Ryan's POV
I knocked on Max's big door, seeing as I left the key to his place at home. The wooden barrier angered me, and I knocked harder and faster each second that it was still in my way.
I had to talk to him, I had to figure all this out. Why would he not tell me? Why was I hearing about this from Claudia and not him? Has he kept anything else from me?
My anger and frustration grew each minute of the car drive over to Max's apartment, and manifested into some serious road rage during the ten minute journey.
I was furious that he would keep something as big as this from me and devastated at the thought of losing him. I tried to keep my mind off of the hurt and dread welling up deep in my gut, so I focussed on the rage and anger which was closer to the surface.
I waited and the door slowly opened, revealing Max. He wore a green shirt and black jeans, but his feet were bare.
'Rya-' he stared but I put all of my body weight into a shove to his chest and he stumbled back out of the doorway and further into his apartment.
'Ryan? Wha-' he asked confusedly as he straightened himself.
'How could you?' I yelled at him, 'How could you keep this from me!'
He looked shocked and tried to touch my arm but I slapped it off. Hurt flashed in his eyes at my action.
'Were you ever going to tell me!? Or were you going to call me from the set and say 'hey Ryan, I'm leaving you for eight months, moving across the globe'' I practically screamed at the man, who looked at me, eyes wide.
Shock covered his face and he struggled to find the words at first, his mouth just opening and closing a few times before an actual sentence formed.
'R-Ryan I'm not-'
'DON'T LIE TO ME!' I screamed at the man in front of me, I couldn't believe that he would do this. He knew how abandoned I felt when my parents died and when my brother moved to New York four years ago. He knew, yet he didn't even consider me in this.
Was this my punishment for not going public with him when he asked? Was he giving up on us, on me?
'I'm not-'
'Claudia told me everything! I know that you took the job in Australia! Australia Max! How could you do that without even talking to me! I didn't want to go public so you're just giving up on us? Did you think it would be easier to break up if you just flew to the other side of the world?!' it started off forceful but my voice broke and tears fell down my cheeks. I wiped my hand across my cheeks, trying to stop them from falling, but failing miserably.
'Ryan please,' He tried to talk to me, but I couldn't hear the words. I couldn't listen to what he had to say. It was already breaking my heart.
He looked confused and frustrated and he took a step towards me, reaching out his arm to calm me down but I pushed him away and ran into his bathroom, locking the door behind me. I looked at myself in the mirror, tears falling down my cheeks. I looked like a blubbering mess, but the way I looked on the outside barely pierced the veil of what I was feeling on the inside, the hurt and pain was ripping itself through my body as each second came and went.
I pulled my hand through my hair and braced my hands on the sink.
How could he do this and then try to lie to me!?
Everyone I loved was leaving me.
I moved away from the sink and sat down on the cold tiles, resting my head against the side of the tub.
'Ryan?' Max knocked on the door, but I just closed my eyes. I didn't want to hear his excuses, I didn't want to talk about him leaving.
'Ryan babe, please open the door,' he sounded heart-wrenchingly sad and desperate, but he didn't deserve to be.
I stayed silent, wiping the tears from my eyes.
'Ryan, unlock the door.'
I couldn't face him, I couldn't see that beautiful face just to hear him say he was leaving.
'Ryan, I will break this door down if you don't talk to me,' he threatened but I didn't care.
'Ryan please! Open up!'
'Ryan, please, I'M NOT LEAVING, I DIDN'T TAKE THE JOB!' I could hear the truth and desperation in his voice and I couldn't believe it.
What?
He wasn't leaving?
Was he telling the truth?
I got up and unlocked the door, slowly opening it to see Max, tears streaming his prefect face.
'I didn't take the job Ry,' he said gently, slowly, making sure that every syllable was heard.
I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. I held his body as tightly as I could, like somehow I could make this moment last forever if I held onto him hard enough.
His arms wrapped around me in an instant and held onto me like I was his lifeline. His strong chest rose and fell erratically and I could feel the tears fall onto my shoulder.
'You're not leaving?' I dared to whisper into his neck after a few moments.
'Never.'
I cried into his neck, I was so scared that he was leaving, I could hardly believe what he was saying.
Just that one thought was enough to knock all rationality from my head.
'I was so scared' I whispered and he held on to me tighter.
'I know, you don't have to worry, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you' he told me and I was so relieved.
He wasn't leaving.
It was ok.
He wasn't leaving.
I kept repeating those thoughts in my head trying to calm down my hammering heart as I held onto his body as tightly as I could.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_
Somehow we ended up on his couch, my head in his lap while he stroked my hair absentmindedly. I hadn't left his side since before and I wasn't planning on it anytime soon. It seemed that I had developed a temporary irrational fear that if I wasn't physically touching him, that he would just disappear. I needed to be with him, so reassure myself that he wasn't leaving.
The television was on, but I wasn't watching it, being more focussed on just being relieved that he was staying.
'You know, there will be times where I have to go on location for movies and stuff,' he said gently, like he was afraid his words would hurt me.
'I know. This was different though, this was moving to the other side of the world. I couldn't be apart from you like that' I told him, sitting up so that I was next to him, but keeping my hand on his leg.
'I couldn't either.'
I looked down at my lap for a few seconds before meeting his perfect deep green eyes.
'I want us to go public.'
'What?' he looked surprised but I was sure.
I was so sure that this was the right choice. If we were public then it would be different, we would be able to handle things like having to do on location shoots and concerts in different states. If we weren't a secret I could come and see him on set and he could travel with me. Our managers could work together and make sure we got time off at the same time.
I was still scared, but if Claudia was going anyway, then my image would have to change anyway, we couldn't have a relationship, even a fake one, with us in different countries.
And I needed to do this for Max. He just gave up a big opportunity because of me.
All of this was important but one fact is what made this decision a whole lot easier.
Max is more important than my career, that even if I lose my image at least I will be happy, and who knows maybe I'll go back to doing my alternative stuff I love so much.
'You. Me. Us. I want us to come out to the public.'
He threw me into a hug, 'Thank-you Ryan.'
I knew how happy that must have made him, Max was a white picket fence type of guy, and he wanted us to have a family, to live our lives together, not in secret, sneaking time together here and there.
He pulled back and cupped my cheek with his hand, 'Even if things get hard, I promise, I won't leave you, I won't give up on us'
The level of sincerity in his voice, the way that his eyes lovingly looked into mine, was too much. I had never been loved like this in my life.
I grabbed his shirt with my hand and pulled him towards me, smashing our lips together in one long kiss, and when we finally broke apart, well it wasn't like pheww-finally-that-was-over, it was more like this-kiss-is-amazing-but-I-need-air.
Anyway, when we finally broke apart it was only seconds later that I was pushed backwards on the couch, now lying down with Max's body weight on me.
He tried to kiss me, but I pulled away, 'Lose some weight fat ass.'
He made a mock shocked and offended face 'But you love my ass just the way it is,'
'Your right, less talky more kissy,' I pulled his lips back down to mine and he laughed, smiling into my kisses.
'When will we do it?' he mumbled between kisses.
'What? Have sexy time? How does right now sound?' I suggested my hands creeping south.
He laughed and slapped my arm, 'calm down tiger, I was talking about going public.'
Fine then, we won't talk about sexy time. Your loss, sucker.
'How about your premier?' I offered and he nodded.
'Sounds great,' he smiled and I was so glad that I had done this.
The premiere was only three weeks away, and I couldn't wait. The fear still lurked deep in my gut, but the fear of losing Max overpowered it by millions, and when I looked into Max's eyes, saw the true smile on his lips, and felt the warm heat of his body against mine, I knew I had made the right choice.