Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
- Goo Goo Dolls
Chapter Text
I've never been the most observant person, and definitely not intuitive in the slightest, so it doesn't surprise me that it takes several factors blended together for me to realize its summer. First it's the trickling sweat beading on the back of my neck in the stuffy truck, bringing to light the way my shirt clings to my back against the sticky vinyl seat. Next is the way the air wavers just above the pavement stretching out before us, heat radiating off of the rough black surface. Lastly, and most noticeable, are the sunflowers. I remember, what seems like years ago, when Hinata mentioned that the train track in summer were lined with them, but I never could have imagined anything like this. The horizon is nothing but flowers and sunshine, breathtaking in the way only nature can be, giving you the feeling that the world is so much deeper than you can ever truly begin to comprehend.
I met Hinata in September, our story beginning as the leaves began to all and the air turned cold, fitting almost too perfectly with the person I was back then. I was reserved, removed from the idea of ever enjoying life the way I do now; a constant blizzard raging in my chest. But now, almost a full year later, and I've never felt so akin to the blazing August sun. It feels now, as I realize this gradual change in the season so suddenly, as if we are heading towards the summer of our lives.
"I still can't believe it," Suga says, pulling me away from the scenery and back into the thick air of the moving truck, both windows rolled all the way down yet doing nothing to cut the heat. "You've never been further that a fifteen minute walk from me since we met. Now you're going to be so far away." He lets out a quick sniffle and Hinata hides a laugh against my shoulder.
"Suga it's only an hour drive at most. You could literally come over every weekend if you wanted," I tell him, pulling at the front of my shirt to try and cool the sweat that gathers around my neck and chest.
"I know. I'm just going to miss you both so much," he sniffles again, and I roll my eyes. He's been acting like this ever since we told him about the property listing we found out in Hinata's home town. We were apprehensive about it at first, intimidated by the thought of purchasing a piece of land, but the price was too good to pass up, mostly due to the poor condition of the house, and we fell in love with the idea of it.
It had taken about two months worth of working on it every weekend, but eventually the two of us, along with Uncle Ittetsu and some other people in town, we rebuilt the collapsing walls and replaced the floors and roof. Little by little the broken down house became something new again, built with our own hands and the support of the community.
Slowly everything fell together around us until the decision felt like a goal we had unknowingly been working towards our whole life. Yachi bought the diner and found herself understaffed, and Hinata was all too excited to accept when she asked him to join the team after the move. He also put up a few hand painted cards for sale at the florist shop to make a little extra cash for the new house and they grew really popular with the online orders. Watching him paint new cards, usually different types of flowers or small animals, crept into our nightly routine.
As for me, a position for music teacher opened up at Natsu's high school and she talked me into applying. Hinata was worried I wouldn't enjoy myself continuing in the teaching field, but I assured him that the schedule would give me plenty of time to work on my own projects and eventually figure out where to go from there.
I feels odd now, making this final trip and actually bringing our things along with us, our entire life stuffed into cardboard walls and sliding around in the back of a mostly empty truck. I almost feel as if it isn't real, but Hinata squeezes my hand from where he sits between Suga and I, and I know that it is, and I am so beyond excited to finally start our life here.
"So which road do I take?" Suga asks, leaning forward and squinting as he searches for the small dirt path off of the main road that I told him would lead us home.
"Up ahead a little more," I reply, the endless fields of grass split perfectly at the horizon by the vast country sky already familiar to me. "By the way, where'd Daichi and Oikawa go?" They had been following behind us in Daichi's mini cooper but I don't see their reflection in the side mirror anymore.
"They turned onto the highway a while ago. I think Daichi mentioned stopping by a store on the way before we left. Hopefully the GPS will lead them all the way out here," he explains, eyes darting to the mirror on his side, hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel even though we haven't seen any other traffic since leaving the city.
Hinata looks up at me and shrugs, squeezing my fingers despite the sweat between our palms. He's calm; the brightness of his eyes the only betrayer of his feelings. This is a new level of excitement; usually he can't stay still, but now he has transcended the plane of hyper motion and moved on to stony silence. I can only imagine what his thoughts sound like right now.
"You know what I'm going to miss the most?" Suga continues, water works just on the edge of his words. "The random video game sessions we had. Or pizza night. Wait! No. Definitely the dumb arguments you and Oikawa would get into," he says, choking a bit on the last few words.
"Holy shit, Suga, you sound like we're dying or something. Trust me, Oikawa and I are still going to argue about stupid shit literally every time we see each other," I shout, laughing because he sounds so ridiculous.
"Okay, okay. I know, I'm sorry. It just feels so weird."
"We'll come visit you so much that you'll get sick of us," Hinata signs, and I interpret since Suga can't (won't) look away from the road. And even if he did his sign language recognition still isn't great. "It'll be like nothing even changed."
"I'm going to hold you to that promise," Suga chuckles, and I'm surprised to find that the sob threatening at the back of his throat is finally gone. It took Hinata a fraction of the time it took me to learn how to calm Suga down.
"Is that it?" He asks, pointing ahead of us where the top of the house begins to rise through the haze of thick summer air. Hinata and I both nod and he smiles, finally tuning away from the road to look at us. "It sure sticks out."
"I painted it, Hinata beams, some of his jittery excitement showing through the closer we get. Suga laughs and shifts his eyes to mine and I shrug, fondly remembering how carried away he got with the paint job. He could barely carry all of the buckets of paint he bought, trying to stack them on top of each other and almost toppling over countless times. Almost every section of our house is a different color. One for each outside wall, another for the window frames, three more for the porch and stairs. He kept it simple on the inside, but the outside looks like a page out of a Dr. Seuss book, and I love it.
The tires make a satisfying crunch on the gravel driveway and he three of us hop out of the cab, taking deep gulps of the outside air that is only fractions thinner and cooler than the inside. We start to carry in boxes while we wait for Daichi and Oikawa to show up, setting them down randomly on the wood floors. Every box breathes new life into the confines of the empty house, warming the walls and lighting a flame behind the dark glass windows. Each thump of cardboard hitting the floor like a heartbeat transforming the skeletal shelter into a home.
The couches come in next; and we just place them in the middle of the living room, planning to figure out how we'll decorate sometime later. We didn't bring much with us, there wasn't much tobring, but as Hinata goes around opening all of the curtains and windows I realize that I am not wanting for anything anymore. I have everything I need right here, and it feels amazing.
"It sure is hot out here. Are you guys going to get an air conditioner set up?" Suga asks, dropping onto a box next to me and pulling at his sweaty shirt. We're both panting slightly after carrying the furniture, but the heat doesn't bother me so much anymore. When you live in constant view of the sun you get used to the warm tingle it leaves on your skin and on the walls of your heart.
"Hinata says country air conditioning is big windows and taking a dip in the river," I chuckle.
"If that's the case I have a feeling you're in for a rough summer. Do you even know how to swim?
"I can doggy paddle," I shrug, pulling out my phone to check the time. "I think Daichi and Oikawa might've gotten lost somewhere."
"Oh you're right, it has been a while. I should call them," Suga replies, worry creeping into his voice, but his words are cut off by the sound of more tires on the gravel outside.
"Speak of the devil," I whisper, looking up as Daichi and Oikawa walk through the open front door.
"Knock knock," Daichi calls from behind a towering pile of pizza boxes, just as Hinata makes his way back downstairs, face lighting up at the sight of food.
"Oh no, you guys already unloaded everything? What a shame," Oikawa sighs, faking a shrug, a bag with cups and sodas in one hand.
"Surprise," Daichi continues, ignoring Oikawa and interrupting before I can say something snarky back to him. "It's the first official pizza night in your new house. We figured it was the best way to break the place in."
Hinata skips over, grabbing a pizza slice from the top of the box and eating half of it in one bite. "Why so many, though?" I ask.
"Well...," he answers, words trailing off at the end as he looks over at Suga and tries not to smile. I don't like where this is going.
"Yo yo yo, where my party people at?" The sound of footsteps and two very familiar voices call from the front porch.
"We called a few people over," Suga says, smiling as Bokuto and Kuroo make their way into the living room, Kenma following close behind.
"I did too!" Hinata chimes in, wiping pizza sauce on the side of his jeans before signing. "They should be here soon." He smiles brightly before grabbing another slice of pizza and following Kenma to the sofa. I'm trying to be annoyed, trying very hard, but the feeling doesn't come as easily as it used to.
"Wow, sweet bachelor pad, bro," Bokuto nods, stepping up next to me and lightly punching my shoulder. I don't know how he manages but I barely notice the beer he slips in my hand.
"It's not a bachelor pad, Bo," Kuroo laughs, clapping a hand on my other shoulder. "That's only for single guys. By the way, where's the fridge? We brought a whole case of beer that is not going to last long in this heat."
"The new appliances aren't going to be delivered until tomorrow sometime," I tell him, handing the beer over to him with a smirk. "The electricity isn't even on yet. Looks like you're gonna have to drink fast."
"Shit, really? You're gonna help us right?" Bo asks, eyes growing more desperate as he scans the room and everyone shakes their heads.
"Not a huge fan of warm beer in the afternoon," Daichi shrugs, pouring a glass of soda and handing it to Suga. "It's all yours, guys."
"Make sure you drink a lot of water with it," Suga adds, handing the glass to Oikawa as Daichi pours another.
"Well, bottoms up, bro," Kuroo shrugs, popping the top of one of the beers and tapping the can against Bokuto's. They wrap their arms together and drink, not moving until both of the cans are drained, crushing them in their fists with a satisfied laughing growl afterwards, the four of us watching in stunned (almost impressed) silence.
"So, pizza," Oikawa says, shaking his head and turning away as they reach for another can. He pulls paper plates from the bag he sat on the counter and hands them out. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until my stomach lets out a grumble when he offers the open pizza box to me.
"Looks like you guys started without us," comes another familiar voice from the kitchen door. I turn to find Natsu standing there, arms crossed and eyebrows raised as she watches Bokuto lean his head against Kuroo's shoulder, taking a break after the second downed beer.
"Don't even ask," I mumble through a bite of pizza, rolling my eyes at them.
"Oh no, trust me, I wasn't going to. I've found its better not to know," she smiles, tearing her eyes away from them and stepping into the room to wrap a small arm around my waist. I don't even hesitate to return her hugs anymore, her familiar strawberry scent filling my nostrils and adding another crucial piece to that feeling of home. "I brought you something."
She holds up a bag in her hand, pulling out a Tupperware of chocolate chip cookies. "You're the best, lil sis," I tell her, taking one and biting into it.
"I know," she smirks, offering the bowl of cookies to everyone else in the kitchen. "Uncle Ittetsu brought some stuff too. They're in the backyard setting up. We brought fold up tables and chairs since we figured you didn't have any yet. Oh, and an ice chest."
They? Who else could be here? "Don't tell Bo and Kuroo yet," I whisper, looking over to where Kuroo sits on the floor, halfway done with a third beer and stacking the empty cans in a pyramid on Bokuto's thigh.
"Of course not. You think I'm gonna let that end? They haven't even gotten started yet. Come on." I grab the sodas Daichi brought and Natsu grabs my free hand, pulling me through the living room to the back door, only stopping so I can tell Hinata his guests have arrived.
"All of them?" He asks, hopping up from the couch where he was watching Kenma do whatever it is he does on his phone.
"No not yet," Natsu answers, and again I ask, just how many people are coming?
The glass panel in the back door has a few paint splatters from where Hinata got a bit carried away, but it makes me smile. Everything about this place is ours, and I adore it from the foundation to the crooked tiles in the upstairs bathroom.
"Mom! You made it!" Hinata calls when we get outside, skipping over to where his mom is setting folding chairs around a plastic table and throwing his arms around her.
"Just barely," she smiles, running a hand through his hair. "My boss tried to call a meeting as I was leaving, but I told him that I had a prior engagement and no desire whatsoever to sit in a room with ten men talking over each other because they're trying to prove that I'm not the loudest one in the room." It still surprises me sometimes just how identical she and Natsu are.
"Where'd Uncle Ittetsu go?" Natsu asks, setting her cookies down and pulling the ice chest out from under the table for me.
"He went to grab the rest of the food from the car," she answers, turning to me and smiling again. "You boys are in for a treat. Ittetsu made so much food its ridiculous."
Hinata's face lights up at the mention of more food, and he and Natsu head towards the side of the house where the cars are parked, their mother turning to me after they head off. "How are you, Tobio?"
In the last few months I've spent quite a bit of time around Hinata's family with all the preparations, his mom included, and we've grown pretty close in such a short time. "Good," I answer, letting her hug me and pat my hair the same way she did her son's. "I'm still sort of in disbelief that this is happening. Everything feels to...perfect, you know? Like I'm going to wake up from a dream at any minute."
"That's real happiness, kid," she says. "That means you've made it big."
"I'm just trying not to lose it."
She looks over to where Uncle Ittetsu rounds the corner, Tupperware bowls stacked in his arms and struggling to hand some off to his niece and nephew without sending the whole tower down, and then to the table over to the side of us where the rest of the group starts to trickle out of the house and into the yard, some a bit more unsteady than others."It's harder than you think."
And she's right, I think. Losing this wouldn't be an easy task. I've fucked up so many times in the past, and yet these people I love so much have never left my side. All this time I thought I was the one holding onto them with all of my might, but it never occurred to me that they were holding on to me too. "Thanks, Yume," I grin, a new brightness adding to the excitement that was already coursing through my veins.
"Don't thank me for telling the truth." She cups a hand on my face, gently patting it as she smiles in that loving way only mothers can achieve. Her words mean a lot, coming from someone who threw away the love she had and somehow won it all back. She speaks from experience, and it feels great to be able to partake in her redemption.
"Kageyama, look!" Hinata calls, and I turn to find him holding up a plate of meat buns, already stuffing one into his cheeks like a hamster and grabbing for another.
"Hey! Slow down you're gonna make yourself sick," I say, whisking the plate away from him and replacing it with a glass of water from a pitcher someone set out.
"But I'm starving," he pouts, holding the meat bun between his teeth as he signs.
"Save room for dessert, Shouyou," Uncle Ittetsu laughs, finally getting everything set up and walking over to us. "I have a feeling you're going to like it. By the way, I didn't get a chance to finally congratulate you boys. Did you get everything moved in?"
"Mostly," I answer, accepting the quick hug he pulls us into. "We brought what furniture we had and a few boxes of random stuff; clothes, dishes, electronics. We have a shipment of a few other things coming tomorrow. I guess we couldn't wait to just get in here."
"It's exciting isn't it? You both worked so hard on this place and now you finally get to live in it," he beams, probably just as excited as we are.
"We couldn't have done it without you," Hinata signs, gulping down the last bits of his food.
"Really," I nod, remembering how much he taught the both of us during the rebuilding process. "We could never thank you enough."
"Well, now that you're all the way out here come visit me more often and we'll call it even."
"We promise," the both of us say together, voices mingling in the slight breeze that has picked up, dissipating a bit of the stagnant heat.
"Perfect," he grins, putting a hand on both of our shoulders, leaning up a bit on his toes to reach mine. His dark eyes widen as he sees something behind us. "Oh! The last of your guests are here."
We both turn just as two women make their way into the yard; one short and blonde and the other dark haired and elegantly beautiful, hands clasped between them. Yachi carries a pie in her hands, and before I notice Hinata has bounded over their way, jumping in circles around them. Kiyoko smiles, taking the pie from Yachi's hands as she struggles not to drop it during the attack.
They manage to keep the pie safe until it reaches the table, Hinata cutting into it as soon as the plate hits the plastic. Where he got the knife I have no idea. Yachi hovers over him, looking like she's going to faint any time the knife gets remotely close to his fingers, and Kiyoko turns to me.
"Hello, Kageyama," she greets me, extending her hand. "I don't know if you remember me, but we met a few months ago. I've heard so much about you from Shouyou and Natsu."
"Yes, I remember," I return, taking her slender hand in mine and shaking it. "I've heard a lot about you too. Mostly from Suga."
"Oh yes, of course. I don't know why I never put it together that you're the same Kageyama. Koushi speaks very highly of you."
As if on command Suga appears out of nowhere, attacking the woman with a tight hug, his expression like a kid on Christmas morning. "Shimizu! I had no idea you'd be here!"
"Hey," she smiles softly, patting his head fondly before he releases her. "It's so good to see you. I still feel awful for missing your wedding, I had no idea I'd be out of town that week. Is your husband here?"
"Yeah, of course. I've been dying for you two to meet," he says, brushing of her apology and pointing towards where Daichi stands with Oikawa and a very drunk looking Bokuto and Kuroo. "He's just over there."
"He's not the one with the empty beer cans in his shirt, is he?" She asks, wrinkling her nose in confused amusement at Bokuto.
"No, no, he's the handsome one in the blue t-shirt," he laughs, shaking his head.
"I think we can tell them about the ice chest now," I say, trying to count the beer cans in Bokuto's shirt and figuring we've messed with them enough.
"Oh, they know. I told them ten minutes ago. Kuroo said it's not about saving the beer anymore, now it's about the challenge," he sighs, putting air quotes around the word challenge. "Anyway, Daichi has wanted to meet you too."
"Alright, let's go. I'll talk to you later, Kageyama," she waves, letting Suga pull her towards the other group.
There was a time when having a get together this large, let alone being the host of it, would have turned my stomach, but I am genuinely enjoying myself. Every person here has had a hand in building the life I have now. Every smile, every hug, a leaf on the tree that I have just barely planted and yet has already grown so tall.
I wander around for a while, mingling with the separate groups that have formed and stuffing myself on all of the food that was brought. Eventually the sun starts to set, taking a bit of the thick heat with it, a soft dusk falling across the yard and casting the colors of the sky across the faces of my friends.
Uncle Ittetsu pulls a pack of cards out, watching fondly as his sister teaches Natsu how to play poker. As I make my way back over to Suga's group I make a mental note never to gamble against her, unable to fathom what kind of skills Yume is adding to her already incredible natural bluffing talent.
"Psst, hey, Tobio come here," Oikawa whispers when I get close, waving me over so he can talk in my ear. "Daichi and I have a bet going on for how hard Kiyoko is going to kick Bo's ass when she notices him hitting on Yachi." He points to the spot a few feet away from us with his chin where Bokuto is flexing his biceps for a politely unimpressed Yachi.
"Does he not realize they're together? I mean, they have wedding rings for god's sake," I reply, shaking my head in disbelief. I knew Bo was dense, but not this dense.
"He couldn't even spell his own name right now," Daichi chuckles, indicating the still growing pile of beer cans by the back porch steps. "I've got 1000 yen that says she'll slap him and Oikawa has 1000 on a swift kick in the nuts. You in?"
"Yeah definitely," I answer, pulling the bill from my wallet. "But my bet says Yachi will take care of herself."
The three of us watch intensely as Kiyoko finally notices what's going on and pauses her conversation with Suga to walk over to where Bo has started to sing an awful rendition of "I Can't Fight This Feeling".
"I didn't know Bokuto knew REO Speedwagon," Oikawa says, eyebrows raised in what I assume is a mix of impressed and surprised.
"Everyone knows their 80's love ballads," Daichi responds, waving his hand to shush Oikawa so we can hear what's being said.
"And if I have to CRAWL upon the floooor," Bo slurs, throwing his arms wide and sloshing a bit of beer out of the can in his hand. "Come CRASHING through your doooor-,"
"Excuse me," Kiyoko smiles politely, tapping him on the shoulder and putting an end to the off-key shrieking. "My wife is more of a grunge fan if you don't mind."
"Wow," Bo whispers as he turns to find Kiyoko giving him a stern yet courteous nod, hiccupping a bit at the end of his words. "Blondie are you seeing this? I think I've just met an angel."
Poor Yachi looks like she's going to faint as Kiyoko opens her mouth again to retort, and I almost step in before it can escalate anymore, but the fear drops from her gaze as Bo starts singing again, replaced by a determination I didn't think she was capable of.
"I've been waiting, for a giiiirl like yooou, to come into my liiife," he sings, words barely coherent as Kiyoko freezes and Yachi steps forward. I hear Daichi and Oikawa both take in a sharp breath beside me.
"You know, you have a lovely singing voice," she says, smiling brightly at Bokuto, plastic and venomous.
"Really?"
"Oh, yes," she continues, touching his shoulder before pointing at his beer can, voice cloyingly sweet. "May I?"
"You can have anything you want, Blondie," he answers, holding the can out to her and smiling crookedly.
I swear Yachi giggles as she takes the can delicately between her middle finger and thumb, her smile turning sour as she immediately splashes the liquid straight in his face and handing the empty can back to him. "Get your own angel."
The two women walk off together, heading over to the card table, and the rest of us stare wide-eyed at the dripping wet Bo standing before us. Even Suga watches sunned from just a few feet in the other direction.
"I have never felt so alive," Bo whispers, a huge grin breaking out on his face as he turns to see where the couple went. "What a woman."
"Pay up, gentleman," I say, holding out my palms as Daichi and Oikawa slide me their bet money.
"You know, I'm not even mad about losing," Oikawa shrugs, slipping his wallet back into his pocket. "That was a hell of a show."
"You okay, big guy?" Daichi asks, bumping Bokuto on the shoulder when he walks over toward us, Suga following close behind with a handful of cookies he grabbed from the food table.
"I'm fantastic," he beams, running a hand through his dripping hair. "She ruined my hair but it was worth it."
"Your hair has been ruined since birth," Oikawa quips, looking disappointed when no one pays attention.
"I'm surprised Yachi did it," Suga mutters through a bite of cookie, offering the pile to everyone in the circle. "I was almost positive Shimizu was going to slap you."
"That's what I said!" Daichi laughs, shoving half a cookie in his mouth. "Kageyama called it, though."
"I've spent a bit of time around her," I shrug, biting into my own cookie. "Damn, these are amazing."
"Yeah, I've had like six," Suga nods, a bit too much excitement in his eyes. "They taste really familiar. In fact, I don't think Hinata made those cookies he left on your door that one night."
"Well, the dinner I cooked on his birthday was takeout so I guess we won't mention it," I tell him, earning a few good laughs from the group.
"By the way," Oikawa pipes up, turning back to Bokuto who still has a dizzy euphoric look to his owlish eyes. "Where's your partner in crime?"
"Kuroo? He went off somewhere with Kenma a little while ago," he answers, pulling his wet shirt over his head and laying it around his shoulders. He seems to be sobering up a little after the incident.
"Tobio!" Natsu calls, skipping excitedly over to us and grabbing on my shirt sleeves. "Kuroo and Kenma started a fire!"
"What! Where?" Less than four hours and the house is already on fire. Honestly what did I expect?
"Down the hill a little bit. A bonfire, silly," she tells me (thank fucking goodness), taking my hand and dragging me in the direction of the hill, my heart still hammering in my chest.
"We don't have a fire pit though," I say, allowing myself to be pulled, the others following behind.
"They dug one. Well, Kuroo dug one. Kenma just looked up a wikihow article."
"Where'd he even get a shovel?" I ask, he situation seeming more and more ridiculous by the second and yet still not totally surprising. "And why is he digging when he's shit face drunk? Who thought this was a good idea?"
"First of all, he probably got the shovel from Uncle Ittetsu's truck. Second, why does he do anything he does? We don't know. Third, probably no one, but just shut up and enjoy it." As we near the hill I can see the glow of flames reaching just over the crest, growing as we get closer.
Everyone has migrated to the fire by the time we get there, all sitting cross-legged in the grass with the glow of the flames on their faces, very summer camp-esque.
"Oh god that feels awful. It's August for Christ's sake," Oikawa groans, shielding his eyes from the fire. "Kuroo what the fuck?"
"Aesthetic," Kuroo beams, leaning on his shovel and staring into the fire, the adoration in his gaze almost concerning.
"Lighten up," Natsu glares, sticking her tongue out at Oikawa and skipping off to sit with Kenma. I follow her, plopping down on the grass with Hinata, a little removed from the other clusters.
"Hey," I breathe, taking his hand and threading our fingers together as he look up at me and smiles.
"Hey," he returns, squeezing my hand before letting go. "I feel like I haven't seen you all night."
"I've been wandering around a lot," I shrug, letting the feeling of sitting by the fire and talking softly give us a false sense of privacy. The sun has set, and the excitement has mostly died down, letting us have a few moments just to be. "You missed Bo getting rejected by Yachi. It was great."
"Well you missed Natsu obliterating Uncle Ittetsu, mom, and I at poker. She cleaned us out," he laughs.
"That doesn't surprise me at all."
We sit like that for a while, Hinata's head on my shoulder as fireflies start to fill the sky, watching as Kuroo, Bo, and Natsu dance around trying to catch some in her palms. After about half an hour I think he's fallen asleep, but as I do my best to check without waking him up he turns, looking up with a furrow in his brow.
"Sho?"
"I want to show you something," he signs, looking around the scattered circle before grabbing my hand and standing.
"Oh, okay," I say, confused and not exactly sure what's happening. He slips behind everyone, slinking away like a cat, and I watch as I follow, fascinated by the way he moves.
No one notices as we make our way back up the hill and towards the house, rounding the porch to the front of the house where all the cars are parked.
"Hey," I whisper, reaching for him as he grabs the handle of Uncle Ittetsu's old pickup truck. "What are you doing?"
"It isn't here," he tells me, a soft sort of reminiscence to his gaze, like a memory ghosting across his vision. "It's back at the ranch house."
He hops up in the cab, pulling down the sun visor to reveal a set of keys with a plastic tulip keychain and smiling.
"He always keeps the keys there," he signs, tossing them down to me and scooting over to the passenger side so I can hop in.
"Are we stealing your uncle's car?" I ask, turning to look at him with the keys hanging from my hand halfway to the ignition.
"It's not stealing, it's borrowing," he signs, trying to look reassuring. "He wouldn't mind anyway. "Let's go before they notice we're gone."
"Yes sir," I sigh, turning the key in the ignition and feeling the old engine roar to life beneath us. How nobody hears as we pull out of the dirt driveway I don't know, but we make it out and I turn onto the main road, taking all of the turns that have so easily become familiar. The cool breeze through the windows feels amazing after having the radiating heat of the bonfire on my face for so long, and it's hard to keep my eyes on the road as they keep wandering to the way Hinata's curls blow softly across his face.
Pulling up to the ranch house with the driveway empty and the windows dark is an odd feeling. It almost seems fake, like this big sacred thing removed from the realm of our realities, perfect and pristine as it holds so many memories behind its walls. It isn't, though, it is very much real and just as warm and inviting as the first time I saw it, despite the silence.
Hinata wastes no time with personal sentiments like I do, hopping from the cab as soon as I shift gear to park and motioning for me to follow him. He grabs my hand when my shoes hit the ground, pulling me towards the house and around the porch, stopping only when we're in front of the back door.
"Over there," he whispers, pointing to the side of the wall that I know holds his sunflower paintings. He lets go of my hand and wraps both arms around his middle, as if to keep something inside.
"Your sunflowers?" I ask, realizing that we've never actually looked at them together before. Uncle Ittetsu was the one to show them to me the first time and other than that I've only seen them at a passing glance. But now, studying them for the first time in I don't even know how long, they look different. "Is this a new one?"
He nods slowly, looking back and forth between the wall and me. I want to ask so many questions; when did he paint this, why did he paint this, why does it look so sad and wilted, why does he look almost identical? But I don't, waiting for him to gather himself and tell me what it is he has to say.
He takes a few steadying breaths and squeezes his eyes shut before unwrapping his arms and turning to me, words finally ready on the tips of his fingers.
"When I came to see my mom a few months ago. Before...before that fight," he says, and I nod, the memory still fresh. "I didn't actually come to see her. She came over for dinner one night but that's not important."
"If you didn't come to see her then why'd you leave?" My patience has gotten better, but it can still use a lot of work.
"To paint this," he signs, gesturing to the last flower, but where I would expect to still see the apprehension in his expression from moments before I see a soft adoration instead. His eyes move over the paint as if they were a hand touching and feeling the pigments and the way they fill the pores of the wood. "I used to paint hem when I was younger and I needed to vent my anger or fear. I never thought I'd need to do it again, but I guess I'm glad, if anything, that you're the one that made me feel those things. You make me feel everything so much deeper than I ever could before."
I step forward, touching the petals of the painting and almost felling the softness of a real lower beneath my fingers. Every ounce of spirit he put into it, every emotion he felt as the brush hit wood, warms my skin. He moonlight hitting the surface drains he color, casting everything in that ghostly pale silver glow I love so much, and the world feels content.
"It's beautiful," I say, turning back to him and smiling.
"You aren't upset?"
"Upset about what?" I ask, moving away from the wall and closer to him, unable to keep myself from grabbing his face and feeling that same warmth from the wall through his cheeks.
"That I lied to you," he breathes, looking up at me with eyes wide and bright, breathtaking with the reflection of stars across their glossy surface. He pulls away a bit so he can fit his hands between us to sign. "It seems important at the time. All of these felt important at the time, but now I can barely remember the reason behind some of them, and the ones I do remember seem so petty and immature when I was heading toward this life all along. Nothing back then matters when I had a future with you just waiting for me. They're a sign of how weak I was, and how stupid for not just talking to you before things escalated the way they did." He drops his hands and closes his eyes, breathing deeply again before returning his gaze to mine.
"Nope, I'm not mad at all. You know why?" He shakes his head and I smirk, planting a quick kiss to his forehead before continuing. "Because without everything that's happened to both of us we wouldn't be where we are now. Without every drop of paint on that wall and every feeling behind it you wouldn't be you, and you wouldn't be here right now with me. I probably would've been upset back then when it happened, but now...now I'm just thankful for every second we spend together and everything that made it possible."
There are tears in his eyes when he smiles, and I can't keep myself from kissing him anymore. He tastes of soda and meat buns, and I decide that this is the taste of home.
"I love you," he whispers when he pulls away, grinning from ear to ear. "And I love the person you've turned me into."
"The parts of myself I love the most are the parts I stole from you," I tell him, taking his hands and mine and kissing the tip of each finger. "And I am so ready to spend my life with you. I didn't even know what happiness was before I met you. I love you, Shouyou, more than I could ever say."
"Then don't say it," he smiles. "Show it."
He turns away from me, ducking down below the porch steps and pulling out a box of paint supplies, dumping it in my arms with a grin.
"I want to start a new tradition, at our house. A sunflower for every happy moment, painted together, because those are what I want to remember now. Those are what I want to look back on. But I think the first one should be here." He pulls a brush and one of the small pails of paint from the box, and I follow him as he steps up to the last sliver of uncovered wall.
My strokes are wide, nowhere near as delicately as the petals he creates, but I know he loves them just the same, guiding my hand when needed. It isn't beautiful, the imperfections drawing my eye when we step back to examine our work, but it's exactly as it should be, a raw and rough representation of the feelings we put into it.
The start of a new tradition, he said. I already love the idea; jut imagining the stretch of sunflowers that will grow on the walls of our new home, petals reaching for the sun that lights my world.
We don't speak; we don't need to. Hinata takes my hand, pulling us both down on the grass. I sit with my back to the wall and he puts his head in my lap, our own party forgotten as we watch the sky. He points excitedly at every shooting star, and I start to point out constellations, loving the way his eyes light up every time he fits the pieces together himself.
Under the vast inky sky, riddled with so many pieces of myself twinkling so brightly amongst the void, under the moon, forever changing, under the stars, representing more than I can explain, we are everything we ever could have hoped to be, and finally, finally, we are everything we could have ever wanted.
***
No one noticed when we slipped silently back into the group back home, or if they did they didn't mention it. At some point Natsu convinced me to bring my guitar out of the house and play around the fire, everyone singing along of key and without rhythm but beautifully nonetheless.
Eventually everyone started to trickle home, sometime after the fire died down but much before the sun stained the night sky with its dull morning colors. When Suga hugs me goodbye Daichi practically has to pry him away, both of us knowing that he won't let go unless forced, and Natsu and Kenma let me know that Bo and Kuroo passed out somewhere in the living room, and there's really no way to wake them up.
They're still there the next afternoon when Hinata and I wake up in our new bedroom, the walls unfamiliar to my eyes for those first few waking moments, and make our way downstairs to start unpacking.
"Are they still breathing?" He signs, peering over the back of the sofa to where Bo lays upside down off of the cushions, his head on Kuroo's chest where he's sprawled spread eagle on the floor.
"I don't think you can snore that loud without breathing," I tell him, and he giggles, blissfully unaware of the roaring engine sounds coming out of our friends.
Our friends, I think to myself as he scoops up one of the boxes labeled 'studio' ands heads off down the hall. I don't know when they stopped being his friends and became our friends, but I accept it. It feels so freeing, having these things no longer being mine and becoming ours. Our friends, our family, our home, our life. Being us is so much greater than being me.
Speaking of family, my phone begins to ring somewhere in the kitchen, and a picture of my mom meets my eyes when I pick it up.
"Hey, mom," I say, lifting the phone up to my ear and leaning against the counter.
"Tobi! I wanted to call and see how you were getting settled after the move." Her voice is chipper and genuine, sounding so much better than the forced brightness she'd had months before. She's been spending more time with my aunts lately, rediscovering aspects of life she never explored before, and thriving. She 's not perfect, Dad's passing obviously still affecting her, the same way it will always affect me, but last time Hinata and I went to visit she seemed honestly happy again.
"Well, we only moved in yesterday, and we didn't get much work done with everyone over, but we're doing well," I tell her, leaving the counter and wandering aimlessly through the living room and hallway, rounding back to the kitchen. "We're going to try and get everything unpacked and set up today. Shouyou's setting up his studio in the spare room right now."
"Oh I bet it's lovely. You must get so much great sunlight for him to work in out there," she says, and I can hear the fond smile on her lips. It brings a similar expression to mine. "Maybe you should set up a greenhouse. I hear they're good for outdoor painting."
"Maybe in a few weeks," I tell her, mind wandering to Hinata painting surrounded by flowers and vegetable plants. It's a good idea. "We haven't even set up our fridge yet."
"Well, I'm sure you boys will get situated soon enough. It's exciting isn't it? Living together? It's quite a big step."
"Mom, where's this going?" The lilt in her voice makes me uneasy, threatening a serious 'mom talk' about plans and our future intentions.
"Oh, nowhere, honey," she answers, but her tone says otherwise. "I was just thinking that after taking such a big step together, taking a few smaller ones afterward won't be too hard."
"Mom...,"
"I mean, you're already committed. There'd be no harm in-,"
"Mom!" She goes silent, but not the rigid silence there used to be between us. More of a surrendering silence, putting a pin in the conversation but definitely not letting it go. "We literally have lived together for less than twenty four hours and you're already trying to fit us for wedding bands. Let us breathe, mom, honestly."
"Okay, okay," she concedes, but I can still hear the idea sitting on the tip of her tongue. This is going to be a long fought battle. "I'll let it go. But just keep it in mind."
"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, how's everyone doing on your end?" That fixes it; she immediately launches into various news updates. How Aunt Chiyo's baby is doing, how she's been getting along with her new book club, and other small town gossip. It's soothing, and I let her ramble on until I hear the tires of a delivery truck pull into the driveway outside.
"I'm gonna have to let you go," I tell her, glancing out the window as the driver hops from the cab and goes around the back to grab the moving dolly. "Our shipment just got here. But you should really come visit sometime after we get settled. We'd love to see you, and I'm sure Shouyou's family would like to meet you."
"Of course, baby. Call me when you boys are ready and we'll work something out," she coos. "I love you, Tobi. Talk to you later."
"Bye, mom. Love you too." Hanging up feels satisfying, reinforcing the feeling of this new relationship I've built with her. It's satisfying because it promises another; more silly stories about new salon workers or what the town minister's daughter has been getting into, more not so subtle pushes in the direction of furthering our relationship, more promises to talk again. The days of final goodbyes are behind us, of wondering which slammed receiver or thrown phone would be the last, and it's just one on list of many things I'm thankful for.
Helping the delivery man get the heavy packages inside only takes about fifteen minutes, and I don't touch them when he leaves, choosing instead to head upstairs and see what Hinata's up to. He has his back to me when I walk in, setting up his easel just right across from the window. He chose this room for his studio because he said the way the sun hit the windows in the morning was prefect, and that his window of time for good sunlight in his old apartment was too limited. Here, the possibilities are endless.
I stand silently for a bit, watching as he goes over to the stacks of canvases he's lined against the wall, oblivious to my presence as he searches for whatever painting he wants to put up. He finds what he's looking for, gently pulling it out from between two other pieces, and turning to set it against the easel, the surface lighting up with that precious sunlight, and my heart catches in my throat. It's the first painting he ever showed me, the one that sent me running with no intention of ever returning. It' the painting that set so many events in motion, and I can't breathe.
"Oh!" He squeaks, startle when he turns around to find me standing in the doorway, eyebrows knitting together when he sees the look on my face. "Don't freak out," he signs, stepping forward and pulling me into the room.
"I'm not," I lie, my voice a much higher pitch than usual. "It's fine, I'm just...surprised, I guess."
"Save that thought," he tells me, letting go of my hand and stepping around the easel to find another box and holding it out to me. "I got this for you a while ago, and I was waiting for a special occasion to give them to you, but I can't wait anymore."
"What do you mean?" I ask, taking it carefully.
"It's a present, silly," he smiles, which only confuses me further. He reaches out and taps the box, telling me to open it, so I do. Inside is a simple pair of glasses, wide frames over thick lenses.
"I don't understand," I tell him, turning the glasses over in my hands.
He just smiles softly again, and I can see excitement building in his eyes. "Just put them on."
I do as he says, and I drop them as the lenses cover my eyes, my hands fumbling as everything around me changes. "Holy shit," I whisper, saying the only thing that I can manage to think clearly, my mind racing faster than I can keep track of.
"I found them online. They're called Enchroma glasses. They're meant to help you see color," he signs, starting to bounce on his heels as he waits for me to speak again, but I just stare at him, completely stunned.
"Sho," I whisper, reaching forward to run my hand through his hair. "Your hair is so...so orange." I knew this, of course, had seen the way he matches the color of the sunset, but he has never been so vibrant.
"What about this? Look at this!" He grabs my hand that is still playing with his hair and spins me around, pointing at the painting on the easel. "What do you see?"
"Oh god," I gasp, stepping forward and sticking my face as close to the canvas as I can without touching it. It's beautiful, something I've never seen before, every hue brightened and intensified, the muddy yellows and browns turned to reds and greens and purples. There are divisions in the colors that once bled together in chunks of dull pigment. "Sho, holy shit."
He just laughs as I stare at the painting in wonder, pointing at different streams of color.
"This one. Purple? Is this purple?"
"Yeah, it's kind of a reddish violet."
"Wow. And this green! It's so bright."
"Mhmm. Wait until you see the trees outside."
"And this is pink?"
"No, that's teal. You've never seen pink?"
"I guess not."
"There's some pink right here."
"Holy shit."
We continue on that way, Hinata watching as I discover his world the way he has always known it for the first time, and I don't know at what point I start to cry but the glasses lenses start to fog up and I have to take them off to wipe at my eyes.
"I can't believe you did this," I say, my voice thick with tears and the emotion still coursing through my veins.
"So you like them then?" He asks, reaching up to wipe at my face with soft hands.
"I love them. They're incredible. You're incredible," I babble, leaning my face toward his touch.
"Now you see what I see," he whispers, his own eyes turning glossy.
And it's true. I finally understand the world the way he does. I finally understand why people are so drawn toward art and color; be it groups of wildflowers or schools of tropical fish. I understand his passions now, and I want him to understand mine.
"I've figured it out," I say suddenly, not entirely sure where the statement is going. "I know what I want to do."
His eyes turn eager as he reads my lips, waiting for me to continue but getting impatient. "Really? What is it?"
"I want to develop a type of music for the deaf. Sho, you helped me to see your art, and now I want to do the same for you. I want to share my world with you. It's going to take a lot of work, and a lot of research, but...but I think I can do it. Just picture it, a type of sound dependent entirely on beats and vibrations. What do you think?"
It's his turn to cry; tears slipping from the corner of his eyes as he laughs, half happiness and half a bubbling sob. "I think you can do anything you want to and that you're going to change lives. I think it's an amazing idea, and I think I love you."
"You think you love me?" I smirk, and he pulls me down by the collar of my shirt to meet his lips, the tears that touch our mouths tasting of salt, but not in the hopeless way they used to. I snake my arms around his waist and he pulls back, leaning our foreheads together.
"Uhh, sorry to interrupt, but do you guys have any cereal or eggs or something?" Bokuto's voice comes from the doorway, but we do not unwind when we turn towards them.
"And some aspirin if you have it," Kuroo adds, yawning as he enters the doorway.
"You guys ever heard of bad timing?" I ask, but it's punctuated with a chuckle rather than a bite.
"I waited for a while but I'm really hungry and the only thing in your kitchen is boxes. Which weren't there last night," Bo says, pointing his thumb behind him and knitting his eyebrows together in confusion.
"How long were you standing there?" Hinata asks, letting go of me so he can sign.
"Not long enough to know what's going on but definitely long enough to be grossed out," Kuroo answers, sticking his tongue out and shaking his head. "You two are worse than Suga and Daichi. But, seriously, the aspirin."
"Maybe you shouldn't have drunk twelve beers each," I mumble, wanting to get back to what I was doing.
"Well maybe you should've had a fridge," he fires back, rubbing his temples.
"Touché."
"Come on," Hinata signs, shooting Kuroo a sympathetic smile. "I think I know where the box with the aspirin is at."
"Thank god," Kuroo sighs, following him down the stairs.
"What about the eggs?" Bokuto calls after them, a pout forming on his lips.
"Looks like we're having stale pizza for breakfast, Bo," I say, patting him on the shoulder and heading in the direction of the others.
It's not exactly the type of morning (afternoon) I envisioned having in the new house, but I wouldn't change a thing. I think I could get used to small surprises and shared revelations very day, so far removed from the dark days that blended together like I used to imagine.
Nothing is put together, our life scattered around and still forming like thousands of tiny suns in the galaxy, but the unknown is finally a journey I'm ready to embark upon, and I couldn't have chosen a better partner to take it with.
***
One flower begets another, and slowly, we build a garden of our own, stretching the walls of our house, and eventually the happy memories grow so numerous that it's hard to tell them apart.
One, after a few good years, for the wedding that we let our mothers plan since the sentiment meant so much more to them, being content enough with just each other. I'll never forget the way Hinata's face lit up as I signed my vows to him, and I'll never recover from the way my heart stopped in my chest as he spoke every word of his, voice ringing out so beautifully for everyone to hear.
Another for when Natsu graduated high school and got into her first choice nursing school. As if at once she had grown up before both of our eyes, and we couldn't be prouder.
One for the children's book author that signed Hinata on as their official illustrator, and one for when my musical side project was recognized by a professional science magazine.
One, nearly a decade after the first, for the tiny pink bundle we finally got to bring home, and a row of tiny flowers for everything we got to watch her grow and achieve.
Sometimes I remember a time when the two of us were separate, singular one dimensional people with little purpose and miniscule dreams, but after a while it's hard to picture over living apart from him. Life stretches out before us, vast and unlimited, and I know that there is only forward motion, only love and joy to feel.
I watch as life's colors blend before me, and he listens to every beat of our well worn hearts as, together, we fill our own sky with the stars we grew so much beneath.