→ i'm thinking of doing a q&a thing so you guys can learn a bit more about me,, so if you guys have any questions for me (about anything tbh) then feel free to comment !! :)
(( psa: i wrote this one wowie im proud bc it's quite good and i may do a part two for it ?? ))
// words: 862
the tours, the flashing lights, screaming fans: it wasn't something you were used too and you had told matty this on several occasions. yet he still dragged you along to every show, interview and meeting. it wasn't your scene and you didn't know how much more you could take of it.
you felt the tour bus come to a stop and you got up, making breakfast was easier without it constantly moving. you heard others wake up and looked to see george and adam standing behind you.
"good morning, boys." you smiled at them and they returned them, grabbing bowls of cereal for themselves. you sat down on the sofa and turned on the tv, nothing was new so you switched it off.
your gaze peered towards matty who was now standing in the doorway staring at you and you quickly looked elsewhere. you couldn't look at him, because it was his fault you were partially sad all the time.
"y/n?" he said, coming closer to you. he grabbed your hand and you jerked it away from him.
"what do you want, matthew?" you snapped at him and your cereal spilled down your jeans at your outburst and you cursed under your breath. it's all his fault.
"to talk to you, alone. please." he pleaded and gave you the puppy dog eyes, it wasn't that you feel for it, you just wanted him to stop bothering you.
he lead you outside to a park bench, sitting down and patting the seat next to him, "y/n, i know you aren't happy." he paused, he was twirling a curl in his fingers, "i know you aren't happy with me." he finished in one huge breath.
"matty-" you started to say but he put his fingers over your mouth.
"don't, y/n. look i'm sorry i've been avoiding you and not realizing you were unhappy but this is my dream. and the others, we've been wanting this for years, and we finally got it. i'm sorry that it got in the way of us, i was so focused on this and was so happy that it finally came true that i lost sight of what really makes me happy." he paused again, this time he turned to face me, "and that thing, is you."
you were crying, you didn't know what emotion it was for, possibly all of them at once. he reached over and brushed away the tears with his thumb, "baby, don't cry. it's alright. we'll figure this out. i promise i'll spend time with you more and work you in as well."
you pulled away from him, you saw a flash of hurt in his eyes. "that's the thing, matty. i don't want to be 'worked in'. i want to be able to see you when i want and not be bombarded by fans, or cameras or some management."
"y/n, you know i can't just drop this. it's not that simple."
more tears were spilling out of your eyes at the next thought that came through your head. you didn't want too, but you knew it was for the best.
"then maybe, we should take a break." you let out in a shaky breath, your hands were trembling and you didn't even dare look at matty.
"just until things cool down a bit and i can figure out how to deal with it more."
you raised your head up and saw his expression then, it was sad. the saddest you've ever seen him, and it broke your heart.
"y/n, no. baby please, we can fix this, i promise i'll try harder." he was begging, his hands held yours so tight his knuckles were turning white but he didn't seem to care.
"not right now, matty. maybe in the future we'll find each other again." you squeezed his hand one last time before getting off the bench and making your way to the bus.
the boys didn't say anything when you packed your things, they didn't say anything when you called a cab, they just sat there.
it was matty who met you right as you were stepping into the cab, "here, take this at least." he held out his jacket, and you took it for the fear of him breaking down again.
"bye, matty." you said as you got in.
"bye, y/n." he spoke softly, shutting the door for you.
it was later that night, when you were home in your flat and scrolling through twitter that you saw news of "matty healy running off stage after crying during the song 'me'"
you knew it was because of you, but there was nothing you could do. it wasn't working and you were miserable, matty could see that. in the end, leaving was the best option for both of you.