Hey guys! It's really beautiful here in Ireland, but yesterday it was raining quite heavily, so I found some time to write. I hope you'll like it :)
She had her head on Abby's shoulder and stared at the TV, but she couldn't really keep up with what was going on. Her head was still thinking about other stuff and everything else just seemed so far away. Luckily Abby was here, because she had at least someone to talk to. Abby had showed up in the afternoon and had agreed to continue with what she was already doing. Watching stupid romantic movies and eating too much Toblerone and crisps, while washing it down with several beers and red wine. Yes, that sounded like a really healthy eating plan, but she couldn't care less at the moment.
'Asshole,' Keira yelled at the screen when the main character got unceremoniously dumped.
'You talking about Seb?' Abby grinned and tried to make light of the situation.
'Not at the moment, but he's an asshole too though,' Keira said while frowning.
'You can call him anything you want right now, get it out before you have to go back to work. Things can get nasty if you start calling him an asshole in the garage, you know,' Abby shot Keira a half smile and grabbed the bag of crisps out of Keira's hands.
'Give that back,' Keira yelled and she tried to grab the bag, but Abby was holding it high in the air so she couldn't reach it. 'You're an asshole too,' she muttered under her breath.
'Thanks, I'll remember that before I fly out next time you need me,' Abby tried to sound angry, but a smile was playing on her lips. 'Here you go,' she added and she handed the bag to Keira again.
'Thanks,' Keira smiled and she moved a little to sit more comfortably. 'He's just like Seb, I told you he had someone else. That was clear from the beginning,' Keira triumphantly pointed at the TV.
'OK fine, you've won. What did we bet on again?' Abby threw her head back and stretched her legs.
'Who was making us food tonight,' Keira chuckled. 'I'll allow you to order some food though, because you're such a good friend.'
'Pizza it is then,' Abby clapped her hands in excitement.
Keira laughed, she shouldn't have expected anything else. Not that she minded, she liked pizza, very much. The only thing was that it reminded her of Seb, they used to order pizza whenever Seb felt like cheating on his diet. She suddenly felt the sickness in her stomach again, it had gone for a while when Abby had tried to cheer her up, but it was starting to come back. She suddenly wasn't interested in the film anymore and the knot in her stomach tightened painfully whenever she thought of Seb.
'What's wrong?' Abby asked, as she had noticed the change on Keira's face.
'Nothing,' Keira answered while dodging Abby's eyes.
'Oh come on, I'm not stupid. You're thinking about Seb again, I can tell,' Abby said confidently and it looked like she had wanted to roll her eyes.
'It's just that I still don't understand. He doesn't look like someone who picks up random girls and then goes on to the next one. I've spent so many hours with him and it just doesn't fit,' Keira sighed and she put another handful of crisp in her mouth.
'Have you checked the internet yet?' Abby asked while opening another tablet of Toblerone.
'No, I was scared of what I was going to find. Maybe he is a massive playboy, I don't know. I don't even know if I want to know,' Keira said and she shrugged her shoulders.
Abby had an amused look on her face when she looked at her friend. 'Come on, I'll look and then decide if it's safe for you to know or not. Alright?'
Keira nodded, although she felt a bit uneasy. She looked how Abby pulled out her phone and typed something to find some information on the subject. She focussed her eyes on Abby's face, because she wanted to see her expression. Abby was always an open book with her emotions, so she would know when it was bad. She felt the familiar jolt in the pit of her stomach when she saw Abby's eyes widen, this wasn't good.
'OK, spill it. I don't care if it's bad,' Keira said with a blank face. Now she was this close to the information, she needed to know.
'I don't think you want to,' Abby said hesitantly and she quickly put her phone against her chest.
Keira sat up and grabbed the phone from Abby's hands. Her heart was pounding when she focussed her eyes on the screen. She felt her stomach drop when she realised what she was seeing. There she was, the girl from the restaurant, walking next to Seb. The photo was taken in a paddock and she felt a nagging feeling before she started to read the text. She almost forgot to breath when she had read the first line. Her name was Hanna and she was his girlfriend. She needed a few moments to let that sink in, Seb had a girlfriend. Her hands started to shake and she almost couldn't read the screen, but she wanted to read more.
When she had finished reading the text the tears were streaming down her cheeks again and it felt like she had been punched in the chest. She knew how that felt, so she wasn't exaggerating at all, it was painful to breath. Hanna was not only his girlfriend, they had been together since high school. How long ago must that have been, about eight or ten years? He had been together with this girl for as good as ten years and he hadn't bothered to tell her about Hanna. So he had not only hidden his career from her, but now also his personal life. Was there anymore left to hide?
She also started to feel nauseous again when she thought about Hanna. She had wondered if Seb had other girls, but she had been the other girl the whole time. She couldn't imagine how Hanna must be feeling when she found out. Would she find out though, or maybe she did know about it already. However the way they had acted during dinner showed her that she didn't know and that made her feel even worse. She now felt responsible for ruining such a perfect relationship, Seb probably must be her whole life. It also made a lot of sense now why they were always staying at her house and never at Seb's, because they probably lived together. Her stomach lurched when she imagined Seb going home after spending time with her and stepping into his bed to sleep next to Hanna.
'It's even worse than I imagined,' Keira whispered as she handed Abby her phone back. 'They look so happy together.'
'He never told you about her?' Abby asked while trying to sense Keira's feelings.
'Nope, never. From what I read she doesn't go to race weekends very often, almost never really. No one from the team told me either, but I think it's just not the first subject you discuss with people. Also no one knew about us really, so they didn't think it was necessary. Or maybe they thought I already knew, who knows,' Keira had clinched her fists to divert her anger, but she wasn't making much progress. She was angry at Seb, but also angry at herself for not noticing anything. Maybe if she had asked Macy, she would've told her, but then again she never thought he had a girlfriend.
'This really is fucked up, especially because he's really into you. Don't say he isn't, because I have seen you two interact for a whole weekend and I know what I'm talking about. Also the way he acted when he found out about Alonso told me enough about his feelings. Poor girl though, I bet she doesn't know anything,' Abby shook her head in disbelief.
'I feel dirty know. If I had known I would never have kissed him or acted the way we did,' Keira said and she felt guilt starting to rise. If she had googled him more thoroughly she would have known sooner, but she always thought that he had told her anything. How wrong she had been. She felt so betrayed, especially after sharing a lot of personal things with Seb, for fuck's sake they kissed. He kissed her while being in a long-term relationship, that was wrong on so many levels. It also didn't fit with the guy she had became to know, that Seb would never do something like this.
'This isn't your fault, you didn't know. If you had known you wouldn't have done this, so don't blame yourself,' Abby put her arm around Keira's shoulders and pulled her very close. 'You'll find another guy, don't worry,' she shushed Keira who had started to cry again.
'I don't want to go to the next race,' Keira said with a muffled voice as she had her face in Abby's shirt.
'Don't be stupid, you don't want to lose your job over him. Just act professional around him, be the adult he isn't and do the best job you can do. They way you talked about the last race could only be done by somehow who really loves what he's doing, don't throw that away for a stupid racing driver,' Abby was stroking Keira's hair, but sounded very determined.
'You're right, I'll have to pull myself together and do what's good for myself. I have done things to please others long enough, now it's time to live my life how I want it to,' Keira said with a watery smile on her face.
'That's my girl, you're so much more worth than you think you are. Anyone would be lucky to have you,' Abby was now also smiling and pulled Keira into another hug.
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Abby had left early the next day and Keira had spent the entire day in her pyjamas continuing what she had been doing the day before. Seb had contacted her many times and clearly didn't understand what was wrong. She only had replied that she was busy and that she didn't have time to see him. She hadn't want to ignore him like last time, because she still had to work with him. As long as they kept their distance, she didn't mind communicating, as long as it was about work. Clearly that was not what he had wanted, so she had kept her replies short and hadn't picked up any his calls.
She had felt rather lonely without Abby or Seb to spend time with and she was glad that she was flying to Japan today. There she would be in the company of the whole team and she had really started to like them, especially Macy and they were going along really well. She was looking forward to spend time with them all and let them distract her from this dismal situation. She looked around the room to check if she had packed everything and closed her suitcase when that was the case.
It didn't take long to get to the airport and she had some time left before her flight took off. She always wanted to be early, because you never knew what you would encounter on the way to the airport. Also missing a plane was a bit more serious than missing a bus, so she just liked to be on the safe side. When she had gone through security she decided to spend the spare time on drinking coffee, what else. She sat down at a little cafe and ordered a coffee, although not too large, because she hated peeing on the plane. If she could minimise the visits to the toilet then that would be nice.
'Hey, can I sit here?'
She almost spilled the coffee on her shirt and with a startled look tried to find the source of the voice. She didn't really need to look, because she would recognise that voice anywhere.
Seb didn't await her answer and sat down, looking a bit uneasy. 'How's it going? Also dreading the long flight?'
Oh damn, she had forgotten how cute he was. Especially when he looked all nervous like he did now. She could feel her stomach react and she couldn't look away from those perfect blue eyes. 'I'm fine, thank you,' she replied when she had found her voice again.
He was taken aback by her distant behaviour and sadness was visible in his eyes. 'What have you been up to? We haven't spoken much,' he tried again and he ran his fingers through his hair. This was something he always did when he was nervous.
She smiled politely as she couldn't handle his face looking this sad, it felt like kicking a puppy. 'I have been hanging out with Abby,' she replied and she sipped her coffee to have something to do.
'I've missed you,' he said hesitantly, but a small smile was visible on his lips. One of his leg was jiggling and he looked away when Keira didn't reply.
How was she supposed to reply to this? She thought she could just forget about how she felt and that she would go on with life. Clearly that wasn't as easy as it had seemed as her heart was pounding and she felt her eyes trailing back to his lips every few seconds. He was also looking very handsome today in his washed jeans and striped shirt. His stubble was exactly how she liked it most, not too long and not too short. She shivered when she remembered how it had felt on her skin and she felt her cheeks getting hot.
'Tell me what's wrong,' he said with a soft, but uncertain voice. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt and looked at Keira with a worried look on his face.
'There's nothing wrong,' she replied trying not to catch his eyes.
'You know you can always talk to me if there's something wrong, right?' he said while shifting in his chair.
Damn it, why did he have to be this thoughtful. He made it really hard for her to stop liking him. 'I'll keep that in mind,' she said while focussing on her coffee.
'I meant it when I said I've missed you,' he had moved his chair a little bit closer to Keira and made an attempt to grab one of her hands.
'Oh,' was the only thing that came up. She quickly put her hands around her coffee again and tried not to notice the disappointment on Seb's face. She hated to be this insensitive, but she couldn't get the image of Hanna out of her head.
'You're looking forward to the race?' he asked. He had changed the topic when Keira hadn't really replied.
'Yes,' she smiled. She had allowed herself to talk about work and this was work. 'I think we've got a good chance. I've heard this is your favourite circuit, is that right?'
He was confused by her change of mood, but the corners of his mouth had lifted slightly. 'That's true, it's one of those classic circuits,' he said. 'Maybe it sounds weird, but I had a dream that I would win this weekend,' he grinned when he remembered that dream.
She chuckled, that was typical Seb. 'Who else were on the podium in your dream?' she asked curiously.
'For some reason Kobayashi, maybe because of the fact he is Japanese, because it's not like he has been on the podium before. The other was Hamilton after he forced Alonso into an error at the last corner and he crashed,' he was counting on his fingers when he tried to remember his dream. His eyes had twinkled when he remembered Alonso not finishing the race.
'Sounds perfect,' Keira laughed, he clearly had a large imagination. 'I'll eat my hat if that turns out to be true this Sunday,' she smirked.
'I need to see that,' Seb grinned and his eyes had lit up when Keira had laughed. 'I don't think it'll taste very well, but maybe if you put some ketchup on it it'll be alright,' he chuckled.
It would be perfect If he could stop smiling like that, because her body was responding to it in all different kind of ways. 'You always know how to make things better, don't you?' she shook her head, but she couldn't hide the fact that she was amused.
At that moment their flight was announced and they both checked their watches. It was time to go to the gate or the plane would leave without them and that would not be very useful. She would also be able to get away from Seb and that would be a big relief. She was totally confused by how she felt and she expected herself to be angrier, but it was so hard to be angry with him when he looked like that. Maybe when she was alone she would be able to judge the situation a bit better.
'Britta has booked us seats next to each other, I hope you don't mind,' Seb held out his ticket and tilted his head while biting his lip.
Oh perfect, that would be twelve hours of having to sit next to him.