And the distance between me and Teddy remained as wide as it ever had. Wider, maybe, because now there was this weird animosity slash courtesy which hadn't been there before I'd gotten sick. Some layer of something had been peeled away, and nothing we said or did could put it back.
He basically lived in the music room, while I had the run of the downstairs. He didn't even bother to tell me where he was going these days if he went out, and I did wonder if he was seeing other women, maybe, in addition to Jennifer Jordan. I saw nothing online, however, and this was minutely comforting.
I was having trouble keep up the facade to the boys, though, and I wondered what Teddy was telling them. I filled my texts to them with a lot about my practices, and how busy I was with that, which wasn't a lie. The Mozart was kicking my ass all over the place.
Richard came back from France, along with Mia and the rest of them, and it surprised me how happy I was to see him. Our weekly sessions were getting better, though I just didn't seem to be getting what he was telling me about my piece. We seemed to be at loggerheads, always.
One afternoon in late December, as he was leaning over me and the keyboard, pointing out to me for what seemed the hundredth time how I wasn't getting the discipline, how I was just letting the passion loose to take over too often in too many places, he turned to look at me, placed his hand on the back of my head, and moved to kiss me.
I backed up on the bench and moved my head.
"Richard, no!" I said quietly, shocked.
"It's okay, Ms. Foster. Tinker Bell." He smiled. "You're not my student. And even if you were, with doctoral candidates it's allowed." He sat down next to me on the bench.
I took a deep breath. "I know it's allowed. It's not about that. I have a boyfriend. I'm living with him. I'm in a relationship. What makes you think I'd do that?"
He looked at me. "You haven't mentioned him for weeks. I haven't seen him since the first day. And don't think I haven't noticed that he hasn't followed through on his promise to chauffeur you to and from our sessions, either. I've seen the car that drops you off and picks you up.
"I think it's admirable and mature of him to stick to his agreement to give you a place to stay and practice until your audition, but please don't insult my intelligence by telling me that you're still in a relationship with Mr. Shelley, Tinker Bell." He placed a gentle hand over mine.
"I've been waiting all my life to meet someone like you. And finally, here you are." He looked at the piano as he spoke. "Look. I'm not saying 'marry me' or anything like that. I'm just saying that you should give me a chance. I know about you, I've talked to Professor Van Dyke. I know that Mr. Shelley is your first real romance, and that it must be pretty overwhelming, you know, pop star and all that.
"But that's not really your world, is it? This is where you grew up, this is where you belong. Just listen to how you play, my god. I've seen the photographs of you with those young men in the tabloids, the videos of you online with them. Well, it's a crazy life, isn't it? Is that what you want? To live like that? With paparazzi following you around, with crazy girls screaming that they want to kill you because of whom you're dating?
"You should be filling concert halls in the great cities of Europe, meeting heads of state, teaching at universities. I can give you all that. Or if not me, someone like me. Or even on your own, it's not like you need someone else to get it for you. You're a remarkable young woman. Don't sell yourself short by irrevocably joining your life to someone whose life is so different from your own, who can only bring you down and lock you out of so much that you deserve, that you've worked so hard for."
He turned to look at me again, and, almost against my will, I turned to him, too. His dark hair, with his eyes, made a nice combination. He was handsome, really handsome, and his words had some pull.
I was very comfortable in this environment. I'd performed my first concert when I was twelve. I felt safe between walls like these. The constant anxiety of being Theo Shelley's girlfriend would be gone.
The sound of his voice brought me back to the room.
"Is it me? Are you just not attracted to me?" This was almost exactly what Teddy had asked me in Japan when I'd refused his first kiss.
"Richard, please. You're very attractive." And that was almost exactly what my response had been back then as well.
"Well, I think you're lovely," he said, smiling at me.
"Thank you," I responded, hoping that the actual act of the kiss was off the table. I moved to stand up. "I think I'd better go," I said apologetically.
He rose, moving to make room for me.
"And next week will be Christmas, so I assume we won't be meeting?" I continued, moving past him in the small space.
He nodded, and we checked our schedules, agreeing to meet the first week of January.
"Well, see you in a couple of weeks, then," I said, as I turned to go, and he leaned forward to kiss me again, shocking me. I turned my head barely in time, so he ended up kissing my cheek instead of my mouth.
I left without another word. I wouldn't have known what to say, anyway. I climbed into the car feeling completely freaked out. So Mia had been right. I rode home in a near complete state of shock.
I spent the next few days just puttering around the house, practicing my piece, going over my notes, watching various people perform it on YouTube (which I wasn't supposed to be doing, but at this point I was desperate), knitting, and hoping to catch a glimpse of Teddy.
That was where I found video of him, leaving Jennifer Jordan's apartment the previous morning. The photographers were all over him as he grimly walked to his car, which had presumably been parked there all night. He put his hand up to block a huge camera which was blocking his path as he opened the door, got in, pulled it closed and drove away.
No. Oh no. I sat back, viciously telling myself not to cry. I couldn't keep living like this, being a chickenshit mouse who just hid and let things happen to her. I knew that it was just a matter of time, that even the boys would have questions after seeing that video.
I tried to come up with words to use when talking to him; I even went as far as writing bullet points on a pad so I'd know what to say, but when I heard him come in from wherever he'd been, I just smiled in greeting as he went straight up the stairs to the music room. Fuck. Way to handle things, Foster.
On the 23rd I got the most unbelievable text from Richard, asking if I wanted to drive to his chateau in France with him for Christmas. I read it over again to make sure I was understanding it right.
I texted him back, thanking him politely, telling him I couldn't possibly intrude on a family holiday like that, especially on such short notice.
'No intrusion, honestly. My family decided to go to Barbados at the last minute, and I didn't want to go, so it's just me here. Please say you'll come. It's really beautiful, and you missed the earlier trip, so...'
This was crazy. And where the fuck was Teddy? Things between us had fallen apart to such an extent that we hadn't even discussed what we were doing for Christmas. Just acknowledging this in my head brought tears to my eyes.
Whatever. Regardless of what was right or wrong between me and Teddy, I certainly was not going to France with Richard, and the sooner he knew that, the better.
'I need to thank you so, so much for inviting me, but it's just not going to happen. I have many things I need to sort out here, and it sounds like you know that somehow; but until that sorting out happens, I can't move forward in any direction with anyone, okay? So again, thank you, but I can't. Merry Xmas.'
I sat in front of the TV, not knowing what I was looking at, not knowing what time it was, even, until the sound of my phone buzzing made me nearly jump off the sofa. It was a text from Geth.
'Where are you? Can you talk?' It was three in the morning.
'Yes. You need to talk? Are you okay?' I sent back.
My phone rang. I muted the TV and picked up.
"Geth? What's the matter?" My voice sounded raspy from disuse, high-pitched with concern for Geth.
"Hello, darling. Where are you?" Even over the phone, hearing his voice brought tears to my eyes.
"I'm at home, in London. Where else would I be?" I responded, perplexed.
"I got the notion from Theo that you were in France, with that Dr. fellow," he responded.
"What?" I asked, confused. "Why in the world would he think that?"
"Ah, Tink, this is a royal fuck up beyond all measure, that's for certain." I could hear how frustrated he was. "You have no idea what's been going on, do you?"
"Apparently not," I said, completely bewildered.
"Your Dr. Allen, is that his name?"
"Yes--"
"He's been texting Theo these last months, the foulest garbage, getting in his head, stuff about how he owes it to you to turn you loose so you can be with your own kind of people, smarter, classier people than him, so you can live the kind of life you're supposed to have or some such shit, and poor Theo's been believing it all, and suffering terribly for it--" Gethin stopped to take a breath
"Geth, hold on, how do you know all this? Where is Teddy now, do you know?" I asked.
"Well, he's here, love," came the response.
"What? He's in Wales?" I couldn't believe it. "When did he get there?"
"Yesterday afternoon. He came roaring up in his little sports car. I think he'd just hit his limit, he didn't know what else to do. He's been drinking since he got here, and he finally passed out about an hour ago." I could hear the exhaustion in his voice.
My head was spinning. "Are you sure? About Dr. Allen? And the texts?" I felt sick. What an evil man. Poor Teddy.
"Tink, I've seen them. Do you want me to send them to you? Theo's passed out stone cold, I could probably get his phone." I could imagine Geth running his fingers through his hair.
"No, Geth, of course I believe you." I took a deep breath, the tears starting to flow.
"Oh, no, little one, don't cry now, don't cry," Geth said.
"I don't know what to do, I really don't know," I couldn't keep the tears at bay.
"Well, you're not in ruddy France, that's a good start," Geth said.
"I'm coming to Wales," I said. "I'm leaving, as soon as I get dressed, okay?"
"What? How?" He said.
"I'll drive," I said. "He left the SUV."
"Tink," said Gethin, and I could hear the horror in his voice. "You don't even have a license, love! Don't you dare get in that car!"
"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" I asked desperately. "I have to see him, Gethin. I have to talk to him, face to face, and it's Christmas Eve. How am I supposed to get there? And it doesn't sound like he's in any shape to drive back." I took a shaky breath. "And honestly at this point I don't even know if he wants to see me any more. Oh, Gethin." I completely broke down, into pathetic incoherency.
"No, no, poppet, you haven't been listening to me. That fucking Dr. Allen got in his head and told him you deserved better, that all he'd ever do was hold you back and keep you down. Theo's been mooning about in that music room for months, miserable, following you around London, watching you when you sleep--"
"What?" I couldn't keep the surprise out of my voice. Teddy had been following me?
"Ah, maybe I've said too much. Gimme a minute to think." Silence from Gethin's end. "I'm sending a car for you, okay, love? Give me some time to get it organized, and I'll text you with the details."
"That'll cost a fortune," I said.
"A fortune's what I've got, little one, no worries," and I could hear the smile in his voice. "Dress warmly, and pack some clothes, okay?"
A sunny, frigid dawn was just breaking as the warm car pulled away from Teddy's house. I was wearing my warmest clothes, with more packed in my suitcase. I hoped Geth had tipped this lovely driver like a Vanderbilt. I'd also given him a loaf of banana bread that I'd had in the freezer, along with heartfelt thanks for getting up at the ass crack of dawn on Christmas Eve to drive me to another country.
As the warm, comfortable car sped west toward who knew what, I contemplated my monumental idiocy.
How had I let this happen? Life had been good, happier than I'd ever known. I had my guy, I had my audition, the world lay at my feet. Then, somehow, I'd stepped sideways into a nightmare, and I didn't know how. Dr. Allen had quietly, insidiously, crept into Teddy's mind behind my back and poisoned him, had poisoned us, and I had unknowingly, stupidly, sat by and let it happen.
At least I knew about it now, and I was doing something. I had to fix this. For him. For us.