Two weeks. That was how long it had been since I saw Noah. I ended up telling my American Studies professor that I had a really bad infection and couldn't come in. I even found a guy who was making fake doctor's notes. Being able to do my homework in peace and quiet was great, especially if I didn't have to see Noah. He was nice and all, but he seemed a little too friendly. His parents seemed crazy, but nice. I just couldn't be around parents, it was still a sour subject.
My professor was expecting me back in class tomorrow though, so unfortunately my little vacation was coming to an end. Glancing over at my clock, I sighed while realizing it was only eight. I might as well go to bed, not like I had any other plans.
After taking a shower and changing, I was about to get into bed when a knock came from the door. I was halfway to the door when I realized I was only in my pajama pants, but decided not to put a shirt on. When I opened the door, I instantly sighed.
Noah was standing on the other side, a small teddy bear in one hand. In his other hand, he had a plate of what looked like brownies.
"What, Noah," I sighed while leaning against the door.
His face fell for a second, before he regained his composure. "I heard about your infection, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"How did you hear about that?"
"This girl next to me was talking about it. She said you had to go to the emergency room and everything." His eyes then slowly traveled down to my torso, where he frowned. "I guess it cleared up huh? What kind of infection was it?"
Rolling my eyes, I wandered over to my bed and sat down. "Made up."
"What?" He asked while walking into the room and closing the door. "You really weren't sick?"
"No."
He continued to frown as he gently set the brownies down. He held the bear close to his chest as he asked, "Why did you make it up?"
"To get away from you."
I instantly felt bad when I said it, since his eyes suddenly filled with tears. "I... I didn't mean to bug you so much. I just wanted to be friends."
Getting off the bed, I wandered over to him when tears were slowly running down his cheeks. "Come on, don't cry." Not really knowing what to do, I awkwardly thumped his back.
"Why do you dislike me so much?"
"You really want to know?" He nodded, those sad brown eyes looking up at me. "I'm not used to having people want to be around me okay? I'm not sure how to handle you Noah... no one has ever given me attention before. I don't get why you even want to. You don't know me, you don't know what I've had to deal with."
He was suddenly wrapping his arms around me, the bear resting between our bodies. My body was frozen, not sure what to do. His cheek was resting against my chest, where I'm sure he could hear my rapidly beating heart. Those brown eyes were then looking up at me, a blush covering his cheeks. He quickly stepped back, my body feeling weirdly cold without him against me.
"I'm always here Wes, if you never need to talk about anything."
With that he placed the teddy bear next to the brownies, and started making his way out the door. "I don't remember the last time someone hugged me," I whispered, making him isntantly turn around in the doorway.
His eyebrows were raised as he looked at me, shouting coming from the hallway behind him. "What about your parents?"
Sighing, I looked away from him as I suddenly felt ashamed. "My parents never wanted me. They left me at a truck stop when I was seven. Pathetic, I know."
Hearing the door shut, I looked up to see Noah coming over to wrap his arms back around my body. My body froze again, not wanting to get close to Noah.
"No, Noah. I... I can't get close to you." I tried to push him away but he was actually stronger than he looked. He looked up at me before saying,
"Yes, you can. It'll be okay Wes, I'm not going to hurt you."
Finally getting out of his arms, I stood in front of the window while crossing my arms over my chest. "You don't know that. Everyone I've gotten close to has hurt me, or left. If I start to get close to you, it'll only be a matter of time before you leave too."
I felt ashamed when tears were stinging in my eyes, quickly wiping them away. Ever since I was little, my father told me crying wasn't for men. Guys had to be strong and tough, crying was for women. But right now, all I wanted to do was cry.
I wanted parents that didn't leave me in the middle of nowhere. I wanted a boyfriend that didn't date me on a dare. I wanted to feel something, but couldn't stand getting hurt.
"I've had to face humiliation in high school, as well as heart break. I had to face isolation in foster homes." Turning back towards Noah, I couldn't keep the tears in any longer. They slowly started to slide down my face as I said, "I don't deserve happiness. So I'd like it if you'd leave my room please."
Instead of leaving, Noah walked up and wrapped his arms back around me. Instead of telling him to leave me alone, I wrapped my arms around his smaller body. For once, I was going to be selfish and do something I actually wanted to. I was well aware that this could be a bad idea, allowing myself to get close to someone. But with Noah, it just seemed different.
Closing my eyes, I buried my face into his neck and sighed. He felt so warm and soft against my body, it felt nice to hold someone. Justin hardly ever touched me, he always acted as if my body had some type of fungus growing on it. No other guy had ever touched me like this, and it actually felt really nice.
Noah's hands were wrapped tightly around my waist, keeping my body firmly against his. I could feel his eyelashes against my chest, something that was making my heart start beating even faster. Just having him hold me like this, made me feel pathetic. My own parents had hardly touched me growing up, almost never gave me a hug.
Loud sobs started coming from my mouth, as my shoulders started heavily heaving. It felt as if everything I had ever held in was coming out. I was crying for my parents, for Justin, and just my life in general.
I felt Noah gently guide me over to the bed, where he pulled me closer. He was slowly running his fingers up and down my arm, his head resting against mine. I must've looked pathetic in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled while pulling back.
He simply shook his head while he pulled my body back to his. "Shh don't apologize. Let it out."
"I don't even know why I'm crying," I said as my voice started to crack.
"You have someone here for you this time. Okay?" He asked while looking into my eyes. He smiled a small smile, his thumbs slowly wiping my tears away.
Moving away from him, I put my hands into my hair while standing in the middle of the room. "I think it might be best if you leave."
"Wes, let me in."
My body tensed when he was standing right behind me, his small hand landing on my shoulder. Shoving him off, I wiped the last of my pathetic tears away before sighing. "Leave me alone."
Even though I had just told him to leave, it hurt when I heard the door open and shut. Slowly turning around, I frowned when I realized he had actually left. Locking the door, I was about to get into bed when I stopped. The teddy bear Noah had brought over somehow had ended up on the ground. Picking it up, I brought it over to my bed before sitting down. Wrapping my arm around its body, I shut my eyes before falling into a dark sleep.
**
The next day in my American Studies class, I could feel people staring at me the entire time. I'm sure everyone had heard of my 'infection', and probably wanted to see if I looked different. The only person that didn't look at me, was Noah. For some reason that hurt more than I was expecting it to. He had every reason to not look at me, but a little part of me was still hoping he would.
My eyes had been roaming his body for the last hour, completely ignorning the professor. When class was finally over, I took a deep breath before walking over to him. He was putting a bunch of notebooks and highlighters back into his bag, and didn't seem to notice me. Well, if he did notice me he was good at faking it.
"Noah?" Those brown eyes then looked up at me, stopping me in my tracks. He had a long scratch under his left eye, which was puffy and red. "Oh god, what happened?" I asked while kneeling on one knee in front of him.
"I wouldn't want to burden you with my personal life," he bitterly said while he continued to put his things away.
Looking behind me, I noticed some students still lingering around. Luckily they were talking to the professor, not really staring at me anymore.
"I'm sorry," I whispered which made him stop packing his items and look over at me. "I know you were only trying to help me yesterday. I'm just... I'm not good at expressing my emotions. Like at all. I didn't want to get close to you because I was afraid you would hurt me. You, you make me feel different Noah. That really scared me, because I had basically blocked all feelings from my life. I'm sorry."
Noah frowned as he looked down at his hands, which were nervously running along a notebook. "No, Wes, you shouldn't be the one to say sorry." When he looked back up, he looked at me for a fraction of a second before looking away. "Ever since I first saw you, I thought you were so damn attractive. I have a problem of coming on too strong, and I was really trying not to do that with you. So I'm sorry, I guess I just wanted you all to myself." He laughed a dry laugh while he shook his head. "I just didn't want you to forget about me."
Forgetting everything I had ever thought, I suddenly leaned forward and gently placed my lips on his. His body instantly tensed, before he relaxed and started kissing me back. I'm not sure what possessed me to kiss him, I just feel so drawn to him.
Since I was still kneeling, I wrapped my arms around his torse and pulled him closer to me. He instantly wrapped his arms around my neck, his fingers tangling in my dark hair. This felt right, having him against me like this.
Tilting my head, I deepened the kiss while putting a hand on the back of his neck to bring him closer. He must've turned in his chair, because his legs were suddenly wrapping around my waist. Slowly pulling back, I ever so gently kissed his scratch before looking in his eyes.
"I could never forget about you," I whispered while closing my eyes to catch my breath. "Ever since I met you, I can't stop thinking about you." Looking back up at him, I slowly ran my thumb across his right cheek while saying, "And I don't know why that is."
Those brown eyes continued to study me, before he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. He buried his face into my neck, his fingers clinging onto my back. "I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered.
I decided not to respond, since I wasn't so sure about that. "I'm not going to say I immediately want to be with you. I'm not sure if I even want a relationship."
He slowly nodded, not saying anything. His body suddenly tensed, making me look up to see our professor looking down at us. "Mr. Yeager, Mr. Sullivan, I do not allow teenage pornos to go on in this classroom."
"Sorry," Noah muttered as he started to untangle his body from mine.
"Don't be sorry," I said while putting my hands onto his thighs. "Two gay men shouldn't have to be afraid to kiss each other."
With that I leaned forward and kissed Noah's swollen lips again. His body instantly relaxed against mine, as he smiled against my lips.
"Glad you're feeling better Mr. Yeager," the professor said before walking away.
When he was gone, I finally stood up and helped Noah to get out of his desk. "Will you tell me how you did that to your face now?" I asked while walking out into the hallway.
He looked up at me, the light breeze blowing his hair slightly. "Only if you tell me something about yourself."
Dodging multiple people, we managed to make it outside without getting run over. Sitting under a tree, I watched a girl loudly sing Taylor Swift as she walked by. "I'm planning on going to law school after I graduate."
"Law school?" His eyebrows instantly rose as he wrapped his arms around his legs. "I didn't know you were going to become a lawyer. How did you choose that?"
"Nope, you said I only needed to tell you one thing. Now tell me about your face."
He rolled his eyes before looking down, a small smile on his face. "I was waslking back into my room, tripped, and fell onto the side of my bed. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal but I have these snowflake lights hanging from my bed."
I couldn't help but laugh as I continued to look at him. "God you're a klutz."
He laughed as well before slowly looking back up at me. "I get it from my parents." He looked away when Taylor Swift girl walked by again, making me roll my eyes. "So, what exactly is going on between us?"
He was twiddling his thumbs and not looking at me, which made me look away as well. "I'm not sure Noah, I'm really not."
We stayed quiet after that, the normal college sounds surrounding us. "Well, I guess I'll see you around."
"You're leaving?"
He looked down after he stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. "I have class on the other side of campus soon. Thanks for... the talk. I'll see you later."
With that I watched as he started walking away. It wasn't like he was mine, I couldn't make him stay. Even if I wanted him to, I don't think that's how this was supposed to work. I still wasn't sure what I wanted from Noah, since I wasn't ready for a relationship. Maybe I'll never be ready for one, but it was nice to have someone I could consider a friend.