So I'm just going to say that this is my first time ever writing any sort of fanfic and I just want to know how this will go
-Warning- Contains strong language, talk of suicide, suicide attempt, etc. Don't like don't read
Also yea I know that some of the warnings don't fit with this chapter specifically but idk. Any way sorry for the long ass intro and let's get on with it.
[f/n]= first name
[l/n]= last name
You were having another nightmare for the 3rd week in a row about how your world started to fall apart. About the day the wall was breached.
~You were walking with your older sister, Rita, who was a part of the Garrison.~
You also had another sister named Maya who was a part of the Corps. You were pretty much raised by them as your mother had passed away do to illness while you were very young, and your father happily leaving for a woman inside Wall Sina as soon as your sisters graduated from the Trainee Squad. Your were happily allowed to stay in the Garrison HQ but prefered to be in the Corps HQ when you were able to as they were not getting drunk 24/7.
The first time you visited the Corps HQ was on one of Maya's days off. You had met a few of the squad leaders but preferred not to talk as you were pretty shy. You did make acquaintances with the squad leader you remember being called Hanji. She was instantly your favorite because of her odd but friendly personality.
Sometimes, when she was able to, she would beg Maya to let her babysit you. You had also met the commander who did in fact have legendary eyebrows. You would have said something but were too busy hiding behind your sister. You had also had the "pleasure" of meeting the captain as Maya took you to the stables to meet her horse.
You didn't notice him until you had heard a man's voice yell, "Oi, Squad Leader [l/n]! Stop talking to your shit horse and get your sorry ass out here."
You laughed at this until you felt something grab your arm and bring you to where the voice was coming from.
"[l/n], who the hell is this?" He asked in a monotone voice with a bored look.
"Captain Levi," she said with a salute as you stood behind her tall figure. "This is my sister, [f/n]. [f/n], this is Captain Levi."
You just stared at him while only getting a "Tch" as a response.
(A.N.- sorry for all the details but back to the dream :P)
~You and Rita were heading to one of the Garrison posts having heard Hannes arguing again. Rita pulled him aside leaving you with the kids he was talking to.
There were two of them. A boy with dark brown hair and turquoise eyes. He also seemed to be in a bad mood. And there was a girl with raven black hair and grey eyes. She was wearing a bored looking expression. A look you have seen on someone before. They both looked your age.
You looked down at your feet, trying to make it obvious that you didn't want to talk.
After listening to your sister scold the other Garrison members for drinking on the job, she went back to where you were you and the other children were standing.
"Sorry about that Eren and Mikasa," Rita said to them. "Hannes as you probably know can get a little, interesting, when he's had too much to drink." She then looked down at you and you immediately knew what she was going to do. You gave her a look of "don't you dare" but Rita didn't seem to catch on.
"You know," Rita went on, "[f/n] here doesn't really get out and around without me or her other sister, but with her being in the Corps and all..." she went on. The kids who you guessed were Eren and Mikasa started to get visibly uncomfortable. Before Rita could do something even more stupid you ran away looking for your friend Oliver.
You eventually found him and looked for a place to stand to wait for the Corps to come back. You eventually found some boxes to stand on.
After a few minutes the bells rang signalling the return of the soldiers. You and Oliver looked around looking for Maya. Spotting her you dragged Oliver behind you as you ran up to her horse.
"Hey guys whats up? Besides me of course." She joked. She jumped down off of her horse but you noticed something off about her. You saw that she had a blood stain on her right leg and she was limping.
"Maya what are you doing? You're hurt, get back on your horse!" you told her with a nervous tone in your voice.
"[f/n], no I'm fine. Really it's just a scratch." she replied nonchalantly.
You stared at her too stunned to speak. You continued to walk with her and Oliver until you felt someone grab your arm. Next thing you knew you were on the captain's black mustang.
"Really, Captain?" Maya sighed with annoyance as she took the hint. She continued to bring Oliver and herself up onto her tan mare.
Your mind begins to change quickly as the nightmare takes over.
Next thing you knew you were crying in Rita's arms as she was looking for a Garrison to guarantee your safety on a boat. Eventually she found a woman that she remembered as Rico. Rico picked you up onto her shoulder, and told you not to look back. Not listening you looked up only to see Rita in a titan's grasp. Seeing that you saw this, she mouthed the words "I love you." Then she was ripped apart and eaten. Rico had reached a boat by then, letting you down.
You walked toward the center and just sat down, remembering the last words of your newly dead sister, "[f/n], listen to me. Whatever happens to me, just know that it's not your fault."
You noticed that the people sitting next to you were the kids from that morning. They were talking to another boy that looked about your age. He had blonde hair and light blue eyes. You recognized him from the many trips to the library you had taken when Rita and Maya were busy with training or, in Maya's case, on an expedition. You would choose the library to go because of the lack of people there but you never failed to see that boy there. You found it quite cute that every time you would go you would every once in awhile find him looking up at you from his seat.
You hadn't realized the cut on your face from some debris that hit you. You also hadn't noticed Eren, Mikasa, and the other boy walking up to you.
"Hey, your cheek has a pretty bad gash and it's bleeding a lot." You heard a voice, guessing it was Eren, from in front of you.
You touched your cheek, then looked at your red stained fingers. "Oh, yeah." you mumbled.
"Here, let us help." Eren said in a calm voice.
Before you could give her permission, Mikasa held a cloth up to your cheek. You put your hand on it as she took hers away.
"Thanks." you said in a quiet voice looking down at the wooden floor under you.
"No problem. Hey we've seen you before haven't we?" Eren asked.
Not knowing what to say you just gave a nervous "Umm, I don't know. I normally stay close to the Garrison posts so, umm..." your voice trailed off.
"Yeah you were at the gate earlier with that one member." you flinched at the mention of Rita. "And we also saw you walking with the Corps down the street with that other woman." he stated in an as-a-matter-of-fact voice.
"Yeah" you let out a soft reply.
"It's [f/n] right? I'm Eren. This is Mikasa." He pointed to the girl on his left. "And that's Armin." He pointed to the boy on his right.
"Nice to meet you, and yeah I'm [f/n]."
You smiled at your new friends as you held the necklace Rita had gotten you earlier that day. It was molded into the shape of the Wings of Freedom emblem. She had gone into the Interior the previous day just to buy it for you as she knew that when you graduated from the Trainee Squad you wanted to go there.
"Wow, what is that?" Armin asked fascinated.
You opened your hand to show him your now most prized possession. He admired the hand-crafted object as if it was his own. Like it was the most delicate thing on the planet.
Time suddenly skipped from the calmness of the boat to the top of the wall. Today was the day you were taking back Trost.
You had decided to join the military with Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. You wanted to be able to protect the people you love and cherish. While in the military your stamina, strength, and all around combat abilities skyrocketed. Obviously you hadn't been ranked in the top 10 but you were just short. You didn't care though. As long as you got past this mission in Trost... You scolded yourself. You weren't going to die. Not by a titan at least.
Unfortunately you had been split up with Armin and Mikasa as they were to help defend Eren. You walked over to your squad that consisted of your friends Sasha, Connie, Jean, and Marco. Your squad leader lead you off and you all finished off a decent amount of titans, until your squad leader's wires were grabbed and he was pulled into the mouth of a titan. You worked to calm everyone down as you lead them to a nearby rooftop.
Remembering what Maya had taught you about leading a squad, you took charge. You took down a few more before you got separated. Thinking ahead you thought this would happen so before hand you had said to your group to retreat back to their starting point on the wall if need be. Hoping they remembered what to do you reached the top of the wall, only to be joined by Sasha followed by Connie, then Jean.
After realizing Marco was missing you ordered your group to stay put and wait before saying, "No matter what happens to me, just know it wasn't your fault."
You left before they could say anything to stop you, not that it would do anything. You knew how important Marco was to Jean, even if he didn't show it, and Marco was your friend. In fact, when you thought about Rita's death and how it could have been avoided because of you, you started to get feelings of wanting to end it all. Marco was the one who saved you from doing it. Multiple times. He was the one you could trust to keep your secret while being able to help you with it. From what Maya said about leading a squad, losing somebody was the worst thing that could happen. But you had to come back empty handed after searching everywhere. Marco really was missing.
After what seemed like hours, Eren had blocked the hole.
Once everyone was given the all clear to walk around, you walked up to one of the only squad leaders you knew, or could even find, you said with a gentle voice laced with nervousness, "Excuse me, Squad Leader Hanji?" you gave her a salute but she brushed it off.
"Yes? What can I do for you [f/n]?"
You smiled at her remembering your name as you hadn't seen her in years. "I was wondering if you by any chance knew where Maya [l/n] was." you said in a quiet voice.
She made a weird face trying to remember where and to who she was assigned to.
"I'm not sure, hold on. Hey, Shorty!" she yelled at a clearly pissed off Levi.
"The hell do you want, Shitty Glasses?" he responded in a more than usual harsh voice but Hanji didn't seem to notice or care.
"Well [f/n] here was looking for Squad Leader [l/n]. Do you know where she was placed?"
"Last I checked, brat," Levi spat, "she lead a squad that got completely wiped out."
You felt the blood drain from your face as you looked into the captain's eyes. His face said nothing but his eyes seemed, sorry? You were slowly taking steps back and shaking your head as Hanji tried to bring you back to reality. You turned around and bolted around a street corner.
"[f/n]! Wait not that way!" you heard Hanji yell at you as you were running in the direction of where the dead were starting to be collected. You stopped in your tracks as you gazed down at the mangled corpse of Maya.
"N-no. This is just a dream." your eyes started watering and your voice was cracking.
"You aren't dead. Rita isn't dead. The wall never broke and we're still living happily behind Wall Maria." you said as you tried to wake yourself up from your nightmare by scratching your arms with the purposely sharpened feathers on your necklace.
With blood all over your arms and hands you screamed, "Don't leave me!" at the top of your lungs.~
And then you woke up.
-o my god I've been working on this since thanksgiving of 2016 and I'm super nervous, although I would love to hear any feedback, positive or negative to help me improve the story for you peeps. Also idk if I should continue so lemme know
Thanks :3