One quick word, please? Please, read this author's note. It's important.
I remember chapter one. When I wrote that 3000+ chapter, and I thought, wow. This is the best work I've managed to do so far in my three years on Wattpad. I've uploaded things on different accounts, and then took them down soon after because they were just.. Bad.
Then this came along, and really changed the game. Because now, on other stories that I'm writing every day that won't be up for a long time but will be written, I'm even finding myself at 4000+ to 5000+ words, and that's because this book, and the motivational comments I get, and the motivational comments I got on chapter one back when I only had three chapters.
I go through messages I sent to my friends, and all of the screenshots I took over time. I take a screenshot every single day almost. I can go through and watch as my book hit 100 views, 200, 300, and I remember crying when it hit 800. And now I'm almost at 9000! And that's basically almost 10,000. Rounded, anyways.
So thank you all so freaking much for getting me there, and being my inspiration. There's sometimes when I'm looking at a chapter and thinking... I hate this. They probably will hate this.. But then I force myself to publish it, and all I get are these amazing comments and votes.
So thanks so, so much for being my muse, all of you.
And I want you to know.. This book is almost over! It has about maybe a week or two left of writing, and then I'll be working on the prequel some, finish that up in a few weeks, then you guys will be seeing the new book I've been working on for a long time, before this even came out, and I deleted it all since this and rewrote it.
It's called 'The Feeling Underneath.' I'll give an author's note later about that.
But again, thank you so much, I love you. You really inspire me.
Edit: holy fuck throwback to when I was only at 10k. Now we at 130,000+. Shit. I fuckin love you bitches.
-Elisia.
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Enough with that. Onto the chapter.
Dedicated to sociaIcxsuaIty
"All these lucky numbers, they never discover, just one in a million."
-Numbers, Hoodie Allen.
.
"Yay. Back to hell we go." I sarcastically as we step out of our cars at the same time. Everyone knew what went down, neighbors sure as hell didn't keep it a secret, so whispers circulated at the mere sight of me, people pointing. Ryder throws an arm over my shoulder, a teasing glint in his eyes, smiling a smile that makes my heart flutter.
"Come on, Kehls, it won't be so bad." He says. I roll my eyes and pull myself away from his warmth.
"For you." I state, and start walking.
Then some crazy thing happens. A motorcycle pulls in the lot, and everyone turns. Sam and Ryder stiffen, while I raise my eyebrows and a smirk takes place as I look at the shiny bike pull up. It stops in a handicapped parking spot, and the driver gets off.
"Told you I was coming back, didn't I Sammy boy?" The driver calls out. My eye twitches, and a smile takes over my lips. Ryder looks at me, confused. He takes off his helmet. I try to fight back the tears at the sight of him. He turns around with a smile, and when he sees me, it falters and his eyebrows raised. "Kehls?" He asks quietly, very softly. Then he smiles.
"Well damn! Didn't expect to see you here! Last I knew Andrew still had you in his clutches." he says. I shrug.
"More or less." I say.
"Kehlani... How do you know Jackson?" Sam asks, his voice strained. I look to see him glaring at Jackson, Ayla's boyfriend. My feet move on their own accord, towards him. I get yanked back. I pull from the grasp.
"Jackson, my second best male friend." I say with a sad smile. He rolls his eyes. I notice Sam's eyes twitch. How...?
"I'm always second best." he scoffs.
"Not my fault you suck at everything." I reply with a casual shrug.
"How do you now him, god dammit?!" Sam yells at me. I take a step back. My eyes are widened. Jackson instantly surges forward and grabs me, putting me behind him.
"Do not fucking speak to her that way." He growls. I smile. I walk around him.
"Ahh. It's okay, Jackson. Sammy boy," I say, mocking, "Why don't you tell me how you know Jackson here?" I ask. I notice a crowd lingering.
"He came about 5 months after you left, made our lives hell for 6, then left because of a girl did you say?" Ryder says. I smile and look at my feet, memories coursing through my head of Ayla's happiness with him. "He was your brother's arch-nemesis. His Afghanistan to his Bush, his Nora to your Kehlani." He says. "Wait, that girl wasn't you was it?" He asks, his eyes flickering with some emotion. Me and Jackson both laugh.
"Hell no! He.. He was Ayla's boyfriend." I say, sending a sad smile to Jackson.
"I loved that woman." Jackson says with a sad smiles, and I see tears prick the back of his eyes. I pat his shoulder.
"So you girls had the same taste in men? Arrogant assholes?" Sam asks with an angered tone. He clearly holds a hatred.
"I do not have a thing for arrogant assholes!" I say with an accusing voice.
"Sure, that's why you run off with Andrew almost four times a week." He says, snorting at ten end for good measure. Honestly, the nerve! My jaw locks.
"Boy, you know nothing, so I suggest you shut you mouth." Jackson says. They clearly get on each other's nerves. I wonder what went down between them..?
"Oh and you know the reason behind them being a thing?" Sam snaps. My spine stiffens.
"I do indeed. The full, entire, damn reason. So shut the hell up. You know nothing." Jackson says in a defending tone. I shoot him a warning glare.
"This is pointless. I'm going to go find Laney. Honestly, I'd rather hangout with Kylie than listen to this shit.." I say while walking away. the crowd departs. I stop for a second. "Get the hell out of here people, nothing to listen to." I snap. They start disappearing instantly.
"That's why Andrew favors her." Jackson says behind me. I turn around, glaring playfully.
"What? That I can kick ass better than anyone?" I say. He shrugs.
"You're very commanding, you get what you want. You're powerful. You've always been meant to rule something, he thinks you'd be a good Queen for his estate." He snickers. My lips curl in disgust.
"Honestly, why can't he find some bimbo with a better body than mine?" I say, annoyed.
"Sorry, muffin, that's impossible." He says, giving me a once-over jokingly. I laugh. Ryder walks over to me, putting an arm around my shoulder and steering me into the building.
"See you later Jack!" I call over my shoulder. "What the hell is your problem?" I growl at Ryder. He looks down at me with an angered expression.
"I just told you that your brother hates him, and you want to associate yourself with him?" He asks, his teeth slightly bared. Pain goes through me. I thought they were going to let me be. I rip away from him.
"He knows me better than anyone, of course I'm going to associate myself with him!" I tell him, my eye twitching in frustration. Suddenly my back is on the locker and his hands trap me again.
"Why does he get to know everything; even the reason your with that douchebag, and I get nothing? What have I done to not earn your trust already Kehlani?" He asks. The hallway is dear empty. I push him off of me.
"That's the problem! You do have my trust! You have more of my trust than anybody, Ryder!" I yell in a defeated tone.
"Then why won't you tell me?!" He shouts back, clearly his last straw has been long since broken. His hands grip my shoulders, forcing me to look at him.
"Because you aren't like me!"
He goes silent. Something in his face looks as if it breaks.
"I'm not like you? What are you then, Kehlani?" He asks. I love the way my name rolls off his tongue easily, every time I get a thrill rush in me when he says it. There's something wrong with me.
"What am I?" I ask quietly. He gets the 'I'm waiting' expression. "I'm many things, Ryder." I say, a sarcastic smile lifting my face and I lean back against the locker, putting my head up at the ceiling. "Most of all, I'm a victim." I spit the word out with distaste. His hands trap me again.
"I can't sit here like this anymore, Kehls." He says softly.
"I know." I whisper, my voice cracking. "Which is why you can chase after me was much as you want... So good luck searching for Kehlani Stevenson." I say, swallowing.
"Please don't pull away from me again." He says, and his arms wind around my small waist. "You don't have to pull away. I'm right here, Kehls. Let me be there for you." He says, his voice hoarse. He leans back slightly and looks me in the eyes. My eyebrows are scrunched together slightly. he lifts his hand and rubs away the lines being created.
I decide how would be a good time for one of the famous relatable song lines.
"If you pull, then I'll push to deep and I'll fall right back to you." I sing quietly, but it bounces off the walls of the hallway. As if to be a smart ass, he pulls me to him again.
"So...!" A voice calls cheerily somewhere behind us. "Should we split this up?" Jackson asks.
"No." Me and Ryder say at the same time.
"Wouldn't want to offend my queen. I'll catch you later, Kehls." Jackson says, before footsteps walk away. The sound of a phone camera goes off.
"Laney!" I groan, and pull away. Ryder gets a look of disappointment, but I can't tell if it's there because it's gone in a second.
.
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RYDER'S POV.
I marvel over the feel of her in my arms all day. I notice something odd. Today, at the most random moments, Kehlani will pull out a Polaroid and take pictures. I have a lot of my classes with her, so she'll randomly take a photo of one of her old friends, and whenever she notices me looking, she takes one of me with a smile. She has a huge amount in her pencil pouch.
We're now sitting in lunch, everyone giving her weird looks as she takes pictures of everyone at the table individually. Her friend, Jackson, Sam's most hated person, was standing by a wall, constantly telling random girls to go away. He meets Kehlani's eye and does a strange symbol with his hand, and she springs up instantly, basically running over.
They lean into each other as they whisper. Her glance strays over every few seconds, meeting my curious stare. She shrugs and gives him a sad smile. It looks like a tear falls down her face and he wipes it away before setting using hand fall again.
The simple gesture makes my hand twitch. She doesn't make anything of the gesture, and they continue to talk. Her eyebrows twitch together for a second, the way it does whenever she's either frustrated, angry, or thinking too hard.
Eventually she heaves a sigh and agrees with something, and they lean back. It seems like he make a joke and she laughs. My hand twitches again. She starts walking back to the table, and gestures him to come on. She doesn't look back to see if he's following- which he is.
"What's he doing here?" Sam snaps. She smiles.
"If you want me by your side constantly, Sam, sometimes you'll have to deal with my conditions." She says. He mimicks her and stabs his noodles. Jackson sits quietly. She looks up to me and lifts the camera.
I smile and laugh.
"What's with all the pictures today?" I ask.
"I want memoirs." She says.
"Why aren't you taking a picture of your best friend?" Jackson asks in feigned hurt. She rolls her eyes and like down at the Polaroid, waiting for the picture to come out of the roll.
"Because I.." she pauses, taking the photo out and shaking it before studying it. "Will be seeing you after I leave." She says. He nods as if he understands what she means. He probably does.
"What does that mean?" Me, Sam, and Laney all ask together. Jackson looks at her with his eyes widened.
"You didn't tell them?" He hisses at her. She bites her lip adorably, and he puts a hand on his face, covering it while putting an elbow down on the table. She's about to open her mouth, but some guy taps her shoulder before she can say anything. She turns with a look of confusion.
"Hi. Do you remember me?" He asks. Her eyebrows scrunch together.
"Noooo." She drawls slowly. "Why?" She asks. He smiles. "Were you one of my hookups? Because sorry, I was drunk, so no." She says. Some people at the table laugh, but my hand twitches at the very thought of her being with someone. It's hard enough to watch her run with Andrew.
"No, no. I was your seventh grade boyfriend." He says, with a laugh. She visibly cringes.
"Okay...? And...?" She asks slowly, raising the camera and taking a quick picture. He looks at her weirdly for a minute.
"Well, I was wondering if you'd want to go out again sometime?" He asks hopefully. Annoyance flashes in her expression and I stifle a laugh.
"Hell no!" She basically yells, gathering attention. His smile goes away.
"Why not?" He asks.
"You made a sexual joke about my non-existent breasts while we were at the movies and asked me to suck your dick! Then I dumped my soda on you and used pepper spray on your eyes because you repulsed me. Why the hell would I go out with you again?" She spits angrily. My eye twitches.
"You did what?" Jackson, Sam, and I all ask the same thing, standing up.
"Sit down, you imbeciles. I know how to take care of myself." She says. No one sits.
"Yeah... I'm really sorry about that, by the way. I was stupid and naive, and was going through that awkward ph-" he gets cut off when she stands and slams his head to the table.
"I don't have time for your excuses, you sick douchebag. Trying to force a girl into something makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. Get the hell out of here before I snap your hand." She growls in his ear, loud enough for me to hear. She lets go and pushes him away. He stumbles, rubbing his head. She sits back down and pushes her tray away, her eyebrows crinkling again.
"Kehlani... Did.. Did someone try to..." Sam trails off. She picks a fry up from her tray and rips it in half, dipping it in ketchup before eating it with a stiff jaw. "Kehlani." Sam says, worried. Jackson keeps making the signal to stop. Oh god.
My poor, broken kitten.
"Kitten.." I say sadly, my voice coming out hoarse. She slams the bottle of water she was about to open back down on the table and stands, shoving her hands in her coat pocket, seeming to grasp something, before walking out. I don't hesitate standing and following. Sam puts a hand on his face.
When I catch up with her, she's outside on the ground, sitting, a cigarette in her mouth.
"You know, I'm not even addicted." She says as I approach. She lets out a laugh. "I only smoke when my anxiety or frustration has reached its peak." She says. She takes another huff. I sit beside her. She blows out the smoke and tips her head back, letting it rest on the wall, as she breathes laughter.
"Who?" I whisper. She looks over at me for a second, and my breath bitches when our eyes meet. Why couldn't I just get over her?
"Doesn't matter. He's dead." She states, and takes another huff.
"You didn't..." I trail off. She laughs and stands, throwing the remainder of the cigarette on the ground and stomping on it with her heel.
"Wow. There it is, yet again. Everyone thinking the worst of me. Guessing shit." She says, her jaw locking. "And you wonder why I don't open up and spill my guts." She says says with a disgusted curl of her lips, as if repulsed by the thought. I stand and back her against the wall again, trapping her. "You really like the wall thing, don't you?" She asks sarcastically.
I do indeed.
"Don't you get it yet? I want to help you, Kehlani. And I'm not going to give up." I say. Her breathing hitches. "One way or another." I tell her.
.
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KEHLANI'S POV
"One way or another." He tells me, looking right into my eyes.
And I believe him.
And it was at that moment I knew I was a goner for Ryder Flynn, utterly in love with him.
I fought back the urge to press my body against his, to see if the warmth can be everywhere, and give a sarcastic smile.
"You'll give up eventually." I say, swallowing down what I really want to tell him, how he needs to stop with this, making me feel. I only have two weeks exactly.
"No. See, that's where your wrong, because I'll never give up on you." He says quietly, softly.
"Trust me, you will, they all do." I say with a blank tone. His fist raises and hits the wall behind my head.
And I don't even flinch.
"I'm not everyone, Kehlani! I don't know how much longer I stand here and watch as you beat yourself up! I can't take this anymore, Kehlani. You need to know how I see you." He says urgently, as if across I'd disappear any second.
In a sense, it was true.
"I think your beautiful. Your smart, obviously. your demanding, but in a good way. You arrive for what you want, and you get it, you always have! Your so full of flaws it makes you so damn perfect because your the most unrealistic real I've ever seen in my life!" He says, and tears form in my eyes. No one ever says things like this to me..
"You lie so much, for the sake of others, and I see right through it because I know you Kehlani. You may say that I don't know you because of what happened over the last two years to you, and I don't need to know because I still know you!" He says, coming a little closer, to where our chests were touching.
I was right. The warmth. Everywhere. Then again, all I needed was a simple touch of a finger when it comes to him. I felt the warmth from the second he picked me up from the alley ground.
"Kehlani.." he says slowly. "You have a right to know.." he drawls.
"What?" I whisper.
"I'm in love with you."
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I'M SCREAMING!
Thank you guys so much.
For everything.
XoXo
-Elisia