Metanoia [Ushijima x reader]

By IROIHS

213K 7K 5.5K

Metanoia - the journey of changing one's mind, heart, self, or way of life Ushijima x Reader fanfic Story sta... More

Chapter 1 : Near death experience, I think
Chapter 2 : Sorry, I think
Chapter 3 : USHI-WHAT'SHISFACE?!
Chapter 4 : Pole of Destiny
Chapter 5 : A Fateful Night
Chapter 6 : Dream?
Chapter 7 : Prelude to Interhigh
Chapter 8 : All Things Lost
Chapter 9 : In Her Eyes
Chapter 10 : Misunderstandings
Chapter 11 : Now... what?
Chapter 13 : The Volley of the Balls: The Fellows of the Ace
Chapter 14 : The Long Week Begins...
Chapter 15 : The First Ripple
Chapter 16 : Side Effects
Chapter 17 : Sometimes it's okay to ask for help
Chapter 18 : It Felt Soft
Chapter 19 : A Change in Perspective
Chapter 20 : Start of Something New
Chapter 21 : Opening Act: The Cat in the Box
Chapter 22 : Two Steps Behind
Omake 1: Locker Room Shenanigans: A Classy Conversation
Chapter 23 : Tangential Thoughts
Chapter 24 : Coffee, Candy, and.. Clouds?
Chapter 25 : Boy Friend's House Visit
Chapter 26 : Summer Rain

Chapter 12 : Behind Oikawa's Eyes

7.2K 244 244
By IROIHS

A/N: SCHOOL IS OVERRRRRR!!!! But it resumes in May... Damn it all..

Anyway, the moment break started I made sure to start on this story right away. I seriously want the story to get to the high school part quickly so I got Oikawa to save the day~ yay! Thank you all so much for your patience and votes, it seriously means a lot

* (gm/n) - grandma's name

Hope you enjoy this chapter ^^

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Oikawa's POV

Cheers filled the stadium as the time-out between matches ensued. He continued to pant, desperately grasping for air as he tries to keep his concentration in check. "Two damn sets..." he heaved in his mind, repeatedly. The pressure has gotten into him, and it seemed as if he had wasted his energy quite inefficiently. The coach continued to speak but he couldn't understand any of what was being said. His ears have begun to hear a constant irritating buzz that seemed to sound a little bit higher with each passing second. His vision has started to slowly narrow as his breathing grew harder, his concentration faltering along with his will to play. "Damn it! I want to stand on the damn court! Damn it!" he cursed in his head with gritted teeth as he felt the ground beneath him seemingly give way, leaving him spiralling down into the darkest corners of his mind.

Unable to bear his growing frustration, he looked up at the stands, hoping to find a glimmer of inspiration, motivation, any-damn-thing that would distract him from his pessimistic thoughts. His eyes quickly scanned the crowds desperate for a way out when something (h/c) caught his eye. His eyes stopped on her. "Who is she?" was the first question that came to his mind and in an instant his surroundings appeared to float. Unblinking, his eyes stayed glued on her, afraid that if he blinked, she would disappear along with his surroundings that seemed to fade into white. He was caught off guard when he felt her eyes on him, and he swear that in that moment he felt everything disappear, from his frustrations to the fatigue he felt on his body. Unaware of what to do, he did the thing he knew best. He smiled at her.

***

SMACK!!

"Ow! That hurts Iwa-chaaaannnn!!" Oikawa whined as he rubbed the growing bump on his head. "It's because you were daydreaming, you dumbass!" Iwaizumi spat as he walked towards the whining setter to pick up the ball right next to him. "You're the one who asked me to stay with you for extra practice and yet you have the balls to daydream more than half of the time. It's friggin' dark out, Shittykawa!" Iwaizumi noted in annoyance while pointing towards the window. The spring high tournament passed by like a blur for them, their team played a good game against Shiratorizawa for 4 sets but in the end, Shiratorizawa prevailed as the champions 3 sets to 1.

Iwaizumi sighed and sat down a few ways away from the setter before leaning back against the wall. Twirling the ball in his hand he glanced at the brown-haired setter "what's eating you? Overworking yourself is one thing but you daydreaming... now that's a whole other story" he asked, a tad bit concerned for his childhood friend. "Iwa-chan..." Oikawa started as he glanced over his shoulder to look at him, the seriousness of his voice catching the attention of his best friend "...could it be that you're actually in love with me?" he said playfully after a brief pause, another one of his attempts to lighten up the atmosphere. "HUH?!" Iwaizumi growled menacingly while glaring at the now trembling setter.

Oikawa sighed "it's this (h/c)-chan" he said as he sat cross-legged, his body now facing Iwaizumi. "Another damn girl... should've known" Iwaizumi thought in annoyance, he was about to walk away as he clearly lost interest to his friend's light problem when all of a sudden he noticed the shift in Oikawa's features. He was serious. The kind of serious he would usually only see on Oikawa's face during matches but there was something else to it, the soon-to-be ace couldn't quite get a grasp on what it was Oikawa was feeling at the moment but he knew that it was something he should give attention to, he was still Oikawa's friend after all. "What about this (h/c)-chan?" he asked in an un-amused tone but still he urged him to continue. Oikawa looked up at the ceiling, his face contorted in a confused expression as he was unaware himself of what there was to the (h/c)-colored girl.

She didn't specifically do anything. She didn't talk to him, didn't smile at him. He didn't get a good look at her. Heck she even looked away from him (that was rare). She was just... "She was just there" Oikawa said unconsciously in a jovial tone as his eyes began to sparkle in wonder, a smile slowly donning his lips at the thought of her, his mind once again lost in thought as he recalled that one time at the gymnasium. Iwaizumi looked at his childhood friend in confusion but soon he came to understand what the setter was feeling based on the look on his face. "This is genuine" Iwaizumi thought "I feel bad for this girl" he remarked.

***

For how long had he waited for this moment to come, how many matches have passed with her on his mind serving as his blinding light of hope for every moment of despair and trial he would experience. For how long had he been going to mixers with girls from Shiratorizawa in hopes he'd meet her there even if the chances were as slim as Iwaizumi's patience towards him. For so long he had hoped for this, the girl that made his world float and vanish within his eyes.

"Finally..." he thought out loud causing her to blink and look at him wide-eyed with a face laced with innocence and curiosity. "So damn adorable... an angel... my angel" he whispered in his thoughts, he was at her mercy though unbeknownst to her. One encounter was all it took and he was putty under her gaze. His usual playboy nature, antics and rules crashing along with his ego for he knew he didn't need any of those in the face of her. And it clicked. In an instant, he understood. He wasn't dense nor was he ignorant to not understand what exactly was happening to him now. He was in love and as cliché as it may seem, he fell in love at first sight.

A smack to the head brought him back to reality "Get in line, you trash!" he heard Iwaizumi holler at him in his usual annoyed tone causing him to look away from the girl for a second before he looked back at her once more. "A-are you all right? That ball directly hit your head and i-it looked quite painful" she asked, concerned. He blinked and moved a few steps away before her hands made contact with the back of his head, he knew that would surely make him succumb and with what ego he had left he chuckled. "Yeah!" he chimed, his usual childish grin donning his features as he tried his best to mask the powerful feelings he felt for her.

"Are you sure?" she asks still worried for the brown haired setter. "Ahh~ so beautiful" he thought as he took one last peek at her before he turned around. "Oh worried for me, aren't we? That's pretty cute" he said in his usual playful tone causing her to transform into a red stuttering mess. He chuckled "watch me closely at the game okay?" he waved her goodbye and quickly went towards his teammates. He secretly clenched his hands into fists in his jersey's pockets, his inner self berating him for his inability to ask her name. "It's scary if I did" he thought but nevertheless he noted to himself to ask you. Unbeknownst to the brown-haired setter that his best friend's watchful eyes were on him and the girl with the (h/c)-colored hair the whole time and like Oikawa, he also knew that you were the girl the brown-haired setter had been pining for.

***

"Oikawa! One more, nice serve!" one of his teammates said. He let out a breath as he got into position. He threw the ball high up in the air and started running, his eyes glancing towards the side as he did so. He caught a glimpse of her and felt a tight squeeze on his heart. The whole time he had been stealing glances at her in hopes that their eyes would meet but once again, she was looking elsewhere... specifically, at Ushijima. He clicked his tongue "damn it! USHIWAKA!" he screamed at the top of his lungs catching everyone's attention (except hers). With his eyebrows scrunched together and his face contorted in an annoyed expression, he served the ball with all his strength, the ball going towards Ushijima at an intense speed. Ushijima quickly came for the receive but he was a second late in his reaction as the ball was blown away. Oikawa's serve earning his team the last point they needed to win this one set.

Oikawa stood still as he panted heavily, feeling a strong surge of satisfaction dwell within him "take that!" he spat as he places his hands on hips. "NICE!" his teammates complimented him, he smiled and glanced towards her and he had hoped he didn't. "Four sets... four damn sets. Just for once, I wished you'd have looked my way" he thought, his heart breaking into pieces as he watches her looking at him. "Hey... you alright?" Iwaizumi asks as he hands a sports bottle to the brown-haired setter. Silence enveloped the two players as Oikawa secretly took deep breaths to hide his growing frustration.

He looked up towards the spikey-haired ace and smiled "Hmmm... I just blasted that serve out of Ushiwaka's receives! Of course I'm alright! In fact I'm better than alright! Bwahahaha! It serves him right bwahahahaha!" Oikawa laughed childishly with arms spread wide. Iwaizumi sighed and pushed the sports bottle to Oikawa's chest making him hold unto it "don't push yourself to hard" he said before walking away. The smile on the setter's face immediately vanished and was replaced by a frown, his eyes watching her in sorrow.

With every smile she'd give Ushijima, he could feel the ground beneath him fall. With every laugh, he'd wonder what it would be like to be the one to hear it "probably like a soft, sweet melody" he noted. With every time her eyes sparkled as she looked at the impassive ace he wondered if he could ever resist kissing her if she looked at him the same way. The team played 4 whole sets with both teams winning 2 sets each, honestly it was one of the best games KitaIchi has played against Shiratorizawa despite it being a practice match and on top of that, he was able to test out his new techniques and set-ups in a game but he still couldn't shake off the extreme sorrow that lingered within him. "First love..." he chuckled "... is such a pain" he said and turned away with gritted teeth and clenched fists.

***

"Uwaaa~ I'm hungry. Hey, let's go for ramen"

"Sure. I feel like I could eat more than 10 bowls... Man, that Ushiwaka is as intense as ever it's annoying"

"Yeah, you'd think now that we're in high school we'd get an advantage but damn..."

"Hey kouhais! Aren't you coming?" one of the alumni hollered over to Iwaizumi and Oikawa.

"We'll catch up!" Iwaizumi responded as he waved his senpais goodbye. He let out a breath as he turned to look at Oikawa. The setters face all downcast and deprived of joy, not the usual face he'd normally see on his friend. After playing 6 sets it was normal to see a little bit of fatigue evident on anyone's face but Oikawa had always been the one exception being born the pretty boy that he is but now it was as if all the stress that he had and would experience in the near future was painted entirely across his face. Iwaizumi let out an exasperated sigh feeling annoyed as well as concerned for his friend's well being. He walked over to him and did what he knew best. "Damn trash" he muttered in a deadly tone as he pulled his fist back and punched the said trash on the head making the poor setter recoil in pain, his hand instinctively going towards the pained area to soothe it.

"Ow! Iwa-chan what was tha-""Get a grip!" Iwaizumi yelled and roughly clutched unto the collar of Oikawa's jersey, lifting him off the ground. He took a deep breath and with the loudest voice he could muster he yelled "you've always acted all high and mighty when it comes to girls and relationships and yet here you are acting like a damn coward! You DUMBASS! The Nationals is one thing but are you also going to let that damn cow take away your chances with that girl?! I knew you better than this TRASHYKAWA!" his grip tightening on Oikawa's jersey collar as he let out his pent up anger.

Oikawa bit on his lower lip, strongly trying to suppress his tears from falling "I won't..." he muttered as he grabbed unto Iwaizumi's hand. "HUH?! What was that Shittykawa?!" Iwaizumi growled making the brown-haired setter look him in the eye "I said I won't lose to that damned farmer anymore!" Oikawa said in a loud tone that caused the smaller male to flinch from his tone. Iwaizumi released Oikawa from his grip and nodded "then go get her" he said with a half-smile as he reassured him. Oikawa smiled and turned around "Tell our senpais I won't be able to go" he chirped as he glanced towards Iwaizumi before he ran back towards Shiratorizawa. Iwaizumi let out a relieved sigh as he watched Oikawa run at full speed, a determined look on his visage. "Damn trash..." he remarked with a chuckle.

"Hey!" Oikawa called out to the (h/c)-haired girl a little breathless from his run. She glanced over her shoulder and when she had confirmed who it was who called out to her, she turned around happily. Her action making her look so serene and elegant in the male's eyes as her surrounding sparkled along with her. Oikawa swallowed the lump in his throat as he walked over to her, removing what distance he had with her until he was standing at arm's length. "So small... so fragile" he thought endearingly. He smiled brightly trying his best to mask all the passion he had for her "Hey, I just remembered that I never really got to know your name?" he chirped and she simply looked at him flabbergasted making the teen wonder if he said something wrong. The (h/c)-colored hair girl giggled as she brushed a lock of her hair at the back of her ear "you're something else, Oikawa-senpai... did you run back here just for that?" she mumbled a little sheepishly, a faint blush painting her pale cheeks.

He instinctively looked away trying his best to hide the growing blush on his cheeks, his hand covering the lower half of his face. He coughed after regaining his composure, his bright smile once again painted on his face "That's cause I thought that you were worth it (h/c)-chaaannnn~" he cooed causing her to blush a deep shade of red, she started to mumble in gibberish which only made his heart flutter. "So? I'm Oikawa Tooru..." he said while bowing extravagantly, his right arm over his chest and his left arm extended outward. He lifted his head to look at her with a smile "and what is thy fair maiden's name?" he said with a wink. She laughed at his whimsical antics making the tall male smile go broader, he liked her laugh. He loved it so much and he wished that she would always laugh like this for him. He was caught off guard when she did a curtsey herself "why it's (l/n)(f/n), dear sir" she chimed trying to match up to his whimsy. It was out of character for her to do so and honestly she felt embarrassed doing what she did as proven by her trembling hands and reddened face but something in him made her comfortable though unbeknownst to both of them.

"(l/n)(f/n)-chan..." Oikawa muttered with a wide smile as he tested how it felt to say her name out loud. It was perfect. He thought that her name suited her perfectly and no other name could make it sound better "except for mine..." he thought out loud making her tilt her head in confusion. He chuckled while waving his hand in a dismissive manner. He fished his phone out of his pant pocket and extended it towards her "(f/n)-chan, let's exchange contacts~"

***

Oikawa cringed in pain as he held tightly on his right knee. His throat felt dry and his eyes bloodshot as he screamed in extreme pain. "D-Damn..." he cursed in thought as he tightly bit his lip to the point of drawing blood. "Hold on Oikawa! The ambulance is on its way!" Iwaizumi reassured as he held unto Oikawa's arm, it was dark out and the nurse had already gone home and so had their teammates and coach. Not a soul could be found in the entirety of the school except for them and a few guards. Iwaizumi had stayed behind with Oikawa for extra practice and despite all (f/n)'s warnings regarding his rigorous trainings Oikawa didn't budge.

~~~

"(f/n)-chaaaaaannnnnnn!!!" Oikawa yelled as he ran towards her. It was dark and practice had ended early for the 1st year setter which gave him enough time to see her in school. He jumped and tightly hugged her smaller form, lightly rubbing his cheek on her slightly messy locks as he began mumbling how much he misses his little (f/n) and how she should transfer into his school and leave the farmer all to his own. She simply laughed the tall setter off and pushed him away but the blush on her face was still evident, ever since that day Oikawa made sure to contact her every day, giving her texts and calls whenever he had the time, making sure that her voice would be the first and last thing he would hear each and every day. His antics and frequent calls, emails and texts as well as visits got her accustomed to his playful attitude and whimsy as well as his sometimes serious demeanor which has now blossomed into a healthy friendship (as stated by her).

Oikawa kept going on how much he thought about her during practice and that caused him to receive a ball to the face claiming that despite Iwa-chan's denial, he knew he was the one that hit him. Oikawa stopped talking when he noticed her face turn serious, her eyes fixated on his right knee "(f/n)-ch..." "You've been overworking again" he flinched at the tone of her voice. He looked directly at her "doesn't it hurt?! Oikawa-senpai if you keep doing this someday you'll br-""it doesn't hurt" he happily cut her off.

Oikawa had noticed that (f/n) held a special gift to her; he once noted that (f/n) should definitely take up a course in physical therapy when she grows up due to her observant nature and talented hands especially since he himself got to experience such skills when his foot got sprained after trying to retrieve her handkerchief that got stuck on the tree, he strongly thanked the wind for that that day. Oikawa laughed and began jumping in place, trying his best to reassure her "see? There's no need to put on that kind of face (f/n)-chan, I prefer to see you smiling! I can still jump! It doesn't hurt at all" he said jovially, he stopped jumping when she smiled weakly. "Just please take care of yourself... I get worried you know. Your girlfriend probably gets anxious too" she said with a shrug, her last sentence causing the setter to flinch reminding him of one of his sins.

There was this one time where he was waiting outside the Shiratorizawa Academy grounds and he saw (f/n) and Ushijima talking to each other in a rather close way. Her fingers were holding unto the end of Ushijima's coat sleeve, her hand barely grazing his as he walked her home. He didn't know whatever motivated that cow to do such an act but still the way his heart sank to the pits of his stomach made him want to hurl. It hurt him. The scene like a slap to his face waking him up from his fantasy, he thought he had a chance with all the late night texts and the morning calls but in the end she still wanted him. Thanks to that, this drove him to find an alternative though selfish as it may seem, he agreed to the confession of this one girl named Fujiko from his school in hopes that that would alleviate his feelings from her. Iwaizumi had never liked the idea of Oikawa using the poor girl as a scapegoat for his unrequited love but in the end he had no choice but to accept his friend's actions after seeing how much change Fujiko brought to him ever since they dated. Time passed and Oikawa had learned to show his love for the girl but in the end, he knew that she would never compare to his sweet (f/n).

He smiled widely "don't worry! I always report to Fuu-chan about everything so there's no problem! No problem at all~" he said proudly as he acted to look like he was longing for his girlfriend. (f/n) smiled "then at least hold unto this, this is the name of my grandparents hospital... if something does happen, please contact them. They'll be able to help" she said while offering him the card.

~~~

Oikawa saw blinding lights pass by as he lay down on his back, the stretcher quickly moving past people as the doctors and nurses moved him across the halls. "It hurts..." he choked as a tear dared escape his eye, the reality that because of this severe injury of his that he may no longer play volleyball made him cry out in frustration. "It hurts..." he cried loudly as he held tightly unto his chest with his quivering hand, unable to bear the emotional pain that was weighing on him. He felt a firm hand on his own causing him to open one of his eyes; it was an old lady he never met. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you...I'm (f/n)'s grandma" she said in a gentle voice. "Not to brag but I'm known as one of the best physical therapists in the country. You are in good hands, boy" she reassures him as she tightly held unto his hand, Oikawa choked on his tears as he struggled to voice out his words "W-will I-I s-stil..." he paused as tears kept falling one after the other "I want t-t-to k-keep playing!" he cries out. She smiles "and I'll make sure you do" she said as they passed through the doors.

***

The room lit up as the light from the sun seeped through the room enveloped in white. The smell of alcohol and bandages spread through the air giving the room a hygienic smell. He blinked once, twice, slowly he opened his eyes, waking up from what seemed like an eternal slumber. He looked at the ceiling for a good couple of seconds before moving his gaze from left to right where his gaze soon came to stop at something (h/c). "(f/n)-chan..." he mumbled weakly. He slowly rose up using his elbows for support when slight pain emanating from his lower half caused him to lay back down in a jolt waking up the girl that was sitting next to his bed with a start. He watched her, greatly expectant for a hug due to the worry he knew he caused her but his expectations were shattered when he felt her hand make contact with is cheek "YOU DUMBASS!" she yelled.

"How many times have I told you to not overwork yourself?! And now look what happened! You dumbass! Jerk! TRASH! Dumbass!" "You really need to add more curses to your vocabulary (f/n)-chan or else you'll sound like Iwa-chan" he joked making the girl pout in anger. "Good thing, Ba-chan said that it was only a grade 2 sprain on your ACL, after a few months of rehabilitation you can play volleyball again that is if you're strong enough... if it was a grade 3..." her voice trailed as her eyes averted from his, her hair covering up most of her face as she refused to face him "also you don't have to pay for anything... Ba-chan already has that covered" she was barely able to say.

Oikawa sighed as he smiled, he grunted as he tried to sit up without straining his right leg. He held unto the top of her head as he struggled to reach for her, slowly he turned her to face him and he felt relieved that she complied, probably taking into consideration his condition. He felt his heart tighten as he saw her crying but nevertheless he felt happy that he was crying for him, that she was worried for him and that she had prepared everything he needed for his situation. He loved how she cared for him even though she only saw him as a friend. It still brought joy to his heart knowing that she thinks of him.

He brushed his thumb under her left eye; wiping away her tears "thank you" he said when he meant to say "I love you."

***

The sound of shoes causing friction to the gym floor resonated in the stadium. Balls were scattered around the court as each team warmed up before the start of their respective matches. The whole stadium was filled with people and players alike strongly expectant for today's matches, the excitement present in the air as the Spring High Tournament quarterfinals are coming to a start.

"Hey, isn't that..."

"Y-yeah... he doesn't look like he just recovered"

"He's so intimidating... he looks like he's out to kill"

"Uwaa... he looks so cool"

Oikawa walked with confidence along with his teammates as they entered the court. A quarter of a year has passed since that incident and now he has somehow fully recovered, as stated by (gm/n), Oikawa had the heart of a bull, being able to finish his rehabilitation and treatment in the best possible timeframe of recovery, giving him enough time to rest his right knee and get his gear back into practice, this time with a less rigorous training schedule. "That's new" Iwaizumi said catching the setter's attention, he moved his gaze towards where the spiker was pointing to, his white knee supporter "that came from Fujiko-san?" he asks. Oikawa shook his head with a smile "Fuu-chan gave me the knee pad... the knee supporter is from (f/n)-chan" he happily said. Iwaizumi hummed in response as he watched the taller male look from the stands to his knee supporter in a solemn expression.

"Iwa-chan..." he called out to the wing spiker. He looked past the male, his gaze on (f/n) as she looks from left to right and quickly exits the stands, probably one more of her failed attempts to find where the Shiratorizawa match was being held. He moved his gaze so that he looked at Iwaizumi directly in the eye, a sad smile on his face as his words came out in a soft tone "it still hurts..."

-------------------------  

A/N: It was never mentioned who Oikawa's girlfriend was or when they dated as well as when he got the injury so I kinda used that for this story hahahahaha

A ton of research was required in the making of this chapter...

Anyway, once again school has ended and I'm happy to announce that updates might go a bit faster than before (that is if I don't get any writer's block or I don't get too distracted watching Reply 1988 Xb). Also, I extremely apologize for all the pain I made Oikawa feel in this chapter... it was difficult for me too TT^TT

Still, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter ^^

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