"We all die in our sleep, a taste of death we always seek." - Me
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FLASHBACK
"Mom can you please tell me the story about the princess with long hair." I say snuggling closer to my brown fluffy teddy.
She smiled and looked at me, the way her shoulders were sagged was as if something was bothering her but you could never tell by the big smile on her face and the glow in her eyes. Mom was beautiful, mesmerizing even. Her soft brown eyes that always complimented her light brown skin were shining and her hair was let down as usual after a long day at work. She let out a breath of tiredness and looked at me.
"I've told you that story a million times Taylor." She says tiredly.
I look up frowning at her causing her to giggle. When she giggles like that it always made me smile even though I really tried not to.
"Well could you please make that a million times and one more." I say giving her my sadest look.
She rolls her eyes and releases a small smile.
"Fine...."
"Yayyyy!!!" I say jumping up from my sleeping position and sitting up excitedly.
She starts laughing and starts walking towards my bed sitting infront of me.
"Well there was once a liitle girl wh-"
"Who lived in a tall castle I know!!! Just get to the good part already!" I say interjecting already impatient.
"Well since you know it alrea-"
"Okay fine!.... I won't speak again." I say pouting and crossing my arms.
She looks at me carefully and nods her head.
"Well this girl lived inside this castle with her mother an-"
"That man came today." I unexpectedly say remembering this morning's events.
Mom's body suddenly tenses and she stops talking. We've never really talked about that man that always came and visited her at night. Her face suddenly changes and she became angry.
"Taylor what did I tell you about opening the door when I'm not home!" She shouts at me her whole mood changing making me regret telling her.
"I didn't open the door, I ran and hid in your closet until he stopped knocking. The door was locked and I couldn't go to Mrs Caet because she wasn't home, I was scared mom.." I say starting to tear up and remembering how my heart was beating fast.
"Ohhw baby..." She says and engulfs me in a huge hug.
"I'm sorry.... I'm soo sorry I left you alone." She says her voice sounding strained.
She had left me alone this morning. I woke up to an empty house and an empty stomach. I hear her start sniffing her nose and gripping me tightly, she's crying.
"I don't know what I would do if I'd lose you." She says whispering in my ear.
For a six year old I knew more things than I was supposed to. I knew why my mom was gripping me so tightly, why her sobs were so painful, why at this moment she never wanted to let me go, it wasn't because that man made her scream every night but it was because of the promise he made to her, the promise that one day he'll take me and when he does, dammit when he does she won't know what hit her.
END OF FLASHBACK
Knock
Knock
Quiet....
Nothing but the sound of my heart beating in an unsteady pace and the small bubbles being released from my mouth. I'm drowning, at least I think so. My head is under water refusing to come back up. The sound made by the water running through my ears is relaxing making me forget about everything. The feeling of not breathing has never felt so good, so peaceful. My eyes and mouth are closed and I'm holding my breath, I wonder if I didn't how would It feel. It's been sometime now and I know by the way my heart rate slows, rarely beating.
I slowly open my eyes and mouth sucking in a huge amount of water. The water stung my eyes as I try to look up at the white ceiling, the water constricting my air pipes, it feels like someone's hand on my neck, slowly strangling the life out of me. My chest tightens and my heart beat is unoticeable. At this point I am choking and swallowing water at the same time as my vision begins to be shrouded by a dark vignette.
This is it...... This is finally the end...
Slowly being consumed by unconsciousness I suddenly feel someone grip my shoulders and pull me up into the light. I start coughing and choking, my chest is burning and constricting allowing a small amount of oxygen to pass through. I feel the person pulling me out the bathtub and wrapping a towel around my cold body. My brain feels like it's about to explode and my eyes are burning, my chest is in so much pain I can barely breath. I close my eyes and my body becomes limp, I can feel the person carrying me, their warmth radiating to my body. My eyes feel heavy and my mind feels like its floating. I rest my head on the persons chest, letting their heat consume me. I listen to their heat beat and and their heavy breathing. I've never felt so close to someone, so embraced and warm in the feeling of someone else's touch, it's so soothing.
I slowly regain my breathing but my chest is still in so much pain. I struggle to open my eyes but when I do I'm met by a set of dark grey eyes. He enters the dimly lit room and walks towards the queensize bed closing the door behind him. His jawline looks sharp going in with his stone cold face but the small crease on his eyebrows tells me he's angry..
My body meets the warm bed, still wrapped in a towel with his large height towering over mine. He stretches his arm to pull the blankets that are underneath me. He climbs on the bed hovering above me trying to pull the blankets. The small light from the lamp is reflecting on his face, the other half lit and the other dark. I lower my eyes to his wet shirt that's sticking on him from my hair. The outlines of his chest are showing. I slowly raise my right hand and touch it tracing the wet outlines of his chest. I notice his body tense and our eyes suddenly meet, he doesn't say anything so I carry on tracing. His body is now over mine his face above mine, looking at my eyes.
I slowly lower my hands down his shirt still looking at those dark twisted eyes and tug the bottom of it. I place my hands under his shirt touching his hot skin that seems to set my hands on fire. I slowly graze my fingers up his torso and watch as his body tenses as I go up. I stop at his chest and move down again but this time I stop lower. I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it but my hands seem to have a mind of their own. My mind seems to be far away and the voices in my head have all gone quiet, it's like they are all waiting on their tip toes in anticipation for what's about to happen, even I'm not sure. Maybe the water did something to my brain or it's the lack of oxygen my brain has.
I need him to take it all away. I need him to take all my fucking pain away and just make it feel right for now. I've never felt so fucking defeated and lost about everything. From Ford, to the whole thing with my mom's family and the contract. I haven't opened it yet, I was too scared and I haven't told Luca about it, I wasn't planning on telling him. Then there's that man in the picture whom I feel like I know somehow.
I slowly pull up his shirt and he obliges by raising his arms so I can take it off. He rises giving me a perfect view of him. The small light being provided by the lamp hits his torso and face but his eyes remain dark and I notice that familiar glow in them. Ruthless fingers grip my thighs pulling me down towards him, electrocuting the nerves on my skin. God, he truly resembles the devil. His eyes gleam red, his expression fierce, his eyes glistening. The twitch of his jaw reveals his thinking. I put my hand on the front of his jeans and momentarily freeze for a moment. There's so much heat in the air and the stench of something else, lust.. It's filling up the room, constricting my lungs and controlling my body. I slowly unbuckle his belt and something ignites in me when I hear the hiss of a zipper being undone, there's no backing down now.... My heart starts racing when I adjust my hands on his waist, grazing his soft skin to pull his pants down, leaving him in his boxers.
What if my whole life is a lie. Why is my surname McKenzie, was my dad a McKenzie. If my mom's family is still out there how come they didn't take me in? Why would they leave me with such a monster and aunt Laura who didn't give two shits about what happened to me if it didn't benefit her. Is my father still alive and why do I feel like that's him in that picture, why do I feel so fucking connected to that fucking picture.
I gulp hard when I see Lucamove and graze his hands up my thighs, raking through my skin as if I'm something foreign to him. His fingers linger on my hot skin, rising towards my crotch area with each sickening movement. As soon as our eyes meet it's like a mutual agreement of what's about to happen, a silent threat that there's no stopping now. I nod my head in agreement and I notice something in those eyes, confusion and it's gone as soon as it came. The blankets crunch underneath him as he takes off his boxers, his eyes looking at mine, looking for any doubt. As his eyes meet mine I suddenly feel vulnerable at his hard gaze, it's as if his reading all my thoughts and seeing through, it's too much, too intense.
"Don't look at me." I whisper dryly looking at him.
But it's like he didn't hear a single word I just said by the intense gaze his giving me. He looks like a monster, a misunderstood piece of art that's just waiting to be noticed. If I had my camera here I would capture this moment right now, capture this piece of art. He doesn't cast his eyes off my face and I can't help but feel weird. I raise my body and reach for the lamp turning it off so I won't have to see those dark eyes anymore.
I feel his hands graze my skin removing the wet towel from me. I arch my back so he can pull it and it falls to the ground with a light thud. I hear the bed sink and hear the sound of a plastic. It's a condom. He puts it in his mouth and tears it open, sinking it around him. The fact that he carries a condom with him should worry me but there's no backing out now even though I'm gonna regret this later on. His one hand roughly grips my hips and he places the other one on the bed for leverage. He lowers his body that his chest is touching the tip of my breast causing me to realise a breathy moan. His hand lowers to my legs slightly separating them.
No one knew the shit they did to me in that fucking house. The pain they put me through and the shit they made me do. The nights I fucking cried myself to sleep just make myself feel sane. I was mentally and physically tired and dead to the point of no return.
I look up to see those glistening dark eyes looking mine. I feel something knot in my stomach making it twist painfully. My heart beat is ecstatic, I feel the temperature of my body rising. I feel like I'm about to throw up because of the level of tension in the room. I start breathing loudly and my eyes start tearing. With each and every touch he takes small snippets of the memories come back and I suddenly see his face being replaced by his. This is why I don't want him looking at me cause I know I'll see him. Everything is just too much and slow at the same time. I think I'm having a panic attack and as soon as I look at his face it confirms it.
Looking up I'm not seeing Luca anymore but Sinn.
FLASHBACK
I see his intimidating smile that always had me curling my toes in fear. He raises his hand and as soon as he does I flinch and start to panic. His on top of me and I'm naked again, it's dark and it's only him and I here. His rough hands graze my face roughly and he grips my face making me look at his sadistic smile. I'm frozen again, not one word comes out of my mouth as I stare at those dark eyes that'll always haunt me in my dreams. Every inch of my body is limp and frozen, I can't move, I can't breath.
"Shhhhhh and I promise it won't hurt.." He says whispering.
I hear him unbuckle his belt and lowers his pants, leaving him in his boxers. I feel something going down my face, a tear, I didn't notice I'm crying. I knew this would happen someday, I guess I just had some sort of hope that it wouldn't. He moves his hand to cover my mouth and grips my hand lowering it to his boxes. My small hands are shaking, I'm terrified for what's about to happen. He takes my hand and puts it on his shaft beneath his boxers. As soon as my finger touches it I quickly pull it away in fear.
"Please Sinn do-.. don't do this..." I say stuttering with tears.
"Shhhhh think less... Feel more." He says whispering in the croak of my neck.
"Dont... please...please." My face is now red full of tears.
He takes my hand again and lowers it, this time gripping me tightly.
Sinn is Rob's son, who's soon to take over when Rob steps down. His hardly around always out riding his bike with the others bikers. If I thought Rob was hard on me, it's nothing compared to how he is with his own son, you'd swear he wasn't his father. To him Sinn was still a kid that needed to be made into a man. Every time he disobeys him he'd take him into this room and do whatever it is he did but all I know is that each and every time he went in there he'd come out as a different person. It was like little pieces of Rob's were slowly forming creating a mass destruction. Sinn never spoke to me and I liked it like that since I knew he never liked me.
I suddenly feel him rip off my underwear and graze his fingers on my thighs, pulling me down. He's naked now with a drip of sweat on his face. As soon as he lowers his chest on mine I start to panic. I fist my hands and punch him trying to pry him off me. I start fighting him off me, kicking punching, biting, screaming, anything I can do to get him off me. I release an agonizing scream of extreme pain when he thrusts himself into me, releasing a breathy grunt.
"Fuck!" He grunts in my ear his teeth biting my neck.
My body is frozen and my eyes are wide open at the amount of pain I'm in. He's huge and too fucking deep in me. He stills inside of me as if adjusting himself and with each breath I take I've never felt so far away, so lifeless, so hollow. I feel like my soul is being sucked with each second that's passing, just by his fucking dick.
As soon as he moves again the pain becomes too much, too fucking real. He thrusts in again and I scream, my soul in need for immediate attention but nobody hears even as my screams grow with each second, echoing within the big building walls, nobody hears.
And as I scream with each brutal thrust I realise something, never once in my life did I picture myself being raped of my virginity at age 16, by Sinn Mckenzie, Rob's son.
END OF FLASHBACK