"So, do you, uh, recognise anything?"
I rolled my eyes at the Commander's question and met her gaze. She seemed antsy as we walked through the streets of Polis and to the supposed tower where I apparently lived. After the Sky People had returned to their camp this morning to come up with a plan for how they could rescue their friends, I had to go with the grounders to Polis where I had to stay.
Polis was huge to say the least, and it was full of grounders living their every day lives. Buildings, tents, stalls, and much more surrounded us, yet through all of this bustling around, people still managed to take notice of the Commander as she made her way through the crowd with her guards. Even I caught a few eyes, which I was very uncomfortable with. I didn't know these people at all. And I didn't recognise a thing.
"That depends," I said, glaring at her, "are you going to kill me if I say no? You know, like you did with your guard?"
She locked her jaw and swallowed hard, before looking ahead. "That was his punishment for betraying me. You're lucky it wasn't your Sky Person friend."
Growing angry at the mention of her potentially killing Raven, I grabbed her wrist and yanked it to stop her from walking. It worked, as she was pulled back slightly, earning the attention of her surrounding guards, who immediately got into fighting stances.
I ignored them as I stepped forward, inches away from the Commander's surprised expression. My grip still tight on her wrist, I hissed, "Don't even think about hurting my friends, you bitch. You're nothing but a coward who hurts people for no reason. Stay away from my friends."
She pursed her lips as her forest-green eyes darted down to her wrist and up to my glaring eyes. They were glassy as she stared right through me, searching deeply for something. It only made it harder for me to stay angry at her. It made my stomach do backflips, and I hated every second of that feeling because her eyes felt like home. They made me feel safe. Comfortable. Something I hadn't remembered feeling unless I thought back to my parents.
"Heda...?" one of her guards addressed her, obviously asking for permission to react and somehow detain me.
The Commander only shook her head slightly, signalling for them to not make a move. She didn't look away from me in the slightest, and I swear I saw her lip trembling as she licked them shakily.
"You hate me," she stated, her voice raspy and quiet. "Every bit of me... don't you?"
I had been telling myself that for some time now. Feeling it inside of me. She was a terrible person from what I could tell, and I hated her. But hearing her say it out loud, sounding as vulnerable as she did, made me unable to admit what I thought I believed. She was still waiting though, for confirmation that I really did despise her. I opened my mouth to admit it, but I couldn't say it, and I wasn't sure why or how, but I knew I would regret it if I said it aloud.
So, I let go of her wrist and stepped back, away from her face. Looking down to the ground to avoid her sorrowful eyes, I cleared my throat.
"Just lock me in the tower like you want to," I said, gulping down the lump in my throat. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to clear the confusion from my mind. But when I found that I couldn't, I opened my eyes again and looked up to see the Commander still staring at me like I had just kicked her puppy.
All she did was nod, and soon enough, we were all walking again, though this time, there was an awkward tension surrounding us, and it wouldn't go away.
The remainder of the walk towards the tower was silent between the Commander, her guards and I, and only when we approached the main entrance did someone finally speak.
"Heda," a guard in front of the entrance greets, bowing his head as a greeting.
The Commander nods in return, and glances at me before looking to one of the guards. "I won't be long," she says, then walks through the archway and into the tower, for God knows what.
I raised both of my eyebrows with disbelief, grumbling, "You've got be kidding me."
Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms over my chest as I waited impatiently for whatever to happen to happen next. We could be planning how to get our people out right now, but no, the Commander wants to go on walks through her precious tower.
The feeling of someone shoving me removed me from my sulk, and I furrowed my eyebrows as the guards surrounding me practically forced me into the tower and to the start of the hallway. It was a large interior, larger than it appeared, but I didn't have much time to try and will myself to recognise it because the next thing I knew, I was being held down by one of the guards.
"Hey! Get your hands off me!" I complained, trying to shove their hands off me, but their grips were too strong and I was already as weak as it was.
Suddenly, one of the other guards stood before me and began to lean forward with his hands, but I used my legs to kick him back. He obviously wasn't impressed with this, as he clenched his jaw and glared at me through his bushy eyebrows.
"Sorry, were you just expecting me to let you man-handle me, or...?" I got out between gritted teeth, narrowing my eyes at the boulder of a man.
He gulped visibly with annoyance, before attempting to lean forward again. I had none of it however, as I continued to squirm in the strong grips that were holding me down. I used my legs to kick him away, and it seemed to be working, for approximately thirty seconds.
"Get off!" I shouted as I writhed around. "Don't touch me!"
I didn't give up, not one bit, as I attempted to free myself from whatever the heck was happening. But I didn't need to, because as soon as a powerful voice yelled down the hallway, all of the guards stopped what they were doing.
"Nou! (Stop!)" the Commander's voice shouted, and all eyes were on her as she stormed down the hall and to our direction. "Release her, immediately!"
And they did exactly as requested, leaving me to act on instinct and grab my pistol from the waistband of my jeans. I aimed at the nearest grounder, who froze in place. The rest grabbed their swords and daggers and took a fighting stance, ready to move at the given command.
"Heda, osir nou think disha ste a good idea. Em's out kom kill (Commander, we don't think this is a good idea. She's out to kill)," one of the guards said, not looking away from me as he was itching to use his sword.
"Weapons down," the Commander ordered, ignoring his comment, and glaring furiously at them all.
"I'd listen to your Commander," I chimed in, glancing at the armed guards, "or one of your friends here is going to have a nasty blemish on their chest."
"Heda, em isn't the same nau, osir need kom protect yu (Commander, she isn't the same now, we need to protect you)," the guard continued, wavering in his stance ever-so-slightly.
I released the safety switch and clenched my jaw as I kept the gun trained on the grounder. I didn't know if I had it in me to kill this man, but I couldn't falter now. I had to show them that I wouldn't be controlled by such savage people, and I would most definitely go down fighting.
"Weapons down," the Commander repeated, her voice stern and authoritative. "Now."
Hesitantly, they sheathed their swords and stood up straight, awaiting any further commands. It was hard for me to hide my trembling hand as I reluctantly lowered the gun. The Commander stared long and hard at me, piercing me with an authoritative gaze. It was most definitely the wrong time to think such thoughts, especially as I was thinking about a horrid person, but my insides were beginning to turn into jelly as I studied the Commander.
The sunlight that was seeping in the doorway cast shadows all over the interior of the tower, along with the fire torches hung across the walls. Despite this though, the minuscule source of light provided was enough to make the Commander appear very beautiful. There was no doubt that she wasn't, but this was different. It was a rare type of beauty. One that seemed masked behind the pain and sorrow she wore on her back and shielded herself with to prevent hurt. Right now, as she watched me with troubled eyes, I could see past all the hurt. The betrayal she thought I had committed. And maybe it was my old feelings coming back to me, but right now, all I wanted to do was walk up to her and... well, kiss her.
Suddenly, I was back in reality, though. The guards – the grounders – had dispersed, leaving myself alone with the girl on my mind, and well, right in front of me. The momentary feelings that coursed through me so surprisingly were gone, too, and I wasn't sure if I preferred it that way.
"If you'll follow me...," the aforementioned girl trailed off her statement, avoiding my eyes.
She turned on her heel and began her walk, her long cloak and luxuriant hair simultaneously flowing behind her. I didn't even consider doing anything else, only follow.
We eventually reached a set of double doors, quite a few floors up. Two guards were stood in front, guarding it, but with one quick nod from the Commander, they moved to the side and opened the doors for us both. I followed the brunette through, only to catch my breath when I took notice of where we were. Some sort of throne room, and a vast, spacious one at that.
Daylight seeped through, behind the throne, making it appear as if it were glowing. The whole room was bright with natural light, and it was beautiful to say the least. Well, for grounder standards. I could only imagine how majestic it seemed when it was actually occupied by more than a few people.
The double doors slamming shut behind me pulled me from my thoughts, and I jumped slightly at the loud sounds. Glancing behind me to see they were shut, I looked back to the Commander, seeing as it was just the two of us in here. She was waiting by the steps leading to her throne, her hands behind her back and her head deep in thought. I would've been curious to what she was thinking if it weren't for the pent up anger I was feeling inside of me from this unnecessary kidnapping.
"So, now what?" I broke the silence, my voice calm but stern. She looked my way, meeting my gaze with her troubled expression. "I'm here. You've got me right where you want me. So, what happens now?"
She nodded slowly, looking down to her boots, before looking up again. "Yes, I suppose you're right..."
Her eyes flickered to somewhere beside me, but I somehow knew that she was in another daydream, thinking about God knew what. Something was on her mind, and it was obvious what it was.
"Hello? Earth to the Commander?" I called out, stepping forward and waving my hand in front of her face, hoping to get her attention.
It worked because she blinked herself back into reality. "Oh, right. I was hoping you could take a look around, try and remember some things."
I chuckled dryly. "Really? You think that's how it works?"
She frowned slightly. "Well, no, but I was–"
"Tell me something, Commander," I cut her off, my lips curling into an irritated frown. "You don't know me at all. You could easily have me and everybody I'm trying to help killed. So, why? Why are you keeping me here, when you know perfectly well that there's only a small chance of me remembering who you are?"
I wanted to imagine the quiver of her lower lip. The tremble of her hands by her side. But it we real. Just as real as my dilemma was.
"I know you, Y/N," she said with a promising voice, and it was one of the first times I had heard her sound so certain of herself. Sure, she was certain whenever she gave orders to her guards or threats to her enemies, but this was different. She was certain about me.
"You're the girl who woke up fifteen years earlier than planned because I pushed a button," she told me this unknown fact, her voice soft and airy, yet full of emotion at the same time, as if speaking right now was the most vulnerable thing she could be doing. "You're the girl who didn't want to wear grounder clothing because you found it, in your words, 'itchy and uncomfortable'."
She smiled a small smile, but it only made her look even more pained as she remembered these things I had no idea of.
"You're the girl who would risk anything and everything to protect your friends," she continued, before chuckling dryly. "I guess some things don't change there, right?"
She glanced up at me through her eyelashes, but I didn't respond. I had no idea what she was referring to, but I knew she wasn't lying. She knew me better than I knew myself.
"You're the girl who told me about her dreams of becoming a scientist, just like her parents."
At the mention of my parents, I felt a pull in my stomach. The strongest memory I had was them, and hearing this other apparent part of my life mentioning them made me feel something unexplainable.
She began to pace up and down, but it was with relaxation. Her hands rested behind her back and she seemed at peace for a change.
"You're the girl who taught me how to read and write," she listed off another memory I had no clue of, but with every word she spoke, I felt a tug deep down. "You're the girl who purposely called me 'Lex' or 'Lexa' because you knew you had to call me 'Commander' or 'Heda' and you didn't like being told what to do."
I gulped down the lump that was forming in my throat, and I tried to speak. To tell her to stop talking. I couldn't take hearing all of these things. But at the same time, I needed to hear them. They were the only thing making me feel something other than hopelessness. She was the only thing making me feel anything.
"You're the girl who loved to play her music out loud, despite the guards yelling at you to keep it down," she continued, a distant smile on her lips. "You're the girl who loved to play Ludo at night, forcing me to accompany you otherwise you wouldn't go to sleep."
I wanted to scream. Shout at her. Do anything to stop her from going on. But my voice was stuck in my throat, just as my tears were trapped in my eyes, threatening to spill at any second.
"You are the girl who told me you loved me," she finalised, stopping her pacing and staring at me with glistening eyes. Her voice was hoarse, signalling to me that she was going to cry at any second, just as I was. "And you are the girl who I fell in love with. The girl who I am in love with. Y/N Y/L/N, my little time-jumper."
Her lips curved into a forced smile, and that's when my own tears escaped and flowed down my cheeks like a waterfall. All of her words, her voice, her bloody perfect smile... she wasn't lying. This was true. She knew more about me than I knew of myself. And even if I couldn't remember every specific thing she was telling me, I felt it. Every memory, every moment with her. I felt those feelings that I once had for her. And despite my brain telling me no, my heart was telling me one thing, and one thing only.
Yes.
//
It's official, guys, I've broken up for the summer!! I have tons and tons of work to do, but I'd rather not think about that lmao. But anyway, that means I have more time for writing!! :)
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Whilst you're reading it, I'm probably getting my arse kicked from parents for something I didn't do intentionally :)) but yeah, enjoy lol