I haven't seen or spoken to Jonny in over 2 months. I was getting pretty bored just hanging around Adam most of the time, we didn't even see each other that much.
I had recently gotten into touch with Bradley again. He lost my number apparently so he tracked me down and found my house.
Sounds creepy but he showed up during the day with roses and lunch. That was about 6 weeks ago, 6 very romantic, passionate love making weeks. I was actually really happy with him, although I did feel like we were missing a little chemistry it got silent quickly sometimes and I didn't feel too comfy during that silence. But I was happy. Content.
I was actually over Jonny telling Adam that we slept together. Aunty Jackie's birthday was tonight so I thought I'd go with Mum but also bring along Bradley. I knocked on the door and Martin opened it holding a calculator with his shirt off.
"Alright Martin?" Mum asked, he took a while to respond. I sneaked passed him with Bradley while he was doing whatever he was doing.
"Oh, hey Val. Did you know that Jackie is 25,754,400 minutes old at 11pm tonight?" Was his response.
"No I didn't. Are you letting me in?" She asked. I was practically in the kitchen by the time she got let in. I gave Aunty Jack a kiss hello and wished her happy birthday.
"Thanks love" she responded, her eyes widened at the significant increase of my breasts.
"New birth control" I whispered
She nodded and noticed the handsome man standing next to me. She had a grin on her face and introduced herself, "hi, you must me Bradley! I'm Jackie" they hugged, she lingered a bit.
"Pleasure to meet you and happy birthday" he put on his charming smile then looked to me.
"Here's your present" I offered it to her and her eyes brightened.
"Ooh, wonder what it is?" She began opening it. It was a pair of pearl earrings. "Oh my goodness thank you sweetie!" Mum walked in and gave her a matching necklace.
"Thank you so much you girls," she sighed and caressed my face, "I really wish I had a girl" I smiled.
"Where are the boys?" Mum asked.
"Probably in the living room, god knows they never help with the cooking" the older women laughed. Someone rang the doorbell, I went to answer because I thought no one would, but I arrived the same time as Pusface. I pushed him out the way and into the wall. I opened the door and lo and behold, Jim.
"Hello Jackie!" He chimed, "oh you're not Jackie" he took a second look.
"Nope. Aunty Jack!" I called out.
"Yes" she called out and walked closer to the door.
"Jim's here" I heard her say 'oh' from a distance. I left him with her and took Bradley to the living room to meet the boys.
"Hey guys, this is Bradley. Bradley, this is Adam and Jonny, the most annoying duo in the world" I introduced them to each other.
"Pleasure" Jonny leaned in and shook hands with Bradley, as did Adam. Cue the awkward silence. There was a woman sitting next to Jonny, I think I recognised her.
Bradley and I sat next to each other on the sofa opposite the door while Jonny and this woman sat on the other. As always, Adam was left out in the ottoman. Jonny kept looking at Bradley, until I cleared my throat. Pissface jumped in his seat.
"Oh right yeah, Viv, you know Liz. We're back together" that is a face of regret. I grinned and waved hello.
"So nice to see you guys back together" I held in my laugh with all my might.
"Yeah," Adam agreed, "out of all Jonny's females, you're our favourite"
"Females?" She asked for clarification.
"Females" was all I gave her.
"Okay, would you all excuse me for a moment" she glanced at my chest on the way to the bathroom.
"So where's grandma?" I asked the boys.
"Which one?" Adam asked.
"Nelly the non-horrible" I responded.
"That's a fantastic granny wrestling nickname" Bradley commented, Adam and I laughed, Jonny smiled. Do I sense some jealousy?
"She can't come, she's out dancing" Jonny answered.
I leaned over and whispered.
"Why are you back together with her?"
"Because he likes 80 year olds" Adam commented. Jonny threw his phone at him, good shot to be honest. Jonny shrugged.
"I like her, she likes me. Why not?"
I leaned back, "Good argument" I commented.
"Probably a pity relationship, her last lover ever before she descends into the ground" Adam made his zing. Jonny lunged at Adam and began giving him a noogie.
"Get off! Pissface!" Adam struggled.
"Should we do something?" Bradley asked me. I checked my phone.
"They're not very fit, it should only last for another minute or so" I waited a minute and they had calmed down, I heard a flush, "your girlfriend's coming back" I alerted Jonny. He jumped on the sofa and fixed his shirt and hair. He was out of breath. Bradley and I were snickering.
"So, Vivian," gross she said my real name. I looked to Adam and Jonny and they grinned because older people always say it, "how did you and.."she trailed.
"Bradley" he introduced himself.
"Hi" she breathed out, wasn't she wearing a jacket before? "Bradley, how did you two meet?" She blinked slowly, is she really trying to flirt?
I squeezed Bradley's hand tighter.
I also glanced to Jonny, who saw this gesture and decided to go it himself, but with the arm of the sofa instead of the woman who's supposed to be his girlfriend.
"We were in a few classes together at university and just bumped into each other a few months ago at a café. Things just went from there" Bradley explained, Liz was so transfixed on him, calm down love. Your boy toy is right there.
"How did you and Jonny meet?" Bradley asked. Oh god. Liz took a deep breath in and leaned back a bit. Adam and I tried not smiling. Jonny cringed at the question.
"We met at work" was all she said. Bradley nodded.
"Well, you're a very cute couple" Bradley was being polite.
"Oh, not as cute as you...two. You are both cute, together" Liz realised what she said. I looked at Jonny again, who was bothered that his woman was obvious more attracted to my man.
"Dinner!" Jackie called out. Jonny leaned his head back and rolled his eyes.
"Thank god" he muttered.
Aunty Jack sat at the top of the table with Martin to her left, followed by Mum then Bradley, me at the other end and Jonny to my left. Liz was beside Jonny and Adam next to her. The table was full.
Dinner was good, chit chat was mainly about Bradley but I managed to work in a few Liz and Jonny lines.
There was a moment where I left to use the bathroom but actually invited Adam to record Pissface's ringtone to 'My name is Jonny and I love old snatch' to a catchy upbeat jingle. Jonny left his phone in the living room when he lunged at Adam. I called it once to let Jonny know he had a missed call, that's how I got the phone back into Jonny's hand, then Adam called it during dinner.
I laughed and had a sip of water but it was salted, Jonny laughed then I hit him and put some of my carrot into both his drinks.
"Pissface" I muttered and then drank some wine just to get the salty taste out of my mouth. I got my phone out and called his number, I noticed he didn't silence it.
"What was that?" Jonny asked.
"Hmm? Oh nothing, but I think you're getting a call" I replied.
My name is Jonny and I love old snatch. My name is Jonny and I love old snatch. My Jonny and I love old snaaaa-
"Pest" he called me. I made a silly face at him and he made one back. I dropped my fork so I bent down and picked up, I noticed Liz playing footsie with Bradley under the table. That's why he's been making weird faces at me all night. I texted Jonny what Liz was doing, I also changed his text notification to a fart so that was funny.
Your old ass is playing footsie with my young horse
Jonny looked up confused, I tilted my head to the table, meaning 'look underneath'. Which he did, he got up and looked awkward. Wouldn't he be angry? I would, I half am.
"Is it tasty?" I asked Bradley quietly.
"Not as tasty as you" he went for a kiss and I gave him one but also told him what was happening under the table, "what?!" He immediately stopped and looked away from her, "I'm so sorry" he whispered. I held his arm and told him not to worry.
"So crumble or cake for dessert?" Adam asked.
"Both?" I was hopeful.
"Just crumble, sorry Bobble" Aunty Jack gave Adam a kiss.
"I think I'm going to need a few minutes before dessert" Mum was full and her reflux was bad.
"Good idea, kids in the lounge" Jackie spoke. So the 'kids' went to the lounge, this included the 50 year old.
"So what made you two reconnect after the whole...dumping?" I asked Pissface.
They looked to each other and held hands.
"Just seemed right to reconnect. It only happened about a month ago. He messaged me on the facebook,"
"Brilliant" I commented loud enough for Jonny and Adam to hear me, hey snickered.
"Caught up for coffee, and here we are" she finished, "this is actually our second meeting since we got back in contact, called me up tonight actually and I drove here" now she's finished, "that's why I'm such a mess" she spoke to Bradley, he politely smiled.
"Don't worry, you look very nice" Bradley politely spoke to make her feel better.
"Oh do I? Thank you" she giggled.
"Are you alright?" Jonny asked her.
"What? Yeah fine" she sort of ignored him.
"Should we leave?" I asked the room.
"No!" Jonny and Liz shouted in unison.
"Alright" I replied, steady on guys. Another tense silence filled the room.
"I need to use the loo" Bradley whispered.
"I'll show you" Liz jumped up and grabbed Bradley's hand.
"Don't make out too much" I teased him. He blew a kiss at me.
"Viv" Jonny sat next to me, Adam hopped on the other side.
"What?" Before I could stop them they were blowing kisses at me and attacked my face with them, "get off you knobs" I shoved them away.
"Any thoughts on Bradley?" I asked.
"He's actually pretty cool" Adam admitted.
"He's actually pretty cock" Jonny disagreed.
"What?" Adam and I asked for an explanation.
"He is so fake, I bet he's making out with Liz right now in the bathroom" Jonny put an arm on the back of the couch and scooched closer.
"He's not you and every girl you meet" Adam defended him.
"Oh shut up Pusface you just like him because he has the latest FIFA" Jonny retorted.
"Can you stop being rude? You've been nothing but shitty all night, you haven't even looked at your girlfriend. She has been removing a piece of clothing every time she steps out the room" I shut the living room door and kept my voice down.
"She has not" Jonny seemed confident. I reached down the side of the couch and found her beanie, Adam took her coat off the floor and then I reached into one of the pockets in the jacket to reveal a bra.
"If you have any respect for yourself, please dump her again" I threw the bra at him.
"I don't even like her" he muttered.
"Then why is she here?" I whispered. He didn't answer me, he just looked away. "You're impossible, just tell her you've cheated on her"
"What? No, she'll hate me"
"Exactly. Then she won't be stupid enough to get back together with you" I told him. Liz entered the room and saw Jonny sitting very close to me. Liz sat on the arm of the chair.
"That Bradley is sure funny" she said. Alright. I smiled and then dropped it. I called Jonny's phone to see if she ringtone was still mine and Adams singing.
My name is Jonny and-
Yep.
Jonny hit my arm, I gasped and pretended to be hurt. I hit him back then he pushed me and I got a little angry so I lunged at him and put him in a headlock. He made some weird sounds and pulled at my hair, but I'm used to kids pulling at my hair so it didn't hurt too much.
"Stop it you're choking him" Liz begged.
"He's fine" Adam said.
"I'm..fine" Jonny got out of the lock, he fixed his hair, "I'm getting better at getting out"
"It's because these stupid things," I jiggled my boobs,"got in the way"
"Yes. Extremely stupid" Adam stared.
"Well it's all thanks to my new birth control-" Liz cut me off with her coughing. She leaned in close and spoke softly to me.
"I don't think that sort of talk is very appropriate"
"Why?" I asked.
"Well, it's a girl thing isn't it?" That's her excuse? How old is she? Let's see how long I can milk this.
"I like to think of these two as girls" I teased. The boys rolled their eyes.
"It's really no bother Liz, we're used to Viv's conversations about her period and boys with sex with" Jonny lost that sentence. I gave a confused look.
"The boys with sex with" I repeated and fought a smile. I was at the other couch and had my elbow on the arm, with my head leaning on my hand.
"Excellent" muttered Adam.
"Shut up" Jonny scolded. Bradley walked in.
"Um, Adam" he started, his tone sounded worried, "I didn't mean to snoop but I noticed a piece of string on the floor so I picked it up and..well your room is a mess now" he finished then sat next to me, "I'm really sorry"
Adams face was shocked so he ran upstairs. Jonny burst out laughing and I had a little chuckle myself. Liz didn't know what was going on.
"Where's the crimble crumble?" I complained.
"Yeah," Jonny agreed, "MUM!" He yelled.
"What?!"
"Where's the crumble?!" He continued shouting.
"Your father didn't turn the sodding oven on, another 15 minutes" Aunty Jack replied.
Pissface and I groaned as Adam entered the living room and shoved Jonny, "Thanks a lot Pissface, it's going to take me ages to clean up"
"No worries Pusface" Jonny replied. I saw a look in Adams eye, something that said 'I'm going to ruin you' before he could ruin Jonny's life I stepped in.
"Adam it can wait until after crumble can't it?" or at least until I left. I didn't want Adam exploding again and yelling that Jonny and I had sex. Adam rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen. He was telling on Jonny. I grinned when I heard the low rumble of Aunty Jacks voice.
"Jonny!"
Jonny's face dropped, "Shit" he pounced up.
"What did you do to Adam's room?" Aunty Jack stormed in, Pusface was right behind her, smiling smugly. Jonny gave him the dirtiest look.
"You are such a dobber!" Jonny accused. I touched Bradley's hand and leaned in close.
"Don't worry this happens quite often"
"Don't talk to him that way. You're an adult Jonathan. Act like one and go clean up the mess you've made," she started walking off but stopped herself, "and apologise to your brother" she kissed Pusface on his smug cheek.
"Hard to believe who the youngest is" Bradley commented, I laughed and gave him a nice long pash. I forgot everyone was still in the room, I assumed they'd all go upstairs but apparently not. I stared at all of them, waiting for someone to speak up about how gross affection is.
Liz had seen the strange look on Jonny's face, it wasn't necessarily anger but it was pretty close. She went to him and gave him a kiss. Adam and I turned away because we didn't want to see Cruella DeVil make out with a rat-faced version of Prince Eric. He pushed her away and went upstairs.
"He's not upset with my comment is he?" Bradley asked, worried.
"I'll go get him" Liz left. Adam sat on the adjacent sofa.
"He's probably just upset because I'm the favourite and Mum never listens to him" Pusface was happy now. Liz came back into the room and looked at me, then used one finger to leer me to her.
"He wants to talk to you" she said. I looked at back Bradley to see if he'd be okay with Adam, he nodded.
I worried walking upstairs and into Adams room, I hadn't gotten any one on one time with Jonny yet.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked. He was pacing around the room, when he saw me he shut Adams door.
"You have to help me break up with her" he begged. All anxiety dropped from my chest.
"Jonny" I complained.
"Please. Please. Please!" He was begging on two knees, "I found one of her chin hairs on my bottom lip" gross.
"Alright! What do you want me to do? Psych you up?" I asked. He got up again.
"That's why I've been pacing"
"Of course, universally known fact that walking 2 metres helps brain function" I responded.
"Viv give me advice" he sulked on the bed.
"Tell her the truth but do it outside this time because last time was awkward wasn't it?"
"So awkward, thanks to that twat" he threw a ball at a picture of Adam.
"Take her home and explain it just outside her door"
"I don't know how to though" he leaned on me.
"You don't feel anything for her! What you're doing now is basically leading her to believe you guys can have a future together, but everyone knows you can't. What's the point in having a serious relationship with someone you plan to date for like 3 months?" I got carried away, "sorry for yelling"
"It's alright. What if I miss her?" He hugged me, I hugged him back.
"You'll definitely miss the feeling of being in that place, you'll miss the intimacy and having someone special care about you. But it's not worth it with her, you'll find someone else. Jonny, you have to let Crazytits go" I told him. It was silent for a moment so I decided to leave. Before I opened the door he spoke up again.
"I love you"
I didn't turn but I did smile, "I love you too man" and then I left.