"By the left.... quick, MARCH! Left...Right... Left...Right. Come on, ladies, you can do better than that, put some effort in or I will have you marching squares day and fucking night until your feet bleed."
The voice of her old sergeant during basic training echoed through her head as she quick marched away from the house. She didn't have a clue where she was going, twisting and turning through the streets of the estate, doing her best to avoid any pursuit that may come.
The evening sun was still warm on her face as she marched along, but she knew it would be setting soon and she needed to find herself somewhere to stay. Not for the first time on this trip was she glad of the money that she had in her bank account, knowing that it would see her clear until she figured something out.
She was unemployed again, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to...fuck her life.
After about ten minutes of walking, she slowed her pace, convinced that she was now safe. She'd found her way to a main road and was following signs towards the nearest town, hoping there'd be a cab, or a bus or something she could use to get back into downtown Miami.
She didn't know what she would do with herself when she got there, but working for Dinah had given her an idea. There's always a need for security contractors in the old war zones, and there are always companies looking for people who needed the cash and weren't bothered about the danger.
First though, she had to get where the work was and that meant getting back into the city and then she'd just have to see what happened.
The sun was setting when she finally made it to what passed for a bus station in this, little more than a concrete shed with a glass shelter that stank of spilled beer and urine. Fortunately, the skies were clear and the evening was still warm so she opted to sit on one of the exposed benches and wait for the next ride.
She heard footsteps coming down the steps from the ticket house, saw a lone figure in a hoodie walk over to a nearby bench and sit down; far enough away that she had no reason to be concerned about the presence. She was slightly more annoyed when she heard the repeated click-click-click of a lighter.
"You can't smoke here," she shouted down to the figure, thinking that at the very worst, a fist fight might be a good way to clear her mood.
"Well, you and I both know that's a stupid rule, Lauser," a familiar voice replied causing her to look again at the hooded figure.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Dinah?" she said getting to her feet as Dinah threw the unlit cigar onto the tracks and pulled the hood off her head.
"Came to see if you were ok, Lauser," Dinah said with a grin, "you did leave my place in a bit of a hurry after all."
"I'm fine, Dinah," she said, "or at least I will be when this fucking bus comes and I can get into town."
"Be waiting a long time then, kid," Dinah said getting up and walking towards her, "it's Sunday and there are no buses until the morning. Did you not read the notice up there? There are works on the road,"
"Looks like I'll need to find somewhere to stay here then," she said throwing her bag over her shoulder once more, walking past Dinah and heading for the street.
"Lauren," Dinah called after her, "its ok, you know, it's just me here. You don't have to head for the hills again."
"Not about heading for the hills, Dinah," she said turning back to face her, "I'm heading for a hotel. All I want to do is find somewhere to stay so I don't end up sleeping under a bench again."
"You have somewhere to stay, Lauser. All you have to do is climb into your car and let me drive you back to mine."
"I don't think that's a good idea, Dinah," she said shaking off the hand that Dinah placed on her shoulder. "I don't work for you anymore. I think it's time I had some space from certain people."
"You think I'm going to let one of my best staff go without a fight?" Dinah said with a smile, "Not a chance, babe; besides you have a notice period to work off, don't you? Look, I'm fucking starving. Thanks to you running off, I didn't get to finish my dinner. Why don't we go and grab a bite to eat and talk this over. If I can't change your mind, I'll drive you to the city myself. I'll even put you up in the company apartment overnight if you can't find a place to stay."
"No tricks?" she asked pausing, her hand on the cold metal handrail.
"No tricks, Lauser."
"No Camila?" she continued suspiciously.
"No Camila and no Ally either," Dinah said shaking her head "they've both gone back to Miami,"
"Oh," she replied simply, "is Camz ok?"
"A little upset I think," Dinah said, her eyes searching Lauren's for a reaction; squinting slightly as she kept her best 'poker face' in place. "So, babe, you going to let me buy you dinner and get you back to my place?"
"You can buy me dinner, Dinah," she replied, smiling despite herself, "but I'm warning you; if you call me babe once more, I'll break your ankles and leave you to walk home."
"Nice, I love you, too, Lauser," Dinah replied with a grin and an arm around Lauren's shoulder. "Come on, let's go find out if this place has anything more interesting than the KFC or my favorite curry-house; then you can tell me why you just did that, and I can tell you, once again, why you're an idiot."
"No drinking though, Dinah," she said as Dinah led her towards the street," I'm going back to being teetotal."
"Can't take the hangovers?" Dinah asked, giving her shoulders a squeeze and steering her towards the exit.
"Something like that, yeah," she said, not wanting to say that she'd actually hated everything about the drinking session; not the conversation per se, but the whole knocking back drinks until she had numbed herself from the shit she was going through.
o+o+o
"Well, I probably shouldn't say this," Dinah said pushing away her plate and reaching for her pint, "but that was probably better than my mom's roast. Was it just me or was it just a little bit overdone?"
"Didn't notice," she said, pushing the peas around on her plate with a fork, barely touching the steak and chips she'd ordered.
"...and as for quitting, Lauser, don't you think that was a bit overdone too?"
"Seemed like the only way," she replied, stabbing her fork into a vinegar soaked chip and eating it unenthusiastically.
"The only way to do what, drive Camila away?"
She glanced up at her, trying to see if there was any malice in her accusatory words. She couldn't see anything in her eyes, though; her investigator's instincts telling her it was a genuine question.
"Yeah," she admitted finally, stabbing at one soggier chip, causing the woman at the table next to jump at the loud click as the fork hit the plate.
"Well, hell Lauser, there are easier ways of solving problems, you know? Like talking about it for example?"
"I tried that, Dinah," she said pushing away her plate in disgust, "she gave me an ultimatum, remember?"
"She did," Dinah said sadly, "I had a few words to say about that after you left."
"Yeah?" she asked unenthusiastically.
"Yeah," Dinah replied, "I did. Can't think what she hoped to achieve doing that; said she wanted to get you to face up to things, that she wants you to be with her again."
"Wants me to get her killed?"
"Well, no," Dinah replied shaking her head, "but then as there's only one person in the world who thinks that's likely, Lauser, that was always a long shot."
"We've been here before, Dinah," she told her.
"Yeah, we have, haven't we," Dinah answered sadly.
Time ticked on and soon Dinah had convinced her to head back to her flat, and at least spend the night in a bed rather than under a bench as she'd threatened. The house was a silent as the grave when they pulled up and she breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn't being ambushed again.
"Home, buddy" Dinah said expansively as she climbed down from the X5, "time to hit the hay."
"Yeah," she said yawning and locking the car, smiling as Dinah weaved her way to her front door and struggled with the key.
She'd thought that Dinah was quite the drinker when they were in New York, but she seemed to be quite worse for wear; unless of course it was all part of his act. 'Drunk' Dinah didn't equate to 'work' Dinah in Lauren's messed up little head and she'd found it surprisingly easy to talk to her again, despite not touching a drop.
"Cheer up, Lauser," Dinah said as they finally got in, hanging up jackets on the hooks in the hallway, "things will look different in the morning. We'll go into the office and figure stuff out; it'll be fine, trust me."
"If you say so, boss," she told her with a shrug, "night."
"Sleep well, Lauren," Dinah said as she opened the door to, what she assumed was her bedroom.
"I won't."
o+o+o
After another disturbed sleep, she was driving into downtown Miami, with a dozing Dinah in the passenger seat, still a little worse for wear after two days drinking. Traffic was as good as ever for a sunny Monday morning, that is to say jammed solid. As she crept her way through the streets towards the office, she was thankful that she wasn't heading for Cabello Industries; spared that privilege by accompanying Dinah to Athena Office instead.
Over a light breakfast, they'd discussed the plan for the day's ahead, and it was made clear that she wasn't going to be allowed to resign, not immediately anyway.
As Dinah put it, "we have a shit load of work ahead of us, Lauser, and not enough time to sort it out...I'm fucked if I'm letting you go."
As a sort of compromise, Dinah agreed that Lauren wouldn't be doing field duties for the Cabellos for a while, but she would be acting in her grander role of liaison for the Cabello family's security. She was also roped into offering advice to Dinah and her team on the actual event, though she was trying to avoid that at all costs.
The only thing she had to do as part of this 'deal' was continue with her sessions with Joanna. She'd mutely agreed, but if she was honest, she'd made no promises. She had no real desire to spend her money on treatment, and given the circumstances, it didn't seem fair to allow Sinu to keep on supporting her.
So she was now an office wallah, exactly the sort of role she didn't want to have on leaving the Army. She really didn't know what to do with herself, sat in the LT's office. She was supposed to be considering the logistics for Camila's trip out to India; but without any raw data, she was simply guessing. Eschewing the computer that was in front of her and rapping her pencil against some good old fashioned paper, she wrote down a long list of things she needed to know ASAP.
"Where are we at, Lauren?" Dinah said mid-morning appearing at the door with a vexed look on her face.
"Nowhere, boss," she replied honestly, "I've got a long list of things I need, and a short list of things I have."
"Well, hopefully that's going to get a bit easier, buddy, follow me. We have a briefing in the conference room in five, just time to grab a coffee... I think I need it."
"You drink too much, Boss," she told her, grabbing her things and laboring out of the chair. "Especially on a school night."
"Normani tells me the same thing sometimes," Dinah said waving a hand dismissively, "Ally, too. Now hustle; if I don't get another coffee in my system pronto, I'm liable to fall asleep in this meeting."
"I certainly hope not, Dinah," a familiar voice said causing her to turn around. Lauren didn't need to peer out through the door to know how it was. She'd recognize that voice anywhere.
"Mrs, C," Dinah said with a broad smile, vanishing from Lauren's sight for a second, "Well, if you're going to be present, Sinu, there's no way I could ever fall asleep."
"You're a smooth talking devil, Dinah Jane; now, where's my favorite employee?"
"She's about to get me a much needed coffee, Sinu," Dinah said leaning back through the door and winking, "white with one sugar...what about you?"
She laughed at Lauren, raised eyebrow and held up a hand, "ok, ok...so it looks like I'm getting the coffees in then. Come on through, Sinu, it's about time I got to play host for you."
"Thank you, DJ," Sinu said, pausing in the doorway and waving at her. "Lauren, how are you, mija?"
"Had better weeks, Mrs. C," she said causing the woman to nod.
"So I've heard," she replied, "are you ok, though?"
"Good enough," Lauren said shrugging and nodding to the side, "shall we?"
"I think we shall," Sinu said with a smile that surprised her, "but I think you and I should have a catch up after this... lunch, perhaps? My treat."
"I'm not sure I can spare the time, Mrs, C," she said looking down at her pad filled with notes. "I kinda have a lot to do."
"I think we'll make some time, Lauren," Sinu replied with a tilt of her head. "I think we could do with a little chat, don't you?"
"If you say so, Mrs. Cabello," she said formally, stepping out into the hallway.
"Oh, don't be like that, Lauren, mija," Sinu answered, linking her arm in Lauren's and pulling at her. "Now where is that Dinah with my coffee?"
Three hours later, Lauren wished that she had an intravenous drip feeding her coffee. She was bored fucking stupid sitting in one of the plush leather chairs listening to Dinah and Sinu discussing the details of the mission.
It was actually a pretty simple affair; Camila and a small sales team were heading to a military exercise in Northern India, taking along the standard weapons and ammunition they were hoping to sell in bulk to the Indian National Forces. Added to that was a small technical team who will be there to demonstrate some of Cabello Industries other wares, including some pretty fancy sounding missile launchers.
Her contribution to the conversation so far had been to suggest that they airlift the ammunitions directly from the suppliers if time was as tight as it seemed, and a quick phone call from Sinu fixed that. Other than that, she'd been silent; with questions she had answered as the discussions progressed. Dinah was proving to be a sharp operator, and there was only one thing she disagreed with her on.
"I think there should be another vehicle on the journeys, boss," she'd ventured, "as a decoy, at least. I'm not sure three is enough."
"Three will be fine, Lauren," Dinah said shaking her head, "there's not that many in the party and they'll be in the midst of a military escort there and back; let's not make them a bigger target than we need to."
"I still..." she started, before catching a look from Dinah that told her to mind her own business. Chastened, she went back to her thoughts, planning the trip from Miami to India and back for the team.
It didn't exactly take her long. After all, a trip to MIA to get on a flight wasn't the most complicated thing in the world, and she'd planned far more difficult events in her time.
"Well, Camila will be in the office this afternoon if you need anything else, Dinah," Sinu said at the end of the meeting. "Just give her or Ally a call. Now, can you spare Lauren here for a while, because I'd like to take her out for lunch?"
"That's ok with me, Mrs. C," Dinah said with a knowing smile, "take all the time you need."
Half an hour later, they were sat in a small restaurant not far from the office, ordering salads and drinks and sitting awkwardly opposite each other, neither of them seemingly willing to face the elephant that was sitting at the table with them.
"So how are you feeling, Lauren?" Sinu said, skirting around the edges of what she knew she wanted to discuss.
"You already asked me that, Sinu," she said looking at the table, "remember? As I said, I've had better days."
"Yes, you do look exhausted; are the nightmares back, Lauren?" Sinu asked, looking at her carefully, "tell me the truth now,"
"Yeah," she told her, refusing to raise her eyes to the look that was burning into her.
"Worse than before?"
"Yeah."
The word hung between them for a second before Sinu reached out and placed a hand on hers. "That's not good, Lauren, dear, can I ask why that is?"
"You know why, Sinu," she told her, feeling like a ten-year-old once more; trying to hide her emotions and the truth from her.
"Camila," Sinu replied simply, allowing the name to hang between them for a few seconds before... "She's told me what's happened, of course," she continued, pausing and smiling as the waiter brought them our drinks. "I was a little surprised to see you there today, I must say. Camila said you resigned last night and walked away without a word."
"Mmm," she replied eloquently, hiding behind a large cup of tea.
"So what happened, Lauren, why are you still at work, did you change your mind?"
"Dinah made me stay," she said, taking a deep breath and letting it out. "Told me I couldn't quit that easily, that I needed to put it in writing and work my notice."
"Clever girl," the older woman muttered with a tilt of her head and a wry smile, "I take it she's forcing you to work on Camila's little trip then?"
"Sort of," she answered honestly, "I'm on logistics. I don't want anything to do with the field work."
"Because you don't want to put Camila at risk of anymore of your mistakes?" Sinu asked bluntly. She thought for a second before replying honestly.
"Pretty much, yes."
Sinu sighed and looked at her disappointedly.
"Don't," she said quickly, "don't say it."
"Well, if you already know what I was going to say, I see no point in wasting my breath then, mija," Sinu said with a grin, "now have you spoken to Joanna recently about the return of these nightmares?"
"Not since the other day," she confessed. "I gave her a call while I was in away."
"And?"
"And I said I'd go and see her soon. Dinah made me promise the same thing."
"Well, that's good then, have you made an appointment yet?" Sinu pressed, sipping at her glass of white wine.
"I've not had chance, Sinu," she said maintaining the excuse she'd given to Dinah, "I've been away, then I was at Dinah's and then you know what happened yesterday."
"What about today? Did you call her this morning?"
"Been a little busy. There's a lot of work involved in organizing things."
Sinu eyed her suspiciously as their food arrived, probably knowing, as well as she did, that her morning's work had hardly been demanding. They chatted idly over food, the conversation light and kept far away from work, or her daughter. Lauren knew the time was coming, Sinu's motives clear, but for now, at least, it was pleasant.
"So, Lauren, what are your plans?" Sinu asked finally, pushing away her plate and filling her glass with water from the carafe in front of them.
"Well," she replied, considering her words carefully. "I might look for a private contract in Afghanistan or Iraq or somewhere. Apparently, they're always looking for new blood with combat experience."
"So you still plan to leave Athena then," Sinu said frowning.
"I guess I'll have to see what Dinah has planned for me, if anything," she answered honestly. "I'm not cut out to be a desk monkey, that's why I left the army in the first place."
"All this because of Camila, Lauren? Isn't that just a little bit silly?"
"Camila was the only thing that got me this job, Sinu. It was her that Dinah had in mind when she employed me. I was the carrot on the end of the stick to dangle in front of Alejandro."
"You think I don't know that?" Sinu asked with a smile. "Dinah is a very clever girl; Though, she did tell me that Normani had earmarked you as an employee for your talent long before they thought of us."
"Yeah? Well, maybe I have a future there then," she said shrugging, "who knows?"
"But not with Camila," Sinu said, finally getting to the point.
"I don't think so, Sinu," she said taking a sip from her drink. "Not while there's still a threat against her."
"To use one of your lines, do you mean personally or professionally there?"
She shrugged again, "I don't know if there's a difference anymore, Sinu. I think that line became blurred a long time ago."
"This is difficult for her, Lauren," Sinu said looking at her seriously, "she fell for you very hard, you know. She doesn't really understand why you're so scared by all of this, but she's trying to be strong."
"It's hard for me too," she confessed, staring over her shoulder to the people walking by on the other side of the window, their lives blissfully unencumbered by death threats and attacks. "I don't like this either, but I'll do anything to keep her safe, even stay away from her."
"You still love my daughter, don't you?" Sinu asked suddenly.
"I do," she replied nodding, "I really do, and that's the problem for me. When I'm with her, I'm thinking about her, not thinking about the job. That's what caused the mistake in Baghdad, it really was only blind luck that we got out alive."
"Blind luck and a fair bit of skill from you the way Camila tells it, cariño."
"We can't rely on luck, Sinu," she said, repeating a line that 'Grouch' Langdon had told her back in Iraq a long time ago. "Luck isn't enough, and it has a habit of disappearing when you think you need it the most. Planning, focus and concentration, that's what's important; and if you have luck on your side, all the better."
"That sounds like a rehearsed speech, dear," Sinu said, tilting her head quizzically, reminding Lauren of the birds that used to flock around the trash bins in Kandahar.
"How many times have you told yourself that over the last few days, I wonder"
She smiled wryly, "I've told it to a few people over the years, Sinu, but not myself. It was something my old Sergeant used to say. Last time I gave that speech it was in Afghanistan, a couple of weeks before my best friend was killed."
Sinu didn't reply, simply eyed her shrewdly. "Do you know Camila talked to me about leaving the company last week?" she said finally; changing the subject and shocking Lauren a little.
"No," she said, shaking her head, "we haven't really talked much recently."
"She told me that, too. She also told me that she made a stupid mistake last night that she regrets a lot."
She raised an eyebrow at Sinu's words and waited for her to continue.
"She asked my advice when things started to get rocky between you two, Lauren, when you got back from Baghdad. I was the one who told her to give you some space if you needed it; that you would figure yourself out and come back stronger. Last night she decided she couldn't wait for you to do that and tried to force you to come back. She was most upset about your reaction, and apparently Dinah told her a few home truths."
"Like?"
"Well, apparently, she compared you to a wounded animal, dear and said Camila was stupid to try and corner you."
"Nice," she said, shaking her head at the analogy.
"Accurate, though, from the sounds of things. She's been trying to call you, you know? She says you haven't been answering."
" I think I left it at Dinah's when I walked out," she said with yet one more shrug of her shoulders, "didn't remember to pick it up this morning."
"Well, I think she would want me to beg you to call her, Lauren. She really wants to apologize to you, see if she can make things right and convince you to change your mind."
"She can't, not about the trip anyway," she said, getting to her feet and reaching into her pocket, tossing a few notes onto the table in front of her to cover her share of the meal. "Thanks for inviting me to lunch, Sinu, I'll be in touch."
"Will you, Lauren?" Sinu called after her as she walked back to the office, her symbolic gesture presumably understood.
I simply waved in response.
o+o+o
Monday night found her sitting in front of the TV back in the apartment where her life had started again. Dinah had handed her the keys as the end of their final briefing, the plans for the following days finalized over coffee and laughs; laughs she didn't join in with.
"Here, Lauren, as promised," Dinah said as she slid the keys across the table to her after the rest of the field team left. "You can thank me later, now go and get some sleep; you look like you need it."
"I'm fine, boss," she said, pocketing the keys gratefully, "I want to go over things again, just to make sure."
"Sure of what, Lauser? Your side of the mission is done and dusted. By lunchtime tomorrow, they'll be in the air and then your work is done."
"I'm still not happy about the transport arrangements, boss," she said with a frown, "I still think we're at least a vehicle light, especially for the demonstrations."
"They'll be fine," Dinah replied shaking her head, "the team have run the numbers, buddy, it'll all work out."
"My gut tells me otherwise, boss," she said as Dinah got up from the chair, "and over the years, I've learned to trust it."
"I'll take it under advisement," Dinah said, clapping her on the shoulder as she passed towards the door. "you have a good night, Lauren."
"You too, boss," she replied, getting a smile in reply.
The apartment felt empty as she made herself at home; what had once felt like abject luxury after the streets, felt like loneliness as she tramped around with no one to talk to. She'd ordered a pizza from the rack of menus, still stacked neatly in a draw where she'd left them.
To all intents and purposes, the place looked like no one had been here since the last time she stayed, but she knew that wasn't true; the fresh milk in the fridge a testament to someone preparing the place for her visit.
She knew who it had been as well, her phone lying on the counter top, the charging cable plugged into the wall. She picked it up and flicked the slide controller to unlock it, blinking in surprise as the notes 'App' displayed rather than the home screen. On it was a simple message, four words and a letter that told her, without a shadow of a doubt, whom it had been playing with her phone.
'Sorry, call her...please x'
She'd merely snorted and deleted the note, dialing the wonderfully named 'Salsa Verde Pizzeria' for her dinner instead. By the time nine o'clock crawled around, though, she was feeling pretty much like a spare wheel. For someone who had thrived on their own company for so long, she found that she actually hated being alone.
Toying with her phone, she allowed her thumb to hover over Camila's number before giving in and pressing it, the call being picked up before the second ring had ended.
"Lolo, is that you?"
"Hi," she answered finally, after leaving a long pause.
"It is you," Camila practically sobbed down the phone at her, "Babe I'm so glad you called. I've been calling you for hours trying to say I'm sorry."
"Ally had my phone. I think I left it with her last night."
"I heard. She called me about an hour ago and said she'd left it at the apartment. Is...is that where you are now?"
"Not really," she lied in case the girl decided to come over, "I'm out at the moment."
"Oh," Camila replied sounding a bit dismayed as if that had been her thought, too, "where are you then?"
"Don't really know," she said, stretching out on the couch, "just went for a drive."
"Well, I'm glad you called, love," Camila said after a slight intake of breath.
"Your mother asked me to, and Ally left me a message asking me to as well."
"I asked them to, Lolo. I wanted to talk to you, wanted to say that I really am sorry about being a bitch last night, I shouldn't have said what I did."
She heard her take another breath before continuing. "Dinah and Mami weren't very happy with me, gave me a hard time about what I did, and I totally deserved it. It was unfair of me to try and force you to do something you don't want to. I don't want you to quit your job, Lauren, please. Won't you reconsider?"
"Dinah hasn't let me quit yet," she said softly, "technically, I'm still working for her."
"Does that mean..." Camila asked expectantly, before fading out, the rest of her question unasked as if she was scared to voice it.
"No, Camila," she said flatly, and she could feel her deflate at the other end of the line. "I'm not coming to India. I've not even been involved in the planning for that part of the trip. I'm not risking you with my fuck ups again."
"I would rather have your fuck ups than most people's good work, baby, I really would."
"It's better this way, Camz," she told her, "we both know it... look, I need to get going if I'm going to get home before midnight; but do me a favor, do as the team tell you and stay safe this week."
"I will, babe, I'll stay safe," Camila replied with a quaver in her voice. "Will I see you when I get home?"
"Let's concentrate on getting you home first," she said seriously, "then we'll see, ok?"
"Ok," the girl answered sadly, "at least it gives me a reason to look forward to coming home... sort of."
"Yeah, well have a good trip, Camila."
"Not without you, Lolo, not anymore anyway. It won't be the same without you. Love you, baby."
"Yeah, love you too. Good night, Camila."
"Night, mi amor, miss you."
She couldn't settle after she put down the phone, wandering back and forth like a zoo animal that had gone cage crazy. She was full of nervous energy after talking to Camila again, and she needed to do something other than sit in front of the TV watching some meaningless drama. Thankfully, she remembered what she loved about staying here, and ten minutes later, she was dressed in her swimming suit and a robe and heading down the stairs to the pool.
It was just as she remembered it, though why she thought it would be different she didn't know. There was that wonderful silence, only the echo of her footsteps as she marched across the tiles towards the tiny wooden benches where she could leave her gear. The water in the pool was cold on her skin as she dived in; but it was good, cleansing, soothing.
And right now, she needed soothing; right now, she needed her brain to shut down.
o+o+o
The rest of the week went like clockwork, even if her anxious face kept appearing in and out of the various parts of the office, looking out for information that would tell her if Camila and her team, were ok. Happily, the reports that they were getting from the specialist field unit that Dinah had assigned to the sales team were mostly positive. The initial round of meetings had gone without a hitch and the first of the demonstrations had also gone to plan.
The only thing that had concerned her a little was that the second demonstration had been moved. Though Dinah assured her that this was being taken into account.
Rather than at the location they had originally been informed about, the maneuvers were taking place a lot closer to the disputed border with Pakistan in the far north of the country. It wasn't the end of the world, mission wise, but it did add another level of threat to the profile.
"Will you stop fussing, Lauren," Dinah had told her on Thursday lunchtime as she appeared in the meeting room, "everything is fine. We've just spoken to the team and there's nothing unusual about this and they're going to be fifty miles from anywhere that's considered sensitive."
"But what about the threats," she'd replied. "'Khuddam ul Islam' are known to have links in Pakistan, don't you think we should step up security a little?
"Guys on the ground aren't worried, Lauren," Dinah had replied, shaking her head, "and neither are my tech team. The threat is low, buddy, Camila will be fine."
Despite Dinah's assurances, her gut was still churning away and she spent an uncomfortable afternoon fretting about things. So much so she finally broke down that evening and called Joanna, thankful of the reassuring sound of her voice on the other end of the line.
"It's ok to be nervous, Lauren," she said, her voice calm and relaxing, "despite everything that's happened, you still love Camila and you're worried about her."
"Shouldn't I be?" she asked a little angrily.
"I don't know, Lauren, but from what you tell me, everyone is saying Camila's fine and even you think her security is ok..."
"I said it was adequate," she interrupted, "just about."
"Are you worried for her safety or just worried you're not there, Lauren?"
She pondered the question. They'd discussed this in one of her earlier sessions, the gnawing feeling that she used to have when she was in the CPU; the feeling that if she wasn't there, her boys would get hurt or worse. She'd patiently explained that it wasn't in any way uncommon in soldiers; and how it wasn't in any way supported by evidence.
"Bit of both I think," she replied honestly, "I want to be there so I could make sure she is safe, but I still don't want to risk jinxing things."
"Lauren, you can't be a jinx," Joanna explained again, "there's no such thing. You didn't jinx anything; you're just reacting to the belief that you made a mistake, just like you did with your friend Luis. You're just torturing yourself to make yourself feel better."
"So why don't I?" she asked, her chest compressing at the thought, "why don't I feel better?"
"Because that's not how it works, Lauren, and you know that, too. Look, I have a space tomorrow afternoon, why don't you come in and see me? I think we could do a lot more face to face, can you make it for about one o'clock?"
"I'll have to ask my boss," she said already knowing the answer would be yes. She was sure Dinah would be glad to see her gone even if it was only for an hour or so.
"Then I'll log you in, Lauren. If you need anything else, give me a call. See you tomorrow."
She spent the rest of the evening in the apartment block's tiny gym before heading to the pool once more; churning her way through rep after rep, length after length, looking for some peace in the exhaustion of exercise.
o+o+o
She didn't find any peace that night, but she did find exhaustion; falling into a restless, nightmare filled, sleep somewhere around midnight. By the time she looked into the mirror after her morning's shower, she was looking like the definition of boiled shit, black rings under her eyes a testament to her haunted dreams.
She was up early as she had been all week, heading into the office to catch up with what was happening in India, making sure things were going well. As usual, the building was virtually empty, apart from Mel from the Ops team, acting as early morning liaison.
"In again, Lauren," she said as Lauren walked into their tiny office, two steaming cups of coffee in her hands, "I bet you'll be glad then they're all home and you can have a sleep in."
She smiled at her teasing. The woman had been winding her up since Wednesday when she was in early to oversee the team's trip to the airport.
"Do you want this coffee or not, Melanie-Jane?" she replied, hoisting the drink out of Mel's reach.
"Damn, you sound like my mother," Mel laughed, reaching up and stretching to grab the cup. "Give it to me, you or I won't tell you what's going on."
"What is going on?" she asked nervously, pushing the cup into her hands.
"Absolutely nothing," Mel said, grabbing the cup and sticking her tongue out at her. "Team Lead reports that breakfast was bad and it's, quote 'really fucking hot'."
"Bitch," she told her taking a sip from her cup, "anything else?"
"Nope," Mel said with a shake of her head, "everything's quiet. The teams due to move out to the test site in about an hour."
"Threat level?" she asked, again as usual.
"Non-existent," Mel replied, again as usual and she relaxed a little. "Good, I'll go check on my e-mails then, let me know..."
"...If anything changes; sure, Lauren, of course, I will."
She spent the next few hours in the office, dealing with mundane details of shipping numbers, freight timetables and flight times; checking and double checking that everything the team needed for the flight back was correct. The plan required a couple of hours drive from the testing site to Srinagar followed by a private flight back to New Delhi. Due to the timing, she'd been forced to book them into a hotel for an overnight stay before getting the first flight home. It wasn't the ideal situation she knew, but it was better than her trip home from that corner of the world.
Just before nine, Dinah's face appeared around the door to the office, a grin plastered all over it. "Lauren, what a surprise it is to see you here so bright and early," she said with a wink.
"Fuck off, boss," she replied with a grin, "you checked in yet?"
"Yeah, all quiet, they're on the drive out now, so far so good."
"Cool," she replied nodding, "look, I need a favor this afternoon. Joanna's got a slot at one and given that you..."
"...Take it, Lauren," Dinah interrupted giving her a thumbs up, "anything to stop you wearing out the carpet between here, my office the conference room and the damn Ops Centre."
"Thanks, boss, I'll try not to be too long with her."
"Take as much time as you need, Lauren, I think you'll be better for it."
Dinah gave her another wink before vanishing, leaving her to her thoughts, and her screen. Maybe she had been a bit of a pain in the ass this week, trying to be involved when she wasn't actually supposed to be. She knew Dinah was making allowances for the circumstances, or was even playing the long game and allowing her enough rope to hang herself; tempting her back into the business by default.
Either way, she decided to try and stay in the office for as long as she could. After all, there was nothing much she could do from here. Nothing except worry.
Despite her vow to stay out of the way, she got regular updates from the guys at the office, Mel sending her an e-mail to tell her the team had arrived on site. She allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief at that news, the test site was well and truly guarded, it would take a suicide mission to get at Camila there, not that that was something that couldn't happen.
Still, she was assured that the security around the sales and technical team was impressive, but then when one's hanging around with some of the most senior officers in the Indian army, one would expect that. The last update was almost celebratory, the mission so far a complete success. The mood in the office was relaxed, and she headed off for her appointment with Joanna a happy girl.
o+o+o
Two hours later, she was driving back to the office, a happy and relaxed girl, the session with Joanna one of her better ones. The therapist hadn't done much talking, but her questions had been challenging, and right to the point of Lauren's problems.
She'd made a decision on the drive home, a decision that she might live to regret but needed to do. She'd sent an email to Camila saying that she'd pick her up and her CPO from the airport, and that if she wanted to, they could go somewhere and talk about things. She even sent a text to Sinu to tell her what she'd decided, getting a delighted reply in return. All in all, it had been a great session.
Joanna had made her realize that she really missed Camila, that she was worried about her for all the right reasons, because she loved her and she wanted to be there for her; she'd convinced her that this time, making the first move would be the right thing to do. Camila had given her space; it was up to her to close the gap and see what happened.
It was with a cheesy little spring in her step that she tugged off her aviators and headed up to the Athena offices. She was feeling so good that she didn't bother with the elevators, taking the stairs in an attempt to wear out her good mood before Dinah spotted it and make fun the shit out of her.
Her good mood evaporated as soon as she walked through the huge double doors, though; the atmosphere had changed and there was an unmistakable tension in the air. She noticed it the second that Helen on reception caught her eye and then looked away, suddenly interested in whatever was on the screen in front of her. As she walked through the office, people were giving her looks and she knew that something was wrong.
"What's going on, Dinah?" she said, knocking on her door and walking in unannounced.
"Take a seat, Lauren" she said waving at the chair, "now, don't panic; this is probably nothing, but we've lost contact with the team in India."
"What do you mean lost contact?" she demanded, out of the chair in an instant.
"Just that, Lauren; we've had a communications breakdown. Don't jump to conclusions, it's happened before; we're just waiting for them to check in now."
"How long have they been out of contact?" she asked, her heart feeling like it was going to explode in her chest.
"Not long; they missed their call-in about twenty minutes ago, probably a dead zone or a dead battery."
"But it might not be," she responded angrily, "we can't assume all is going well."
"Dinah is right, Lauren, dear," Sinu's voice called out from behind her causing her to whirl around in shock. "We can't assume the worst just yet; heavens, if Colin thought that I was in trouble every time I couldn't use my phone, he'd never have got any sleep at all."
Sinu hugged her as she walked into the office, placing a surprising kiss on her cheek. "Thank you for the text, by the way. I was in the office and I thought I should come by to see you and say congratulations; it was really good news."
"Yeah, well, Joanna is a great listener," she replied with a smile, "helped me figure things out a little."
"What's this?" Dinah asked, looking on with interest.
"Lauren's agreed to meet up with Camila to fix things, DJ" Sinu said, walking over to hug the tall woman, too. "I think our little girl has just grown up a little bit more."
"Well, if that doesn't just make me the proudest mama in the whole wide world," Dinah said.
"So, what exactly is going on, DJ?" Sinu asked finally, "did I hear your team is out of contact?"
"They are, Mrs. C" Dinah replied casually, though Lauren could hear the underlying tension in her voice. "But it's probably nothing, would you like to wait in the conference room, until we hear from them?"
"I think that would be a good idea. I think I would appreciate knowing when they check in."
They waited in the conference room for the next hour or so, a cold cup of untouched coffee in front of Lauren while she fretted. Despite Dinah's reassuring words, she knew her boss was as worried as she was, the team had not missed one call and had only been five minutes late on one occasion due to a lack of signal on the satellite phone they were using. She knew it could have been nothing more than a dead battery or a dropped phone shattering into pieces on a rocky floor; but her gut was telling her something different, her gut was telling her it was not good.
As they sat there, lost in their thoughts, the silence was shattered by the ringing of the desk phone and Dinah snatched at it quickly.
"Dinah here.... yeah, yeah sure, Ally, why? Lauren, put the TV on please...what channel, Ally?... CNN, please, Lauren."
She walked over to the screen on the wall and turned it on, picking up the remote from the side and flicking channels until the CNN logo and a female newscaster appeared.
"Turn the sound up, Lauren," Sinu said as Lauren's eyes were drawn to the yellow ticker that was running across the screen. Numbly, she pressed the button until the voice became clear drowning out the clatter as she dropped the remote to the floor.
"Details are unclear at the moment, but reports are coming in from our correspondent in the Indian province of Jammu and Kashmir that an American business woman is missing following an attack on her vehicle in the area. It is understood that the three car convoy she was travelling in was ambushed on their journey back from a military exercise close to the disputed border with Pakistan. The woman, thought to be Miss Camila Cabello of Cabello Industries was negotiating a multi-million-dollar business deal at the time. Miss Cabello was involved in what was believed to be an attempted kidnapping earlier this year and..."
The room went silent at that moment, the screen of the television shattered into a million pieces; the only sound was the clunk of the glass shards as they fell from the frame and the wet splashes as her fist dripped blood to the carpet.
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🙈🙈🙈 I'll update soon.. Hang on tight, guys..