TEN
So, usually, my birthday goes like this
[8:00 AM]
· Wake up, get ready, have breakfast.
· Attend to birthday wishes on calls.
· Ignore ex-daddy's calls.
[9:30 AM]
· Chill, because calls are exhausting.
· Have orange juice.
[10:05 AM]
· Get out of the house.
· Visit one of the following places: dog shelter, home for the elderly, or church.
Yes, mom made me add church, and dog shelter it is for today.
[1:00 PM]
· Come back home on mom's orders.
· Ignore more of ex-daddy's calls.
· More chilling.
· Orange juice.
[1:45 PM]
· Get out of the house again. With mom.
· Accept mom's pleas to drive all the way to Nonna's place.
· Decline ex-daddy's calls. Turn the music up.
· Packaged orange juice.
[2:30 PM]
· Let mom and Nonna recount embarrassing childhood stories at lunch.
· Chilling extravaganza with cousins.
By the time it's four, the plan falls apart. I get tired of ignoring ex-daddy's calls, I get tired of chilling, I get so tired of chugging orange juice all day because it's almost given me a bad throat, and I get so damned tired of waiting, waiting on adventure.
"You know, Tenerife," says my Nonna, placing her wrinkled hand on mine, "you could come meet me on occasions other than birthdays and holidays too."
I tilt my head to a side, "And how would that be this special?" I ask, flashing her a smile. She rolls her eyes away.
"Stop buttering me up," she says, everyone on the table bursts into a round of laughter, including mom, who clearly hasn't had enough of it making fun of me all afternoon. "You just don't have any time to spare on me, you're too busy looking for new adventures!" she says to me.
I press my lips together, realizing I probably can't argue with that. My phone rings up just in time. Inside my head, I thank god a thousand times for saving me from any further roasting. I merrily excuse myself before rushing away from the table. I glance at the screen only when I'm no more in my family's sights to find out that it is, indeed, adventure calling.
"Number Eleven..." I say as soon as I pick up.
"Ten," he answers. I have to stop walking and do my breathing exercise to keep my face from splitting into two halves. I tell myself that even though his voice is a god-sent gift, I must remain calm.
"I was worried you'd forgotten about me completely," I say, kicking at the gravel in Nonna's driveway.
"We just met yesterday?" he says, I can almost see his frown.
"I know that," I grin into the phone, "just kidding."
"I called to ask if you were free?" he exhales darkly.
"Not exactly, but what is it?" I ask.
"Meet me at the cliff at six?" I frown.
"The cliff?" I ask, grinning into the phone, "why, pray, do I sense you have a plan, Number Eleven?" I question.
"Because I do," he hangs up.
***
The thin spread of trees at the cliff is usually a quiet area but not at this time. Besides the crunch of the dried leaves that get crushed under my foot, as I stomp my way to the clearing, there's also the sound of the waves crashing against the shore below, the sound of the wind as it weaves through the crowns of the tall trees, the insects calling out to each other from far out of reach.
But there's also silence, the kind that follows Levan around. That's how I know he's close, when his silence starts to infiltrate my lungs. I take a deep breath when I finally spot him, sitting on the rock that I was lounging on the first time we met, watching the sun drown into the water. And it's like we're back to the start. I watch him, he's lost, just like he was the day I met him.
But he turns back to look at me, as if he could sense my eyes on him.
He doesn't smile instantly, he doesn't blink, he doesn't even run a hand through his hair or steal his gaze away, instead he keeps his eyes on mine for a second longer than usual. Unusual, that's what he is today. In a matter of second, the sun's gone, leaving only it's traces in the sky, and that's when he finally blinks.
"Ten," he says, smiling finally, "happy birthday..." I smile back at him but, so hard that it make my face hurt.
"Thanks," I say, his smile widens as he stands up. He walks up to me, never returning his gaze back to the sky. I tilt my head to a side, I get it Levan, you're afraid of the dark.
"Bitch, I got lost looking for you!" says Thea, surprisingly popping out from behind the trees, huffing and puffing as she sits her tired self down on the ground.
"Levan, do you also see Athena Breeland over here or am I just hallucinating?" I ask, frowning and wondering why Levan would include Thea in our plans. They're not close, he doesn't really talk to her, or anyone. Again, very unlike Levan.
He almost laughs, my frown deepens. Almost? "No, she's really here..." he tells me, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"I called him up and practically forced him to bring me along," says Thea, standing up again as she regains control on her breath.
"Okay, so what's the plan?" I ask, giving them a wry look. I need to know how this happened but I assume it's a long story, so I let it go with a shrug to myself.
"I'd let you guess, but here's a clue; it includes jumping off this cliff," Levan tells me, pointing a thumb back at the edge of the cliff. That can only mean two words...cliff diving. Instantly, my eyes widen and a mix of joy, relief, and excitement rises up my chest, ready to come out as a squeal.
"You're kidding," I say, not blinking.
"I'm not," he says, narrowing his eyes, his smile wide. More, more, more. The squeal finally comes out.
"YES!" I chant, throwing my hands up in the air. Thea laughs and so does Levan. "Wait, are we all jumping? All of us?"
"Oh, honey no, you guys are, I'm only watching," says Thea, stepping back, "and bringing your clothes back to the beach." I giggle.
"Oh, okay, when do we start?" I question, shifting my gaze back to Levan, who watches me with partly mooned eyes, thanks to the faint smile that resides on his lips still.
"Whenever you're ready," he says, reaching behind his head and pulling his shirt off in one go and dropping it to the ground.
"I was born ready!" I tell him, slipping out of my dress and kicking my shoes off rather aggressively fast.
When I finally walk over to the edge of the cliff, the wind whipping my hair all over my face and inside my mouth, the sky is almost dark but the water below us still glimmers even in the dim lighting. I look back to find Levan watching me from far away, uncertain and scared, that's what he is. I wish he would admit.
So I offer him a hand as he walks over to me, to the edge, to the end of the world. His grip tightens on mine when he peers down at the waves. His feet grip at the uneven surface of the rocks under us. Strange for someone who walks a tightrope effortlessly to be this scared of falling, isn't it?
"Are you scared?" I ask him, intertwining my fingers with his, making him look at me. The wind makes his hair fly straight across his forehead down into his eyes as his throat works on a swallow. He nods. Something about his silence tells me that he's trying hard to not zone out. He's probably scared to death, like he was when we first met, to jump. But he'd do it for me.
"Good," I tell him, "it's good to be scared sometimes, it keeps us alive." I smile at him, hoping to make it less of a big deal. It's only a jump, a swim and a big doze of life. "You trust me right?" I ask, he looks at me and nods again. He stares at me then. My heart starts its ritualistic thumping. I don't know what he's thinking, why can't I read his mind? I need to be inside it. So I grab him by the neck and bring his mouth to mine. He kisses me back, telling me how he's nervous and afraid and dark and deranged.
He lets me go, painfully so. Thea clears her throat somewhere behind us, it makes me giggle. "Hold your breath on three and jump with me," I instruct Levan, looking down at the waves as they violently crash against the rocks, over and over again.
"Do it already!" Thea yells. I stop giggling and roll my eyes. When I start to count, Levan's grip on me gets even tighter. I look at him before I count three, I take a deep breath in, smelling the salt in the air, then we hold our breaths and in a blink we take the leap.
And then we fall forever, it takes an eternity. My heart starts to burst, my skin starts to tingle, my blood starts to roar. For a few of seconds, life flashes before my eyes like lightning in a stormy sky, that's how it feels every time. It feels like fire in my brain, like butterflies in my stomach, like giggles in my throat, like stars in my eyes and no trace of air in my lungs. Just the way I like it. A millions thoughts go through my mind, look at how we make the most of time.
Then we hit the water, in a second, I'm going under, sinking, sinking, sinking without an end. It's cold, it hits me like a truck, it fills my senses, it fills me up. I keep sinking and sinking without control, but then I let go of the breath I've been holding, and open my eyes under the deep blue. In the next moment, I'm ricocheting back to the surface. I'm buoyant, I float, I bloom.
I take my very first breath in the last minute and I take it all in. I struggle to blink, I struggle to calm my heart down, I struggle to breathe, as I taste the salty water in my mouth. I push all of my hair back until it's off of my face, my thoughts clear up and that when I realize that somewhere between my legs piercing through the water and my head sinking in, I lost my grip on Levan. But that was bound to happen, the water's a strong force. So I flail my arms and legs around, waiting for Levan to bob up any moment but when he doesn't, my heart start to sink inside my body.
I tell myself that he knows how to swim. He knows, because I taught him, he knows how to rise to the surface, but I also know that it's by time his head came out of the water and he took a breath in. After all, we fell together. I don't know when my thrill morphs into panic, but it does, for I feel it travel up my spine and into my neck. I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe.
"Levan?" I call out his name, looking around for him. "Levan?!" He can't be far away, I tell myself, my body starting to shake.
But he's nowhere to be seen, and the panic inside me starts to leak from my seams. No, no, no! I chant inside my head, plunging back under the water without a thought, hoping to find a trace of him. A boy lost, his hair is light, his eyes are wonder, and his skin is blue. Levan, where are you? My lungs cry for solace, he's not here, he's nowhere.
Blue is all that surrounds me, but not my favorite hue, not the one I knew. The moment I come up for air again is when it starts to sink in, it all makes sense.
He's blue as the water, so that's what he is, camouflaged.