CALDER KEPT HIS SILENCE looming around our journey once again, but my irritation of it didn't change. I was told by him the night before that I would get the answers I wanted, and I wasn't going to let him out of that agreement no matter how many times I had to ask.
"Why did those guards kill my parents? I mean. . .my protectors? If they were after me, why didn't they just leave them alone?"
I watched him clench his jaw for the thousandth time since I'd met him, and I knew by now that had to mean he was either angry or uncomfortable. But I figured it mostly meant he was holding something back.
"You said you would tell me what you could about my questions, Calder," I reminded him. "You know how important this is that I find out what I need to. I've been thrusted into this whole other world and life in the span of a day. The least you could do is that."
Calder gave one more moment of pause before he finally replied, "I already told you. Hanir and Linnea were just in the way of what the knights wanted. It would have happened to anyone who was there, whether from our world or from the ephemeral one. The knights would have killed a newborn child if it prevented them from getting to you. The cost doesn't matter to them."
I felt a small spout of bile churn in my stomach at that thought, but continued. "Hanir and Linnea didn't look like you and I. Why is that if they were from this place? The guards from yesterday appeared just as you do. They had pale skin and black hair, even the weird pointy ears I've held back asking about. Which means everyone here must look the same way. Hanir and Linnea were both tan with brown hair, and. . .right before Linnea died I noticed her eyes turn an amber color. It was like fire."
"Hanir and Linnea were a rare race in the realm that died off years ago. They were fire fey," Calder explained. "They were the only two that had survived their kind's uprisings agaisnt the frost fey. When they surrendered their loyalty to the Clan of the Rim their lives were spared. They were assigned your protectors because their heat kept you hidden and your powers dormant all these years. The iron knights never would have found you if you hadn't kissed that human, an ephemeral."
All of this information seemed insane and it was hard to take in all at once, but I had to keep going. With Calder I didn't know how much time I had before he would shut off from me again. I needed to get in every question and answer possible.
"Why did it happen?"
Calder turned his gaze away from the path to look up at me puzzlingly. "What?"
"Why did I freeze Blane to death when I kissed him?"
The words pained me to say them, partially because I still hadn't come to terms with the fact that I'd killed the only guy I'd ever crushed on or kissed. I wondered if the police had found his and my protectors' bodies by now. Or if Jessi was waiting for me in the school parking lot to gossip about getting her homework partner's phone number. It seemed so unreal to me that just yesterday morning I was at the breakfast table, not even realizing my entire life and everything I knew was going to change forever.
I felt a tear prick one of my eyes and I quickly wiped it away before Calder saw.
"We. . .our kind," Calder began, "our lips can't touch the ones of an ephemeral. It's like a body chemistry thing, if you want to call it that. Our kiss can legitimately save and heal another frost fey, by transferring our power over to them. Though we can hold that power back if we want to, it was different for you. You have no control over your powers right now, so when your lips touched Blane's you sent some of it into his body. Because he was a human and not one of us, it killed him."
I took a moment to process all of the information I still didn't fully understand, then quickly changed the subject. I didn't want to know what or if something happened when a fire fey kissed someone. . .
"And what about those guards from yesterday? Are they willing to stop at nothing to kill me, too?"
"The same codes go for them as well, yes. The queen's knights and guards, even her wolves and bears would kill without the slightest regret or thought. They're each a beast without a soul just as she is."
I was confused at the talk of this seemingly evil queen that he hadn't told me anything about but only heard from those men. If I was the so-called princess of this realm, did that mean that the queen trying to kill me. . .was my mother?
"Who's the queen?"
Calder was hesitant to answer. "The frozen queen. She's an evil, ruthless ice witch with a lust for bloodshed. She rules the far north side of the realm, behind the mountains. Everyone calls it the dark depths of the land because it's always cast in shadow and nothing fertile grows there. Only dead jagged trees and rocks surround the forests, and where that side of our fjords are frozen. No one dares set foot on any ground of that land unless you wish to be captured or to die. Either way you don't return."
"How do you know so much about all of this, the queen and that part of the land? Have you been there before?" I asked, simply curious.
Calder was again quiet for a moment, as if contemplating his words. "Being a knight of the Arnesen royal guard, you get your fare share of knowledge and experience."
Assuming that was all I was going to receive on the matter, I shrugged. "What about my real parents? Why did they give me away to live with my protectors? Is it because the queen wants me dead? I don't understand what she has agaisnt me when I've I done nothing to her. Obviously I was just a baby when I was taken away because I've seen pictures with Hanir and Linnea from when I was just a couple months old. Does she want my parents dead too? Does she have some grudge agaisnt the whole family or something?"
Calder didn't reply.
"Calder."
"I'm not under liberty to speak of this, just drop the subject Eerika," he said in a cold tone.
I bit the inside of my cheek, frustration now boiling within me. I balled my free fist together while the other one grasped tightly to the saddle handle and spat my words at Calder.
"Okay, I'm sick of this! You told me last night, looked directly in my eyes when you said it, that you would tell me what I needed to know. And now you're shutting me down again."
"I said I would tell you what I could, and that is something I can't, so leave it alone," he spat back, refusing to look my way.
"What could be so bad as telling me about my parents and the danger I'm in because that seems like something I need to know to, oh I don't know, protect myself!"
"The royal guard can protect you, it's our duty. You don't have to trouble yourself with that."
"But how does that include keeping information about my parents from me? I'd like to know at least a little bit about them before I meet them for the first time. Even something simple would be better than nothing at all. I want to know if my mother looks like me, if I have my father's smile, anything like that."
When Calder didn't respond once more my patience had finally had enough, and I found myself shouting a plea at him. "Calder, please!"
"I said drop it, Eerika!" Calder shouted, his eyes full of rage as they shot up to me. For a moment I felt a tiny patch of ice under my palm that laid on the horse's neck, but I quickly realized it wasn't mine but Calder's. It was as if in this one strike of rage he'd let go of his control on his powers. When he turned his gaze away from me once more the ice disappeared.
"I'm sure you'll get all of the answers you seek once we reach the palace," he said, his voice now low and brooding. "It's just up ahead of us now. Your advisor will be waiting there for you and she'll bring you to the Clan. Then you're out of my care, and my job is finished."
I knew he really meant by being finished that he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore, and that slightly hurt that he considered me just a chore or duty. But by the way he had acted during this entire crazy journey, so hot and cold with me, I wasn't so sure I cared for him to stay around.
As we reached the top of a small hill there in the distance stood a large and tall icy castle. I could barely believe my eyes even after all I had already seen since I entered this world, and thought about pinching myself just to make sure it was real.
Calder pulled the horse down the bridge to reach the gates and pass through. Once I saw the small group of people who looked like Calder and I standing by the castle doors, I hopped off the horse to walk the rest of the way. My nerves were shaking along with my hands and knees, and I tried to keep my heartbeat steady. A woman with long white hair down to her hips smiled kindly at me as we approached.
"Crown Princess Eerika Arnesen, as you requested Madam," Calder introduced. "I believe my services are no longer of need. I shall relief myself and return the horse to his stables to procede with my men in the barracks."
"Thank you for all you have done, Captain. You shall be rewarded greatly for this. You are free to go," the woman praised him, and with a final side glance Calder stalked away with his horse and left me as always confused.
Captain?
"Your Highness, it is with great honor that we welcome you home after so many years," a man standing next to the woman spoke with a bow. Through the weird awkwardness of it all I tried to smile.
"Come ma'lady, there is a bath preparing for you," a smaller woman mentioned, who looked to be a maid in a blue dress and waist apron with her own snowy locks pulled into a bun.
I gave a small hesitant nod and proceded forward. The large frozen doors opened by the two guards who protected them, and I felt like I was walking into the very unknown.