Regret.
Two Weeks Later ...
Kimani's P.O.V
Friday, 4pm, Kimani's House.
Two weeks since everything happened. Christian's been admitted to a 'psych ward' were he was under surveillance and medical assistance, he'll be out in two more weeks, just in time for Halloween. I can't wait to see him. Yeah, I haven't gone to see him physically, I can't bring myself to do so. It was hard for me to see Tristian in his state but to see Christian that would be too difficult for me. It's like I have a soft spot for this stranger.
Tristian has been coming to school more often and its great to see him in a better mood, to see him be him. When he came to my house that day it was like seeing someone completely different, not even a ghost of Tristian, something completely different and I hated it, I honestly didn't like it. Luckily, he's better, he's doing and feeling much better than he was before.
I now have a job at JD Sports and it pays well and is fun to be at, minus the rude customers, its great over there, in fact I'm getting ready for work now. I sprayed myself as I put my lanyard over my head and placed them onto my collar bone.
..
Once I got to work I clocked in and began my work, behind the tills. In my opinion it was the best job, just stand there whilst you watch your colleagues do all the hard work like talking to rude customers, re stocking items on display and other vigorous activities. It could be challenging sometimes though, not gonna lie, people could be really ignorant and say some rude shit to me but I was gucci-ish. The Instagram pages were really helping me out with my self confidence, the 'old me' would have most probably bust out in tears but I'm holding my ground, hopefully.
Today was a 'slow day' as people were most probably out going to parties and doing whatever people do on Fridays. Clubbing, chilling, working, going out? One of them. I sat at the till waiting for another customer to roll up to buy their item/s. "Hello, my name is Kimani, is that all you would like?" I asked the customer.
"Naah can I get these laces please." He said smiling, exposing some gold grillz, he was fionneeee, I never noticed until he smiled. I started to sweat and feel uncomfortable as I went to go get the laces he wanted. "Oh yeah can I get one more thing please?" He asked whilst I rung up the laces onto his bill.
I smiled and replied with a sure. "Can I get your number please?" He asked causing me to smile. "Naah can I get the big can please." He said as I reached for the crep protect. Yuup, I wish that he asked for my number, bruh, I had already planned our life together and he just said sike, proper playing with my emotions.
Once work was finally over I left and went home to chill out, my homework was done, my shift was over and my life was chill more so, so this weekend was gonna be a calm, cool, collected one. Once I got home it was around 9pm and when I say I was tired, I was lying, I was knackered, exhausted any other synonym can be inserted here because I was all in one. I walked to the couch and sunk into it and kicked off my shoes as I drifted in and out of sleep on the couch, I'm not doing the stairs today, nope, I'm not even gonna eat.
Saturday, 8:19am, Kimani's House
"I DONT CARE THAT HE'S HERE, LET HIM FUCK OFF!" My moms yelling woke me straight up. I looked at the clock in the living room and groaned at how early it was, can I actually rest please, what is life!? I yawned and walked upstairs into my room and waited for her to be over.
"JAMEILIA, I BEG, I BEG, DON'T PISS ME OFF THIS BLESSED MORNING!" She said yelling into the phone I guess. Who was she talking about, and why is she up so early, my garsssh. "IF HE COMES HERE HE'LL SEE FIRE TODAY, TODAY!" My mom continued to shout into the phone. As tired as I was I really couldn't fall asleep with her on the phone going off on her friend like this. Its not even 12 bro.
I walked to her bedroom to see her cussing into the microphone section of the phone whilst walking up and down her room. "Mom." I croaked sitting on her bed whilst yawning.
"Oh shit sorry Mani, go and sleep, Jameilia I'll speak to you later yeah, I've woken up this one." She said before ending the call and getting into her bed with me.
"Who was you talking about?" I asked my mom as I got comfy on her bed and tried to drift myself to sleep.
"Nobody important baby girl don't worry." She said caressing my head which I had now positioned on her chest. I could feel her detangling my curls, which I had failed to separate last night, whilst massaging my scalp, helping me drift into a slumber.
..
Once I woke up it was finally a reasonable time for me to be getting up. I walked into my bedroom and put my dead phone onto charge. I then got my wash bag and towel and got ready for the day. All I was gonna do today was chill at home and most probably edit some images and create the flyer and snapchat filter for Asia's Halloween party. She wanted to hold a Halloween party that seemed like them American parties where they have the red cups, all dressed up and stuff. I was just gonna make the advertising stuff nothing more or less. I still didn't know if I wanted to go but I had to at least do this for her.
After I had placed myself into some comfy clothes I walked downstairs and into the living room where the main computer was and started on the project. So far it looked quite good, the flyer had a black background and then I had placed 'rips' on the background overlay where the words looked like they were coming out over the rips and then her social media where they could all get in touch with her.
By the time I was finished with all of that it was now around 3pm and I wanted to eat some food so decided to order myself some Chinese from the local shop, Golden Kingdom. All majestic sounding. Since I was home alone I planned on ordering for myself, I'm gonna get some chicken balls, large special fried rice and some spring rolls. YUP! I went upstairs into my room to get my phone which I had left upstairs to see some missed calls and other social media notifications, like 'darkskin.unity has posted a picture' and stuff like that. I unlocked my phone and called up the Chinese spot for my food.
"You want Chilli or Mild?" The Asian woman asked over the phone.
"Chilli Please." I replied. I have the 'hots' for 'chilli' food, see what I did there? wink wink.
"Okaay, we come in about half hour." She stated as we said our bye's and left the phone call. I then scrolled down my missed calls and saw Asia, Shemika, and some random out of town number, man said the number starts in +1 905, like whose number is that? I blocked it and continued scrolling through my phone before texting them all back that I was home and my phone wasn't near me.
..
Chicken Balls, Special Fried Rice and Spring Rolls, we thank the LORDT! If you think I left anything then you my friend aren't serious, I finished the whole thing and then went into the living room to watch television. As I was slowly drifting in and out of sleep my phone rung and it was a WhatsApp call from this same number ... What The Fuck, GO AWAY. Instead of ignoring the number I decided to answer to see who it was, if I didn't know them then I could simply block them again on all platforms.
"Hello, who is this?" I enquired as soon as the line connected.
"Hey babygirl, it's me Devon, your father, why haven't you saved my number?"
"Hello?"
"Kimani?"
Frozen, encapsulated in time, in awe, in shock. I didn't know what I was shocked about, this man calling me after 12 years of neglect or the courage he had to say the word father, in correlation to our relationship.
"I DONT CARE THAT HE'S HERE, LET HIM FUCK OFF!"
So my dad was the 'he' my mom was talking about. I see now. The line cut off due to my silence I guess and I sat there in the living room, still, quiet and serene. To say my emotions were all over the place was more than an understatement.
It was always some bullshit like this that annoyed me, I'm starting to gain confidence, I'm starting to love myself, then my friend has an attempt on his life and my sperm donor tries to waltz back into my life and just stir up the pot. I honestly hate it. One step forward, two steps back, all the time. No breaks, no chill, no rest just some bullshit coming over and over again, what's next life? What's next.
"So you're just gonna leave me alone with Kimani Devon!" My mom yelled at my daddy as I sat on my bedroom floor. We lived in a two bedroom flat, small kitchen and living room, it was OK but some of the kids were not nice and my mommy and daddy were always shouting and being mean to one another.
"Yes, you and that girl are always stressing me out, money for this, money for that, she don't even look like me, you sure she mine?" He yelled back at her.
"Wow, really, the whose child is it game, five years and you're still wondering if she's your daughter, who the fuck would I be fucking with Devon, who!" She screamed back. "I ain't like these other hoes you're fucking with Devon I keep my legs closed."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" He exclaimed in response to my mothers statement.
OMNISCIENT P.O.V
The tensions within the living room were rising. 2005 the year of the rooster, lucky number 5, but not for this 5 year old Kimani, today was the day of separation, loneliness, hate. "You think I don't know about these hoes you've been fucking Devon, huh?" She said walking up to him, "You think I don't know about all these girls, you've been fucking behind my back Devon whilst I've been loyal to you and you only!"
"Fuck off with that." He replied simply, guilt taking over his already emotional body.
"Naaah, don't tell me to fuck off with that, because I've been the only loyal one in this relationship and now you want to question my loyalty, fuck you Devon, fuck youu!" She screamed in his face.
"Get out my fucking face Imani." He said calmly again. This time the two emotions had now clashed, the anger within him and the guilt from his wrong doing. This concoction was not going to end pretty.
"Why, because you don't want to face the truth, hmm Devon, you thought I didn't know about what's her name, Ariana!"
Ariana.
Devon raised his hand and slapped Imani straight across the face causing her to stumble back, still standing she touched her face which was now stinging. "Mummy!" Kimani screamed running to her crying mother who stood there in shock, she had quietly made her way to the door and watched their altercation. Devon's body had now cooled down and his senses began to return to him as he watched the family he had destroyed from hate, self gain and cockiness. After seeing Imani's tears run involuntarily and Kimani hide from him he started to breathe in and out and also began to feel tears form which he was able to hold back.
Imani's tears were his weakness, the one thing he said he would try his best to preserve, her happiness, he had now broken, from the late nights, to the 'loose women' to the ongoing arguments. He knew she was loyal, he knew that Kimani was faithful but most of all he knew she was strong, so seeing her cry meant she was hurt, not only mentally but now physically, all at the fault of his own hand.
"Imani, I" He croaked trying to resolve the issue he had created.
"Just leave Devon." She whimpered whilst she held Kimani close by her crouched body, she played in her hair detangling the curls on her head, whilst caressing her daughter. Devon edged closer trying to be part of his family. "LEAVE DEVON LEAVE!" She yelled with tears streaming down her face. "I don't need you, leave me Devon, just leave me ... please." She said squeezing her daughter, her only place for happiness.
Devon sighed as he understood that what he had done was irreversible, some wounds heal but some leave scars and this was one was one which would scar this family for a long time to come.
Kimani sighed out in annoyance and breathed in and out whilst tears rolled down her face. 'Why me?' She whispered to herself as she held her head in her palms. 'Why can' t I have a different life, why this one, why?' She cried into her t-shirt.
SING WITH MEEE, 'AINT NO SUCH THING AS A LIFE THATS BETTER THAN YOURS.'
AND ITS TRUE, IN MY OWN WORDS, 'A DIFFERENT LIFE IS JUST A DIFFERENT STRUGGLE.'
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I'VE BEEN HAVING THE MADDEST WRITERS BLOCK, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO UPLOAD THIS CHAPTER HONESTLY, TRULY, I LIKE IT BUT I DON'T LOVE IT BUT I HAVEN'T POSTED IN FOREVER AND THATS NOT FAIR FOR THE SUPPORT YOU GUYS GIVE ME, THE COMMENTS, THE VIEWS, THE LIKES, THE SHARING.
THANK YOU SOOO, SOOOO, SOOO, SOOO MUCH, I TRULY DO APPRECIATE IT BUT SOMETIMES LIFE JUST GETS TO ME, I'M NOT A COMPUTER, I JUST WRITE ON ONE.
- damn Devon, so you just gonna roll up randomly?
- Devon change your number to a +44 you're getting charged hella money for that Canadian number bro.
- Imani, will you try and mend this broken family, or will it be left in pieces?
thank you for reading, voting and/or commenting, I hope you enjoyed the book and have a great morning, day, afternoon, evening and/or night. - Madmarsz xo.