I screwed up. I know I did. I shouldn't have said such nasty things to Noah, he didn't deserve that. He's not a cheap slut, I was just scared and nervous. Losing my virginity was something I had thought long and hard about for many years. The way I pictured it in my mind, was exactly the way it happened. I always wanted my first time to be with someone I truly cared about. For a long time, I thought Justin was going to be my first. It should've dawned on me since he didn't even like kissing me that we wouldn't sleep together. And now, I lost the guy that I've actually started to grow closer to.
It probably doesn't make much sense to most people, how much I care for Noah. It doesn't really make much sense in my mind, since I don't know anything about him. Where did he go to high school? When did he have his first kiss? What's his favorite color?
I knew nothing about this man! There's no reason that I should be so attracted to him. Right? Then why does it feel like I'm literally always being drawn to him? This must be some messed up trick or something. There's no point in chasing after someone who will probably just end up hurting me in the end. But I already hurt him... maybe I'm the problem.
Shaking my head, I sighed while walking into the classroom in front of me. It had been a few days since I've seen Noah, I was hoping to see him today. It didn't really surprise me when I didn't see him in our American Studies class. It was still upsetting, but I knew I had no reason to be upset. I did this, I forced him away. This was all my fault, I had no reason to be upset.
When class was finally over, I silently walked out of the classroom. Just as I was about to walk into my next class, I felt my body being turned around. I was then being pushed up against the wall by a short curly haired girl.
"What the hell?" I asked while staring down at her hazel eyes.
"Why did you have to hurt him?"
"Who?"
"Noah!" The girl basically yelled, which made multiple students walking by stare at us.
Gently pushing her off of me, I started to walk into the classroom when she stopped me again. "Who even are you? This isn't really any of your business anyway."
"This is so my business! Noah has become my really good friend and he doesn't deserve this! He's the first person who hasn't treated me differently since I got to this campus. He only wanted you to trust him, the way he trusted you!"
Shoving her off of me, I glared down at her while folding my arms over my chest. "You still didn't say who you are."
"I'm your future wedding planner!"
"What?" I asked while giving a hard laugh. "I'm not getting married. Ever."
The girl rolled her eyes before she started poking my chest with her red fingernail. "I know you're going to marry Noah one day. I have almost like a six sense for things like this. Trust me, you two need each other. You need to make things right with him Wes! You really screwed up."
With that she started to walk away when someone yelled, "Francine!" I watched her give me one final look before walking off.
What the hell was that about? Turning around, I started to walk into the classroom before stopping. Screw class, I thought while turning around and walking away. Maybe that Francine girl was right, not about the wedding. I can't imagine getting married, or finding someone I'd really want to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe she was right that I needed to make things right, at least apologize for calling him a slut. He didn't deserve to be called something so cruel.
Trying to remember where Noah's dorm was, I noticed a familiar face walking towards me. "Archie?" I asked as I stepped in front of his body.
He glanced up at me, instantly frowning. "What?"
"Is Noah in your room?"
"He hasn't left," Archie said while looking down at his shoes. "He barely gets out of bed, I had to force him to eat last night."
This is all my fault, I thought while frowning. "Would you mind taking me to him?"
Archie looked back up at me as his eyebrows disappeared beneath his hair. "I don't think that's such a good idea. You're probably the last person he wants to see right now. You really messed him up."
"I know I did. That's why I need to go and apologize, I was out of line."
He still looked unsure, which was starting to piss me off. "Please, just take me to him."
After debating with himself for a few more minutes, Archie finally sighed before walking towards his dorm. When we were finally outside of his door, he looked over at me with a sad face. "Don't screw him up anymore than you already have."
With that, he walked away and basically slammed the hallway door shut behind him. Sighing, I took a shaky breath before knocking on the door. Since I wasn't expecting a response, I slowly opened the door and walked inside.
I instantly noticed Noah was lying under a huge pile of blankets on his bed. Only his brown eyes were visible, which were currently glued to the TV where an episode of Friends was playing. When those brown eyes looked up and saw me, he instantly pulled his blankets over his head.
"Noah, can we talk?"
"If you're here to call me a slut again, just leave. I know I am, you don't have to tell me."
His voice was slightly muffled from the blankets, but I could still hear him. I almost wish I hadn't, because it made me feel bad. And I know I deserve to feel bad, I was the one that did this after all.
Slowly shutting the door behind me, I frowned while walking over to his bed. Sitting down onto the side, I slowly pulled back his blanket so I could see his eyes. His usually perfectly styled hair was shaggy and hanging down in front of his eyes. His eyes were puffy and red, like he had been crying. He was also wearing a very large blue shirt, which had stains on the front. This was not the Noah I knew, and it was all because of me.
"You're not a slut, I was just angry and scared so I said that. I'm so sorry Noah."
He stared at me with a dead like stare, before he glanced back over to the TV. "You always say you don't want to get close to people because of your past. You know, if you slept with someone, you would've thought you'd share said past with said lover."
"I... you're right."
When Noah finally looked back at me, I launched into the Justin story. I told him everything that had happened throughout high school, and made sure not to leave anything out. I wanted him to know why I have issues, why I was such a dick.
"He really messed me up," I said while looking down at my hands. "Ever since then I realized that relationships don't work."
"They do with the right person," Noah whispered.
Looking back up at him, I frowned while shaking my head. "I just don't think I can let myself be hurt again. But at the same time, I don't want to ever hurt you again. I really don't know what to do."
"I know what you can do," Noah said while holding his blanket up. "You can take a chance on something."
I stared at him for a second before moving under the blanket with him. Once I placed the blanket around both of our bodies, Noah gently rested his head on my chest."
"Don't you want to keep watching Friends?" I whispered while his arm wrapped around my waist.
"I've seen every episode basically a million times."
Glancing down at him, I ever so gently moved his blonde hair off his forehead. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at me, looking very tired. "I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered.
"I'm more afraid of hurting you. If you can't tell, I'm really rusty at relationships. I'm not cut out for them."
"Yes, you are." He then leaned forward and placed a kiss onto my lips. "Let me show you you are."
Running my fingers through his hair, I sighed while running my thumb along his cheekbone. "Didn't I come here to make you feel better? You should hate me, scream at me, tell me you hate me. Why aren't you doing any of that?"
He smiled a sleepy smile as he whispered, "Like I said, relationships work with the right person. Just give me a chance."
"Okay," I said while nodding. "Okay."
With that he closed his eyes and nestled his head under my chin. Maybe this relationship will work, maybe. Wrapping my arm tightly around Noah's waist, I glanced at the TV before closing my eyes. I felt like I didn't deserve Noah, I didn't deserve a boyfriend in general. But maybe he was right, maybe relationships work with the right person. I hoped he was right.