A/N:
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Song for the chapter is Strong by le One Direction ^_^
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- Blue -
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I really felt like I was going to vomit. I was backstage in a dressing room with the boys and Hannah, as I sat on the couch with her.
The boys were scattered around the room on their phones, Harry lying down on his front, on the ground.
"I don't think I can do this. This is the fucking Ellen show, Hannah." I whispered. "That's crazy if anyone thinks I can pull this off. I'm just a girl and--"
"Yes, a girl that Harry is supposed to be madly in love with. Look alive will you? You look like you're going to vomit something gross."
Running a hand through my hair, I sighed. "I don't know. I don't know I don't know and oh," I paused, waving a hand. "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW"
Hannah giggled.
"That wasn't even supposed to be funny!" I exclaimed, frowning.
"Okay! Sorry. Just relax alright? Not like you're getting killed or something. She'll talk to you and it'll be over."
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Walking over to Harry on the floor, I naturally, straddle my legs to his torso, me patting his back.
"Oh hey Blue." He chuckled.
"I don't want to do this." I gushed, licking my lips. "If I could.. I'd run out of here and onto the streets. I mean I would if I could."
"Hey, listen. Don't sweat it!"
"Bullshit, Harry." I scoffed, crossing my arms.
"Bulltruth, Blue." I hear Liam sing song, me glaring at him.
"Harry." I sighed, anxiously. "I don't think I can pull it off. And look, I look like crap right now."
"You look rugged, and cute." He smiled, lifting me slightly so he can let me straddle his waist instead. "And yes, you can. If you keep saying all this negative shit, then where's it going to get you? Nowhere, right?"
"Mmm." I hummed, unsure. Slightly shrugging he tugged me down to him, our faces in close proximity.
"You. Can. Do. This." He whispered.
"I--"
"Blue, repeat after me." He cleared his throat. "I'm going to kill it out there, and be sexy."
"Harry I'm not saying that." I grumbled, shaking my head.
"Say it or I'm going to have sex with you right here and now on the floor of this dressing room." He spoke loudly and purposely so they could all hear him.
All the boys plus Hannah started to protest, the words of "EW" AND "NO!" being shouted.
"Get a room..And not this one." Louis stuck his tongue out as I cackled.
"I'm going to kill it out there, and be sexy." I whispered into his ear, my hands on his chest so there would be a fair gap between us.
"There we go." He smirked.
"You both lie on the floor and whisper weird things to each other..And yet you aren't a couple? That makes zero sense to me." Zayn chuckled.
"Yeah, get married and make babies. End of story!" Hannah exclaimed.
Harry and I burst out laughing, as he shook his head.
"Well for one, being a couple is overrated. And two, sex is way better." Harry says.
"Oh yeah and don't forget sex." I snickered, Harry's arm around my waist.
"You two are.."
"Awesome." Harry grinned, cutting off Niall's judgemental comment.
We were interrupted by a staff member walking in, all of us freezing as me and Harry looked up.
"Umm." The guy chuckled, adjusting his microphone. "The boys are on in five. Oh and Blue, you go on as soon as Ellen calls you up."
I nodded, rolling off Harry as we both got up.
"Thank you." I breathed out, smiling.
"You two are very cute, big fan." He grinned, looking at me and Harry.
We smiled, Harry wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
Once he closed the door, me and Harry went back to our own space.
"Well he ships you guys hard." Hannah chuckled, raising her eyebrows.
"Me too!" Niall called from the other side of the room.
Rolling my eyes, I glanced at Harry.
"Do you ship us?" He winked in the usual cheeky action.
"Eh.'' I shrugged, chuckling.
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*****
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"Hannah," I whispered, my moist hand gripped tightly onto hers as we watched the boys naturally talk to Ellen as we stood backstage.
Harry would occasionally sneak a glance at me and then draw his eyes back to the camera me smiling.
But then again, anxiety got the best of me.
"Blue, chill your ass alright? You can't keep being so nervous or you'll make a fool of yourself on national tv. Got it?"
I groaned, biting my lip. "I just know that something wrong will happen, I'm such a fucking clutz. Who knows something wrong will just come from my mouth, and then I'll--"
"So you're girlfriend, Harry. How are you two?"
Harry realistically smiled, looking down and then back at Ellen. "Good." He replied shortly, having that teasing expression on his face once again.
"Is that all you're going to tell us? Really, while the number one trending topic in the press is the kiss you guys shared the other night! Wow, how did that feel?"
"I'm just.. Completely in love with her. Everything about her, just makes me happy." He lies, so. fucking. easily.
The crowd aww'd my cheeks suddenly heating. Before I even knew it, I was blushing.
"Well we heard she was here, backstage." Ellen rose her eyebrows, the boys smiling at Harry as his tongue slowly glided out, licking his lips. "Yeh.'' He nods.
"Well why don't we bring her out for a bit?!" She spoke energetically.
Well shit, there's my cue.
A camera closed up on me as I plastered a fake smile on my face waving. Heading over onto the stage and being very careful not to trip on any stairs, I approached the couch that was filled with five boys.
"Babe, sit on my lap." Harry grinned, Ellen nearly just awwing at the sight.
I chuckled nervously, sitting on his lap as his arms wrapped around my waist. His chin had nicely rested on my shoulder, as I smiled, looking down at him.
"Yeah, they look at each other like that all day. Sometimes it just gets so annoying!" Niall lied, bringing on the crowd as I smirked at him.
"You two are just darling, oh my goodness!" Ellen beamed. "Who's jealous?" She asks the crowd, me laughing genuinely.
Sounds of cheers had errupted, me smiling.
"So are there any secrets we should know about you two?''
Wow, no privacy at all.. I'm surprised how Harry could live on that. I bet just one little gesture of his hand, and it's caught on camera. Unbelievable.
"Well, Blue's going to be having a baby." Harry joked, people actually believing it. For a second, I did too.
"Kidding! Just kidding. Not anytime soon. She completely supports my career, and she knows I can do the right thing. Right?"
Wow, and to think this was all a fucking act. God dammit.. It's like he was one person back in London and New York, and once he's finally back in the limelight.. He's back to the person I never knew at all.
It was crazy to think I had kissed him, hugged him, and actually connected with him emotionally.. He was nothing but a fake.
I still have a small bit of hope left though.. That he just might change, and wake up.
"I love you." I smiled at him, saying it nice and clearly everyone gasping.
At that moment, Harry's eyes met mine, the boys watching on curiously.
"I love you too, Blue." His lips had curled up into a small although noticeable smile.
We just killed it. I mean.. We've got everyone thinking this shit was real.
Well at least I get some credit.
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- Harry -
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I felt it, and I knew it.
You know what? I'm just going to come out and say it.
I'm in love with Blue fucking Anderson. The girl I had sex with every night back in high school, and the girl who still remains with me, to this day. I'm completely.. Mesmerized by her, at this moment.
Who knows, maybe it's just a phase I'm going through.. But whatever it is, I know it isn't good.. And it's all just happening in one single flash.
It's scary what time can do to a person.
All I know, is that it hasn't changed me..
But.. Meeting my mum and sister again, it somehow renewed me a bit. I think I've found something else in me, that I haven't really realised, was in me at all.
And that is.. Goodness.
I don't care if Blue didn't feel the same way, I mean.. I wasn't going to tell her what I felt, never. This was something that had to be hidden, as in I had to keep it to myself. Maybe until I die.. Yeah that sounds good.
I wouldn't know what to do at all if she found out. Maybe just make out with her?
I'm not good with the whole loving a person kind of deal.. So what was the point? I was probably going to just make a fool out of myself anyway.
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Thank goodness the interview was as brief as possible, Blue didn't have to suck as much that meant.
But she did pretty good. I'd congratulate her once we got to get off the stage though.
Once it led to a commercial break, Ellen had brightly smiled at us.
"That was amazing! Thanks guys so much! And of course you too Blue." She grins, hugging all of us, also squeezing me into there.
"Hope to see you soon again, that was fun." I smiled, the boys also saying their own goodbyes.
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And finally we had headed off stage, Blue ahead of me, chatting with Louis about something I couldn't really tell out.
I stopped her though once wr reached backstage, slightly turning her around.
"I know, I know. I did horrible." She spoke knowingly, me shaking my head.
"That was.. Peachy. But it worked." I smirked, nodding.
She bit her lip. "Peachy? Ugh."
"I'm kidding." I chuckled. "You did good."
"And you, did awful." She spoke honestly.
"What? I was as mushy as I could possibly be."
"Like.. Baby food mushy?"
"Yeah, you could say that. But I really thought I did better then you."
"Oh wow, really?" She rose an eyebrow.
"Yep." I smirked, jamming my hands into my pockets.
"Oh Harry, I'm so fucking in love with your shit." She taunted, nearing me as I laughed, her lips planting on mine in such a tender kiss.
I kiss her back, as she pulled away once I did, being the tease she is at everything.
Blue grinned. "I think I did it better."
I chuckled, feeling funny. Again. This is getting so fucking ridiculous.
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I tug her by the arm once we had reached outside where the paps were flooding.
She looked at me questioningly, almost skeptically.
"Kiss me."
She giggled, scrunching her nose as her arms had wrapped around my neck, her hands in my hair.
They had started to freak out completely, the sounds of cameras shuttering increasing.
"Say I did it better and I'll kiss you." Blue smiled cutely, her hair being whipped around everywhere by the breeze.
"You, did it better.'' I whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear.
She leaned in as soon as I finished my sentence, her soft lips being a sensation against mine.
Our noses brushed as she slightly tilted her head the opposite way as I chuckled lightly. And we still never broke from the kiss.
I could already taste her lipstick slightly, and that was when we pulled away.
I frowned, her smirking. "You got some of my uhh.. Lipstick on your chin. Sorry."
"Nah leave it there, for pictures."
"Sexy." Blue joked, my arm around her small form as we followed the boys.
"Well hurry up you two, we don't have all day!" Niall teased. "We still have a kids show to get to."
Harry groaned, me laughing. "I'd pay so much to see you do that." I bubbled out laughter uncontrollably.
"I've got this." Harry waved off, shrugging.
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*****
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- Blue -
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Me and Hannah were sat in front of the set to see how it really worked.. Yeah, people with a bunch of puppets were on this show.
Hannah felt really uncomfortable here, so she was just occupied with whatever she was doing on her phone.
"Hannah?"
"Mhmm." She hummed.
"What do you do when you don't know what to feel about someone anymore?"
"Harry Styles." She nods, immediately knowing who I was talking about.
I shushed her, looking around cautiously.
"Chill, he's your boyfriend isn't he?"
"Yeah, I know.. But.. I just. yeah." I sighed, at a loss of words.
"Well, if you like him, then--"
"But Tyler. You know, the boy I met about a week ago?" I breathed out, shrugging. "What should I do about him?"
Hannah smiled. "You know, Blue.. You, feel sorry for everything around you. Even if you kill a fly, you'd feel sorry for it seconds later. I know you that way. But Blue, you know.. If you don't love Tyler.. You don't have to force yourself into it, because he's got these insane feelings for you. If you're heart thinks it's Harry, then go for it. You shouldn't be forcing yourself into something through sympathy. Yeah, Tyler is cute. But Harry? He's hot."
"Hannah!" I gushed, hitting her in the arm.
"I'm kidding! Kidding." She laughed, holding her hands up in mock defense. "But seriously..Just go with what your heart tells you."
"But then what if it isn't right?"
"You'll find that out if you actually try, Blue." She rose an eyebrow.
I craned my neck to see what she was doing on her phone, me chuckling.
"Hey could I play Subway Surf on your phone?"
"No, because you'll never beat my high score, and.. You can play on your own!"
"No, my phone's at 12 percent. How the hell am I supposed to play some subway surf with a crappy percentage." I grumbled, her chuckling.
"Well toooo bad." She giggled, rubbing it in my face that she was currently playing the game I was obsessed with as of now.
I sighed, crossing my arms as I watched the boys taking a bunch of pictures with the whole 'cast' which were a bunch of puppets..
I smiled, Harry looking extremely uncomfortable as well.
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I was probably laughing the whole time, it was just really adorable how he'd sing about the alphabet. The letter U, to be precise.
Once Harry had gotten off the platform, he made his way over to me, sighing. "Don't speak of it."
"U, huh. Such a beautiful letter." I brought up anyway, giggling.
"Well you know what I want to fuck? U." He winked, me rolling my eyes.
"Oh god that was horrible. Like, really bad."
"It's true though."
"Mhmm." I hummed, raising my eyebrows.
"Guys we're going back to the hotel to have the rest of the day being umm.. Lazy arses." Niall nods.
The boys laughed, agreeing.
"Yeh, we'll order pizza though. With cheese in the crust.. Yeah that sounds so fucking good right now." Niall continued on, Harry smirking.
"Well yeah, I'm starving." Zayn agreed.
"And, I've got to get back to the dorm. I have erm things to take care of."
"What! No, you two are coming with us." Liam spoke firmly.
"No, I have to study and do all my work before I get back to school yuh know? It's literally five more days til' I get back.''
"And your point is.." Harry's voice trailed, nearing me.
"Well I have to finish." I mumbled.
"But cuddling would be better, right?"
I smiled, glancing at him. "Harold, life isn't all about cuddling and cupcaking everyday of your fucking life."
"Did you just call him Harold?" Hannah chuckled, surprised.
"Yeah, to sound more professional." Shrugging, Harry snickered.
"You make me sound like I'm a doctor."
"Woah don't get too serious there, Har." Louis chuckled.
"Ugh, okay. So we can come swing by your dorm to grab all your nerdy stuff and then head back to our hotel. Yeah?" Zayn smiled, me frowning at the mention of nerdy stuff. Like, really though?
"You guys promise to not.. Be distractions?" I rose an eyebrow, looking mostly at Louis for this.
They nodded.
"She means serious business when it comes to.. Studying. She's quite the one with ambitions, yuh know." Hannah grinned.
"I know." Harry spoke. "She studies like crazy. Like damn, but can she seduce like--"
"TMI HARRY" Niall cut hum off, me grinning as I nudged Harry.
He knows me well.
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*******
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* LATER THAT AFTERNOON *
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"Harry!" I whined, completely pissed off. "Stop it."
I was in the middle of jotting things down on a piece of paper, and here he comes just.. Kissing me all over.
"Are these notes or a novel?" He teased, smirking.
"They're study notes, thanks." I sarcastically spoke, him still nibbling at the skin on my neck.
The boys and Hannah were on the couch watching some movie on tv, I hadn't known about. I was sat at the coffee table a fair distance away, my books scattered around.
Harry had came over from the couch about five minutes ago and he's still trying to get this reaction out of me.
"Harry stop." I ordered, closing my eyes. Then again, he's tempting me to just.. Ugh, fuck.
"Could I please have a proper conversation with you? Since I probably never get to." I spoke shakily, him withdrawing slowly as our eyes met.
I drop my pen on the textbook, him smiling smugly.
"Well sure. What do you want to talk about?"
"Umm.. What's your favorite book?"
"Fifty Shades of Grey." He spoke jokingly, me snickering.
"No seriously, Harry!" I made a face, nudging him.
He laughed genuinely this time around as he shook his head. "You really want to know?"
"Yes, that's why I asked isn't it?"
"Well.."
"Have you ever read a book before? As in a novel and not porn magazines.'' I grin knowingly, his eyes lighting up at the mention.
"God, yes.. But.. You're going to think I'm a siss if I tell you this."
"Nah..Maybe. Well just tell me. It can't be that bad, can it?"
He sighed, furrowing his eyebrows. "I really like, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green."
My eyes widen in surprise. "You've read it before?"
"Yeah. Jesus, Blue stop looking at me like that."
"No! No, oh my god. Wow, that's amazing, it's one of favorites too." I nodded.
"You're not making fun of me." He tilts his head, me chuckling.
"Well yeah, I doubt that much of the guy population would bother to read a novel in their lives, but.. You're different. Different is good. I mean, I thought you were like every guy out there, but then you actually read."
"Well not anymore.. It was once in my life and that's all."
"I like the Mortal Instruments books too." I smiled.
"Really, no way! Me too!" He spoke sarcastically, as rolling my eyes.
"Heeey Blue. Stop talking to Harry and finish your shit. That's right, get it done!" Hannah called, my eyes flickering over to her.
"I want a cuddle buddy." He pouts slightly.
"Is that what you came over for?" I chuckled.
"Well you might need someone else for that, because you know. I'm only available for fucking."
He smirked, his eyes training on me.
"But are you almost done?"
"I'll try to finish a couple things before I cuddle. Deal?"
"Deal." He nods once.
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Once I had finished my essay and a couple of other take home things, I had shut my textbook, breathing out.
"Right, done." I muttered, getting up from my seat.
And.. Everyone was asleep.
Pursing my lips, I made my way to the couch Harry was alone on, cuddled to a blanket.
Smiling, I had fulfilled our deal, sliping into the covers and right next to him.
He slightly stirred, immediately knowing it was me who had came.
"Well finally.'' He whispered.
Smiling, our legs entangled under the sheets, his hands searching for mine.
He kissed me on the top of my head before I smiled, my eyes fluttering closed.
I swear.. I think I fell asleep that afternoon with a wide smile on my face.
Bad Blue. What the hell is wrong with me.
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A/N:
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