Very important author’s note at the end, so if you don’t read it, I’m kicking your ass into the crocs store. See how you like that.
Delilah’s POV
Tension is thick in the air; you could cut through it with a knife. My heartbeat accelerates by just taking a look at all of their faces, all of my friend’s faces. I feel terrible, nauseated even, at the mare fact that I was too much of a coward to not tell them before.
Dylan has to be the worst out of all of them; his eyes show hurt, betrayal, anger, and deep inside—love.
I agreed to come to Niall’s room, one day after my panic attack, where a civilized talk was promised to take place. It took a lot of talking up on Harry’s side, but here we are.
I swallow hard and lick my dry lips, squeezing Harry’s hand before speaking up, “Where do I start?”
“The beginning?” Dylan spits at me, and that’s when I truly see how hurt he is. He is masking his pain with anger, but I can see that he’s not truly mad. He’s hurt. And I wish it would be the other way around, I wish he were mad, because hurting your best friend is the worst feeling in the world.
I swallow hard and close my eyes, taking a deep breath and mentally preparing myself for this. I’ve gone over what I was going to say more times that I can count, yet my mind is as blank as the written test of a slacker.
“It started in Australia, when Nick was in the accident,” I decide to start from the beginning—the one direction lads deserve that much, “It was no secret to our family that I was not wanted by my parents. And no, I was not okay with that. But I had learned to live with it. The day Nick was sent to the hospital though, that-that day everything changed.”
I look at Dylan, and try to swim past all the emotions in his eyes, seeing my past playing in his eyes. “Luke, he changed, which hurt. We were all too blinded by the accident I had caused, so I let him be like that. My parents started putting more and more pressure on me, making me practically their servant. I was to do well in school, clean the house everyday, and do the laundry for everyone. It all went downhill from there.”
I decide to leave out the details, that are too personal, “Point is, I started getting scared. I was locked in a basement for a week, with very little water and food supplies. Everyone was convinced I was away in France, in some trip. That was the last straw, a week after that I was gone. I told my parents that they either let me go, or I would file a police report. I had the evidence, and they knew it. I also started getting my emancipation papers done, but I didn’t have the money for an attorney.”
“When I got to London I finished my A levels a year early, online, and started up my YouTube. I swore to myself I would start over, be a completely new person. I got rid of the shy, nerdy, artsy little Delilah and became this outgoing, loud, party animal I despised. It just wasn’t me.”
Tears cascade down my cheeks by this point, but I let them fall. I take a deep shaky breath and brace myself for what’s to come, “I met you guys then. A year after I had moved. Six months before that I met, I met M-Mike.”
At the mention of his name Harry and Louis visually tense, and I feel myself chocking on my own words. A tremble runs down my spine, making Harry wrap his arm around my waist instead.
“I uh, he was, he was really sweet at first. He would take me out on dates, call me sweet pet names, hold my hand, and take walks around the park with me. Then, slowly, he started changing. He would call me at 1am drunk during the week, and he’d be disturbingly touchy. I brushed it off; I kept telling myself that it was a face. That he was under a lot of stress from Uni. I then found his spliff*, and I just couldn’t believe it. By that point I was scared. One week later you came into my life. He was overly possessive, so once he saw that live stream he made sure to take me out plenty. To bars and pubs and stuff. He’d make me wear this slutty dresses and he’d be drunk or high most of the time.”
“Uh, I,” I try to get the words out, but they just won’t. I swallow the fear, gripping onto Harry for dear life. My eyes shut tightly, reliving the night. “He, I- He took me to the pub, and we got into an argument, I think, I don’t, I don’t know.”
“Shhh, shh, baby you are doing great,” Harry sweetly whispers in my ear, only for me to hear. “C’mon you can do it, princess.”
I have to do it; I can’t hide away forever.
“I just, I’m sorry, I can’t, I don’t remember, I’ve blocked out so much from that night. I remember him, he dragged me out. I was tripping and falling, trying to walk in my pumps.”
Flashes and images pass through my head at record speed, making my head spin and my breathing to hitch.
“Alley, he took me to an alley and he dragged me in a, I don’t know what it was. A room. There were other two men, they, they asked me if I wanted to play. It smelled horrible in there. It was vile. I said I didn’t want to play. I was so scared, oh god, I was so scared.”
“Then, then, it happened. They raped me.”
Sobs rip thorough my body, my eyes shut tighter and my hand fly up to my hair to pull it, but I keep going—scared, scared that if I stop I won’t finish.
“The pain, the pain was awful. It hurt, it hurt so much. I kept thinking, ‘How are they going to tell Dylan I died?’ I was so sure I was going to die. It was like a broken record, I couldn’t take the thought of death out of my mind. I become untouchable, an object of pity and disgust, a mess that no one wants to clean up, or something fragile that no one wants to hold for fear of breaking it, I was shattered. Except Harry and Louis.”
“I, I tried to, I tried to take my life. I was so depressed, repulsed by myself. Harry and Louis, they saved me, and there is no way I can repay them for that.” I look at his green glossy eyes, making my heart break even more, “I was in a very dark place, I started smoking, and it was just a dark place overall. And I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with me like this. I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry, so sorry. I, I was so scared to tell you. I thought you would all hate me.”
I look at Dylan, “I’m so sorry, I thought I’d loose you, you are the one person in my life I can not afford to loose. I’d loose myself too. I’m so sorry Dylan, please, please forgive me, please."
I squirm out of Harry’s hold and stand up, needing to hug him. I need to. I need to know he doesn’t hate me.
But he flinches, he looks at me with an unreadable expression and that’s all it takes for me to fall to the floor sobbing. I beg for forgiveness, of all of them but mainly Dylan, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I- I know I don’t deserve you, but p-please.”
I rock back and forth, in a complete emotional breakdown, feeling myself fall into this hole. This dark, empty, long hole. I start loosing myself.
But then he catches me; Dylan wraps his strong arms around me. He pulls me back from the pit, in which I would’ve drowned in darkness. He cries on my shoulder, pulling me on his lap and rocking me back and forth.
“I forgive you, just- please never hide anything from me again. Please.” He pleads, and I find myself nodding. Nodding for my life. I wrap my arms around his neck, a mix of a laugh and a cry escaping my body.
I take a look around. Harry smiles at me with an overjoyed grin of pure pride, then his lips mouth an ‘I Love You’. Louis smiles at me through his tears, giving me a thumbs up. Niall nods at me, a small smile playing across his lips. Zayn and Liam have similar reaction to Niall. My brothers, they sit in shock, but after some minutes, I see them coming to their senses.
“I do whish I had known about this, but I suppose there was no way.” Nick smiles sadly at the floor, a few tears leaking out. “I’m so proud of you, I’m so proud of who I basically raised. Delilah, you are the strongest person I know and I admire you.”
Luke clears his throat causing my eyes to shift to his slumped figure, “You know, I am part of the reason for your hard times. But I love you, and I’m so sorry Delilah. I failed you as a brother, but I will make it up to you.”
I know I still have to face the twins, Caspar, and Tyler, but I also know that they’ll forgive me. My eyes travel across the faces one more time, and I smile and cry at the same time, overwhelmed by a rush of feelings.
Happiness, and a sense of relief, ruling above them all. Yes, darkness too, but I know I have people to help me navigate it.
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*Spliff- slang for weed in the UK
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It’s a really short chapter, not my best, forgive me for that. So, the book is coming to an end. Only a couple of chapters left.
I’m making a question and answer video, ABOUT THE BOOK, so comment any questions or comments you still have! Or anything you’d like me to talk about during the video. From cast to plot okay? Okay.
Read my new fanfic Monsters and give me feedback the trailer is gonna be on the side, ily guyS DID YOU KNOW AHA.
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Next chapter up within the next couple of days!