CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
Jesse stood in front of me, the same as I remembered him from two years ago. Had it really been that long since we had last seen each other, last spoke, last kissed? Staring at him, it was as if I was back in high school, back with the boy who had been my first love. My heart hammered in my chest, threatening to burst free any moment.
“It’s so good to see you again,” Jesse said, still displaying the smile that many told him was model-worthy. “You look great.”
My voice temporarily caught in my throat. I struggled to form a coherent sentence. Or even a full thought for that matter. What was wrong with me? “Oh, thanks,” I managed to get out. “Uh, you too.”
It wasn’t a lie, and by the confident air about him, Jesse knew it. He glanced back at the two guys—both as good-looking as him—he had with him, the three of them sharing some kind of silent communication. Behind me, Connor cleared his throat.
“Oh!” I said, snapping back to reality. “Jesse, this is my friend Connor. Connor…” My voice trailed off, knowing Jesse needed no further introduction. As Connor stood to shake hands with Jesse, I thought I saw something dark flash in his eyes, but it was gone so suddenly I may have imagined it.
“This is Matt and Derek,” Jesse said, nodding towards his friends. Without missing a beat, Jesse turned back to me. “So how have you been, Allison? What are you doing out in California?”
“I’m staying with Veronica for the summer,” I explained. “What about you? I thought you would’ve gone back to Baltimore.”
“I did for a bit,” he said. “Visited the family. But I’m staying at the frat house now.”
“Hey, Jess, we’ve got to go,” Derek said gruffly, jabbing behind him with his thumb.
“Oh, right.” Jesse nodded. “Look, Allison, I think we should get together sometime while you’re still here. I’d love to catch up with you. You still have my number, right?”
“Of course,” I answered. Jesse’s blue eyes twinkled and I felt myself turning to putty in his hands. This shouldn’t be happening. Why did he still have such an effect on me? It was over—we both knew that. It had ended two years ago, as it should have. I had moved on, I was over him, I liked Connor—
Connor.
That single thought resonated within my head, erasing all thoughts of Jesse. He had once had that paralyzing effect on me, but no more. I couldn’t afford to go back down that road.
“Yeah, we’ll have to see,” I said, shifting my weight, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that had come over me. I rubbed my arm, fighting to keep myself calm so I could get rid of Jesse. “Actually, Jesse—”
“There’s a party,” Connor cut in. I whipped my head around to look at him, but he refused to meet my eye. “This Friday, down on the beach. Anyone’s invited. I can have Allison send you the exact address. I don’t know it off the top of my head.”
When Connor had first started speaking, Jesse looked slightly annoyed but after hearing his offer, Jesse’s expression softened. “Thanks, man. That’d be great.”
“Yeah, no problem,” Connor mumbled, slouching in his seat.
Jesse turned back to me, acting as though no one else was there. “Allison, I’ll see you on Friday.” He kissed me on the cheek again before turning and leaving with his pals. As they walked away, I saw Jesse fist bump Derek.
Once they turned the corner, I rounded on Connor, smacking his arm. “What the hell was that about?”
“Ow!” Connor yelled, grabbing the area where I struck him, his arm turning slightly red. “What?”
“Why did you just invite him to Alexa’s?” I shrieked, earning strange looks from two women walking by.
“I thought that’s what you wanted!” Connor’s brow furrowed, his arm now bright red.
“Why would you think that?” I asked. “I told you about my relationship with him. What part of our past made it sound like I wanted him around?”
“You sure didn’t look like you wanted him to go away,” Connor grumbled sourly.
I sighed in frustration and dropped back into my seat. “Whatever.” I picked up my drink and took a sip, only to remember that it was empty. I slammed it back down on the table, little droplets of smoothie splattering out. I pushed some curls out of my face and rubbed my temple.
“Look, Allison, I’m sorry,” Connor said softly. “There was definitely something going on between the two of you. I just thought I was helping.”
“Well you weren’t,” I snapped. I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth. I closed my eyes, mentally punishing myself for acting so stupid. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Connor said. He stayed silent after that, waiting for me to gather my thoughts.
“He’s like a vortex, you know?” I shook my head. “I just—I just get sucked back into him and everything else. I wish I didn’t, but it happened the last time I saw him after we had broken up. I just thought I was passed that. It scares me.”
“What scares you?” Connor’s voice was gentle, yet laced with curiosity.
I forced myself to look him in the eyes. Their brilliant green was amplified by the shirt he was wearing. It was not helping.
“I don’t know if I’d be able to say no to him again.”
Our eyes stayed locked on each other for a few moments, until the stare and accompanying silence was too much to bear. Connor was the first to look away, turning to his shoes as though they were the most interesting thing in the world. A lump grew in my throat as the full impact of my words hit me. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud; I hadn’t even realized that thought had been in my head until I voiced it.
“He said he was staying at a frat house out here—?” Connor started to ask, quick to ease the tension.
“He goes to UCLA,” I explained. “I assumed he would’ve been back in Baltimore, so I wasn’t going to worry about running into him. I guess I’m just lucky we didn’t see each other sooner, otherwise I wouldn’t have start—”
I clamped my mouth shut, realizing I didn’t need to say anything further. But unfortunately, Connor picked up on my hesitation.
“You wouldn’t have started what?”
“Nothing.”
Connor looked like he was about to press the issue further, but decided against it. Instead, he took out his phone and checked the time. “It’s getting late. I’ve got to get back to the house. Do you want a ride? Ricky lent me his car.”
I was going to accept, but changed my mind. “No, that’s okay. I’ve got some errands to run.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind—”
“It’s fine,” I said quickly. “I’ll just see you on Friday then.”
“Okay, yeah,” Connor agreed with a nod of his head. “Text me when you get home that way I know you got there safely.”
“Okay.”
I was turning to leave, but Connor grabbed me and pulled me into a hug before I could slip away. I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist, hesitating slightly at first. But once I was in his embrace, I found myself wanting time to stop so I never had to leave. He let go far too soon and, after a quick smile, was gone.
Why was this happening to me? Jesse shouldn’t still have this effect on me. It ended two years ago, and that was that. They say your first love sticks with you, but it shouldn't be like this. No one was sad to see him go from my life, including me. So why did I find myself almost wishing that he was mine again?
This was all Connor’s fault. I knew I shouldn’t have feelings for him, feelings that I was trying to drive away by reattaching myself to Jesse. But Connor was still madly in love with Paige, whether I wanted to admit it or not. And throwing myself blindly back to the past wasn’t going to change that simple fact.
I couldn’t blame Connor. I was being childish, thinking he had wronged me. No, I had wronged myself letting Jesse get into my head, get under my skin. Connor hadn’t said if Paige was invited to Alexa’s, so I hoped I could just stick by him for the night and steer clear of Jesse. Even though he was hot-headed and egotistical, Jesse could take a hint if he wanted to.
Without even realizing it, I was back at Veronica’s apartment. With a newfound determination, I steeled myself before going inside. It was one night. One night with Jesse around and then I never had to see him again. I would face it then move on with my life.
One night.