feels great to walk with Harry at my side. I like knowing he’s there, that I’ve talked to him and he’s now walking me to the truck.
Mare is going to be so proud of me for actually talking to not only one person, but two! I think I’m an excellent student. I could’ve been great at school.
We finally get to where I parked the truck and I turn to smile at Harry, telling him with my eyes that this is as far as we get. He smiles back at me.
“So, then you come every morning?” I nod and he does the same. “Well, it was nice meeting you and I’m sorry for thinking you were mute. That was really rude.”
“It’s okay,” I say shaking my head. “I-I’m terrible at talking to… people. I’m sure you weren’t the first to-to think that.”
“Still, I shouldn’t have thought that. I mean, even thinking that you are a big fan and you were just awestruck or something would’ve been better.”
“I am a fan,” I say and his eyes widen in surprise as a different kind of smile comes to his lips.
“You are?” Harry asks and I look down, pulling another lock behind my ear and feeling my cheeks burn as I nod. “Well that’s… that’s um, great.”
I giggle because I don’t know what else to do. I still feel this bubbling feeling making me happy and my heart is still racing but it doesn’t make me feel like I’m freaking out and I’ll have a panic attack. It feels completely different.
“Well I guess I— see you around, Ariel,” he says with a smile and I look up to meet his eyes for a few seconds.
“See you around,” I say because for as long as he is staying I most likely will see him around. I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to talk to him again like this, I can’t be sure, but I hope so.
Harry opens the truck door for me and I can’t stop smiling as I get in. Then I start the ignition as he steps away and leave the centre, smiling like a fool.
I can’t believe all this happened, that I actually managed to talk to Niall and Harry today. I actually had a conversation with strangers, people I never talked to before. I totally did it, something that looked like a dream to me for so long. I did it and I can’t stop smiling.
I’m so happy. So happy that when I park near the crops and get down the car and I see Timmy, I actually hug him. He is surprised at the beginning, I know by the way he hesitates to hug me back, and once he does I step back, still smiling.
“Wow, you look happy,” he says with a nice smile.
“I am happy!” I exclaim and his surprise grows bigger. “I did it, Timmy. I talked to other people!”
His eyes widen before a big smile comes to his lips. “I’m glad you’re making friends, Ariel.”
I giggle, still so excited that I can’t control it so after that I give Timmy another hug and run to look for my dad. I bet he’s going to be so happy for me. He’ll tell me he knew I could do this and will kiss my forehead.
Oh, if I had doubts that agreeing to give Mare my singing voice in exchange for her help wasn’t a good idea, now I’m sure I did the right thing. She pushed me to this, she helped me already. I know I’m just starting but I’m so happy and I don’t know for how long this will last, so I just enjoy it. I haven’t felt this happy in so long. I’m actually proud of myself for doing it. For actually reaching that bit of confidence inside of me. I didn’t just talk to Niall and Harry, I also cleared a misunderstanding
I wish I could feel this happy forever, I wish I could do this all the time, feel like this every day. And that’s why I will enjoy this feeling, I will savour it until it’s gone and once that happens, I’ll remember forever how I felt today. That’s my plan.
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Shout out to @Kimssf on twitter for the edit of Ariel and Harry (multimedia). Aren't they lovely? Go #Harriel!
Dedication to @CaitGilmore for a great deep analysis of the characters, especially Ariel. Well done!
Bel, xx
NU: Tuesday