"I guess I can tell the others I went through with the bonfire dare."
He frowned, "you-"
He wasn't able to finish that sentence, because I pressed my lips against his as if it was the last time I'd ever see him. I left a trail of butterfly kisses from his ear to his collarbone. I actually had to tug his shirt down slightly so I could reach.
"Only kidding." I lazily smiled as I lifted my head up and looked at his frowning complexion. I bought my hands up and placed my index fingers at both ends of his lips before dragging them upwards to turn his frown into a smile.
He laughed and slapped my hands away from his face and kissed me once more, albeit, a little hesitantly, before he pushed me gently back onto the sofa.
I traced the design on his t shirt with my index finger and lay my head on my shoulder. My legs were across his lap and I was really liking this position.
He scrutinised me with a curious look, and it was when I couldn't peel my eyes away from him, he decided to lean towards me and meet my lips once again. His hands gently placed themselves at my lower back and he diligently lay me down on the sofa, his lips not breaking away from mine.
My hands went up to his hair, and I saw a look of wonder and amusement gleam in his eyes as he pulled away to breathe. His gentle touch at my lower back made me shiver and it travelled down slightly towards the waistband of the joggers I wore - just like earlier today.
Was it me, or was Ben becoming slightly bipolar?
I snickered to myself at my own stupid thoughts, causing Ben to furrow his brows confusedly.
"What is it?"
I snickered again. "Nothing.. nothing."
Shooting me an odd expression, Ben just got off me and sat back on the so properly. I just stayed laying across the sofa, just how he left me.
I reached up and twirled my hair around my finger and kept my eyes trained on that beautiful face of his. "It's January, have you sorted out your university shit? Deadline is in three weeks."
"No, I still need to obtain my referral letter." Ben groaned, picking up the remote and switching the channel to watch Cricket. "I should be asking you that question. Do you not want to go back for next semester?"
"You make me laugh." I chuckled. "I'm not going back."
"What if we went together?"
"Stop the comedy act."
"I'm being serious." He said. He pursed his lips together and tore his eyes awayi from the television to look at me. That was saying a lot. Ben liked his sports, but here he is, looking at me and not at the current match on television.
"It's not for me."
"Of course it is. You need to put that big brain of yours to good use."
I groaned as I lifted my body up to sit like a normal human being on the sofa and let out a deep breath when I lay my head back and stared up at the blank white ceiling. "I don't know, it's a lot of effort, and besides, what will happen to us?"
"It's a little too early to ask those types of questions, Hopper." Ben mumbled, mimicking my position. "In any case, we could always go to the same uni."
I rolled my eyes, not saying anything more. Was Ben crazy?
"Next you're going to bend down on one knee and profess your love to me." I chuckled lazily, placing my hand on my chest and exhaling.
He giggled. He actually giggled.
"No, you'll be the one doing that when you're at graduation with me and carrying your degree certificate looking like the happiest fucker in the world."
"Doubt it." I snorted.
"Is that a yes to going to uni with me?'
I rolled my eyes and lay my head down his chest. I liked this position, because I could hear his heart pounding under my fingers. It sparked something in me, and I wasn't sure what exactly it was, but I felt like I was high. High on Ben. His aroma, and the vibrations that occur when he spoke, made me feel like we were frozen in time. Nothing could come between us, absolutely nothing, as long as we felt this way towards each other, we were indestructible.
With Ben around, I felt like I didn't need friends. I didn't need a social life, I didn't need family, and I most certainly didn't need a step mum that butts into my life. All I thrived for was Ben's company, and I hoped he felt the same way too. Especially since he's been so much more unsociable than ever before with his other friends. He may not have noticed this, but I have.
When I checked the clock again, it seemed that an hour passed like it was nothing. We hadn't been watching anything on the television, and we weren't talking much either. Ben was a man was very few words, and even being this emotionally close to him, didn't change anything.
Although the idea of starting university again was hanging above my head like a halo, I felt nothing but bliss. How I felt towards Ben was unwavering. He was looking out for me, and he didn't want me to just be sitting around for the rest of my life, not doing anything. If I'm being honest, I would be worried if he hadn't bought this topic of conversation up.
Wendy came by the doorway and knocked on it gently. "Dinner's in a half hour. Flynn, will you be eating too?"
"Sure," I smiled at her before going back to the comfortable position I had been in before, with my face buried in Ben's chest.
"Do you think we're moving too quickly?" I mumbled after she left, and a few minutes passed by in silence.
"I don't know." he replied, his voice low. "I'm quite content with this pace, we're just doing whatever we feel."
I nodded. "I still feel that we should go on an actual date."
He snorted.
"We could take turns? You can organise the first date, I'll organise the next?"
"Okay, but it has to be after the deadline for UCAS, (a/n: the university admissions system in England where you create an application.. etc.) and after you apply. It doesn't mean you have to have your mind completely set right now, but it's worth creating an application."
"Fine." I sighed. "You're more annoying than Karen."
Ben just sighed and put his fingers to his forehead. "You're still annoyed at her?"
"Well of course I am." I narrowed my eyes.
"Don't be." He mumbled. Just him saying that was making me feel completely in the forgiving mood. God, what's he done to me? It's like I'm hanging at every word he says. He could tell me to slap myself and I'd do it.
The truth was, it wasn't up to Ben to decide who I am mad at. Of course I'd be mad at Karen. She came crashing into my life all of a sudden; I was still healing from mum leaving us, and so was Dad.
Karen thinks it's okay to replace my mother. She's made friends with all the neighbours, and the grocers, and Ben's mothers, and all of my friends too.
It's an ugly thing to say, that this woman is becoming the figure that I lost so drastically. Perhaps if I was younger, it wouldn't be this big of a deal, but being nineteen, my entire perspective was completely different to that of, say, Casey.
Sure, I knew mother was coming back anytime soon. She made the painstakingly obvious when I drove up to see her. I felt somewhat excluded about it all, it was as if my father and mother had this conversation I never knew about, and they were more than happy to move on in life, but I'm the one being left behind.
Actually no, right now, everything felt too fast paced for me. I was feeling the same sort of exclusion, but only because it felt like everybody I knew were on this super fast train that lead to their destined futures, meanwhile, I was the only passenger that was too late to the party, and I was frantically running after this train but I knew in my heart that I would never be able to catch up to it.
Everyone was moving on in life.
Except me.
-- -- -- --
I left Ben's after dinner. Wendy made some Thai food and it tasted heavenly, obviously much better than Karen's rice and beans.
The whole walk home, I couldn't help but actually consider joining university again. After all, the only real downside was the cost. Nine grand a year seemed like a lot, but I'd be earning way more than that when I graduate. If I graduate, that is.
There's no doubt that my illness will get in the way. It'll put me off my studying, it'll put me off socialising... it'll be the cause of my failure.
Plus, how embarrassing would it be for Ben to be seen with such a mental person such as myself? He'd never make any friends, he'd always be worrying about me. I'd be such a burden. Wait, was I actually concerned for him?
I chuckled.
Since I started at Kingston, ever since I had met Ben that day on the netball courts, I had always been competing against him in all of our classes. He never knew it, but I did, and I really miss the feeling of excelling against him.
Maybe university with Ben wouldn't be a terrible idea.
God, what am I thinking? Going to uni would just be a complete nightmare. It would mean late nights studying and seminars full of people who actually want to earn their degree. For me, it's just a stupid piece of paper saying that you've spent over twenty thousand pounds that you'd have to eventually pay back to the government. Nobody has that sort of money, at least not around here.
Is it really worth it?
I sat at the breakfast bar and observed Dad as he emptied out leftovers in containers and washed up dishes in the sink and then stuck them in the dishwasher.
"You've been sat there for over half an hour." He muttered. Like Ben, he wasn't a man of many words. Dad was the kind of guy that you'd take one glance at and shit your pants.
So watching him doing housework was always interesting.
"Just thinking." I shrugged, laying my head into the palm of my hand. My elbow was propped up on the counter.
"Is there something on your mind you wanted to talk about?"
"How would you feel about me going to university again? Next year?"
"I think that would be great-"
"With Ben."
"He seems like a clever, grounded guy, you might need some of that considering everything as of recent." Dad shrugged, "are you two-"
I found myself fighting off a smile, of course, I eventually broke out into a grin. "Yeah, you could say that."
"Are you going to study business like before?" He placed a plate on the bottom shelf and then grabbed a handful of cutlery from the drying mat and placed them in too. Meanwhile, I pondered over his question. I hadn't really thought about that. I loved business, I've always wanted to do it, hands down. But... my heart felt like it was now yearning for something else. Something different.
"No." I answered finally. "Something science based. Pharmaceuticals was my second option."
"I could see you doing that." He chuckled.
"You think so?" I smiled.
"Of course." He smiled back, "when is the deadline?"
"In three weeks or so."
"You better get your application started."
"Already on it." I muttered as I grabbed Karen's work laptop from the end of the counter. She always kept it there for some reason.
I could hear Ben's words from earlier echoing in my head. Even though I may not have my mind set about going to university, I may as well create this application just in case.
I opened up Microsoft Word and clicked my fingers. "Okay. Step one: personal statement. Let's go."
Dad just smirked as he started the dishwasher once all the dishes were loaded, and then he walked past me with a beer in his hands. "Good luck, and don't stay up too late doing that thing."
"Sure." I waved him off and started off by typing out the title and subheading.
Introductions were always hard for me. I spent the most time on them, but once I got past that stage, I could write the next couple paragraphs with ease. There wasn't a sort of rule for introductions, that was the thing. What should you talk about? What would catch the eye of the person that reads these things?
Having done this before, I already had a rough outline idea, but this wasn't enough. Especially because I wouldn't be studying the same subject and I'd have to change a lot around to suit this field. I guess I should begin with talking about how hardworking I am, that sort of rubbish usually gathers everyone's attention.
I made a mental note to get in touch with my old school, so they could find my old application and mark me as deferring a year, only because they'd suddenly had two Flynn Hopper's in their system and I wouldn't want to risk anything this close to the deadline.
Taking a deep breath, I stretched my arms out in front of me, rolled my sleeves up, and started my introduction.
a/n: It's a shorter chapter than usual by roughly 650 words; I know I know, I'm terrible, but to be honest, I really liked how I left it off, so I didn't want to add anything else in case I just ruin it. I did add paragraphs here and there, which you could probably tell was a decision I made towards the end of writing this because it may be a lil haphazard xD
- Zara