Dedicated to sociaIcxsuaIty
We are the new Americana! Ahhh, ahhh. High on legal marijuana. Aaahhh.
I'm not in a club this time. I'm at what's called a school dance. The backstreet type in the gym get-together though. It's so... Lame. Cringey. There were random streamers here and there, some speakers, a fake little stage where a DJ was at. I don't know what's worse- the fact that the DJ is trying to hype people up, or the fact that I like to know this DJ from a club.
I approach the stage, people moving out of my way. Me being me, I'm in a short, mid-thigh white party dress. My shoes were sparkly white and bedazzled to match my dress. I calmly climb the stage by the stairs on the side, something we're not supposed to do, but whatever.
"Hey, girl, you aren't supposed to be up Kehlani?" He asks, his voice coming through the mic on his ear, catching everyone's attention. I walk up and we do the bro-shake. The one that every man seems to know by instinct. He pulls off his mic with a big smile. The school crowd stares, confused, along with the teachers. How would I know, right? Pfft. I grab the mic quickly.
"I live for clubbing. Look at me. I know people. Go back to what you were doing." I say, my voice going through the speakers. I catch Ryder's eye and wink at him before setting it down. "Well, well, I never thought I'd see the way DJ Link would play bad music," I say, shaking my head in disapproval and sitting on the table on the stage next to the laptop he uses to choose music.
"Ugh. I know right? They all choose the worst music." He says. I laugh.
"No doubt. How about we... Teach them a few things." I say, an eyebrow raised. He nods eagerly. I grab the laptop and pause the song. Everyone stops and looks over, and I hold a finger up. I scroll through the loads of music, finding my favorite track. Maybe because it's titled Kehlani's track, I don't know why.
I press play, and everyone stops for a second before looking at the stage, and then going wild. I heard cheers at the new music- which was very fast beats all mixed, making sounding for excitement. I see someone out of the corner of my eye spiking the punch while I have everyone distracted. Everyone starts dancing- club dancing. Meaning, the grinds against bodies, the everyone bumping into each other. I even see a few teachers who are in the corner of the room slightly away from their hips. I raise an eyebrow at Link.
"How's that?" I ask. He laughs. I give a devious smile which I learned from the best- my mom.
She held this same smile every time I started to do something bad. When she realized I'd gone full-blown bad, she held this smile proudly when we'd go shopping together. For some odd reason, she loved how I got stares from men everywhere I went, the wolf whistles, the hit-ons. Sometimes it was annoying. She loved the fact that I use drinking, and sex for distraction. That's the way she liked it. Me not able to remind her whatsoever of Dad and Sam.
I gave Link a little wave while climbing back down the steps, and got through the now-getting larger crowd that moved in a path away from me to let me walk.
I walked out of the gym, and into the halls. I grabbed the bag from behind the trash can, looking around to see if anyone was out there. My school doesn't have security cameras. In such a small town, they couldn't afford it.
I couldn't help but give some dark laughter as I slipped down the hall, and into the old wing. There were a few classes in this hall, but not many. I stopped at the open part of the wall and opened the bag. I pulled on my gloves. I grabbed black spray paint first and started outlining. Once I was done with that, I grabbed the gray and started painting in certain places, making a shadowed look. I kept painting, different paint in different areas. The only color I used was blue.
I put all the paints and my gloves back in the bag before stepping back and looking at it. It was a self-portrait. It was the side on my face, turned so you could see my left side. My whole face was gray, and the only color I used blue, was a simple teardrop. The wall was skin-colored, so I only needed gray to make shadows around the edges. I painted in a neat cursive next to the face of The Shadow Girl. I grabbed my bag, smiling proudly.
Only took two hours this time. Then again, I didn't make it too descriptive.
"You sure know how to stir things, Kehlani." A voice says behind me, down the halls a little ways. I turn with a smirk, facing Ryder.
"Only few can achieve such," I say, putting the bag over my shoulder. He nods slowly, clapping dramatically. I give a huff/laugh. I start walking towards the exit, and he follows me. He pulls the bag from my shoulder, and we get to his truck. He puts the bag in the backseat before getting on the driver's side. I shrug to myself and get in too.
I look at Ryder in the car as he pulls out of the school, studying him. His eyebrow twitched, and I could tell he wanted to ask me something. His features are adorable. I'll admit, Ryder Flynn is one attractive guy. With his jawline to cut, deep green eyes, and black hair that just sucks you in, he's hands down probably the most attractive guy in town.
I wouldn't treat you like that. The words ring in my head. I feel warm, remembering. I smile, just looking at him. He's such a good person, such a good guy. He's the guy version of Ayla, only he doesn't do anything bad. Maybe drink every once in a while, but that's about it. Speaking of drinks... I think to myself, grabbing my bag from the backseat and opening it. He looks over at me for a second. I pull the vodka bottle out.
"Kehlani, no. You need to get over this." He says, trying to pull the drink away from me. I put it in between my thighs and close the bag. I grab the bottle after putting the bag back in the backseat and spin the top open. "Kehlani." He says again, his voice with a warning. I put my head on the window, on my side.
"I'm not about to try anything with you, Ryder. I... I just want to feel invincible. Just for a little while. I promise I won't put any moves on you." I say, shutting my eyes, the bottle left forgotten standing between my legs. He sighs. "Please," I beg, opening my eyes.
I see him nod. So I take the bottle and get myself wasted.
.
.
.
I groaned into the pillow. "Go away," I say to Karen, who's trying to set up a list of rules for me to start following. When she just continues, I sit up quickly, snatch it from her, and rip it in half. "Listen, Kare Bear, I'm not going to follow your stupid fucking rules. You aren't my boss, nor are you my father, or my mother- not that she cared what I did anyway. I'm kind of nursing a large handover here and I'd appreciate it if you shut the FUCK up and get the HELL out of my ROOM." I yell. I feel a stir in my stomach, so I run into the bathroom and start throwing up.
Warm hands pull my hair back. I can tell who it is just by the warmth. Ryder. I wish I could get someone like him as a boyfriend or something. I don't want to be stuck with Andrew. I hear my bedroom door slam, meaning Karen walked out. Ryder hands me toilet paper and I spit into it, shaking in disgust at the taste. He helps me stand and I brush my teeth quickly, cringing. My head is just pounding and pounding and pounding. God, it hurts. I start to walk to the door, but trip. Ryder catches me though, so I breathe out in relief. He carries me to the bed, throws back the blanket, and tucks me in like a child.
"I'll be right back." He assures me. He walks out, and Sam comes in. He frowns at me.
"You are so blind." He says, shaking his head.
"What?" I ask, confused.
"I mean," he says, his voice coming down to a whisper. "He's my best friend, so it'll be awkward for me, but he treats you so nicely." He says. "He'd be good for you," he admits with a shrug.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I ask. He laughs, shaking his head again.
"You'll know soon. I bet you'll start picking up the signs before you know it." He finishes, walking out. A few seconds later, Ryder comes back in with a tray. I sit up, curious. He sets it on my lap. On the tray are two pills, a glass of water, and a bowl of chicken noodle soup. I smile at the assembly, but feel something wet hit my cheeks.
"What's wrong?" Ryder asks me, his tone worried. Everything. I think.
"No one ever takes care of me. I..." My words fail. I wipe the tears away. I shake it off, grabbing the pills and the water and taking them. I notice he also has a bowl of soup in his lap. He sits up on the bed with me, and we both start eating.
When we finished, he decided it'd be a good time to say something about my previous words.
"What did you mean by no one takes care of you?" He asks me. I bite my bottom lip and decide to tell him.
"Promise me something," I say. He nods.
"Well, what? Of course, anything." He says, stumbling on the words.
"Promise you won't take this the wrong way," I say, before taking my shirt off. His eyes widen by a lot when he lands eyes on my 'girls' and he frantically looks up and away as hard as he can, but I see his eyes darting back every few seconds, unable to look away. I turn around, my back to him. "You can look now," I say, laughing.
"Okay, what was it that you needed to take your shirt off for?" He asks. I reach my arms behind my back, and pull my hair out of the way, revealing the tattoo. I hear his breath intake, slightly with shock. "You have a tattoo? What does that have I do with anything though?" He asks. My tattoo is a white rose. It's petals white ink, but at the tips of the petals, black is there, and I asked specifically for the tattoo artist to make it look like black ink was dripping into the white- a symbol that my innocence was being slowly ruined at the time, drip by drip. I run my finger the length of the rose's stem.
"Look very, very closely at the stem there," I instruct. I feel breath hit my back, and I fight back a shiver.
"It's a scar." He states, his voice shocked. "What happened? Was it your mother?" He asked. I grabbed my shirt and turned back around. As I start to put it back on, the door opens.
"WOAH! OKAY, I'LL COME BACK!" Sam screams while slamming the door. I roll my eyes and smile, putting it back on.
"You can come in now, Sam," I say, and the door opens again. His face is flushed.
"DUDE!" He screams at Ryder. I roll my eyes again.
"No, man, it's not what it looks like-"
"Not what it looks like?! Because to me it looked like my sister's shirt is off, while you hover very closely!" He yells. I start laughing.
"Sam. I was showing him my tattoo." I say but then cover my mouth. I start giggling helplessly. His face becomes enraged. He takes his overprotective brother to a new extent.
"TAttOO?!" He screams again as the door opens, revealing a confused Dad and Karen. His voice cracks while yelling, and I can't help but laugh as I nod. Dad and Karen walked in.
"See, I told you." Karen hisses to Dad. "She's nothing but a troublemaker." I start laughing hysterically, sitting crisscross and bending and reaching my arms out to stretch. The headache is gone now, and my stomach feels more settled. "Look at that, she's insane too." I hear her mumble. My laughing stops. I'm frozen. My back stiffened very slowly, arching. I take a deep breath through my mouth and out my nose. When I snap my head up at her, everyone visibly jumps. It had been silent for a few seconds there. I see her visibly shrink back at the glare I'm sending, my right eye twitching.
"Do NOT assume anything, and I mean ANYTHING about me until you've walked in my shoes, you stuck up, little skank of a fucking bitch!" I yell. She flinches. "I don't even know why Dad married you, you're such a petty ho!" I snap. "He deserves ten- not a hundred times better than someone like you," I growl out. I see tears well in her eyes, and she runs out of the room, crying. Everyone else looks shocked.
I sigh out slowly, a smile uprising my face. I stretch and hop out of the bed. I walk to my closet and grab random things before walking into the bathroom. I cringe at my appearance and shut the door. I change into the ripped skinny jeans, the oversized black sweater, and combat boots before doing my makeup. Luckily, it doesn't take me long because I have real eyebrows, so I don't need to go to the extra lengths. When I walk out, Dad and Sam aren't in the room.
"Where are you going?" Ryder asks.
"I don't know," I tell him honestly, grabbing my phone from my bag. He stands up. "You don't have to come," I say.
"Please, I'll follow you to hell if you do so. I seriously doubt it though." He says, walking beside me down the halls. Sam raises an eyebrow at me on the way out but doesn't make a move to stop us. From what I see in the kitchen, Karen is crying and Dad is consoling her. I see Charlotte rolling her eyes at the sight, and I stifle laughter. She catches my eye and runs towards me.
"I'm going with Kehlani and Ryder!" She yells. I instantly hear Karen's cry saying 'no', but I grab Charlotte's hand and run out with her and Ryder. "Where are we going?" She asks as we start to walk down the street. I think for a second and get an idea.
"The park," I say. She squeals in excitement. I smile. We walk a few blocks before we get there. Ryder takes his arm and loops it through mine. We probably look like a family right now, what with me and Charlotte having eerily similar features. We got it from Dad, but I got my eyes from Mom. I keep holding Charlotte's hand as we start to approach the park. She jumps in excitement before running off and making friends. Me and Ryder sit on a bench that has a view of everything. My eyes wander, and it stops at the fountain a little ways, just in hearing distance of where we sit. I watch the elderly couple approach it. The man hands her a coin.
"Make a wish, love." He tells her. My heart melts. I feel my face soften.
"Why?" She asks, looking up adoringly at him.
"So you can get something you want." He replies with a toothy smile. She smiles back.
"What I meant was why when I already have everything I want?" She asks back. He beams at her before kissing her. I force myself to look away, rubbing at my eyes furiously, probably smudging my makeup slightly, but oh well. I see Ryder look away from the fountain as well, and down to me.
"Why are you crying?" He asks, his voice worried. I look down to my lap, playing with my fingers.
"It's so beautiful," I said motioning my head towards them. "I wish I could have something like that. Such an easy, simple life, where nothing ever goes wrong and your soul mate is just waiting in the wings." I say, my voice sounding very envious. I didn't care though. It was the truth. I get rid of my smudged makeup, and see Charlotte running towards us. Ryder just stared at me. Charlotte launches herself at me.
"I met a girl, who's nice!" She says excitedly.
"Yeah?" I ask, smiling at her. I could still feel Ryder looking at me.
"We swapped house phone numbers, so we can have a play date! Do you think that will be okay?" She asks, biting her lip in hope.
"Of course, my little princess. Like anyone could ever deny you." I tell her, feeling the smile on my face. A new, older voice cuts into whatever her reply is going to be.
"Aw, dear, aren't they such a cute family?" The old woman from the fountain asks. I look up at her and smile.
"Oh we are"
"Yes," Ryder says, smiling at the lady. "Isn't my wife just lovely? And our little girl looks just like her momma." He says, grinning very largely. I look up at him.
"Yes, she is beautiful. And so are you!" She says, stepping forward and pinching Charlotte's cheek, who smiles up at the woman. The old man with her never takes his eyes off of her. I sigh in jealousy. She probably has everything I'll never be able to because I'll be stuck with Andrew. He has the power to destroy everything. He once told me he'd crumble everything I loved, everyone I loved if it meant he got to keep me. Possessive much? You may be thinking. Well, you have no idea. "Well, we better get going. Bye loves!" she says, dragging her husband to look at a bird's nest in a tree. I tilt my head at this and smile. Jealousy is eating me though.
"Kehlani, chill. I can feel the envy from here." Ryder says jokingly. Charlotte hops off of my lap when a little girl with brown pigtails yells her name and she runs to her. I bring my knees to my chest, burying my face between my knees as I start to cry. I'll never be able to have a life, because Andrew dictates it. He wondered and even asked me why I honestly didn't love him at this point of him buying me a lot, and I mean, a lot of pretty things.
"Do you truly think that low of me? You should know me by now to know I'm not that type of girl, Andrew." I tell him, looking out the window. He places his hands on my waist from behind me. He gently moves the hair from my neck and kisses there.
"I know," He says, "That's why I like you. You are different from other girls. That is why you will always be mine. And when you decide to become submissive to me, then we are getting off of this casual thing. You will be my queen, no matter what. You don't have a decision in this. Not anymore. Not at this point." He says.
(Flashback over)
"Kehlani. Why are you crying?" Ryder asks me again, his voice pleading. My quiet sobs can be heard by anyone standing within a foot of hearing distance. His arms wrapped around my bundled-up figure. I start to compose myself, and the crying stops. He brings out a pack of portable tissues and hands me one. I blow my nose quietly and push it down the trash bin at the end of the bench beside me. I take another and wipe the tears and stray mascara. "Why did you cry?" He asks again, one arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his side, and resting my head on his chest. I feel guilty.
I feel as if I'm leading him on or something, and I know I can't do that. I'm leaving, but still, I selfishly let him hold me to his side like glue. I open my eyes after a few seconds of closing them and look around the park. I instantly jump up at what I see. I see some guys, maybe in Freshman or Sophomore, pushing Charlotte and her new friend into the mud. I feel myself shaking with anger as I stomp towards them. Charlotte and her friend were both crying when I arrived. The guys are laughing until they see me.
"Oh hey, sweet ass. Heard you were good in the sack. Wanna have a go?" he asks. I pounce, tackling them both to the ground, growling as if some kind of werewolf, one leg on each of them, holding them down as I take turns swinging at them.
"You! Fucking! Assholes! What! In! Gods! Name! Gave! You! The! Right! To! Push! MY LITTLE SISTER!" I scream as if I'm insane, punching in between each word. I get pulled off of them and instantly feel cold metal touch my wrists. Great. The guys stand up, wobbling, blood on their faces as they look at me in horror. I don't know who they are, but I'm not done yet. I make a snapping motion towards them as if I'm about to bite their heads off.
You should have just killed them. The first voice in my head which I'd named Jackie says.
I second that. The other one, Donna, yes these named after That 70's Show, agrees.
"Fuck! She's insane! Let's get out of here!" One yells to the other as they run.
"That's right! Run you pussies!" I scream at their retreating figures, being yanked away. Charlotte is still crying. Ryder seems frozen. "Ryder! Help Charlotte, get her home, please! And find her friend Mom!" I say. He jumps, coming out of his shock.
"What about you?!" He asks, panicked as the cop struggles to pull me away.
"Don't worry about me! I've spent a night in jail before, Flynn. Worry about Char." I tell him before the officer tanks me into his car. Ryder returns to Charlotte and her friend and starts doing what I told him. The officer shuts my door and gets in the front.
"Kids these days." That is all he says.
.
.
I laughed when writing that ending.
XoXo-
Elisia