Everything was moving so fast, or was everything moving slow? I have no idea, I was too frozen in my spot to know if everything was even real. Before I knew it the ambulance was already leaving and the crowd cleared. Then I wasn't frozen, I was running, sprinting out the gates of the school. I was never good at walking especially running but lately these days I've had to run quite a bit. I new exactly where the hospital was, I've been there once before the first time this happened to Jordan. Only a half a mile away next to the other office buildings downtown. I wasn't even sure if I was breathing, I was in fact sweating, a lot. I ran through the automatic entrance doors and my body hit against the front desk of the emergency room.
'Please tell me Jordan Fish isn't here' I gasped breathing rapidly. The lady seemed shocked, probably thinking that I was the one in need of medical attention not that I was actually looking for a patient. This might be a common thing actually.
'You mean the young boy? He was admitted a few minutes ago.' I nodded throughout her sentence.
'Yes! Yes, him. Is he ok? I need to see him!' I spoke quickly still out of breath.
'I'm sorry sweetie, but he's being assisted right now and we cannot allow him visitors. You may wait in our break room' she said sweetly.
I crossed my arms on the desk and laid my head on them, breathing deeply. After my heavy breathing subsided I plopped down on one of their uncomfortable chairs. I had no choice but to call his host parents. Their going to lose their shit, this is thhe second time and worse. I took the blame for everything and lost count on the number of times I apologized to them, I mean her.
I only was able to call the mother of the home, I could hear her worry and her voice started to crack and it just made me start to cry. They were both at work and wouldn't be able to leave for another hour, including traffic.
I heard the lady at the desk call for me and I shot up right away not wasting a second. I didn't even let her finish her sentence, all I needed was the room number and I was off. I ignored all the glares and comments from the nurses, there was no way in hell I was slowing down. I even slipped when I passed his door, and I was once again out of breath. There he was. I was so silent I could only hear his shallow breaths and the machine beeping. He was unconscious, I just looked at his pale face and I could feel my heart shattering. This is all my fault, he didn't deserve this. All he's done is stand up for me, he's the only one whose ever done that and look where that's got him. I sat in the chair across the room from him, and the exhaustion started to catch up with me.
-
I was woken up 3 hours later by Mrs. Berkley, one of Jordan's host parents. She told me that the doctor said he had been out on anesthetics, he had three broken ribs, a broken arm and a concussion. She kept asking if I had any idea what happened, I told her all I knew and it wasn't enough.
I stayed over night, Mrs. Quinn didn't mind since it was a Friday and Mrs. And Mr. Berkley were very appreciative since they had work on Saturday as well.
He woke up around 8 to 9 am, and I of course rushed to his side, puking out apologies over and over.
'Shut up.' he said sounding tired and a little frustrated with me, I closed my mouth immediately. Did he hate me? I wouldn't blame him, I hate me too.
He sat up as much as he could and obviously in a lot of pain, then looked at me sternly.
'This is not your fault.' He placed his hand on my shoulder, the one that wasn't broken and pushed me to sit on the side of the bed before continuing.
'I would rather have me get hurt than you, you didn't do this pricks at school did.' he tried to reassure me.
'What did they do?' I asked cautiously.
'They jumped me in the hall, like five guys and dragged me into the bathroom. They just fucking kicked me and slammed my head against the toilet and I don't remember much after tha-" I cut him off by hugging him then quickly letting go once I heard him gasp in pain.
'I'm so sorry they did that to you' my voice barely a whisper.
'Luckily a dude walked in and found me but, I'm fine. Really.' I looked down at the hospital sheets.
No he wasn't, he's not fine at all. I wish I wasn't so weak and useless, I wish I could help.
-
He was released two days later, and I was there as much as I could. The visiting hours ended at 9pm so I got home late. As much as I looked for Kellin I couldn't find him, which just made me more infuriated, he probably thought all of this was hilarious. They could of killed him. Whatever, I was more concerned with Jordan's well being lately, especially since he hasn't returned my calls or texts in three days. I didn't expect to see him at school so I just really wanted to know how he was doing.
It was a Wednesday when I decided to stop by his house. Mrs. Berkley didn't seem surprised to see me but, she looked apologetic when she saw me and that was very concerning.
'He's in his room, come right in' she greeted.I didn't like the tone of her voice, she sounded like he just slipped into a coma. I walked up the staircase slowly preparing for the absolute worst. I paused for a few moments at his door deciding to just walk in rather than to knock. I expected to find his dead body but instead he was laying on his bed. The only thing you could notice that was out of place was that his room looked bare.
'Hi.' he said quietly.
'Did someone die?' I joked trying to make light of the situation.
'We need to talk.' He spoke seriously. Shit. That's what someone says right before they break up with you.
'Um, I have some bad news.' he said everything calmly and I was anything but calm on the inside. He motioned for me to sit on the bed next to me, like in the hospital.
'Go on.' I urged him, my voice being shaky as always.
'I called my parents a few days ago. They overreacted as expected. They said they don't care how good our school is they won't stand for violence.' I didn't like where this is going but, I nodded.
'They told me their giving me a week to recover, and for them to fill all the paper work then' he paused for a few moments and look away from me to the ground 'they are sending back home.' my mouth fell open and I tried to convince myself I was dreaming.
'You-you're leaving me? I-I mean leaving the school' I croaked not believing this was real. My life was just one big nightmare, I swear.
'I'm so sorry Vic, if it was my decision I would stay but the situation is out of my hands' he said sadly. I just nodded, I wouldn't dare cry in front of him. I stood up and looked at the door.
'I guess we have to make this the best week we can' I said shakily.
'Of course mate, and you can always visit during the summer' he offered.
I looked at his shirt, trying to not make eye contact with him. 'We will start tomorrowif that's ok with you but, I need to go.' I lied, I have nothing but time. 'Yeah sure thing, mate. Sounds great!' I then preceded to leave after a very small goodbye from Jordan.
We had a really fun week and we spent so much time with each other, I was so deep in denial during the whole week. I tried to pretend like he wasn't leaving and I pushed back all the emotions I had to the back of my mind. It was the day we took him to the airport it all dawned on me. I watched him go through security and turn around and wave at me, then he was gone. Just like that.
I didn't say anything the drive back, I couldn't. I kept everything in and I was ready to let it all out when I finally got back to the house. Mrs. Quinn told me she and Mr. Quinn wouldn't be home and I was looking forward to being alone, I would have to get use to it.
I didn't start crying, but when I was walking up the staircase a lone tear feel down me cheek and I quickly wiped it away like it never happened. When I finally was in the hallway I could hear noises, from Kellin's room. He was laughing, laughing. Every emotion I had changed quickly into fury towards him. Without a thought I swung open his door and charged towards him. I grabbed him and threw him to the floor quick to get on top of him. I didn't care if I got in trouble I had nothing to lose right now. I started punching him, over and over. Even though I was so outraged I was crying in the process and I started hitting his chest.
'I hate you. I hate you so much. Are you happy? That I'm alone? Like fucking always? I've never had someone care so much about me and then they're ripped away. Why? Because a fucking jerk off decides to ruin my life because I work for the things I have! Now I would much rather be dead than be here in this house stuck with you!' I was pouring out everything and my hits were starting to slow down 'You have no idea how you make people feel! You make them feel so low that they could get hit by a bus the next day and not care! Ma-maybe that's what I'll do!' I was hysterical at this point I was just spewing out words without realizing what I was saying. I didn't care, I was in such a fit of tears, Kellin was able to push me off him but, he didn't do anything. Through my tears I could see him just starring at me, for the longest time. He had a shocked looked mixed in with another look I couldn't really describe all that well. I was such a joke, that's probably what he's thinking. I couldn't do any of this, I can't. I got up, my whole body was shaking from my outburst and then I started to walk fast out of his room before I embarrassed myself anymore.
'I-I. Hold on!' I heard Kellin stutter behind me but I was too much of a wreck to even listen before I closed the door behind me. I could hear him coming quickly from inside the room, so I ran as fast as I could across the hall to my room. I slammed the door and locked it. I slid down to the floor tucking myself into my knees and wallowing in my own self pity. It's become sort of routine for me to be quite honest. I heard him jiggle the door knob and hit his head on the door and sigh. After a few moments he left shutting his door. This sucks, I suck, everything sucks and I'm completely fine with not waking up tomorrow.