Can you hear me calling
Out your name?
You know that I'm falling
And I don't know what to say
I'll speak a little louder
I'll even shout
You know that I'm proud
And I can't get the words out
Oh I...
I want to be with you everywhere
Oh I...
I want to be with you everywhere
(Wanna be with you everywhere)
-Fleetwood Mac
Chapter Text
The line between the world of sleep and waking is a thin one, semi permeable in the way that you can see through it if you venture close enough. Though it's fleeting, casting an unstable glimmer across the expanse of my dreams the moment I notice the way it lurks at the corners of every scene, and all too soon the line consumes me and I'm hyper aware of the pillow below my head and harsh light across my eyelids. It makes my nose itch. Or maybe that's caused by another unrelated factor.
When I pull my eyes open I'm met with wide brown ones inches away and wild ginger hair tickling my nose as Hinata leans over me with a big stupid grin painted across his face. "Holy shit-," I gasp, sitting up instinctually as Hinata throws himself to the side, giggling like a maniac against the sheets.
I reach behind me to grab a pillow to chuck at him. He sits up, fitting me with a puppy dog stare and a pouting bottom lip but I just scowl, refusing to give in. He can't win me over that easily. Actually he definitely can but I have to make him think he can't.
"I'm sorry," he signs, failing at all attempts of sincerity as that devilish glint I know so well flashes in his eyes.
"Yeah right. Don't fucking do that," I answer, clutching my shirt over my still rapidly beating heart.
His pout is quickly replaced by a smirk, which accompanied by that look in his eyes is downright wicked. In one lightning fast motion he has one leg slung on either side of my lap and my shirt collar in both of his hands, face inches from mine as he whispers, "or what?".
"Or, uh...I-I'll," I stutter, my still foggy brain feeling like a key turning in a flooded engine as he leans in closer and closer. My head is swimming and I feel his eyelashes against my cheek as he blinks, moving so slowly it's almost painful. I settle my hands against his hips and tilt my head slightly as he slips his hands down flat against my shoulders and shoves me back against the sheets.
"What the-," I gasp, head hitting the pillows and eyes blown wide. Did I miss something?
Hinata just cackles, still straddling my waist as he lifts his hands to sign, "You need a shower."
"That was cruel," I mutter, smiling despite myself as he climbs off of me and stands up. I rub my eyes and sit back up, glancing at the window as I yawn, the sun seeming too bright against the brick buildings across from us. "So do you, by the way. What time is it anyway?"
I turn to get his answer but he has his back to me, digging in his dresser for clean clothes. He shakes his head disapprovingly as he turns to find me still in bed. "Ever getting up, sleeping beauty?"
"Yeah, yeah. What time is it?" I repeat myself, throwing the blankets off of my legs and setting my feet on the carpet.
"Around two I think," he answers, shrugging as he makes his way out into the hallway.
"Hey!" I call, jumping up to follow him, catching him right as he grabs the bathroom door handle. "You, uh, going in there by... by yourself?" Real smooth Tobio. That'll charm him.
"Yup," he answers, smirking at the heat that spreads across my face and down my neck. His words are hard to read as he tries to sign with clothes clutched in his hands. "What will Oikawa think if you come home freshly showered?"
He's right. Of course he's right. "Goddammit," I sigh. He smiles, standing on his tiptoes until I lean down and let him peck me quickly on the lips.
"I'll be over in a bit, okay?"
"Yeah, sure," I answer, turning down the hall as he slips into the bathroom, already feeling colder without his presence. Begrudgingly I grab my suitcase from where we left it on the sofa, muttering to myself about how little Oikawa's opinions matter even though I know it's all bullshit.
I still have my head down, off in my own world of imagining what I'm walking away from right now, as I step out into the hallway. There's a sound of a door closing before I pull the one behind me shut, and my blood runs cold.
"Hoooooly shit."
I know that voice. Oh god. Oh god no. I look up; eyes connecting with Oikawa's across the hallway, a mix of surprise and complete elation hiding behind his irises.
"Oh my god. Oikawa-," I start, my stomach twisting at the way a smile starts to stretch across his face.
"Suga is going to shit himself," he says, and I feel myself blanch.
"Oikawa, don't you dare."
"See you later, Tobio," he waves, staring at me for another millisecond before breaking into a full sprint down the hallway.
"Fuck," I spit, taking off after him and leaving my suitcase on the threshold of Hinata's still open apartment door. "Get your ass back here Oikawa!"
He's already two flights below me when I reach the stairwell, and I do my best to catch up without tripping and falling to my death, screaming like a madman the entire time about how much I'm going to kill him when I catch him. I doubt he understands how real my threats are because all he does is laugh and sing "Shouyou and Tobio sitting in a tree" between breaths, the rhythm uneven and bouncy as he hops down each stair.
I'm dripping sweat when I reach the bottom and he's already out the door. "Shit," I wheeze, bursting outside and realizing that I've already lost. Oikawa has a goddamn car and I had lost before this begun.
He rolls down the window as he starts the engine, sliding sunglasses on over his smug face and ignoring the sweat that beads down from his hairline. "Toodles, Tobio," he singsongs, waving before pulling away from the curb.
All I can do is stand doubled over on the curb and pant for breath, watching as he drives away, and seething. "I'm gonna fucking kill him I swear to god he's fucking dead," I say to myself, loud enough to catch the attention of adults and children passing me on the sidewalk. He turns the corner and I run back into the building, lungs burning and screaming against my ribs as I take the steps three at a time. This is more exercise than I've done since having to run a mile every two weeks in high school.
Without thinking I head back into Hinata's apartment and push the bathroom door open. He looks up with wide eyes as he finishes tying a towel around his waist, startled at the sudden intrusion and probably worried about why I look like a big red heaving sweaty mess.
"Kage-,"
"We have to leave," I interrupt. We don't have time for this. We don't even have time for me to pay attention to the fact that he's only wearing a towel (another thing I'm going to think about while punching Oikawa in his stupid goddamn face).
"Hey, breathe for a second. What are you talking about?" He asks, taking his hands off of his towel which luckily (unluckily?) holds its place on his narrow hips.
I take one deep breath, my lungs singing at the entrance of oxygen, before launching into my story. "I ran into Oikawa in the hallway and he's on his way to Suga's and I tried to catch him but he has a car and he's gonna tell Suga and then Suga's gonna come here and nag me and I'm gonna fucking kill Oikawa but right now we have to get out of here. Let's go to Osaka and start a new life where no one knows us and-,"
He cuts me off by standing on his tiptoes to put his hand over my mouth. It's warm, still wet from the shower and smelling like soap. He gives me a pointed look as if to say "are you going to stay quiet?" To which I nod before he steps back.
"I have no idea what you're saying when you talk that fast," he signs, concern still in his eyes but overshadowed by amusement. Why is he amused? This is extremely serious. "Try again. Slower this time."
"I ran into Oikawa in the hall and he's running to tell Suga and I think we should leave town forever," I tell him, being careful to articulate every word so I won't have to repeat myself again.
"Kageyma we aren't leaving town so you can get out of talking to Suga," he laughs, pausing his sentence to readjust his towel that was starting to slip. "You just need to calm down."
He's right, of course, and I hate that. I already had Suga for that and now I have two know-it-alls that I'll never get rid of. Not that I want to. "But what are we going to tell him?" I ask, letting my shoulders slump.
He thinks for a minute before shooting me a soft smile. "Why don't you jump in the shower because now you're extra gross and then we'll talk about it? We can even leave if you want to. Not to Osaka, but maybe to somewhere that serves lunch. Okay?"
I drag one hand down my face but it just slides against my sweat slick skin and I nod. "Yeah, alright." He grabs his clothes and heads into his room as I collect my suitcase from the front door and step back into the bathroom.
Talk about what? About us or about what kind of excuse we're going to make up? I try to let the hot water calm me, and my muscles start to relax, but my mind still races.
I have so many questions, but only one certainty sits in my head. Oikawa Tooru is fucking dead to me.
***
It occurs to me halfway to the cafe, with Hinata bouncing along beside me seemingly unperturbed, that I'm an idiot. Not for the normal reasons, which are definitely still relevant, but for something else entirely. I could have avoided this entire situation if I hadn't panicked. I could've told Oikawa any number of lies and he'd have no choice but to believe me.
"Hey we just got home and I carried Hinata's bag in for him."
"I just stepped in to grab something I forgot here last week."
"Hinata wanted to show me some huge spider in his kitchen and it was disgusting so I was just on my way out."
All good enough excuses that I could've used to at least pretend nothing was going on. Now everyone is going to squeeze information out of us that we don't even have.
Hinata pushes my shoulder lightly with his fist and I turn to see him looking up at me, a mix of worry and amusement on his face. "You're going to get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that," he signs, and I frown harder in retaliation.
"I have to brood," I tell him, shoving my hands in my sweater pockets with precise petulance. "If don't all of my hate builds up and gives me a stomachache."
"Have it your way," he shrugs, smirking above his hands. "But you should know that I'm only here for your looks. As soon as those are gone I'm out of here."
"Then you're definitely on the losing end of this situation," I chuckle, feeling slightly better. Still filled with rage of course, just pushing it back until I have something (Oikawa's face) to direct it towards.
"I wouldn't be too sure," he smiles, reaching down to grab my hand after he finishes talking. My cheeks burn as he threads his fingers with mine, ignoring the looks from passerby whether judging or kind, and my heart quickens its pace. I want to say something back, something sweet or romantic (yeah right, that would take a miracle), but he faces forward again and I let it go.
We sit at the usual table when we reach the cafe, both of us ordering the biggest sandwich on the menu. I didn't realize I was so hungry until we sat down and my stomach started to growl violently at the familiar smell of coffee and pastries.
The air is stiff as I try to figure out what I want to say, but Hinata just stares out the window. I don't see how he can be so calm, which only makes me start to believe that I'm freaking out for no reason, which obviously makes me freak out more. I tap on the table to get his attention, losing my train of thought as he turns to me with the clear afternoon sky reflecting in his eyes.
"So, uh," I mutter, trying to concentrate on the reason we came here.
"So?" He cocks his head to the side, which just muddles my head even more. I shake it to clear my thoughts, ignoring the way he blows air through his nose as light laughter.
"So," I continue, looking up to meet his eyes again and steeling myself to stay on topic. "What are we going to tell Suga and the others?"
"About what?"
"About us."
"What about us?" I can tell he's trying hard not to laugh, and I'd be annoyed if I didn't want to grab his stupid face and kiss it so badly. How can he look so good even when he's being so annoying?
"About what we are," I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. I already want to go back to bed.
"What are we?" He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth to hold back his playful smile but I can see right through it.
"Oh my god, Hinata," I whine, smacking myself on the forehead and probably leaving a mark. "You've gotta help me out here! I've never done this before and I'm kind of losing my mind."
The tall blond barista I've seen here a few times brings our sandwiches to the table, a scowl not unlike mine painted on his features. Hinata immediately shoves half of the sandwich in his mouth, biting off a chunk bigger than humanly possible and filling his cheeks like a hamster. I poke at the bread with my fingertips, my stomach doing flips and not sure if I'm still hungry.
"Done what?" He asks, and I barely catch the movement out of my peripheral vision, looking up just in time to catch his words. "Dated?"
My cheeks flare up again and I'm starting to think this is a real problem I need to get under control. "Well, yeah," I answer, almost whispering as I look up at him, wondering if he thinks that's pathetic. "Have you?"
He thinks for a minute, chewing his sandwich slowly, making my mind race even more. Oh god, how many were there? Is he some sort of pro at this already? "Does Kenma count?" He asks, turning back to me and signing before picking up his sandwich for another bite.
"You dated Kenma!?" A few people turn in their seats to look at me, wondering where the outburst came from. I sink lower in my seat and Hinata just laughs.
"For like a week back in high school," he tells me, waving it off like its nothing. "Then we realized it was silly and went back to being friends."
I drop my head onto the table with a loud smack and a groan. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I just can't bring myself to get my shit together and ask him a clear question.
He's still looking at me when I sit back up, an odd look to his eyes as he pops the last bite of sandwich in his mouth. I drop my chin onto my hand and he sighs, shaking his head as if he's a mother and I'm his petulant child he doesn't know what to do with. "You don't have to keep skirting around it you know. Just go ahead and say it."
"Say what?" I ask, and now I'm the one keeping the conversation from progressing. We've accomplished literally nothing since we got here.
"Boyfriend," he says out loud, wiggling his eyebrows and dragging out the 'oi' sound.
"Oh god," I grimace, running one hand down my burning face. This relationship only has room for one child and I've already filled that role. "Fine, fine," I say, gritting my teeth and trying to keep my eyes from nervously darting away. "Are you...are we...dating?"
"Are we what?" He asks, mockingly cupping a hand to his ear and trying to hold back his smug smile.
"Boyfriends," I growl, glaring at him across the table but I doubt it carries the weight I mean it to.
"Well I sure hope so," he winks, and I want to punch him and kiss him at the same time again. It's a very conflicting emotion. "I don't let just anyone see me in a towel."
"That's it. I'm breaking up with you," I say, grabbing my sandwich and taking a bite to cover up the way my cheeks start to stretch. I can't let him win like this.
"Wow, we lasted less than a minute," he signs, shaking his head in mock pity. "What a shame."
I try to glare at him but I just start laughing, unable to hold it in. I let go, wrapping one arm around my middle and just letting it happen because I'm dating Hinata Shouyou. I can honestly say I never thought this would happen, and actually having it be official, having it be real, is like nothing I've ever felt before. The air in my lungs feels free as it escapes, mingling in the air with the sounds that are now coming from Hinata. I've never been this happy.
Hinata stops laughing and I look up, watching through my teary eyes as his face goes oddly serious. "Incoming," he mutters, and I turn to see Suga walking toward us.
"Oh god here it comes," I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut as I send a silent prayer to any entity that exists to let this go well or to at least strike me with lightening. I always figured that would be a really cool and painless way to go.
"I knew I'd find you here," he huffs, sliding onto the bench seat beside Hinata without a thought. "Hey Hinata," he smiles before turning to me, his smile immediately dropping, "why haven't you answered your phone?"
"I must've left it at home," I shrug, taking another bite of sandwich and hoping that will keep him from asking any more questions.
"You know I hate it when you do that, Kageyama," he chides, and I roll my eyes. "It makes me worry. I had to hear from Oikawa that you were home! And then I got to your place and you weren't there and you know how I panic," he sighs. I continue chewing my sandwich slowly, glancing at Hinata as we wait for the shoe to drop. "Anyway, I came to talk to you because of Oikawa."
There it is.
Hinata looks away from Suga's face and turns to me, eyes wide as he waits for my response. I shoot him my best "what do we do?" look, and he gestures to me with one hand, leaving the decision up to me. Might as well get this over with.
"Look, Suga, we haven't told anyone yet. Hell we just talked about it ourselves," I start, Hinata giving me an encouraging thumbs up from beside Suga.
"Talked about what? Wait, what are you talking about?" Suga looks at me questioningly, and I start to think we aren't exactly on the same page.
"What are you talking about?" I return.
"I came here because, wait, who talked about what? You and Hinata?" He turns to Hinata who just shrugs, eyes wide as he tries to follow what we're saying.
"Yeah. You came here because Oikawa ran and told you we were dating, right?" I realize the moment it leaves my mouth and Suga's eyes blow wider than I've ever seen them that I've made a mistake.
"What!? You're DATING?"
"Did...did Oikawa not tell you that?" I mumble, mentally kicking myself so hard I can actually feel my own imaginary shoe hitting my ass.
"No! He told me you looked upset when you came home and wanted to talk to me. But dating!? That's wonderful!" He turns back to Hinata who still has a confused look on his face and hugs him tightly, bright hair mixing with fiery ginger as he squeezes him.
"That goddamn bastard," I growl, sitting up straighter and leaning forward on my elbows, burying my face in my hands. "I can't believe this. He fucking set me up."
"I can't believe this," Suga gushes, mirroring my words but not my malice. "This is so great, you guys! Since when? What happened? Who confessed?" He's talking a mile a minute and warning bells start to sound in my head. I've known Suga long enough to know that tears are on their way.
Hinata reaches across the table and lays his hand against my arm, smiling as I look up. Suga continues babbling about how proud he is of me and how he knew we were perfect for each other and a host of other ridiculous things, moisture threatening at the corners of his eyes and catching in the back of his throat.
"Come on," I say suddenly, standing up and bumping the table loudly with my knee. Anyone who wasn't already staring at our table because of Suga's loud questioning turns to me and I try my best to glare. "Let's go to your place. I'm going to murder Oikawa."
***
My fingers itch as the three of us reach Suga's apartment complex, and the cold metal of his doorknob feels incredible as I grip it and turn. I hear Oikawa and Daichi talking in the living room and I let the rage boiling inside me propel me through the entryway, pushing the sleeve of my sweater up with my left hand, but my progression stops as a small hand grabs me from behind. I turn, and Hinata shakes his head, melting away all of my malicious intent. Dammit. I guess that bastard can keep his stupid pretty face for another day.
I still storm into the living room with a sour look on my face, channeling all of my anger to one chair in particular. "You goddamned-,"
"Woah, where's the fire?" Someone asks behind me, the voice taking a moment to register, and Oikawa raises his eyebrows at me as I turn around.
"Kuroo?" Suga says as he rounds the corner into the living room. "And Bokuto and Kenma! Daichi didn't tell me you guys were coming over. I would've picked up some snacks."
"We didn't know we were coming either," Kuroo replies, absentmindedly playing with Kenma's hair from where he sits on the floor in front of his legs. "We stopped by because Kags and Hinata are back in town."
"Daichi already gave us snacks anyway," Bokuto mumbles through a mouthful of chips, holding up the bag to show Suga.
"How did you know we were back?" Hinata asks from where he stands to my side, seemingly as surprised as I am to find all of our friends here waiting for us.
Kenma holds his phone out to show us a Facebook post from Oikawa about two hours ago.
Oikawa Tooru-
The boys are back in town! Come stop by for catch up and chill @ the casa de lovebirds
"What're you so mad at Oikawa for?" Bokuto asks, wiping chip crumbs from the front of his shirt.
"Yeah Tobio," Oikawa smirks, playing dumb. "What are you so mad at me for?"
"This is the worst day of my life," I whine, dropping cross legged onto the floor in the worst display of a tantrum from a grown man I've ever seen. I even cross my arms over my chest. Hinata takes a seat between Kenma and me, leaning over to see what phone game is keeping him busy. I have no idea how he can be so unaffected by this blatant yet not uncharacteristic betrayal.
"Oh, Oikawa, you leave them alone," Suga starts, and we're immediately doomed. "Hinata and Kageyama will tell you the news when they're ready."
"News? There's news? Is it something good?" Bo asks, turning excitedly to look at Daichi, who eyes Suga suspiciously, and Oikawa, who's still pretending to be blissfully unaware.
Kenma looks up from his phone and over to Hinata whose brows knit together when he realizes everyone is looking between the two of us with wide eyes and sealed lips. Kuroo's gaze worries me the most; I can almost see the gears turning in his head and reflecting in his dark catlike eyes.
The room is deadly quiet, the silence only breaking when I swallow thickly, feeling the scrape of my Adam's apple against the walls of my throat like the blaring trumpets of the elephant in the room.
"Well it's about damn time you two," Kuroo beams, leaning forward to ruffle Hinata's hair, who's still lost but smiles anyway as Daichi chuckles and even Kenma smiles a bit. I groan and fall back onto the carpet; throwing one arm over my eyes and hoping to disappear or to sink through the floor or to be abducted by aliens or something.
"Oh no, did I give it away?" Suga drops onto the sofa next to Daichi, covering his mouth with one hand as he looks between Kuroo and me, shocked that his subtle words were actually not so subtle. (Yeah right he's not stupid he did this on purpose I swear it. He and Oikawa were probably in on it together all along.)
"Give what away? What's going on?" Bokuto sits up straighter, tucking his legs beneath him as he looks around the room cluelessly.
"Come on, Bo. News about Kags and Hinata? Think about it. We've been expecting it for months now," Kuroo prods, everyone watching curiously as Bokuto tries to work it out.
"Oh sweet lord let this end," I mutter, sitting back up and tucking my knees under my chin. Hinata grabs my hand and smiles at me, melting away a little bit of the crippling embarrassment pounding in my brain. Maybe letting all of our friends know isn't such a bad thing; at least I can hold his hand without hiding it.
"Bro, it could be literally anything," Bokuto retorts, throwing his hands up as he turns to Hinata and I. "Wait a second....oh. OH! BRO IT HAPPENED!" He jumps up, pointing at our twined fingers, eyes blown wider than I thought humanly possible as everyone else (except me of course) bursts into laughter.
"Like I said," Kuroo smirks, his hand returning to Kenma's hair as he quietly giggles. "It's about damn time."
"I don't know about you guys but this is a complete surprise to me," Oikawa singsongs, pressing one hand to his chest. "I had absolutely no idea this was coming."
"Shut up, Oikawa," Daichi barks, leaning forward from where he has his arm draped across Suga's shoulder to see him better and I immediately like him even more. "You've given Kageyama a hard enough time already. His head is going to catch fire if you don't lay off."
Oikawa just shrugs, letting out a little "humph" before leaning back in his seat and letting the self-righteous smirk drop from his face.
"I think it's great," Daichi continues, and I start to take back what I just said about him. I was hoping he'd be the one to change the subject. "Maybe Hinata can mellow you out a little, Kageyama."
"Gee, thanks," I grumble, squeezing Hinata's fingers in my own because his warmth is the only thing keeping me from literally screaming.
"They're just having fun," he whispers to me, and I guess he's right. At least everyone seems accepting of it.
"If he gives you any trouble, little bro, you come straight to me," Bokuto chimes, raising one eyebrow at me in an attempt to be menacing, gesturing to his chest with his thumb. "I'll take care of it."
"Nah, Hinata's the tougher one," Kuroo says, shaking his head at Bokuto's empty threats. "We don't have anything to be worried about."
"Alright, alright, that's enough of that," Suga interjects, hushing everyone before Bokuto can try to defend Hinata's honor anymore. "Everyone knows now so we can just let it be."
"Actually," Hinata says, dropping my hand to sign. "Natsu still doesn't know, and I'd rather tell her myself."
I translate for Oikawa, Suga, and Daichi who still haven't quite gotten the hang of the sign language thing, and my heart sinks again. I thought the worst of it was over but I was so wrong. Natsu is definitely going to be the worst one to deal with.
Everyone nods in agreement, promising to keep their mouths shut until Hinata gives them the okay. Why couldn't they do that for me?
The conversation drifts to something else and I tune out, letting myself breathe for a moment now that the attention isn't on the two of us. This endeavor was completely humiliating but in a good way. Having everything (mostly) out in the open is so liberating. I'm not hiding anymore; I'm out in the open with no camouflage with Hinata by my side and there are so rifle sights trained on our chests.
Maybe I'm not as broken and alone as I always thought I was. Maybe I never was. I don't shy away when he leans his head against my shoulder, and I let it remind me of all the cracks in my heart that he's filled with his liquid warmth. The sound of my friends talking and joking around me fills my ears, and I let it show me how surrounded I am by walls made of support and companionship.
My soul is calm for the first time in a long time, and I let it teach me that nothing is concrete no matter how much I accepted it, and that I can never deal in absolutes when it comes to something I barely understand. My own heart is something I don't think I'll ever figure out; but he just might.
He just might solve all of my puzzles.
***
Wednesday starts out as the greatest day I've had in the last week and half. As I sit hunched over a bowl of cereal before heading to work, eyes bleary as I scroll through my email with one hand, Oikawa strolls into the kitchen and sets his cell phone down on the table.
"Guess what, Tobio," he singsongs, clapping his hands together. "I just got off the phone with the landlord of the building down the street. It looks like you'll finally be getting rid of me as early as next week."
He drops next to me on the sofa and takes a loud bite from an apple as I just stare at him blankly, afraid that if I speak the wonderful dream I'm having will shatter around me. "Are you serious? You're not fucking with me right?"
"Nope. I applied for an apartment over there a few weeks ago but I was waiting to tell you in case I didn't get it." He seems genuine, but I still feel like I need to pinch myself for good measure.
"Oh my god, Oikawa, this is amazing," I blurt, suddenly wide awake and beaming. I swear the sun through my curtains shines a little brighter. "You can finally get all of your stupid alien toys off of my shelf. It's like Christmas morning in April."
He watches me for a moment and then starts to laugh in a way that makes me think it's not because of something I said. "April fools, Tobio!"
I can literally feel my heart settle in the pit of my stomach. "Are you fucking serious?"
"I was just joking," he says, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. I'm too defeated to be angry. "I can actually move in tomorrow."
"Oikawa I swear, you better not be lying this time," I tell him, not daring to let my hopes rise again and unsure of how I'll react if this still turns out to be a prank. We're already on thin ice from the shit he pulled yesterday.
"Not at all," he smiles, and I dare to believe him. "I'm going to start packing in a bit and I'll be on my way out before you get home from work tomorrow."
I stand up and shut my laptop, swallowing the last bit of milk in my bowl and setting it in the sink. "I'm leaving before you can change your mind again," I announce, grabbing my keys and phone and shoving them in my pocket. "No take backs."
I slip through the front door and shut it behind me before he can respond. As I start down the hallway I consider checking in on Hinata but I figure he's still sleeping since he hasn't responded to my good morning text. I'd still be asleep too if I didn't have morning classes to teach, that eight hour train ride still messing with my circadian rhythm.
I get to work early, having left in such a hurry, and I decide to drop into Ukai's office before my classes start. I had emailed him when I left and again to let him know I'd be returning today, but I doubt he's expecting to see my face this soon. I feel good, though, great even, and proactive for once. I feel upbeat and in charge of my life, everything around me sharp and clear instead of murky and it's honestly amazing. Who knew that a death in the family, some good making out, and getting teased by all of your friends could have such great effects?
Ukai isn't in yet when I get to his office so I just lean against the wall by his door, somewhere between thinking that I'm glad to be back and wondering if there's something wrong with me. There's a spring in my step and a bounce in my heart and I have no idea what to do about it.
"Well I'll be damned," comes Ukai's gravelly voice as he rounds the corner and sees me, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his lips despite the strict no smoking rules he enforces inside the building. "Never thought I'd see the day when you'd come see me without me having to threaten you first."
"Good morning to you too," I say, chuckling lightly. He unlocks the door and holds it open for me, shooting a curious look my way from under pinched eyebrows. The office is dark and musty, smelling of stale smoke as usual. It's comfortingly familiar as I take my usual seat in front of his desk, the thick air knowing exactly where it fits as it enters my lungs.
"So what brings you here?" Ukai asks, dropping his bag on top of the desk and snuffing his cigarette in the already full tray sitting on the edge. He immediately pulls another from
his front pocket and lights it. "I thought I'd have to go track you down after your intermediate violin class."
"Just wanted to talk to you about a few things," I answer, watching him take his seat opposite me with almost as bad posture as my own, that curious look still in his eyes. "Mostly about Yamaguchi. I saw his email about callbacks right before I...went out of town. I haven't really had a chance to call him."
"Don't worry about that," he says, waving my words away, "I let him know what was going on and he understood. He took your callback message for you and the meetings are supposed to start the week after next so you should go see him soon."
"Yeah," I nod, silently thanking him and everyone else for being so patient with me. I don't know what I did to gather all of these wonderful people around me. "I actually wanted to talk to you about that too. I brought something to show you."
He lifts one thick eyebrow and sits forward, stamping out his cigarette but not yet reaching for another. "Well I hope it's something good."
"So do I," I mutter, rifling through the disorganized mess in my bag until I find the papers I'm looking for. "I, uh, found these in my closet at my parent's house. There was a whole box of stuff I wrote as a kid but these are the only ones I saw real potential in. I was thinking of using them for callbacks."
Laying the old sheet music out on the table, with faded graphite smudges and crinkled edges yellowed from years of being sealed away, feels like lying exposed on an operating table. I'm not scared to share my work anymore like I used to be, but it's still tough to expose my myself that way, in the most raw form of my thoughts and emotions I can think of. As I watch him pick them up I can almost feel his fingers writhing underneath my skin.
He's quiet for a few minutes as he looks them over, poring over each sheet multiple times before setting them back down. I raise my eyebrows as if to say a tentative "well?" and he just lets a whistling breath out between his lips before plugging the sound with a fresh cigarette. "They're definitely rough," he starts, and I nod, accepting the criticism instead of breaking down like I usually would. "But it's definitely a solid foundation. I think you could make something really great out of this. Damn, how old were you when you wrote these, Kageyama?"
"I don't know," I shrug, trying to remember the days I sat alone in my room with a pencil in hand and a guitar pick in the other but they all sort of blur together. "Eleven or twelve, maybe. You really think these could work though?"
"Yeah definitely," he beams, flicking his ashes with a delicately practiced movement. "If you tweak them a little and add a twist of your current style I think they'd be really great. You should definitely show them to Yamaguchi when you go see him."
"Hopefully I'll have more to show him than some papers," I say, eyeing the clock and standing up, the chair squeaking underneath me. "I'd better get going; my first class starts in ten minutes. Thank, boss."
"Thanks for stopping by," he returns, reaching out to shake my hand before I step towards the door.
"Oh, and Kageyama," he calls, and I turn back to look at him, brows knitting at the way he smirks, or maybe it's just a genuine smile; something I haven't seen on his lips too often. "You look good, kid."
"I feel good," I admit, and I can feel a tug at the corners of my lips as I say it. I duck out before the conversation can progress, not wanting it to get any sappier and realizing I'm going to be late for my class.
I never truly realized how many people were looking out for me while I was too blind and stupid to look out for myself. I'm starting to realize how cared for I am, and how lucky I am to have it. It's all I can do now to make them see how much they've done, how much they've accomplished in this twisted and cracked path I've been on, never seeing them slightly off to the side of me along for every step.
Speaking with my dad made me realize that it didn't matter how hard I tried to make him proud because he already was. Everyone else looking out for me may feel the same, like their pride is unconditional and I already have it, but that won't stop me from trying to earn it.
I want to be the best version of myself as I can be; not for me but for them. For Suga, for Ukai, for Hinata and everyone else. I want to show them that I deserve their love; that the person I can become is so much better than the one they already know and accept.
It's a lofty goal, but I think that with everything I've lost and everything I've gained, I might just be able to pull it off.
***
If someone had asked me a year ago what my version of happiness was my answer would be something along the lines of being alone with an instrument and a strong cup of coffee, somewhere just out of the reach of time or social interaction. But now, a few months later, my answer would be exactly how I am now, with Hinata's legs across my lap as he lays on my couch, a comic book held high above his face and a pillow on top of his thighs as a makeshift table while I work on my new song (and all of Oikawa's useless stuff moved out of my apartment).
This is happiness. This soft sunlight and lazy morning contentedness is my joy now, and I never would have believed anyone who had told me it would happen. Sometimes I still think I'm in a dream; everything just a little too perfect with the way golden light borders all of my days.
That is, until it's shattered by a knock at the door and two unmistakable voices carrying through the thin walls. Maybe if I ignore them they'll go away.
After about a minute and a half of silence I start to believe they've given up, until Hinata's phone vibrates from its place on his chest. Dammit. I almost won.
"Kenma said open the door," Hinata says, holding his phone out for me to see the texts.
"Tell them it's open," I grumble, not wanting him to move his legs and definitely not wanting to get up. I can already feel a headache forming as I hear the door open and footsteps move down the hallway.
"Merry Easter!" Bokuto calls out around a mouthful of what I think is jelly beans, dropping a plastic bag full of candy onto my table with a shit eating grin.
"It's happy Easter, Bo," Kuroo chuckles, stepping up behind him and sitting down another bag filled with sodas and juice boxes. "Merry only works for Christmas."
"Hey, Shouyou," Kenma mutters. Hinata returns his greeting by lifting his head so Kenma can sit down on the sofa and replacing it on his lap. I still haven't put much thought towards what Hinata told me about the two of them dating back in high school but I've been around them enough to know there's not a threat. Not that I'm worried about it.
"What the fuck is Easter?" I ask, eyeing the bags on my table suspiciously as Bokuto takes the recliner seat and Kuroo pulls over my desk chair.
"Some Christian holiday I read about online a few years ago," Kuroo shrugs, pulling a soda from the bag and sitting back. "Bo gets really into it."
"You just get to eat candy and pet bunnies," Bokuto adds, pouring more jelly beans into his mouth from the box in his hand. "It's my favorite holiday."
"Now I have even more questions."
Kuroo rolls his eyes, leaning forward again to pull a bag of mini chocolate bars from the bag and tossing them at me. "Just eat some candy, bro."
I sigh, unwrapping a few mini chocolates and popping them in my mouth. I guess Easter isn't too bad. I offer some candy to Hinata, who's still engrossed in his comic, and try to focus back on my work; a task which proves difficult when Bokuto strikes up a conversation about bunny eggs.
"But, bro, I just don't understand where the eggs come from," he admits, blinking owlishly at his friend who's visibly holding back a smirk.
"Bo, do we need to have a little talk?" He asks, crossing one leg over the other and leaning on it with his elbow. "You see, when a momma chicken and a daddy chicken-,"
"No, bro, please I know that part," Bo interrupts, shaking his head. "I mean how does the giant bunny man get the eggs? Are they bunny eggs? Bunnies don't have eggs, Kuroo. Does he steal them from the chickens?" He looks so concerned I almost feel bad for him.
"Giant bunny man? What kind of scary ass holiday is this?" I ask, letting out a resigned sigh as I give up getting any work done. How can I write music when I'm learning about giant bunny men and stolen eggs.
"There's this guy called the Easter bunny and he hides eggs in your yard when you're sleeping," Kuroo explains as if this is common knowledge that everyone knowingly accepts.
"What the, why?" Kuroo just shrugs, opening a pack of licorice as Bokuto types something furiously on his phone before holding it out to me. Typed in the Google images search bar is 'Easter bunny', and under it is various images of terrifying man-sized rabbits holding children and baskets of brightly colored eggs. The children are all either beaming or sobbing; there is no in between.
"I don't want anything to do with any of that," I shudder, holding up one hand to shield my eyes from the screen. I don't need that in my nightmares.
"But I still don't know if they're chicken eggs or bunny eggs," Bokuto pouts, glancing back at his phone with a frown before shutting off the screen.
"Bunnies can't lay eggs, bro. They have to be from some kind of bird," Kuroo continues, shoving as many long strings of licorice into his mouth as he can fit.
"So the bunny man is a thief?" The look in Bokuto's eyes mirrors the betrayal on Luke Skywalker's face when Darth Vader tells him he's his father (Hinata made me watch all of the Star Wars movies once).
"You didn't really think he was a great guy when his entire job is sneaking into people's yards while they're asleep, did you?" I ask incredulously. These idiots never cease to amaze me. Hinata shifts as he finishes his comic, tossing it beside my abandoned music sheets on the table and looking between Kuroo, Bokuto, and I, to try and join the conversation. I can see the immediate confusion and regret manifest in his eyes.
"I don't know what to believe anymore," Bokuto mumbles, taking another mouthful of jelly beans with noticeably less enthusiasm than before.
The front door opens again and I listen as small footsteps make their way toward the living room, Natsu sticking her head around the corner and beaming. "Happy Easter!" Of course she's in on this too; she's known these losers long enough that it's probably considered torture.
"Easter is a lie, lil sis," Bokuto tells her, and I actually start to worry if he'll be okay. "We've been living a lie this entire time."
"I'm not even going to ask," she sighs, hands perched on her hips as she looks over the mess already scattered on my table.
"Wait, where'd you come from?" I ask, barely realizing that she just popped into my living room out of nowhere.
"Home, stupid," she sneers, ushering Hinata to sit up so she can settle on the cushion between him and Kenma.
"Yeah, but how'd you know everyone was over here? And you didn't even knock."
"I told her," Kenma chimes, not breaking eye contact from whatever he's doing on his phone.
"And I didn't knock because I knew you wouldn't get up to answer the door anyway," she says, leaning forward to stick her tongue out at me but smiling fondly.
Kuroo starts to fill Natsu in on what's upsetting Bokuto and I try to tune out, having heard enough talk of egg thieves for one day. Hinata joins in, taking advantage of Kuroo's quick recap to catch up. He signs something about the eggs actually being made of chocolate which, of course, restarts the entire discussion.
"I'm gonna go grab some water," I mutter, swallowing thickly over the dryness in my throat from the handful of mini candy bars I had. Hinata turns and smiles up at me when I stand, and without thinking I lean down and press a chaste kiss to his forehead, realizing my mistake while my lips are still against his warm skin.
He goes rigid, the room falling quiet, all eyes on the two of us but only one pair mattering, and I let out a quick "oh, shit."
"Oh my god," she whispers, and no one breathes. Bokuto stops chewing. Kuroo's ever present smirk vanishes. Kenma sits his phone down. "Did you just, OH MY GOD!" Natsu practically leaps up onto her knees on the couch cushion, throwing her arms around her brother's neck, who still has his back to her and eyes locked with mine.
My heart is beating so fast I'm sure everyone can hear it. I don't think I've ever been this frozen with fear in my life but Hinata's expression changes from shock to a soft smile, and I let myself calm down a little. I stand back as he unwraps her arms and turns around to face her, lifting his hands to speak.
"I guess we have something to tell you," he signs as she practically bounces up and down with excitement. That must run in the family.
"I knew it! I knew this would happen!" She jumps off of the couch and runs over to pull me into a bone crushing hug, her face pressing into my chest. Hinata shrugs at me from behind her.
"I didn't even say anything," he signs, shaking his head but smiling wide. We figured she'd take it well but not this well.
"I have to call Uncle Itettsu!" She gushes, letting go of my and speeding over to her bag she left by the entryway, digging inside for her cell phone. "And Yachi, and Kiyoko, and Mom! Wait....," she pauses, turning around slowly and eyeing everyone else in the room, barely realizing that they're just staring at her silently. "Why aren't you guys freaking out?"
"Because we already-,"
"Congrats guys!" Kuroo shouts, launching himself at Bokuto and shoving his hand over his mouth. "Wow this is a surprise. Can't say I didn't see it coming though." He winks at Hinata and I, but Natsu doesn't buy it.
"You all knew, didn't you?" She asks, standing up and crossing her arms tightly across her chest. "How long?"
Kuroo doesn't move, eyes wider than I've ever seen them, hand still clamped over a terrified Bokuto's mouth. I can't see Hinata's face but I'm sure it's just as afraid as mine. No one answers her question, all of us digging our own graves deeper as we shudder under the gaze of a tiny fifteen year old girl.
"Kenma," she growls, turning to her silent friend where he still sits on the sofa, knees pulled to his chest. I'm pretty sure he's the only person in the room she wouldn't injure. "How long?"
"What day is today?"
"Sunday."
"Five days," he answers, quiet voice carrying through the room and echoing off the walls.
"I can't believe this," she mutters. "I'm the last to know? I'm your sister, Shouyou! You should've told me first!"
"It's not their fault," Bokuto pipes up, pulling free of Kuroo's grasp. "We made them tell us."
"Shut it, Bo," Natsu snaps, and he flinches.
"Yes ma'am."
"Natsu," Hinata says, speaking up to grab her attentions despite the silence around us. He waits for a second before lifting his hands, gathering his thoughts. "I asked them not to tell you. I wanted to do it myself."
"Well you could've told me yourself five days ago," she scoffs, seemingly unconvinced.
"He wanted to do it right," I say, surprising myself with the sound of my own voice. Where is this coming from? "You were the most important person we had to tell. We didn't want to mess it up, but I guess we already have. We didn't mean to upset you." I reach down and put one hand on Hinata's shoulder, squeezing it as he turns to look up at me with a small smile meant only for my eyes.
"D-dammit, Kageyama," she chokes, sudden tears pooling in the corner of her eyes. "You can't say things like that while I'm angry." She uncrosses her arms and strides forward to throw them back around her brother. She reaches up to fist her hand in my shirt and pulls me down, trying her best to form a makeshift group hug.
"I'm still mad at you idiots," she mutters, and I try to ignore the fact that Hinata can't hear her and this is probably aimed at me. "But I guess I forgive you for now."
"Dog pile!" Bokuto shouts, launching at us with a booming laugh and somehow reaching around all three of us.
Kuroo follows him (only after trying to convince Kenma to join as well), ruffling my and Hinata's hair with a grin. "Welcome to the family, lil bro," he winks, and I never would've thought I'd want to be part of a family with these two idiots, but God, do I. I need this like blood in my veins.
Bokuto lets go first, the hug dissolving shortly after he leans back but no one returning to their seats, staying in an awkward close circle between the edge of the sofa and the coffee table. "Lil sis?"
"Hmm?" Natsu hums, wiping what's left of her angry tears with the side of her tiny hand.
"Please never yell again," he says, oddly serious. "You're terrifying."