Violette
Purple Water
1996, Germany
Its a purple night, clear skies with a million glittering stars. The Olympic-sized pool is open to the night sky by countless glass facets. Surrounding are low red lights to guide one around. Other than this, there is nothing to obstruct the feeling of weightless star floating if one so chose.
Laid back on my inner tube, I'm staring upwards at the sky. I'm all alone tonight, as many nights. So relaxed, my mind starts to drift as I am drifting. Thinking nothing thoughts which will disappear as soon as I allow my mind to sharpen. Thinking about clouds and sweet cotton candy breezes.
My hand drifts to the water, and I glide it backwards as the cool purple water kisses my skin.
Large fairy floss, light pink, light blue, light lavendar. Lollipops all the colors of the rainbow. Kitty cats pastel colors. Black scaly grim reaper to the left of the pool.
A muted splash to the left side of the pool. My eyes widen as the dreams explode away with my skin suddenly prickly in heightened shock.
My body feels the water parting all around deep under the water. Its not in one place, its everywhere. Where is it? Where is it really?
Then suddenly silence and stillness. A weighted calm.
I'm aware of my breathing 200%. I stop breathing.
Movement to the right upperhand corner! My head whips around to it.
The very tip of a scaly black tail descends below the water with no noise and no water disturbance whatsoever. My heart chills to cold iron, heavily dragging to my toes in dread.
It is the Black Swallowtail. And she has come for me.
I scream as the purple water explodes. I scream as my eyes burst open and there she is like a dead weight in the air against the slowly shredding particles of the building, her arms wide open for me. Her body is cloaked in black like always, water-like threads like always. Her serpent green eyes are glowing in greed and desire. Her heart is a brilliant full blown fire, needful desire and everything she has ever needed lies with me. As it was that first night. As it is this night and will be for endless nights.
I'll never know why she wanted me. She'll never whisper sweetly in my ear. She will end this scary form and transform into the impossibly beautiful lady of my dreams. The lady with the cascading black hair as like in folklore. The goddess woman who grants wishes but in return keeps me bound to her, a contract made in the blood of my family, a sacrifice my hurting human self blessed to her on that cold dark night so many centuries ago.
I can never be thankful to her, but neither can I curse her. There is no middle, there is no end to this feeling of regret and not regret. Is it an artificial piece she has pushed inside of me, like a seed pushed into the earth which grows into a vine which wraps around my heart, dragging me towards her all the time? A vine of ivy which connects me to her, encapsulating my own heart to need her as much as she needs me? Then why run from her, why is there a fear? Does my human self know something my demon self can't know? What is this fear?
She extends her hand as she stops all time. The glass particles hang in the air like glittering stars. My demon hand shoves them away gently as it extends to her.
No matter this fear or regret. The demon part of me leaps to her, as the human part hides away in my mind. For these precious few hours on this lonely, lonely clear purple night, I am her's. And that's all that matters.