"yonderly"
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(adjective) An obsolete word, yonderly is defined as being emotionally distant, gloomy and reserved. It has connotations of portraying an absent-minded and melancholic disposition. Although the word "yonder" may be used to describe a faraway travel, yonderly lies in the mental disconnection a person creates between them and the exterior world.
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On Sunday, I go to the ice hall in the morning. Usually, I don't do a workout on Sundays, giving myself one free day in the week where I just try to relax and fill myself with the energy.
I go there in the morning because I don't want to be the same pathetic human I was yesterday evening when I was stupidly waiting for Zach Crawford to show up, just because he indicated he'd like to skate with me.
I was foolishly thinking that he might actually mean that. But, of course, he could have other, more important things to do. He's a busy man, after all. Being successful must come with a lot of obligations, I believe.
I always had a dream of becoming successful and well-known, but not like Zach Crawford is. You can mention his name to anyone, and they would know who he is. But Zach is not known only for his hockey career. He's done some other things, like commercials and even modelling if I'm correct.
He sure does have a face and body to be plastered all over the internet and the big billboards.
And I actually believed that a man like him would want to spend his time with someone so unimportant like me. Who can't even do a double axel some days, let alone a triple.
And that's why I decided to go there in the morning, because there's a smaller chance I'll see him at this hour than in the evening. Not that I wouldn't like to see him, I just don't want to be disappointed yet again. When I really have no place to be disappointed at all. I just think it's a dangerous thing to be thinking about Zach Crawford and that it'd be better if I prevent our encounters if it's in my power.
And when I come back in the afternoon, I just throw myself on the bed and sleep off almost the entire day. It's worth it, because I at least feel well-rested and in a much better mood.
But I remember that it's Monday tomorrow and I have to go back into that hectic world that I tried to escape from ... and I feel like I need to take another nap just to forget about it.
I have to work late on Monday and I realise I won't have time to visit my Mum today, let alone go to the ice hall. But then, I'm not even allowed to visit my mother. And I'm glad I have to stay longer, so I don't have time to think about it.
Even though my mother is not in a good state right now and we haven't held a conversation in years, I still liked to visit her. She's still my mother and I still love her. It's not really her fault that the circumstances brought her to the place she is at now.
I could've been there, too, but I think I was just a little bit stronger than she was and I accepted it a bit faster than her. She must've felt worse than me, that's for sure, and maybe that's why it's so hard for her to accept it and even consider about moving on.
But with her illness, she still lives in the past sometimes. Sometimes, her mind goes to that place when everything was fine and we were all happy. Those are good days for her. But sometimes, her mind takes her right to that fateful day or the days after it. Those are one of her worst days.
It's a lot of the time that she blames me for those events. Or she doesn't even recognise me.
But like I said, she's still my mother and nothing will change that, not even her illness. I believe she can get better. If only I can provide her with the care she needs.
"Analeigh! Go clean the tables in the back. And hurry up, people are waiting," my manager snaps at me, throwing a cloth to my chest that I quickly catch so it doesn't fall down on the floor.
I keep my mouth shut and just do as she says. I'm not really in the place to talk back to her, anyway, and I definitely can't afford it. As long as I get paid for having to listen to this ...
When I'm on my fourth table, something catches my eye. Or rather someone. When I look up, I notice Zach Crawford looking right at me. I frown.
The first thing I feel is the shock of seeing him again, and here out of every place. Then the embarrassment hits me because he sees me here. As a worker. As a cleaner. And then I see he's with a woman. It makes me wonder why would he come right here.
This is not a restaurant that high-class people choose to eat in, or people with a money and a name on them. This restaurant is quite small and most people come here just to grab a small bite or get a coffee on their way to work or from it. I definitely don't see any high-maintenance people coming here.
I nod at him in a greeting, but he only looks away and continues talking. I hang my head and continue with my task.
When I rearrange all the chairs in the previous positions and clean the tables, his voice stops me when I try to go past their table. "We're ready to order."
I swiftly look at him and nod quickly with a bile in my throat. He doesn't give anything away, especially not that he knows me. I act professional, too, not trying to embarrass him in front of his date or whatever he's got here. "Of course," I say politely. "I'll call the waitress. She'll be right with you." I manage a small smile.
I see Zach draws his eyebrows together in confusion before I escape away from their table and tell Mia, one of the waitresses working today, that she's got customers waiting to order.
And then I escape to the back, totally avoiding Zach.
I take a few calming breaths, just to calm down my nerves. What a small world this is.
My thoughts of Zach are pushed aside because there's still a lot of work I have to do. And it's not even that I should be thinking about him. I'm surprised he came here, that's all this is. Out of every restaurant in this town, it had to be this one.
When I come out from the back around one hour later or so, I find Zach is still here. Alone.
I force myself not to look in his way and I try to be as invisible as I can so he doesn't spot me. "Analeigh! Go clean the restrooms!" My manager suddenly snaps from behind me.
I turn around. "But I've just cleaned -"
"Toilets! Now!"
I sigh. When I turn around again, Zach Crawford is standing before me with a relaxed smile on his face, his hands deep in his pockets of his jeans. Exactly what I needed.
I don't say anything to him. I don't have anything to say to him, to be honest.
"What a surprise to see you here," he comments.
I nod. "Yeah. Truly," I say, clearing my throat.
Zach suddenly pulls the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows, exposing his forearms. I roll my lips together, looking elsewhere than at his toned skin. "You know, I really wanted you to take our order before," Zach unexpectedly says.
I snap my eyes to his beautiful dark, dark brown ones. I'm sure you did. "I'm not really here to take the orders, so ..." I shrug.
Zach's eyebrows pull together. "Then what are you really here for, Analeigh?"
I shake my head to myself and turn around, walking away from him with embarrassment settling deep in my chest. It's not that I'm ashamed of where I work, neither I'm ashamed of what I do to earn money. I just don't want Zach to see me in this place.
Zach with money and power in all the right places. The famous Zach who once decided to skate with me - a restaurant cleaner. Oh wow. I won't be even surprised if he decides not to ever speak to me again.
He didn't acknowledge me when he was with his date before, so that's where I really got the idea that he didn't want to do anything with me. Especially in public.
I don't know when Zach leaves because I don't really come out much, and when I do, I keep my head low, not even wanting to search him out. I'm not going through that embarrassment again.
When my shift finally ends, I'm exhausted and ready to just go home and sleep this day off. I'm sad that I couldn't go check up on my Mum today. In all those years, there wasn't a day that went without me visiting her at least once, even though she probably doesn't even remember it.
But I cherished those moments with her. She's all that had left and it's sad to think that on that day, I lost her, too. I lost everyone close to me.
It hurts to see her like this, that strong woman who has always been my anchor and always so full of happiness and positivity being so low in her life.
When I finally come home, it's too late to do anything else but just fall into the bed. I don't even have time to eat and I realise that the last time I ate today was before I got to work. I'm too tired to eat anything right now, anyway, and I don't even feel any hunger.
The encounter with Zach keeps replaying in my head, feeding me with doubt and questions I know I won't get answers to. And my body might be tired, but my mind still has the energy to think about that famous ice hockey player, I see.
"Analeigh, a little wider. Keep moving," Sofia instructs me. "Arms in tighter. They're putting you out of balance," she orders.
I spin around on the ice, already out of breath. Sofia showed Gilbert and I the choreography for the competition today and we're going through each move, practising it to make it flawless. Because Sofia doesn't want to see any flaws in our moves, she said. Even threatened. That's unacceptable.
"Gilbert, tuck your arms in so you can spin faster," she says. "And, Analeigh, put more force on your toe pick!"
I sigh to myself but do as she says. I already feel my muscles burning and it's not even the end of the first session. Usually, we have two sessions of training, each of them lasting for 45 minutes. Sometimes there's a pause before the next session and other times, when Sofia feels like we weren't good enough to have one, we continue without a break.
"Stop travelling on your sit spin, Analeigh!" Sofia bellows. She skates to me then. "Stop," she orders. I straighten up and look at her. She puts her hands on my shoulders, pushing me back to the position I was before and I squat down. "There," she says. "There's your problem. Put your knees in tighter," she says. I do it and Sofia hums to herself.
I lock my gaze with Gilbert and he's making a face at me, totally making fun out of me. I roll my eyes at him. "Analeigh! Focus!" Sofia's sudden rise of her voice scares me so much that I lose balance and fall flat on my ass. "Oh, for God's sake," she mutters. "More stability on your legs, too, Analeigh. Lock your legs to keep you in place." She sighs and offers me a hand so I can stand up.
The movement behind the glass shifts my attention there and when I see it's Zach, I almost fall down on the ice again. Sofia, of course, notices my slip. "Analeigh, Christ, what's up with you?"
I shake my head and turn around so I can't see the piercing stare of Zach Crawford from all the way there. "Nothing. I'm sorry. I'm listening." I give Sofia a charming smile, but she only scowls at me.
"Back in the position," she snaps. Well, alright then. "Knees locked. And point those feet!"
I do exactly what she says, desperately trying to please her.
"Good. This will help you to spin faster. Now remember it and do the low spin again."
Our training proceeds like that. Sofia is relentless with us, not giving us room for mistakes, even though we still make a lot of them and we're still falling on the ice a lot of times. We don't get discouraged, though. Because Sofia doesn't even give us time to think about quitting.
When it's the end of our both sessions, I gratefully take the water from Sofia, chugging it down like I haven't drunk in days. "I'll see you both tomorrow at 9. We have a lot of work to do." She bids us goodbye.
I'm anxious to even look if Zach is still here somewhere, almost afraid to see him because I don't know how to act around him.
However, as I skate to the exit, I see he made it easier for me, because he's nowhere to be seen.
Here it is, the next chapter. I was actually thinking about deleting this story from wattpad and leave it on radish because no one is reading it on here I guess ... I don't know :w