After everything he went back to them, leaving Steve broken and you to try and pick up the pieces.
---
Losing Bucky to Hydra had broken him, you saw him slip away more and more each day. He would deny it, tell everyone he was fine, but you knew, beneath the facade he put up, behind the false smiles and empty words he was losing himself to his depression. Every bit of news about Bucky made things worse, every act he committed for Hydra was another weight on Steve's shoulders, another reminder he had failed his friend.
It was another damage control mission, the latest in an endless list since the Winter Soldier had returned to Hydra. Fury had intel Bucky was due to raid the SHIELD base for files on a new serum and you were there to stop him killing everyone to get them. By the time you arrived, half the base was dead or injured and the files had been uploaded to Hydra.
Steve's hands were shaking as he aimed the gun at Bucky, his shield discarded beside him. Bucky was mirroring Steve's stance, but he didn't waver, didn't show any signs of emotion.
"Please Buck, don't make me do this," Steve pleaded, getting no reaction from his friend, "you have to stop killing people, this isn't you."
Bucky smiled, "Sorry Steve, I've made my choice," his fingers closed over the trigger and you started running, "I guess it's the end of the line, pal.."
"Goodbye Buck." Steve dropped the gun, resigning himself to his fate.
Wrenching the shield from the ground you throw it in front of Steve just in time to deflect the bullet back into Bucky's shoulder. It tore right through his flesh and he didn't even flinch. Both men turned to you, Bucky using the distraction to run.
You would never forget the rage in Steve's eyes as he stalked towards you, for the first time in all the years you had known him you were truly scared of him, he grabbed your arms roughly, shaking you.
"You should have let him kill me, what use am I if I can't stop him? Can't bring him back?"
"Steve please! I couldn't let him kill you!"
"That's exactly what you should have done!" He throws down his mask and slams his shield into your hands so hard you stumble backwards,"I don't love you, I never did."
"Don't come after me y/n." His words burned into your heart and all you could do was watch as he walked away.
---
The days pass and Fury sets up a search team to trace Captain America, but you know more than anyone if Steve didn't want to be found no one would find him. You set off on your own search, listing off the places that meant the most to Steve.
Eventually you find him in Bucky's old apartment, sitting on the room length leather sofa downing a bottle of bourbon. His hair was unbrushed and stubble dusted his cheeks. From the state of the place he'd been here at least a few days.
"You know this place used to be home, now its a million dollar fucking penthouse."
The pain in his voice startles you, "I thought if I came back here, he might too? I don't know," he sighs running his hands over his face, "but there's nothing left. Everything I had, it's all gone; Peggy, Bucky, I don't belong here y/n."
You have to bite back your despair, after everything you'd been through he still didn't see you as important as Peggy and Bucky and you'd given him everything. You push down your sadness and sit opposite him.
"Don't say that, we need you, the world-"
"Bullshit!" He smashes the bottle making you jump, and you notice the hurt in his eyes that he's scared you, "Captain America has been dead a long damn time y/n."
"Please come home, we need you."
"I can't save anyone y/n. I'm not going back there, nothing feels right anymore."
"Steve, I need you."
He stands and approaches you a softness in his eyes you hadn't seen in a long time and brushes the tears off your cheeks. He kneels down between your legs and kisses you softly on the lips. You stroke his face, his stubble feeling so foreign underneath your fingertips. He was already changing, pulling further away from you and who he was. Your heart aches at the contact after so long and you don't notice the tranquilizer gun until it's too late, Steve's tears fading as he lies you down on the sofa.
"Sorry y/n, I won't bring you down with me."
When you woke up the apartment was cold, dark and so very quiet, "Steve?" You call out half hardheartedly, already knowing he was long gone.
He had left everything in a neat pile beside you, his uniform, his passport, his wallet, his notebook, every belonging you associated with him, what made him Steve, he'd left it all behind.
The final stab to your heart was the photograph of you he always kept with him, the one with 'My best girl' scribbled on the back. His way of telling you it was over, the way he knew would be the most final.
"Y/n!" You heard Fury shout, the apartment becoming crowded with soldiers, but you still didn't look up, tears streaming down your cheeks, "Agent y/l/n?"
"He's gone sir." You whimpered and held out the pile of belongings, he took them and tried to hand back the photograph, you refused and ran out of the apartment, not looking back, not listening to Fury's calls.
---
Almost a year later, you still looked for Steve, a part of you still held a out a flicker of hope that he would come back, or at least let you know he was safe. Your love never faltered, not once. You often wondered what he was doing, if he ever thought about you. Every noise you heard at night, you still hoped it was him. You kept busy just like everyone else, you all missed him. The tower wasn't the same, everything there reminded you of Steve so you rented an apartment just outside the city.
Your latest run in with the Winter Soldier had gone badly, it had turned into a battle; one that not everyone escaped from. Wanda was seriously hurt, Clint was missing and Bucky was gone - again. He was starting to seem unstoppable, you all just kept going around in circles and it was draining the life out of everyone.
If you had been a little less exhausted you might have heard the noises, heard the footsteps along the corridor and the handle on your bedroom door turning.
"Steve?" you grabbed for your gun and the intruder spun it around his finger as he stepped into the light.
"Sorry doll, but you're going to help me find him."
You brace yourself to fight but he's too quick, lunging forwards and hitting you with the butt of your own gun, knocking you out cold.
---
Pain sears through the back of your head and you attempt to take in your surroundings, the rhythmic clicking of metal drawing your groggy eyes. Bucky sits at the table opposite you cleaning and organizing his dismantled guns.
You pull on the nylon chord tying your wrists to the plastic chair, hissing with pain when they cut into your wrists. The apartment was small, scruffy, and there are no personal items, nothing to give away where you are.
"Don't worry doll he should be here soon. Even that blockhead couldn't miss the trail I left him," he glances up, avoiding eye contact with you,"that's if he cares about you as much as I think he does."
"You might be disappointed there." You mumbled under your breath still looking around for something you could use to get free.
"You better hope I'm not." His hands start to shake and throws down his gun clenching his fists as he walks across the room, grabbing a backpack from under the bed. His posture not that of the winter soldier you had fought against for the last year, this man just seemed tired.
"Are you going to kill him?"
"That's not not up to me." He just shrugs, rummaging around in the backpack.
"And me?"
"They don't care about you."
Bucky pulls out a water bottle, holding it to your mouth to drink, leaving you confused it was such a strange gesture from the cold-hearted winter soldier. Irritated he pushes the bottle into your mouth and you take a few gulps.
"How could you choose Hydra over Steve?"
"There was no choice doll, it was inevitable," he says coldly, clicking the chamber back into the gun, "there's no going back after what I did."
There's a moment he looks at you something behind his cold eyes but its gone just as quickly as you see it.
"Asset, status report. Asset, what is your location?" Bucky's head snaps to the accented voice on the radio, Russian you guessed and he storms across the room crushing it to pieces with his metal hand. The winter soldier would have complied, the winter soldier wouldn't have left the radio on in the first place.
"Bucky?" You whisper his name and his eyes blaze with anger, "there's no mission is there?"
"Say another word and-"
"You want him to stop you, this is all because you want him to kill you."
Bucky grunts and rips a strip of fabric off the bed, twisting it around his hands he holds it out to you daring you to speak again.
"All those mistakes, I knew it was too messy, you wanted to draw him out."
His boots thud against the wooden floor and he stands behind you grabbing your chin to force your mouth open.
"Wait, let Steve help you..."
Bucky ignores you and ties the gag, checking through the window when he hears the rumble of a motorcycle approaching.
"Let's find out how much he cares about you huh?" He quickly checks his scanners, pleased Steve came alone. Bucky unties your ankles, giving you a warning glance when he unties your wrists, pulling you up off the chair and tying them in front of you again.
Your heart pounded when you heard his footsteps, it had been so long. You'd pictured the moment you found Steve in so many ways, none of them like this. Excitement and anxiety pumped through you in equal measure, you had so many questions.
Bucky waits until the door opens to roughly shove you into view. Steve takes a step forward, raising his hands and glancing between you trying to assess what he was walking into. Every part of you wanted to run and embrace him, tell him to run, to not let Bucky manipulate his feelings for you.
Steve starts to step toward you but stops when Bucky grabs you, his gun against your forehead, metal arm against your throat.
"What is this Buck? Let her go."
"You weren't takin' notice, punk, I had to try something new."
"Well I'm here, what do you want?"
Bucky smirks, throwing a gun at Steve's feet and gesturing for him to pick it up. Steve's face pales.
"You're gonna have to choose Steve, because I'm not going to stop," Bucky pushes the barrel into your forehead again, distracting Steve from the crack in his voice,"and I will kill her. It's me or her."
"Make your choice, pal." Bucky is trying to keep up the facade, his body betraying him, you can feel his heavy breathing against your back, hear the speed his heart is pumping. He was scared.
Bucky closes his finger over the trigger and you close your eyes expecting him to shoot you, Steve couldn't kill Bucky, he wouldn't.
The blast of the gunshot was so loud it took a few seconds to realize Bucky's grip had loosened on you, that you were still breathing. Your eyes open to Steve in as much shock as you are, staring at the space where his best friend was just standing.
He blinks a few times, his eyes darting to you and he rushes over. Acting on autopilot he unties you and pulls the gag from your mouth, "Steve?" you grasp his shaking hands in yours when his eyes fall onto Bucky, lying still on the ground. You want so badly to protect him, to shield him from the grief and guilt that's slowly overwhelming him.
Steve drops to his knees next to Bucky, gently pulling him onto his lap and brushing the hair out of his face. Steve's tears drip onto Bucky's pallid skin as the realization of what he's done hits him all at once and your heart aches for him.
"I'm sorry, I should have stayed, fought harder, for both of you..." he whispers and you kneel behind him, wrapping your arms around his chest and holding him to you. Soft whispers of love for his friend leave his lips between painful sobs and you cling onto him, only able to offer him your own love desperate to offer him any kind of comfort, placing a kiss to his neck.
Steve's other hand covers yours, "I love you both so damn much, but I couldn't let him kill you, he knew that."
"Bucky wanted you to stop him," he turns his head to face you and you knew he thought you were placating him,"he was still in there."
Steve shook his head, "no, y/n, both of us, we've been gone, for so long." You reached up and cradled his head to your shoulder, running your fingers through his hair.
Why didn't Bucky ask for help? Why did he give up? Steve would have moved heaven and earth for Bucky, there should have been another way. You reach down and pick up Bucky's gun and your breath caught in your throat when you saw it wasn't loaded. He had no intention of killing you, how could you tell Steve? He'd killed his best friend for nothing?
You glance down at him and something catches your eye. No, it shouldn't be possible, even for a super soldier. He was shot in the heart, point blank...then it happened again, the movement so slight you almost missed it.
"Steve, he's still breathing."