Hands grab and pull, hearts hammer loudly against chests, incoherent murmurs leave mouths, eyes shut with focus on touch, and we are a tangle of emotions.
I don't want to say fireworks because that's what everyone describes this kind of thing with.
And we are not everyone.
We are not those hormonal teens that make out just for fun. There's something more here. I don't think the way I feel can be compared to anything adolescent.
Derek is gentle yet merciless with the way his lips move with mine. It is beyond anything I could have imagined, and it is causing me to forget the principle of breathing. Derek's mouth latches onto mine before I have the chance to exhale even though I really need the oxygen for my burning lungs.
He pulls me upright to where I'm pretty much sitting on his lap. Derek's hands stay caressing my neck while mine rest on his warm chest. The rapid pulse of his heart is beneath my palms and confirms that he doesn't want to stop kissing either. My need for even more closeness causes me to adjust and move my left leg across to where I'm comfortably straddling him. My red dress accidently rises up my thighs, but I don't make any attempt to fix it. The contact leads me to feel a warmness gather in my lower abdomen that I've never felt before.
Without thinking I pull off my denim jacket, and the tiny straps of my dress hang off my shoulders.
The growing tingles I get make me claw at Derek's shirt until I successfully have the fabric in my hands. It's going to be a whole size bigger after so much of my tugging, when we stop. If we ever stop.
This is the very first kiss we've ever shared but we're moving like our lips are so familiar to each other. Like we've done this before.
There isn't any awkward fumbling and I'm truly grateful for that. And I'm also so grateful for what a great kisser Derek is.
Like DAYUM BOI!!
He knows what he's doing.
Maybe he has a lot of prior experience.
Shh! Don't ruin this for me!
Derek breaks away but before I verbalize my complaint, he presses his forehead against mine and levels his breathing.
I try to do the same but it ends up sounding like I'm having an asthma attack.
Then I really think I'm going to have an asthma attack when his hands loop around my waist.
Slick.
He peeks at me and even after what we've been doing I manage to not be able to look at him right in the eyes.
Derek lets out a deep laugh that makes me want to go back to minimal breathing activities.
He sweetly kisses my forehead and pulls me in, rubbing my back as we hug. My head rests on his shoulder like a child-
Oooh daddy!
Ewww! Stop it!
Anyway, I feel a weird safe stillness despite the rush of it all. Weirdly I'm really liking being just held.
Jordan never wanted to just hug, which was fine with me, but this is nice.
No, this is better.
Way better.
"I've had the biggest crush on you," he says.
Had?
"What do you mean?" He's only known me for a couple months. Sure we've been at the same school, but then what is he trying to say?
"I always just had this teeny crush on you, but I didn't think you'd ever go for me." I feel his arms tighten.
Him saying this racks my brain and takes me back to when I was sick at home.
Flashback (Chapter 24)
"He's not corrupting me. I'm the one who kissed him first. Besides, all he did was come by and feed me soup."
"I hope he gets sick," Hailey mumbles.
"Hailey!"
"What? How is Derek supposed to get a chance with Jordan trying to steal you away?"
I throw a pillow at her, but she's Hailey so she easily dodges it.
"Also," she holds a finger up, "you have to admit that Jordan's never noticed you before."
"But neither has Derek."
"Actually..."
"What?" What does she mean by "actually"? What is she not telling me?
"I shouldn't- "
"You can't say 'actually' and not say anything!"
"I know, but Cole- "
"You're like my best friend." Ignore the fact that's she kind of my only friend. Acquaintance just doesn't fit anymore.
Hailey stares at me surprised, but soon gets up to wrap me in a hug. I'm shocked. I've never seen her hug anyone, but here she is.
"Hailey I don't want to get you sick," I say, and she sighs. She holds me at arm's length.
"Don't worry about that dude, I never get sick."
"Don't push your luck. So tell me what do you mean? Why won't you tell me what you're talking about?"
"I've been talking a lot with Cole you know? And he's told me a couple of things, but he told me not to say anything." Her brows crease in worry.
"Thanks, but really just be careful. Wouldn't want you getting hurt."
"Same here," I smile, and she pats my shoulder before spreading out on the couch.
End of Flashback.
Maybe Cole knew something I didn't, something about Derek liking me.
"Why would you think I wouldn't like you?" I say this against his shirt, and he sighs.
"Because you liked Jordan, and well I'm not Jordan."
And obviously I'm going around thinking I'm a mysterious antisocialist when in reality everyone can read me without a second look. Even poor Derek knew I liked Jordan what the cheezits?
"You've really had a crush on me?" I feel him nod. "How long?"
There's a pause, like he's thinking or pretending to think so it doesn't seem like a creeper who keeps count, like me.
"The beginning of last year. We had homeroom, but that was pretty much the only class we've ever had together."
I think back and realize that he's right.
Sometimes in high school there are people you never get to meet even if they're in the same grade as you. He's never talked to me before, and as Jade's brother I never thought he would be this humble guy that was easy to be around. True, Jordan was more out of reach as a major popular guy but my crush for him made me actually try to get to him.
Yet, all this time here was a guy that thought he didn't have a chance with ME. That's so hard to believe, but it's so awesome too.
I really am the worst. How blind am I to have never noticed?
I lift my head and look at him.
"I wish you would have talked to me sooner." Gosh this boy. He's so cute.
"Me too."
We smile at each other, and I comb my fingers through his hair for a while.
Then, when I'm certain we're about to go back to lip games, another couple stumbles into the room with their tongues down each other's throats in what I hope is not what we looked like minutes before.
I immediately unwrap myself from Derek and stand up. Derek brushes himself off.
The guy's eyes open, and open wide when they see me. When he stops reacting to the girl's kisses, she turns to look at me too.
I could never forget that cool polished look.
It doesn't matter that I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I know I'm in trouble.
"Nice to see you Jasmine." Her tone is suspiciously nice.
"Hey." I look away. Those blue eyes are intimidating.
She turns to Derek.
"Hey baby brother."