Two days. It's been two days since anyone has seen Sasuke. He just kind of... disappeared. The cops have been notified. I'm scared he might've ran off with another bad crowd. I'm really worried he'll go off the deep end, especially after what just happened. I don't want bad things to keep coming his way. He doesn't deserve any of it. He's had it so fucking hard.
Since we hit the two day mark, the cops are finally jumping into action. It pisses me off that 48 hours have to go by. Who the hell knows what Sasuke has been going through while we just sat around and did nothing? Besides, everyone knows the first hours are the most crucial, for fuck's sake.
I'm at the police station now. Suigetsu and Juugo went to talk to the cops before me, but it's my turn now. I tell them someone abused Sasuke, but I don't say the other word. Maybe that's stupid of me. I just pretend I don't know the extent of the abuse. I do, however, give them the name of our old bio teacher – Orochimaru. One sick, sick bastard. It must've been him, right?
The day seems to go by slow. Mikoto and Fugaku talk with the cops again once I'm finished and then they drive me home. In the car, I begin to panic because they're both so distraught and I know so much more than I'm letting on. Mikoto senses this. She turns around and stares at me where I sit in the back seat. "Naruto, what is it?" she asks. "If you know something... Please."
I get scared. I feel something in the pit of my stomach. At first, I think I might puke, but no. It's not that kind of vomit – it's word vomit. This time, I say the r-word. "Someone raped him!" I shout at her, choking out the sentence.
"What?" she asks, her voice quiet as a mouse. She looks wholeheartedly taken aback, like she doesn't want to believe what I just said.
I'm practically in tears. "Don't make me say it again," I croak. "I don't want to say it again..."
Fugaku pulls to the side of the road, undoing his seatbelt and turning around. "How do you know?" he asks calmly.
"He came over," I start quietly. "I knew something was wrong. He seemed different. I know his moods change a lot, but it wasn't that. It was something else. I couldn't really put my finger on it. He started to cry, but he calmed down fast. He asked to use my shower. I let him and I gave him clean clothes. He said his were dirty, though they didn't look it. After, I let him use the guest room. He looked tired..." I pause, letting out a shaky breath. "Later on, I was in the bathroom and I saw Sasuke's clothes in the trash. I picked them up because I didn't know why they were thrown out, but then I saw blood... just a little bit in the back." I end up telling Mikoto and Fugaku everything except for the fact that I've been fucking their son.
Mikoto is crying silently. She looks so fucking upset I want to apologize, but I know it wouldn't do a damn thing. "Who..." she pauses, sniffling. "Who did it? Who hurt him?"
"I don't know for sure," I admit, closing my eyes. "He was having... relations... with someone a lot older, but he just broke it off. A teacher."
"No..." she moans miserably, crying even harder. She buries her face in her hands, facing away from me. "No... no, no, no..."
Fugaku lets out an angry sigh, looking disgusted – not at his son, but at the possibility of something so vile happening to him.
I keep wondering if Sasuke is being forced to relive it right now. I don't want to let the thought cross my mind, but it keeps happening.
The days continue to pass. It has now been nearly a week since Sasuke disappeared. At school, everybody is still talking about him. The girls are worried and talking about forming search parties. The whole thing is making me bitter. I've tried hard in those two days. I've looked everywhere I could think of. I even tried going to that sick pervert's house. I tried three times, but there was never an answer. I should've known. The cops probably checked there first. If Sasuke is with him, I hope the cops find him quick.
Kiba isn't acting like himself. He's calmer, quieter. I think he's doing it for my sake because he knows I'm not in the mood for jokes. I won't be in the mood for much of anything until Sasuke is found alive and okay.
Sakura keeps asking questions and I'm growing impatient with her. I keep snapping. I don't want to talk about Sasuke, but he seems to be the only thing she wants to talk about. She wants to find him as much as everyone else, but there isn't a damn thing she can do so I wish she'd just stop nagging me for information. I'm not going to tell her a damn fucking thing.
Ah home, my parents are being cautious. It's like they're afraid I'll explode into a volatile mess and melt into the floor. I can almost feel it – that familiar anger in the pit of my stomach. It's been boiling there since Sasuke disappeared. I swear, one more stupid comment and hell will break loose. I think my parents understand this, because my mom softly says, "Naruto, honey... Why don't you stay home for the next couple days?"
"Okay," I murmur.
I don't want to hurt people. Really, I don't... but I don't know if I'll be able to control myself if my anger gets the best of me. It hasn't happened in a long time, but it still happens. It starts like a panic attack, but it doesn't finish like one. I'll feel like I can't breathe. I'll choke. I'll gasp. Then I'll black out. I've hurt people because of it. I don't want it to happen again.
||XxXx||
On Friday, I sleep in late and wake up to the phone ringing. I don't bother answering it and a moment later, it stops. My mom must've got it. I hear her coming up the stairs and then my door creaks open.
"Naruto, they found Sasuke," she tells me, relief evident in her face.
I jump out of bed, suddenly feeling wide awake. "Is he okay?" I ask. "Where was he?"
"They found him last night," she says. "He's home now. You should go see him."
I rub my hands across my face, nodding. "Yeah... yeah, I should."
I don't bother getting changed out of my pajamas or showering. I go downstairs, slip my shoes on, and walk down the street. When I arrive at the Uchiha house, I walk right in. "Hello?" I call.
Mikoto appears from behind the corner a moment later. "Oh, Naruto," she says softly. "How are you?"
"Fine, "I say quickly and carelessly. "Where's Sasuke?"
"In his room," she informs with a look of concern. "We... we got him tested. He needed medical attention. He wasn't himself... but still..." She pauses, shaking her head. She lets out a quiet sigh, wiping her wet eyes. "He needed stitches. He was hurt so badly... but he wanted to come home."
Tested...?
"I'm sorry," I say softly, because there's nothing in the world I can say. Fuck, I hate seeing people cry.
She just shakes her head, letting out a breath. "He's upstairs... Go see him. Perhaps you'll be able to get him to say more than one word."
I nod my head lightly before turning and going up the stairs. By the time I reach the top, Sasuke is standing in his doorway expectantly.
He is black and blue all over. He's wearing a tank and a pair of cotton quarter length sweatpants, looking wholeheartedly careless about the fact that his wounds are visible. They are all over his arms and his face. He has a black eye and bruised cheekbone. There are hickies on his neck – none from me. His bangs are pinned atop his head and out of the way, revealing a stitched up cut on his forehead. "Naruto," he greets me with crossed arms. "What's that look for?"
"Where..." I croak, clearing my throat. "Where were you?"
"Out," he says.
"Out," I repeat him in a murmur. "Out where? You were gone for more than a week..."
He lets out a long sigh. "I spoke to the police about this already. I don't want to talk about it again."
"Fine," I say. I move forward only to have him back away.
"Don't fucking touch me," he whispers harshly, holding a hand up in an attempt to keep me at bay.
"Why?" I ask weakly, somewhat taken aback at the demand.
He lets out a bitter laugh and I can tell the sound is mixed with humiliation. "I have chlamydia."
My eyes widen at that. "What?" I croak.
"Might wanna get tested," he murmurs. "I don't know when I got it or who from."
My throat tightens with revulsion, but I force myself to calm down. "That's okay... I'll get tested later on. It can be cured, right?"
"Yeah," he whispers. "In a week or two it'll clear."
"I was worried about you..." I tell him sincerely. "This... this doesn't change anything. Even if I have it, too, I won't be mad."
"Oh, how nice," he replies sarcastically. "Do you realize how fucking thirsty you sound right now? You missed my ass. Thanks ever so much."
"I missed you," I retort tersely. "You! So don't give me that bullshit. You know I'm not using you. I'm not! I fucking care about you! If I didn't care, do you honestly think I would be here?"
He remains tight jawed. His eyes are glassy and his nose is red. He looks like he'll start crying any second. "Idiot, Naruto. You're an idiot."
"And you're a fucking mess," I reply, letting out a breath. "Fuck... I really thought you might've been dead in a ditch somewhere."
"No," he says, flicking the light off so the room is dim. "I'm fine."
"What the fuck happened?" I ask. "Please..."
He steps back into his room, nodding for me to follow him. Silently, I do and the two of us settle on his bed. "I don't want to talk about it," he says. "It feels like a dream. There are parts I don't even remember."
"Shit," I murmur.
He lies down and I do the same. "I'm sorry," he suddenly says, staring up at the ceiling while I stare at him.
"What for?" I ask.
"What I did last time we were together," he explains. "It wasn't right of me."
"You didn't do anything wrong," I assure him. "You asked, remember? If you were doing something I didn't want, I would've stopped you."
"Would you have?" he wonders and I can tell he doesn't quite believe me. Maybe he's right. Maybe I will keep letting him take and take and take. Nonetheless, I don't respond. "I've never been on top before," he adds after a brief silence. "You were the first."
"Really?" I ask, pleased to find out.
"Mhm..." he pauses. "Did it hurt? I remember my first time hurt a lot."
"It hurt for a minute," I admit, "but it wasn't that bad." I probably wouldn't've been into it if it were any other person, but it's okay that it was Sasuke.
"Good," he murmurs.
"So... what happened?" I ask slowly. I feel like I need to know. I need to know that he's okay... but I guess that's fucking stupid because he's not.
"Don't worry about it, Naruto," he says. "It happens sometimes. I run off with strangers."
"Were you having an episode?" I pry.
He shrugs the question off. "I was... really, really high," he admits after a moment of silence. "I mean... my mood, but I was also pretty drugged up."
"On what?" I ask.
"Cocaine, maybe..." he considers slowly.
"What about your prescription?" I frown. "Won't taking those drugs fuck with the drugs you're actually supposed to be taking?"
He nods. "Apparently... it can bring about psychotic symptoms... hence why I went a little crazy. Happens sometimes."
"Oh... uh," I clear my throat. "Who hurt you?"
"A bunch of people." His tone is careless. "I didn't catch any of their names." I let out a sharp sigh, wishing he'd stop giving me half-assed answers. I think he senses this because he rolls onto his side and stares at me with a look of amusement. "Am I pissing you off?" he asks.
"I want to understand," I tell him, "but you won't let me."
"There are things best left unsaid," he murmurs.
"I don't believe that," I say. "Your mom is so fucking upset, you know. I've never seen her like that in my life."
"Yes, I know," he replies. "You told her things you shouldn't have told her and now I am finding it hard to even look at her. They made me get the STI test... but I guess it's a good thing. I found out before things got too disgusting."
"How do you know what I told her?" I ask.
"She brought it up," he says. "I laughed it off and left the room. I think that upset her even more."
"Can you tell me what you do remember?" I practically plead and then it's silent again. Sasuke doesn't speak and neither do I. I don't want to change the subject and give him an out. I want him to talk because I know and he knows that bottling things up doesn't work. It always makes things worse.
Eventually, Sasuke lets out a breath. "I went for a walk. I knew what I was doing. I knew that by going to certain places, I was bound to find that sick pervert eventually. I knew I should have stopped myself and went home, or went to you... but I didn't care. I wanted something more than what you could have offered. I wanted to hurt. I felt like I deserved to hurt. When he found me he laughed and I could smell alcohol on his breath. He put an arm around me and I felt his fingers digging into me... into my skin. It hurt. I welcomed it at first. He never did that before and I knew he was angry... but suddenly, I didn't want to be there with him, but I was too scared to try and run away. For a while, we walked around the downtown area. He had a firm hold on me and he said he knew I'd be back. He said other things, but I forget. I wasn't really paying attention. It was getting dark. When the sun was completely gone, we were at a park. It was empty. I knew what was coming. I guess I thought I deserved it for being so fucking stupid, so I let it happen. When it was over, he helped me collect myself and then he left. He said it was a lesson."
"That's so fucking sick," I croak. "Please don't tell me you still think you deserved it. You didn't. He's fucking brainwashing you."
"I know," Sasuke says impatiently. "I know I didn't deserve that. No one does."
I nod lightly. "You came to me after that, right?"
"Yeah," he says quietly. "I wanted to be close to something familiar... something comfortable... So, I went to you. I regretted what I did. I felt bad about it. When I left your house, I went to a bar. A really shitty one where they don't ask for ID. A burly looking man bought me a drink. I left with him. He had friends. They all were doing drugs and then they offered me some. I'm not stupid. I knew what they gave me was different than what they took, but I still took it. I knew they were bad and just like before, I wanted to hurt."
"Shit," I mutter.
Sasuke gives me a tired, miserable smile. "So, I let them all take turns. I was pretty upset and delirious, so I was saying things like harder and hit me. Of course, they complied. Everyone likes a little violence and when it's welcomed it makes it so much easier..."
"Fuck," I mumble, feeling sick to my stomach. I wonder what his kill count is now...
Sasuke lets out a hoarse laugh. "Yeah, fuck..." he repeats.
"How did you get found?" I ask.
"A few of them rented a motel room. I was with them. There were noise complaints. Two cops came and one of them recognized me as a missing kid. They all ran off, but I was too drugged up. I got taken to a hospital since I'm not yet eighteen and I was in rough shape. I was naked. The cops were nice, though. One of them... he gave me his coat. I think they thought I was kidnapped or something... but they didn't do anything to me that I didn't allow and that's what I said to the cops."
I let out a sigh. "So, basically... what you're telling me is that all these cuts and bruises are the after-math of something you asked to happen?"
"Yes," he says airily, "that's exactly it. The end."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because I wanted to hurt," he says yet again.
"Why?" I ask again.
Silence.
"Why?" I shout it this time.
More silence.
"You didn't hurt me, you know," I tell him. "If that's why you're mad at yourself and if that's why you're letting yourself get hurt, then forget about it because I'm fine."
"Promise?" he asks somewhat lightly.
"Yeah," I say. I don't know if he's being cynical.
"You're too nice," he murmurs. "It's gross."
"Yeah, whatever," I say dismissively. "You should go sit with your mom. She's really fucking worried about you."
"You probably made it worse by telling her what happened," he sighs.
"She's your mom... she deserves to know." Sasuke scoffs in response and I sit up, offering him my hand. "Come on," I say.
He lets out a sound of irritation before sitting up and taking my hand. Together, we leave the room and go downstairs. We find Mikoto in the living room with her head in her hands. She's not crying, but she looks exhausted.
"Mom...?" Sasuke says.
She looks up, standing when she sees us. "Boys..."
Without another word, Sasuke walks towards her and wraps his arms around her. She looks immensely relieved. She locks her arms around his back, looking like she has things to say but is too afraid to.
Poor Sasuke. His life is so messy. I don't know how he'll ever clean it up.
Mikoto mouths a thank you at me over Sasuke's shoulders. I don't know why she's thanking me, but nonetheless I smile at her, nodding. I leave the room afterward and decide to go home.
||XxXx||
On Monday, Sasuke is back in school. He's wearing a turtleneck to hide the bruises. I drive him there and everyone is nagging, asking questions about where he was and how he got the bruises and cuts on his face. He brushes every question off, ignoring every curious stare he gets. Juugo and Suigetsu do damage control and when Karin pries, Suigetsu tells her he fell down a fight of concrete stairs and was in a coma for a few days.
That becomes the story, much to Sasuke's dismay. Though, I think a lot of people don't quite believe it.
"How uncool," he says to me after classes. "But I guess it's better than people knowing I got fucked in the ass and then fucked you in the ass and then went crazy for a few days."
"Come on," I murmur. "You make it sound like it's something you brought on yourself. It wasn't."
"Whatever," he says.
We get into my car and I drive him home. The ride is silent. I don't mind.
I want to kill the pervert who did it. I feel like I could do it. I never thought I'd find the motive for murder, but I have it now. I mean it. I think I could really kill that man.