Hey guys, time for another update! I have to say though that this will probably be my last update in a while, or my updates will become less regular. I'm leaving for Ireland tomorrow, because I'm going to travel the island on my own for two months. I'm excited, but scared as hell and I don't know if I have time to write while I'm there.
I hope you'll like this chapter though, you'll finally find out what's going on! I'm so sorry for doing this though, it was very hard to write for me as well, don't hate me please. Just remember: when you're down, there's nowhere else to go but up.
Her whole body felt numb, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from Seb and the blonde girl. Her heart was aching and it felt like her throat was closed off, so hard was it to breath. Seb was smiling while talking and the blonde girl laughed in response. She recognised the blonde girl, because she had often came into the cafe. Not for drinking coffee, but she always bought a cake to take home. Was she one of many girls, someone else to throw away when he seemed fit, or was she more than that? She didn't know, but it looked like they knew each other pretty well, so the girl could even be his girlfriend for all she knew. It stung to think about it, because then she probably bought those cakes to celebrate something with Seb. She felt sick when the image of Seb and that girl sitting together on a large sofa clouded her mind, his hands were touching her and he smiled that same smile which made her go weak at the knees.
She stood there for several minutes without moving, fully focussed on what was happening inside. She let out a silent yell when Seb grabbed the girl's hands and bend over the table to be closer to her. His fond expression on his face made her nauseous, as that was the same expression he sometimes showed when he looked at her. He looked and acted exactly the same as she remembered him and that made her feel even worse, it confirmed that he used this tactics on everyone else. She was stupid to have fallen for it and how could she have thought that he perhaps liked her? Of course he didn't like her, she was just convenient, that was all. Her head was now spinning and everything was blurry, she thought he was different from all the other racing drivers, but clearly he was just the same.
While staring at the window, she couldn't stop thinking about their kiss. She hated herself for kissing him because this was the result, feeling like she had been run over by a truck. If they hadn't kissed she could have dismissed it as a fuck up of her judgement, because she then could have made herself believe that it had all been in her head. However she now knew that it wasn't and she could still feel his body against hers, his lips pressed against her own, which hurt massively. The tears were now coming thick and fast and she had clinched her fists, but she still wasn't able to look away. They looked so happy together, Seb was smiling the whole time and she couldn't help but feel her stomach lurch whenever he smiled. His smile was still perfect and still able to make her lose her head, damn it.
She had thought that it couldn't get much worse, but when she saw the girl bending over the table to get closer to Seb she felt like her world came crashing down. Seb replied by also leaning in closer and before she could avert her eyes they kissed. No, this wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. She needed to get away, she didn't want to see this, because her heart had just shattered into a thousand pieces. The image of Seb kissing another girl was now burnt into her memory and she knew this was coming back to haunt her. The tears were still streaming down her face and she couldn't forget how Seb had looked at the girl, like he really loved her. How could she have been this mistaken about Seb, how could she not have noticed anything. A voice in her head told her it was because she was stupid and ignorant, how else could she have ended up with David?
Suddenly with new found determination she picked up her bags and turned her back on the restaurant. It wasn't going to get better if she kept staring at them and she was really hungry by now. She had to take care of herself, otherwise she would feel like shit this coming race weekend. Damn, racing, she had forgotten about that. She couldn't get rid of Seb, because they worked together, closely. Why on earth had she agreed to this job in the first place? The only thing she could do now was act like a grownup and just do the best job she could, most of the time he would be in the car anyway. Yes, this was all going to work out just fine, right?
She was able to keep her composure until she reached home, she felt tears leaking from her eyes when she opened the door and by the time she reached the kitchen she had completely broken down. She still couldn't believe what she had seen and every time she thought about Seb he was kissing that girl again. Not only did she feel bad for herself, but the same for the girl, because she was practically in the same boat. She wasn't angry with the girl, maybe she would be if she was in on it, but she probably wasn't. Damn it, it had all been too good to be true, she should have seen this coming really. She had thought Seb was perfect, as he was the complete opposite of David, but now it seemed he was more like him that she had thought.
Still sobbing she flopped down on the sofa, her hunger had completely disappeared as a sinking feeling had taken over her stomach. The only thing she could think of to do right now was calling Abby. She would understand and even if she didn't, it would be nice to hear someone else's voice as she had no one here in Switzerland. Yes, of course she had Seb, but she didn't want any more to do with him except from work related stuff. Maybe it was time to start looking at houses in England again, especially when she had to be in the factory so often. She had stayed here in Switzerland because of Seb, but there was no more reason to stay now.
'Hey Keir, what's up?' Abby sounded cheerful when she answered Keira's call.
Hearing the voice of her best friend made her burst out in tears again, it confirmed how much she missed having a friend around to hug her and tell her everything was going to be alright.
'Keir, what's going on?' Abby said being alarmed by Keira's outburst. 'Tell me what's wrong.'
She couldn't bring herself to tell Abby, she was still not able to stop crying and it felt like her throat had been closed off.
'Keir, please, tell me. Has David done something? Should I call the police?' Abby sounded more alarmed by the second.
'No, it's not David,' Keira was able to explain, albeit it interrupted by several sobs.
'Then what is it, are you fired or something?'
That could be the next step, Keira thought. 'No, not yet at least,' she said very timidly.
'Has it something to do with Seb?' Abby asked, running out of options of what it could be.
Hearing Abby say his name resulted in another round of tears and she was now physically hurting. It hurt so much, she had thought she could trust him and he had promised her that he would never hide something again. Of course she shouldn't have believed that, because if he was able to do it the first time, why wouldn't he do it another time?
'Alright, what has Seb done to you? Has he hurt you?' Abby had interpreted the tears correctly. 'Damn it, I really liked Seb, I thought he was never going to make you feel this way,' she added with a sigh.
'He has, he has-,' Keira began, but it took too much effort to continue.
'You can tell me, you can trust me,' Abby said in a soft voice, 'you know that right?'
'He has someone else,' Keira was just able to get that over her lips and when she had done that she went back to crying. She didn't know how much tears she was able to produce, but they were still coming.
'Oh Keir,' Abby said sympathetically and she sighed. 'I thought he really liked you.'
'He doesn't,' Keira said and she threw one of the cushions through the room as a sign of frustration.
'It was so obvious that you liked each other, I don't understand. I never believed you when you said you were just friends, although you didn't want to admit that. I'm glad to at least know that you're being honest with yourself,' Abby said softly.
'Was it really that obvious?' Keira asked tentatively. Why had everybody known before her?
'As obvious as it could be, Keir. Is it only now he has someone else that you realised you like him?' Abby asked carefully.
Now she had to think about what she had seen again and she started to feel nauseous, it hurt so much. 'No, I knew before that, I've known for some time now.'
'Did he tell you or how did you found out?' Abby sounded interested, but she made sure not to make Keira feel any worse.
'I only came back from England today and went shopping for food. On my way back I walked past a restaurant Seb and I have eaten once and when I looked inside I saw him sitting there, with this girl. They looked so happy and they held hands, they even kissed. They funny part is that I know that girl, because she sometimes came into the cafe,' she started crying halfway through and her voice trembled that she found it a miracle that Abby was able to understand her.
'Is she his girlfriend?' Abby asked cautiously.
'I don't know, I didn't even know they knew each other. They never came in together and Seb never mentioned a girlfriend. You think he would have done if he had one, right? Because we've known each other for some time now and he even knows my secrets,' disbelief was audible in Keira's voice and she banged her hand on the small table next to the sofa. Shit, that hurt.
'He knows about David?' Abby sounded surprised.
'Not that it was David, just what happened to me and he was so sweet that night. He is the only one I really felt safe with and thought I could trust. Boy, I was wrong,' she sobbed.
'But what do you mean you can't trust him? I mean, it isn't his fault that he likes someone, right? And if he didn't know you liked him too...,' Abby's voice trailed off, not wanting Keira to think she was overreacting.
'We kissed,' was all Keira could say and she closed her eyes.
'You did what?!' Abby almost yelled.
'At the party last race, so not even that long ago,' Keira sounded dejected and didn't even notice new tears were welling up in her eyes.
'That's fucked up,' Abby sounded stunned. 'I didn't know you guys were there already, fuck that's not good at all.'
'I know and I mean it wasn't just a quick drunk kiss or anything, or I thought it was at least,' Keira sighed and she sucked her lip between her teeth until it started to bleed.
'Oh man, that's even worse,' Abby said. 'How was it though?' she asked curiously after a few seconds of silence.
'I've never been kissed like that before, it made me forget about the world and I didn't want it to end, ever,' Keira sighed. It was hard to have to admit it to herself, but to someone else was even worse.
It stayed silent for a while before Abby answered. 'Keir,' she began. 'I don't want to sound insensitive or anything, but is it possible that you're in love with him?' she asked hesitantly.
Now it was Keira's turn to stay silent. Her heart had jumped and ached at the same time when Abby had said that. 'I think I might be,' she answered after a long moment of silence.
On the other side of the phone Abby groaned. 'That's what I was worried about. I prayed for this to happen since I saw you two together, but now Seb turns out to be an asshole I don't want that anymore. Sadly it's too late now, damn it, why does he have to be so cute?' Abby sounded frustrated and it seemed like she was blaming herself. 'I shouldn't have pushed you together all the time, this is my fault.'
'Of course not, I think I have been in love with him even before that, although I have never wanted to admit that to myself. I think I might have been since the beginning, although because of all that was happening with David I have never realised that,' Keira said and this time she didn't have to cry. She still felt sick, but at least she was honest. Honest with Abby, but also honest with herself. 'I think I have loved him ever since the moment I looked into his eyes for the first time,' she added quietly.
'And you're really sure it was Seb in that restaurant?' Abby tried.
'Sadly, yes,' Keira's voiced trailed off somewhat. 'I would recognise his eyes everywhere and when he smiles my heart melts, so it definitely was him.'
'Damn it,' Abby cursed. 'It's so unfair that this needed to happen to you, you deserve better.'
'Maybe I'm just overreacting. We aren't together or anything, so why shouldn't he kiss all the girls he wants?' Keira asked while she tugged on her hair. She wanted to pull it out in frustration, but decided better of it because being bald wouldn't make anything better.
'Don't you start with that. If he's a decent guy he wouldn't do that and from what I've seen he's given you very clear signals that he liked you,' Abby sounded angry.
'But what's the difference between that and me and Fernando? I went out with him and kissed him, twice,' Keira said trying to get her head around all of it.
'He knew you were going out with Alonso and you kissed him before you kissed Seb, that's very different. You also turned Alonso down when he asked you out again and Seb knew that. Besides, he could have said before or after you two kissed that it didn't mean anything to him and that you could expect him to kiss other girls. You're not a toy Keira,' Abby didn't sound angry anymore, but now sadness was audible in her voice.
'Still, we aren't together or anything. I have to admit that we have been intimate before and that we almost kissed several times. Also the kiss at the party wasn't a spur of the moment, it was bound to happen sometime,' Keira said aggrievedly.
'Then it's even worse. He has led you on and got what he wanted and now clearly has moved on,' Abby almost yelled again. 'You know what, I'm going to book a flight to Switzerland right now. You need a friend there, because it's no good if you're all alone there,' Abby said excitedly.
'But you have work,' Keira said sounding confused.
'Screw work, I'll call in sick tomorrow. I'll only stay one day and then go back, no one will know,' Abby laughed.
Keira also smiled, it was the first smile since she had seen Seb in the restaurant. 'You're crazy,' she replied and shook her head. She loved Abby for this, more than she could tell her.
'That's what friends are for, I know you would have done the same for me,' Abby said softly.
'You're the best friend ever,' Keira smiled again. She was lucky to have such a good friend.