We didn't go to Stonehaven. We went to the new house and found the entire bedroom had been somehow set up in the past day. The bed was there, a mattress, a new bedspread, a small sofa in the corner, and rugs across the ground warming it up. Antonio left us alone upstairs, staying downstairs and saying something about how he was going to chop wood outside, and we made quick work of getting suits and dresses and other things off.
Nick was laying on the bed waiting for me when his face drained a little. I turned to look at him as I carefully slid the wedding dress over the sofa and found his eyes locked on my stomach.
"What's wrong?"
"I can see it now."
I followed his stare down and saw that he was right. My stomach was full of food and apparently it'd done something to push that hard lump out a bit. I might have mistaken it for gas another time, just being bloated, but now that I knew what was there it was impossible to mistake it for anything except what it was. I went to the mirror nearby, ignoring my nakedness and focusing on it.
It was there all right.
Nick came to join me, one hand joining mine as he tentatively touched it. The second he did, he withdrew his hand, like my stomach had burnt him. "You wanted me to be honest, yeah?" Nick asked, suddenly, stepping back a fraction.
"Always."
"I don't know if I can do this." At the look on my face he hurried on, "I mean, Clayton and Elena were talking to me about it. To be careful with you, to not be too rough during sex, that we might need to stop having sex altogether till after the baby and then we might have to wait, and ..." He hesitated. "And that you can't defend yourself. Now. That's my job now. You can't be expected to fight while you're pregnant and I have to stop you."
"You just want sex?"
"No, I just... I just don't know if it's a good time for us. You're being chased around by some mutt who thinks he's powerful, Matt will need you, we're not even really settled in this home yet, and this will change our entire life. You can't defend yourself now, Liz, you can't even carry heavy things. A baby will change everything."
"Marriage wouldn't?" I was starting to feel angry, rage building, my breathing a little faster. "You think it wouldn't change my life? Or my body? That I enjoyed throwing up everything at the smell of onions or enjoy the idea of my body being opened up as wide as ...well, wide?" I couldn't think of something to describe, too angry, so I just went over it.
"That's what I mean. We're young. We could wait a while. Wait till Matt is settled in, till those mutts are dealt with, then we can try for a real baby. If you want a baby, I can try, but it's too soon." He was really uncomfortable as he said this, as if he knew how bad it sounded, but Nick was clearly just as uncomfortable with the reality. "A few years..."
"Nick, I'm pregnant right now. With a real baby. It can't just be put back on the shelf for a few years like a book you get bored with."
"You don't have to be. It's still so early, not even really a fetus, it wouldn't be hard to ...well, just wait. It's not a good time and it wouldn't be fair to a baby either. Or to Matt. He'll need you all the time when you find him."
My teeth clenched as he said that, so hard that I had to release them, crossing my arms. He was suggesting i abort the baby. Because it was a bad time for him. Some smaller voice was trying to agree, trying to remind me that I wanted him to be honest about his feelings even if I didn't like them, but the anger overwhelmed that voice. After all I'd lost, after all the people I'd seen killed, I wasn't going to kill a baby even it wasn't 'really a fetus' yet. I was already yanking clothing on as fast as I could, not bothering to worry about what was warm or not, deciding that I'd spend the night at Stonehaven. So what if we'd just got married? Why couldn't he say this tomorrow night and not ruin the day with this?
"Anne, please, don't be angry." He was reaching out now, hand trying to find mine, and I yanked my hand out of his reach. "I'm trying to be honest about how I feel about this."
I hurried down the stairs, past a surprised looking Antonio, who glanced up at where Nick was standing still naked. I didn't pause to explain. I was pissed off and I suddenly understood why what I'd said to Reece was completely wrong. Sometimes honesty needed to wait for a good time. I went for a car, swearing as I saw it was a manual. Bloody Americans. They had this obsession with those sticks.
"Get in." Antonio ordered, moving me as he slid in, glancing at where Nick was trying to tug pants on and chase me at the same time. "We'll be back soon, Nick."
"No we won't." I muttered, climbing into the passenger side.
We took off, Nick watching behind us, a striken look on his face.
"What did my son say?"
"He said he wasn't ready for a baby and I should just try for a real baby in a few years."
Antonio wasn't driving fast, I noticed, but he still got out onto the road and glanced sideways at me. "You wanted to get pregnant?"
"I'm already pregnant. He's a little late deciding he didn't want one now." I muttered and snatched for the door as the car suddenly served, Antonio reacting more than anyone else, his body twitching as if someone had just kicked him up the behind.
"You're pregnant? How long?"
"Nine or ten weeks, Jeremy and Pav thought. Nick saw the bump after I ate too much and he changed his mind." I hit the seat beside my thigh, rage still throbbing in me, wanting to hit something hard. "I mean, why today? Now? Why not be honest tomorrow?"
"Can I see it?" Antonio slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road. His hands were trembling slightly, his face openly taken back, but he didn't seem to be agreeing with Nick either. He was just staring at me like he'd never seen me before. "I thought it was strange you hadn't..."
I lifted up my shirt and slid the pants down, just enough, showing it. "I think it's showing because my stomach's full."
"Nick's mother showed like that too, at first, she ate a bit more or had a full bladder and it'd pop out for a while." He said, his hand reaching out, fingers touching it. Antonio blinked, as if he'd remembered he was supposed to ask. "Sorry. It's just, I never expected to see that."
"You can touch. You don't agree with him?" There wasn't much to touch. But he was welcome to try.
"I think ...he's brave to speak his mind right now." His lips twitched slightly, as he smiled, fingers coming down again with more confidence as he touched my stomach. Then he pulled away. "He did make it clear he didn't want a baby."
"He's more than old enough to know what unprotected sex can make." I muttered, crossing my arms.
"He is old enough." Antonio agreed. He pulled the car back onto the road and resumed driving as he added, "Congratulations. I hope."
We sat there a while before I said, softer, "I can't abort it."
Antonio nodded and after a while, slowly, carefully, "I heard that for some men, becoming a father happens when they see the baby. For women, it starts as soon as they find out they're pregnant. I was in love with Nick the second I knew she was pregnant but I was a little different with women at the time."
"That was when women weren't around?"
"Women had two uses back then, babies and lust. But I loved his mother. I still do." He glanced away to the side of the road ahead of his, hands tightening on the wheel. "I had to run away with her when she was pregnant to make sure she was safe. I was going to stay with her but I was afraid for Nick when he was born. I thought that he'd need the pack and I had to make the choice for him. I thought it was right at first, when he was friends with Clayton, but when I saw how he went through women, I wondered if I had been wrong. It was too late by then."
"He never seems upset about that part though. About loving women."
Antonio nodded slowly. "True but sometimes I wondered if it was something else he was looking for. I was glad to see he'd settled down with you. It was a long time for him to find you."
"Now he wants me to get rid of the baby. I can't do that." I felt it as the lump seemed to be reducing itself. My stomach had to be working pretty fast then. "I think I'm already her mother. His mother. Whatever it is."
"I can't speak for him. All I can say is, as its grandparent, I'm a little overjoyed." Antonio smiled wider, reaching over to squeeze my hand. "I get a daughter in law and a grandchild in the same day. A year ago, I assumed that there was no chance for either."
"I'm glad you're happy. I never knew my grandparents. I always wanted my kids to know theirs..." And he was the only one left, already. "I'm exhausted, could you drop me off at Stonehaven? I don't want to see Nick right now."
"I can't, I'm sorry. We're not allowed to be on our own for long. We have to go back. But you can sleep in a different room or downstairs." He turned the car around slowly and we started to wind back along the road.
Smoke was pouring up off something ahead. It took me a fraction of a second longer than Antonio to understand, because he was already suddenly speeding, hands white on the wheel, before I understood where it was.
Something in the house was on fire. We could see it as we wound through the driveway, trying to get there, finding that Nick was lying on the ground outside with a blow to the head. He was still breathing, still fine, but the red of blood dripped from a cut on his head into the snow under him. Antonio checked him, his face draining of blood at the sight, but he glanced at me.
"He's all right. Stay with him."
"What? Where are you going?" I knelt down beside Nick, brushing the snow off his face, any rage at him fading into a fresh wave of fear for him.
Antonio didn't answer. He yanked the jacket off his suit, dunking it in the snow, getting it as wet as he possibly could and before I could make a grab for him, he was going back inside the house. The side of the house, one window filled with the flames, had smoke rising high off it as it tried to tear through every last flammable material. I knelt there, legs weak, fearful at the sight.
"Where's Dad?" Nick's voice made me jump and I stared down to see him cringing, rubbing his head, sitting up slowly.
"He went inside."
Nick stood up then, fast, but his groggy head made him fall back down again with a curse. He went to try again but he didn't need to- Antonio was coming back out, coughing, with a small body in his arms.
It was Matt.
I didn't understand, didn't know what was going on, but I knew it was Matt. He had his mother's strawberry red hair and he had her nose, obvious even with the blackness on his face, wrapped up in Antonio's wet jacket as Antonio bent low over him.
"How-"
"Clayton." Nick said, cringing as the words hurt his head, trying to stand up again. "Got him. Brought him back today."
"Why didn't anyone tell me?"
Antonio went to answer but paused, coughing, sliding down to sit in the snow beside us with Matt still in his arms. Nick rubbed his back as I went closer to check on Matt. He was all right. He was asleep, it looked like, and when I opened up his jacket I found his arms and legs were loosely restrained. I frowned.
"No..." Nick pushed at my hands when I went to undo it. "Not a good idea."
"Why not? He's ..."
"Smell him." Antonio managed to say, moving to tug his glove off and take a handful of snow, swallowing it. It seemed to help him speak. "Anne, smell him."
"Smell-" I blinked. My nostrils were full of smoke and werewolf. And of Matt.
He was like Antonio, like Nick I smelt it, my instincts accepting it, but my human mind couldn't. What the hell? That was impossible. He had a human father.
"I don't understand."
"Nick, help me. I think we can stop the fire." Antonio coughed again, struggling to speak, and he got to his feet. Nick hurried in after him, I wanted to hit them both but they were gone, but the flames vanished only after a few minutes. The fire looked worse than it'd seemed.
They came back out, both panting, tossing something that resembled a warped metal bucket into the snow. It was half melted and covered in foam, I assumed from the little red thing I'd seen briefly in the kitchen and paid no attention to for ages.
"There was a bucket in the kitchen with oil on fire. Luckily, most of the kitchen is designed to be as inflammable as possible, so it only got to the window frame and curtain before the oil was burnt out completely. It didn't take much to get it out." Antonio told me, as he breathed in and out hard, shaking his head. "Someone was trying to get something worse started. We've got to get back to Jeremy."
I stood up, still not understanding my nephew's smell, but lifted him up carefully and followed them to the car. Nick seemed to be coming back to life now, not looking at me, his attention on Matt. He didn't seem shocked to see him. Neither did Antonio. How long had he been here? Antonio got into the back seat with Matt and I followed, sliding in beside, refusing to leave the kid. Nick got in the front seat and started up, as he tugged the phone onto one ear.
Whatever he said to Jeremy, I didn't hear, I didn't take in. All I cared about was Matt. He was breathing okay, his skin wasn't burnt, but he was naked for some reason. And he was sleeping so calmly. There was a little wound on his arm which suggested he'd had a needle in there recently. He looked older than I remembered too. He was five when I'd left. Maybe he was six now? I couldn't remember his birthday. It had never needed to be remembered- it would be there, this reminder, this sudden party. It was during winter though.
"Dad." Nick called from the front, slowing the car. "Look."
We looked. Smoke was rising from another place now too. Nick swore and sped, the car flying along the slippery roads, nearly loosing control several times until Antonio told him to slow down. The driveway was open, the gates literally knocked off, and the smell of smoke grew stronger as we got closer.
Stonehaven was on fire.
Nick was sliding out of the car the second it stopped, running for the house, ignoring Antonio and my yells for him to get back. He was already in the house, smoke pouring out the door frame, and gone.
"Don't untie him." Antonio ordered, as he slid out, coughing and running after Nick.
The roar and size of the flames terrified me, so loud, so massive, flames leaping up high into the air as they consumed the roof. I wanted to go after them, but I sat there in the car, one hand on Matt as he breathed in and out slowly, trembling.
They were taking too long. I didn't like it.
I slid out of the car and went for the door, ducking back as a wave of burning smoke suddenly filled my lungs, backing up a metre. Fear of the fire was battling with fear for Nick and Antonio, the two of them raging, until I had the strength to try again, go for the door again, dropping low. What had I been told as a kid? To escape a fire, stay low, feel the door to see if it was hot on the other side, and don't panic. It hadn't included that for going into one but I wasn't going to be fussy. It seemed to help- lower down, there was less smoke, and I could breathe a little more.
The study door was hot. I left it alone, panic thumping in my heart, struggling to breathe as I crawled along the ground. The fire was so loud, so overwhelming, smoke filling my sensitive nose, hiding any scent left behind by Nick or Antonio. Where were they? The ground was hot too. I couldn't move fast at all, just a slow crawl, trying to see beyond dark shapes of furniture and flames. The best way to figure out where I was by touching the wall, and I traced across it, breathing hard into my shirt, trying to keep as much out as I could.
Hands grabbed my legs and yanked me backwards, hard, dragging me as someone crawled backwards. I twisted around to see Clayton, his face covered by fabric, dragging me out. It was almost impossible to yank his hands off my legs, they were clawing in, and the second we were out of the house he yanked me up onto my feet.
"Nick, Antonio. Inside." I was coughing, hard, my lungs hurting, though it wasn't too bad, just irritating. "They went in."
Clayton glanced at the house and frowned. "Stay put." He was moving for the door again, ducking low, covering his mouth with the shirt.
A hand grabbed my shoulder and Jeremy yanked me backwards. He was shaking as he stared at his home, stared at the fire, stared at where Clayton had gone. I started to shake too, teeth chattering, coughing, a sudden chill coming over me. He blinked, stared at me like he'd remembered I was there, and called for someone to bring a blanket and water.
"Relax. It's okay." Pav was the one waiting, her voice calm, but she knew it wasn't okay. She held me down and made me cough, the blanket keeping me warm, giving me a bottle of water when I was able to drink.
Then they were back again, Antonio coughing harder, Nick limp over Clayton's arm.
"He hit his head." Antonio said, as I shot up, panic flooding every inch of my body. "It's okay. He charged straight into the wall." He turned to Jeremy, accepting the water from Pav, shaking his head. "The basement was on fire. Everything was. I couldn't get to Nathan."
Nathan? It took me a while to understand who that was, the name, but eventually... it was the teenager we'd brought back. The kid Jeremy hadn't wanted to hurt.
"Clayton, Elena, do you think you can check the ground around the house for scents with this smoke?" Jeremy turned to Clayton, who was with Elena, his arms wrapped around her neck. "The fire department will be here soon."
"We'll try." Elena dunked a couple of blankets in the snow, getting them soggy, threw one to Clayton and moved away one side with Clayton on the other. The blankets, I realised, were probably to try and avoid the heat that was pouring off the burning house.
"You all right?" Antonio asked, moving closer to Jeremy, as he seemed to find breathing a bit easier as the minutes went on.
Jeremy shook his head. He was still staring at the fire, his face pale, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Antonio had the same expression and the two of them watched it, both shaking, faces pale, Antonio's face streaked with black. They jumped when part of the roof caved in, suddenly, collapsing into what was originally Jeremy's bedroom. Huge flames leapt up from the house, almost as high as the house itself, dancing into the sky, the black smoke pouring up.
Their home, their haven, it was gone.
"It's them. I don't know how, but it's some mutt, looks like he torched the place and drove off." Clayton came back, shaking his head. "Didn't even wait to see the damage."
"The other house had a fire too but it didn't catch." Antonio said, squeezing Jeremy's arm. "We can use it."
Jeremy didn't answer. He seemed to be unable to speak. He just stood there, staring at it, face drained of blood.
"We better get back." Elena said, finally, stepping over and taking Jeremy's shoulders. He didn't resist when she pulled him backwards. "Come on. They're coming."
The siren was coming, we could hear it, and we all moved back, Antonio remembering to shut the door of his car so that they didn't see Matt there. Pav moved up to take Jeremy's hand, checking him, before directing Elena to sit him in the warm car and wrap a blanket around him. Jeremy let himself be led away, his arms shaking, shock all over his face.
The fire truck was there, the fire fighters moving out, trying to keep the blaze from spreading. We had to back up further, letting them take over, letting them do their jobs.
"We should get to the other house. Check Nick, and keep Jeremy warm." Antonio said softly. His voice was trembling as well but he managed to keep steady.
I moved to the car and went to slide into the seat beside Jeremy. It was crowded now, Matt was on one part, Nick in the front seat rubbing his head, and Jeremy sitting there with, his head in his hands. Matt had been gently placed on one of the seats further back, a blanket around him again. Jeremy moved over when I came in and when I hugged him, he seemed to accept it, leaning against me. Clayton was soon joining us as well, squeezing in on Jeremy's other side.
"That home has been home to the pack for so long." He said, finally, his voice soft and shaking. "So long."
"They're trying to make us think we're destroyed. Finished. It's just a house, Jere. Just a house. This is still our home."
Nick twisting back. He glanced at me, as if he wanted to say something or do something, but hesitated. "What about the book?"
Clayton growled. He was so angry but he was keeping all of his attention on Jeremy, his love for the older man obvious. "The book doesn't matter either. We don't need that."
"We've got it." Jeremy blinked, slowly, and looked up.
"What?"
"I was going to bring it to the other house and have Anne write her name in beside Nick's name. It's in that bag." Jeremy gestured to the bag behind the driver's seat. Some colour had returned to his face, just a fraction. Clayton seemed to relax slightly too.
"So all we've lost is a house and some stuff. We've still got the land and the book and we can rebuild."
"We can rebuild." Jeremy nodded, slowly, as some energy came back to his voice. He turned to watch the house burn out the window, water pouring onto it from the truck, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing even now. "The poor teenager didn't make it out."
"Maybe they took him. Maybe not. You were willing to help him and that's more than I'd have done." Clayton turned on me then, suddenly, voice getting hard. "You need to think about what's in you before you barge in to burning houses."
"She did wha-" Nick started but was cut off, as Clayton turned on him.
"And you need to think about what's in her before you go barging into houses. Antonio told us who went in first."
"I didn't want to leave Nathan there." He grimaced at Clayton's expression at that. "He wasn't that bad, Clay, just an idiot who had the wrong idol. What were you doing in there?" He turned on me, suddenly, eyes boring into me.
"Saving you. Idiot. No kid should grow up only knowing one of their parents if they could have two." I crossed my arms. He paled at my words, staring at me. I added, voice trying to harden like Clayton's had, though it didn't work as well, "I'm having the baby, no matter how scared you are. I'm scared too but the best things are scary at first."
"Huh?" Clayton stared at me and then Nick.
"Nick didn't want the baby." I muttered at Clayton's confused mutter.
Clayton blinked at Nick as if he didn't understand that.
"What baby?" Nick stared at me blankly, reaching up to rub his head, cringing. "Matt's not a baby."
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Song for those who were thinking wedding night- on fire must mean something ELSE. lmao :)
Thanks for reading and please remember to vote!