*Perrie's Pov*
I have forgotten what it was like to look forward to going to work. Having spent the last few months working myself to exhaustion, the studio had become my refuge. I was surprised on Monday morning to find I still enjoyed my job. Few people could say that. Of course, after the weekend I'd spent with Jade, the whole world felt new and brimming with possibility. I breezed past a news stand on the way into the building, resisting the urge to read the headlines. Jade's face greeted me from a few, making my pulse race.
I wasn't certain I would ever be accustomed to seeing my lover's face on the covers of magazines. I would never get used to seeing mine. But today I didn't care about their speculations and insinuations. A weekend in Jade's bed had put things in perspective. Whatever sensational story they wanted to claim, we knew the truth. Not that the truth had been entirely easy to swallow. Jade had revealed things to me that I was still trying to wrap my head around. I loved her regardless of her past, regardless of her darkness, but if I was being honest, Jade's confession left me feeling curious. Who was this woman who had been her submissive? This girl had clearly been well chosen because an Internet search had turned up no mention of Jade's darker proclivities. Part of me felt guilty for even looking. Part of me felt jealous. Whoever she was, she'd shared something with Jade that I hadn't. I couldn't help thinking she'd been braver than me. All I wanted was the pleasure. This girl carried Jade's pain for her.
Strolling across the lobby's marble floor, I quickened my pace to catch the lift just as the doors began to close. A petite hand shot out, prompting the doors to jerk back open.
"Thanks," I said breathlessly, smiling to discover my savoir was the new girl, she starting working here a few weeks ago I think her name is Maggie.
(Picture of Maggie below.)
"No problem." She returned my grin. "Hey do you want to do lunch sometime?." She asked looking up to me with so much hope in her eyes.
"Yeah sure." I said.
"This week. Wednesday? Thursday?"
"Either should be fine." I said whiling smiling, The lift doors slid open and Maggie shot me one more giddy smile and said "See you later cutie." She winked at me before she darted over to her office.
Cutie? Okay I guess she's just trying to be nice.
I deposited my bag at my desk and went to check in about the week ahead. Popping my head into Eliza's office, I found her staring absent-mindlessly at her computer. "Got a minute?"
She looked up, obviously startled "Yeah of course what's up?"
"What do I need to do this week?" I asked.
"I need you to finish this paperwork and we have a few artist's coming in to record this week could you be there for that?" Eliza asked.
"Of course." I smiled and was about to turn to leave.
"Perrie," Eliza called, stopping me in my tracks. "It's nice to see you happy again."
"I suppose the wind changed this weekend," I said.
"Word of advice. Don't waste time waiting for the wind to change in the future." I arched an eyebrow at her.
"Okay, lecture over. Get to work already."
I grinned at her. "Whatever you say, boss and tell Alycia I said hi."
"Will do."
Returning to my desk, I discovered a single red rose waiting for me. Snatching up the accompanying note, I ran my fingers over Jade's seal. Popping it open, I drew out the card and read:
My beautiful girl,
A single rose. Elegance and pain twisted into something beautiful. It reminded me of us.
A day will come when your entire job is to stay in bed with me all day. Until then I want to make certain you know that I'm thinking of you.
See you tonight,
Jade x
Desire tightened across my belly as my body recalled the exquisite torture I'd experienced at Jade's hands this weekend. She'd taken my request to explore into consideration, slowly introducing me to her more demanding tastes. Setting down the note, and slid open my desk drawer where it would be safe from prying eyes. I'd barely opened this drawer in months, avoiding the other notes from her that I'd filed away before things had ended between us. Now I was delighted to add to the stack, except the notes weren't there. Frowning, I rummaged through the drawers contents. I must have taken them home. It was better that way. We were starting fresh. I'd have plenty more notes to secret away soon.
An hour later, I'd worked through half of the paper work with Jade's note tucked safely in my desk. Every once in a while I'd open the drawer and run a finger over the broken wax seal, fantasising about what tonight held for me. It gave me an idea, and a quick Internet search proved you really could get anything in London. I stopped by Eliza's office on my way out. "I'm going to run an errand and grab some lunch. Want anything?"
"Actually, I have plans with Alycia." Eliza ran a hand through her blonde hair nervously. "Are my clothes okay?"
I nodded, wondering what had my boss so anxious. I mean her and Alycia have been married for a little while now but I think it's adorable how Eliza's nervous about a lunch date with her wife.I mused as I made my way toward the lift.
"Lunch Wednesday?" Maggie asked as we passed each other in the hall way.
"Sure." I smiled at her.
"Perfect! No break for me today." Her eyes darted to the pile of paperwork she was carrying to Eliza's office.
"I can grab you something," I offered.
She shook her head. "I'll be fine."
As I stepped out of the building, a black Rolls Royce immediately pulled up to the curb.
Lauren appeared at the other side and opened the back passenger door. I wasn't surprised to see her, but I wasn't happy about it either. If Jade thought our new living arrangement included following my every move, She had another thing coming.
"No, thank you." I shook my head and pointed down the street. "I'm only going down the block to grab a few things."
"The Princess insists," Lauren said, crossing her arms over her chest. "And I refuse," I informed her. "You may tell Jade that."
Lauren didn't press the matter. In fact, her face belied no reaction whatsoever. She simply returned to the driver's side. No doubt she would follow me. I couldn't blame her. Lauren been given orders, which meant I'd have to deal with her employer directly if I didn't want a constant shadow.
For now I had things to do. The little stationary store I'd found online had already set aside my order. I inspected it with delight before having it packaged up. Outside, the world was glorious. The air had the promising crispness of fall to it. Soon I would need warmer cloths and jackets. My mobile rang as I waited for my order at a popular food truck.
"Did you sense I was thinking about shopping?" I answered.
"It is one of the gifts of my people," Luke responded dryly. "But don't try to distract me. Rumour has it that Jade is shacked up with a tart, and said tart didn't call me."
"Said tart has been deliciously preoccupied." It might have once bothered me to know what the rest of the Royal circle thought of me, now I no longer cared.
"So it's true then? My cousin didn't break the hearts of women the world over to call your bluff. You actually moved in with her?"
Luke knew his cousin well. Too well. Both had been taught to hide who they truly were, which I supposed made it harder for them to have secrets from each other. Of course, he'd seen through Jade's publicity ploy. Luke was well versed in playing to a camera.
"Actually I could use your help. I might have panicked and told my mother we were having a housewarming party this weekend. Up for planning a party?" Between unpacking, work, and the constant need for physical connection between Jade and me, I was more than a little worried about adding another thing to my plate.
"Of course. Consider it done."
"You're a lifesaver. I'll send over names and details." I paused before deciding to add, "Bring Edward."
"I'll ask." The sadness in his voice told me everything I needed to know. "Apparently actions don't always speak louder than words."
"You could always tell the world you're living with him," I suggested. "It will be a hell of a row, but the angry shag is fantastic."
"I think Edward would settle for holding hands in public."
"If you don't feel up to party planning—"
"No," he interrupted. "I could use the distraction. And Perrie, I'm happy for you. Truly."
We hung up with plans to talk again in the morning. Juggling my purse, take-away, and Jade's present, I almost wished I'd let Lauren drive me. But I knew that was a slippery slope. If I was going to maintain a life outside our relationship, there had to be boundaries. Our passion was all-consuming, and I knew all too well how easily affection could turn to co-dependence. Sometimes I had the uneasy feeling I wanted her too much, especially after her admissions to me. My desire for Jade ignored boundaries in the bedroom. If I wasn't careful, there would be none in my life outside the home as well.
Shoving my bag's strap higher on my shoulder, I turned the corner and caught sight of my father across the street. I hadn't been avoiding him the past few months unlike my mother. But he'd been busy, working hard on a new tech start-up that he thought could rival the success a dating website, the website that was responsible for my family's fortune. He had never accepted that he had one big idea in him. I didn't doubt that was where I got my work ethic or my stubbornness.
Opening my mouth to call to him, the words died on my tongue as he caught a woman's arm and pulled her close. A woman who couldn't be older than me. A woman who laughed adoringly at him. A woman who was definitely not my mother. I couldn't tear my eyes away as he leaned in to kiss her. I was still frozen in place when he opened a cab door and disappeared inside. My gaze flickered up and I realised with horror that they'd just left a five star hotel that is know as the go to place to cheat on your partner.
I couldn't process what I'd seen. This time when I saw the Rolls idling nearby, I walked over and got in. Lauren headed toward the building without direction from me, and I sat quietly, working through the haze of confusion clouding my brain. It was as if the world had shifted on its axis just slightly enough that no one else noticed, while still throwing me off balance. Suddenly my mother's strange behaviour made sense to me. She had to know, or at least suspect. Late nights. New projects. Business trips. It was all code for an affair. Why hadn't I seen it before? Because I'd been too wrapped up in my own world to notice. But now I knew. There was no choice but to talk to my father about what I'd seen. I just needed to get him alone. Luckily I knew exactly where he would be this coming Sunday afternoon.
I finished out the day, trying to ignore the chaotic, negative feelings growing inside of me. I was angry with my father. I felt betrayed. And I was frustrated with Jade for not trusting me to go into work alone. Was this how relationships went sour? Small lies and distrust. My parents had been in love when I was little. Then everything had changed. With money, I'd watched my mother become someone else. A person who was never content, who never had enough money or attention. I didn't blame her for my father's infidelity, but I suppose I wasn't surprised that he'd strayed either. Not that I thought he deserved a pass. Far from it.
But the thought that turned my stomach over, was wondering if I'd push Jade away, too. I had my own set of neuroses. Was it just a matter of time before She found herself in the arms of someone who didn't come with all the baggage that I did? That was why I'd wanted to maintain some independence keep my job, walk to work, ride the tube. What happened if I became too dependent on her and she finally walked away?
I also knew now that she'd protected me from her more depraved tastes. My father had treated my mother with kid gloves, too, always desperate to protect her fragile spirit from the truth.
Now he was hiding an affair.
I wasn't fragile and I didn't need protection.
By the time Lauren pulled up in front of the house, I'd whipped myself into a mental frenzy. Bursting through the front door, I threw my bags on the floor. I needed to set the record straight immediately.
I found Jade in the living room. Her mouth curved into a wicked smile. "Hungry?"
I was famished, but there was no way I was telling her that. "God damn it, I can feed myself!."
"Perrie." Her eyes narrowed as she stood. "I don't like your tone."
"And I don't like being followed around by a bloody babysitter all day. What's next? A personal bodyguard in the office?" The realisation hit me that I sounded hysterical, but I ignored it.
"What I do is for your safety," Jade reminded me.
"Do you have a whole team following me?"
"Only Lauren. When we were...apart, I had more than one detail. Now I would prefer if Lauren handled your personal safety." Jade was choosing her words carefully, but that didn't make them any easier to swallow.
"And why's that?"
Jade abandoned her bourbon on the console and crossed to me. "Because she's the only one I trust with my family."
Another time those words might have softened me, but now they only made me angrier, reminding me of all I had to lose if I'd ever had it all. "I'm not family. You don't love me, remember? I'm just the slut you're fucking."
"You will not speak about yourself in that way." Jade's eyes flashed as she spoke.
"Or what? You'll punish me?" I was pushing her buttons now and I wasn't even sure why. Perhaps it was all the things left unknown. All the things left unsaid. All the dark corners we hadn't yet faced.
"Yes," She confirmed in a low voice. "I will allow no one to speak of you like that not even you."
Jade's words splintered my fury, but I held onto its pieces. I wanted to be angry. I didn't want to wind up like my mother and father, always walking on eggshells around each other. Thinking of my father made me wonder what it would be like to discover Jade was sleeping with another woman. My stomach roiled at the thought. I couldn't handle it anymore. There would always be barriers between me and her, but some of them needed to be torn down. I was tired of wondering how far she might take me of where the line stood. "Show me."
"Show you what?" Jade eyed me suspiciously.
"You want to punish me. Show me."
"No," She said immediately. "I don't need to do that anymore and I won't do it with you."
"But you will with someone else? Why? Because I'm some slut you're fucking?" I sensed the rage growing inside of her, saw it flickering in her eyes even as she tried to restrain herself. I'd lost control entirely though. There was only one objective push her past the boundary she'd set for herself, For our relationship. I couldn't survive more secrets.
"Isn't that what they think of me? Your family? Your friends? I know it's true. I'm nothing but an whore. We both know it."
Jade's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. "Careful, Perrie."
"I don't want to be careful, I want you to show me what you did to her. I want to know how far you've gone."
"And if I'm unwilling to go that far again?"
I saw the battle in her eyes. If what she claimed was true that she no longer felt the desire to punish what was she fighting?
"Do not mistake my reluctance to punish you as no longer having the capacity to punish," Jade warned me in a tone that sent chills trembling down my skin.
"We agreed to explore and right now it's killing me that another woman experienced something with you. I don't want there to be places you've gone without me."
"Perrie, This isn't a place you want to visit, and it's not a place I wish to take you." Jade relinquished my wrist and stepped away, creating a buffer between our bodies that neither of us were accustomed to.
"I can't live knowing you've been more intimate with another woman."
She pressed her lips into a thin line, her eyes growing as dark as the midnight sky. "That wasn't intimacy."
"The pleasure and the pain, remember?"
"You've experienced pain, Perrie." Jade's words were measured. Apparently neither of us could let go of the past. "The two should be felt together. You aren't a natural submissive. Your body won't respond to true pain with pleasure. Not physical pain. Not punishment. At least not by my hands."
"How can I understand the balance without knowing each for what they are individually?"
I was getting nowhere with her. I would have to entice her make the impulse impossible to deny.
My fingers trembled as I unzipped my pencil skirt and allowed it to drop to the floor. Jade didn't move to stop me even when I shimmied out of my thong and turned my bare ass toward her.
"Show me," I demanded. "Or should I hurt myself. I'm healthy enough for, what did you call it? Self punishment?"
"Perrie," She growled. "This is not a game!."
"No, it isn't. It's a request. I'm asking you, Jade."
Her hand cupped my ass and my eyes closed in expectation.
"You don't know what you're asking."
"I do."
"You can't know," She murmured, her lips dangerously close to my ear.
"I suppose not until you show me."
- This part below contains flagellantism (Sexual Whipping.) If you feel uncomfortable please skip to the end of the chapter -
Jade lifted her hand, but I shook my head. "You've spanked me before. Whip me."
"I don't keep a room full of floggers," Jade said humorlessly. "All I have is my belt, but the strap..."
I blanched, momentarily losing my nerve, but I pushed away the fear. "Use the belt."
Jade drew it slowly from her belt loops and coiled it around her hand. Between my legs, tension mounted, my sex swelling with macabre expectation even as fear closed my throat. I waited, but all She did was circle her prey, surveying me with untamed eyes.
"You will do this properly. There will be no crying out. You may cry I expect you will but you will remain silent. If you do not, I shall have to whip you more. Do you understand?"
I nodded even as tendrils of anxiety curled through my belly. For a moment, Jade watched me and I studied her. Both of us trying to determine exactly what we were starting. There was no sign of refusal in her body now.
"Perrie, you may use your safe word." She paused, then added in a clipped tone, "I do hope you will."
Jade's hand pressed against my back, directing me to bend over the console table. I folded over the edge, my ass presented to her, and took a deep breath.
"Ready?"
I steeled myself for the impact. A loud crack split the air as the leather belt made contact. Time seemed to stop, my mind unable to process the connection between the sound and the otherworldly pain seeding across my backside. I bit down a scream and pain lodged raw in my throat.
"One," Jade said under her breath.
Clutching the table's edge, I braced myself for the next impact. The following lash hit harder, or perhaps it only seemed harder because my skin still smarted from the first. Tears rolled down my cheeks. My nerves sang with agony even as my mind went numb, unable to process anything but the brutal pain.
"Two."
A sob escaped my lips.
"I told you to be silent." Jade's voice sounded distant, but it broke as she continued, "Now you'll receive more."
I fought against the part of me that wanted to beg for her to stop. I needed to understand. I needed to experience it, but it was more difficult than I'd imagined and I'd only endured two lashes.
All sense of the world faded away. My only connection was that of leather and skin, sound and pain. I stiffened as She raised her arm causing her to still.
"End this, Perrie."
She wanted me to use my safe word, but that was my last resort. I'd used it before and while it was meant to protect me, I'd seen how it had broken her. I shook my head. The leather cracked across my skin and this time I screamed. My body went limp. I was no longer positioned artfully across the table. Instead it was holding me up.
There was no movement behind me. I opened my mouth.
"Three," I choked out. Sobs racked my body even as I clung to my resolve.
Jade lifted the belt and I tensed, my body already conditioned to know what came next. The strap ripped through the air, whistling past my ear, and smacked across the table top.
Jade sank to her knees behind me. The belt buckle clattered against the wood floor, and then her arms were around my waist, her lips pressing light kisses along my tailbone.
"Brimstone," She whispered against my skin.
But I was too weak to respond, too overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through my veins. For a long time, we stayed in this position. I was afraid to move and Jade continued to kiss me softly as though to reassure me.
Jade lifted me into her arms, cradling me to her chest, and carried me upstairs. She stopped at the edge of the bed and lowered me to my feet.
"Lay on your stomach," Jade advised me.
I did as she suggested. It took considerable restraint not to touch my backside to see how badly it was injured. Jade hovered over me for a moment, but she didn't speak again. She didn't touch me. Instead She crossed the bedroom and paused at the door.
"Now you know that I'm a monster."
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