Jed's POV
I stare at my father's face through the distorted visage of the computer screen, grinding my teeth so hard together they hurt. My jaw muscles flex and release repeatedly and I wipe my hand across my lower face in an attempt to stop their motion. My knee is bouncing under the table, my bones itching to move. The clock on the kitchen wall keeps ticking, counting down seconds of silence.
"Do you understand, Jed?" Dad repeats his question, the expression on his face serious. His eyes - light gray, so unlike mine, - are iced over, giving him this all-business look I hate so much.
"Yes." I force the word out, nearly drawling it through clenched teeth. It physically hurts to speak those three letters, to bow my chin in a single nod.
"You know your mother comes first. This is what we've all agreed upon."
"So you think that moving her to a big city will improve her health?" I challenge.
"I think there are more possibilities for her here than in Ann Arbor." Dad calmly replies.
"And what about her?" I ask, careful not to raise my voice. "What's Mom's opinion on it?"
"She will be happy for us to finally be together." he says. "You know how she doesn't like the separation. This can't be good for her."
"And moving six hundred miles to live in a city ten times bigger will be good for her?"
"I can't be the one to leave. I just got promoted. Which means I have to stay and need to be close to my workplace. We don't have a branch anywhere near home, and the headquarters are here."
"It's a huge city. Dirty. Dangerous. Mom loves provinces. She'll suffocate there." I argue.
"Don't forget Mom's parents are from around here. She grew up in a big city."
"And that's why she wanted to leave it and never come back." I say, recalling all the times Mom told me and Daylen how wonderful life in a town like Ann Arbor was in comparison to a huge metropolis. "You can't possibly make her go back to a place she hates so much."
"Jed, please." Dad looks as if an invisible weight was crushing down on his shoulders. Taking off his glasses, he rubs the space between his eyes. "Don't speak about things you don't understand."
The anger inside of me blazes, threatening to boil the blood in my veins. "You're right." I say, trying to keep my voice in check. Mom's upstairs and I don't want her to hear me yelling. "I don't understand why you want to make Mom miserable by moving her somewhere she hates. I don't understand this at all."
"What she hates more is the fact that she can't touch her own husband or that the only way her children can see their father is over a damn screen." Dad's anger raises to match my own and the muscle in his jaw begins to tick like it does whenever he's about to burst.
"Daylen and I are no longer children. We understand you're not there for vacation." I know how my brother hates it when somebody speaks on his behalf but since he's not here, I can't really ask him for his opinion. "Besides you visit us whenever you can. We're not blaming you for anything."
"But I am blaming myself." There's an edge to his words, an exasperation mixed with an ultimate sadness I rarely hear from him. "That's what you don't understand, Jed. I am your father. Your mother's husband. Being here, so far away from you, is killing me."
Dad's voice breaks on the last part. My brows pull in together. I'm not used to my father showing any signs of weakness. With his anger, I can deal. Seeing his grief... this is not something I'm familiar with.
"It is hard for us, too." It really is. Dad moved away after my freshman year, having found a job in a huge logistics company. Back then, money was something we needed and there was no room for negotiations. At first, Dad used to visit here at least twice a month. After some time, his visits became more and more sporadic until this year, when we haven't seen him since the summer break. I'm fed up with seeing the sadness in Mom's eyes whenever she talks to Dad on the phone and I'm tired of playing the head of the family whenever Daylen decides he's too busy to care. "But here Mom has peace. I don't want her to undergo such a change now."
"And I don't want you to feel like you're living in a split-up family." Mom's voice responds. My head snaps around and I find her leaning against the doorframe. Forgetting Dad, I jump to my feet, wanting to help her sit down. Mom only waves me off and moves, - with some difficulty, - to where I am sitting at the kitchen table. I slide out a chair for her, hating the thought of her going down the stairs all by herself.
"I thought you were sleeping."
Mom went to work today, which means she's prone to be tired for the rest of the day. One of the elements of her sickness is her tiring sooner than usually. Her work as the cashier in the nearest grocery store is not exhausting, but she tends to rest longer on her workdays.
"I'm tired of sleeping." She smiles lightly, stroking the top of my head. Her smile grows when she looks at Dad's face on the screen, and he smiles back. "I see you told him."
"You know?" My eyes widen in surprise. I thought Dad hasn't told her yet. I thought he wanted to discuss it with me first.
Mom nods with an apologetic expression. "I do. I just wanted Dad to be the one to tell you. He has better nerves for breaking news than I do."
"What about Daylen?" I demand. "Does he know? Why is he not here now?"
I hate how my parents can exchange glances even through a video talk.
"He knows." I voice what is already obvious. I thought this was asking for my opinion. I was wrong. This is not a question. This is an information. And I was the only one to be left out. "Why is he not here, then? I think this discussion concerns him."
"Your brother leaves for Georgia soon." Dad says. "He'll be beginning his training."
Right. My big brother had decided that playing soldier would be his idea of fun. How could I have forgotten he was willing to leave us all anyway?
I sigh. I feel as if the whole world is crumbling down on me. Covering my face with my hands, I take my time to piece myself back together.
"When?" I ask, dropping my hands.
"I'm coming to Ann Arbor for Christmas. During that time, Mom and I will take care of the things that need to be finished here. My promotion doesn't start until after the New Year, so we have some time, but I do hope that we will sell the house quite quickly." Dad says.
"The New Year?" I repeat incredulously. "You want to tell me that if you could, you'd have us packed in a plane and leaving in less than a month from now? What about my school? I still have six more months to go."
Mom's lips tighten and that shade of worry I hate so much creeps into her gaze. "I know, honey. But there are schools there, too. You could still finish high school somewhere else."
"You're already used to being home-schooled." Dad adds. "We can provide you with the best tutor who will make sure you pass all your exams perfectly."
"It's not about the exams." I snap. It's not the ACTs I'm worried for. Shit, I couldn't care less about them right now. What I fear is losing Ann Arbor, losing my life here, my friends, losing Ada... "I have a life here. I need time to..." To make a good use of what I have left with my friends and the girl I'm falling for. "to finish things up. I need some time to prepare."
"You have time." Mom says. "We still need to sell the house."
Yeah. The only problem is, we live in a good neighborhood. The houses here go like hot cakes. Our home will be gone before we even put the 'for sale' sign out in the front yard.
"But why? Why is it so urgent? Why do we need to go now?" I press, not able to understand. "Why could we survive two years with you gone and now we have to pack all out traps in less than a month?"
"I know it's hard. I know it sounds crazy. But Jed -"
"No, Mom." I say shaking my head. My glasses slide down my nose with the motion and I slide them back up with my finger. "Don't try to calm me down. I don't need calming down. I need to understand."
"Son-"
Frowning, my Mom reaches out and places her fingers on the touchpad. Before any of us can protest, she presses down on it, ending the call. Dad's picture disappears from the screen and Mom moves the cursor across the screen, changing the Skype status to 'away'.
"Finally." She says, sighing. "I couldn't say anything with him on the other side."
I stare at her. This, - what she just did, - is not like Mom at all. The Mom I know doesn't cut people off mid-sentence. The Mom I know doesn't block people on Skype. The Mom I know is simply not mean.
This is not the Mom I know.
"He won't mind." She says, noticing the questioning expression on my face. "I need to talk to you alone. Your father wasn't helping."
I could count the times when Mom called Dad 'my father' on the fingers of one hand. Mom doesn't let anything show on her face, but I tense anyway. I can tell something is off.
"I know -" Mom begins, turning to me. She cuts off then, hanging her head. Her narrow shoulders lift with a deep exhale, then shudder slightly when she lets out the breath she's been holding. "Alright." Mom lifts her chin, meeting my eyes. She had let my hands go at some point and now she reaches out again, clasping one of my palms in hers. It's something she likes doing. Whether to soothe me or herself - I don't know. What I'm certain of is that I won't let her go until she does it herself.
"I don't mean to even pretend that I know how hard this must be for you." Mom starts once more. "Your at the age when -" she pauses. "You've already sacrificed so much because of the... decisions I've made." Mom over pronounces the word decisions and suddenly I know that there is a whole other meaning hidden behind it. "So many things have changed in your life recently, and now we're asking you to take yet another step forward. Or not forward, really. It seems that all I've been doing lately is to force you backwards."
I lower my head. Hearing my Mom talk like this...
Well, the last time I hurt so much was when she told me and Daylen she was sick.
"I won't be telling you how sorry I am." Mom continues quietly. "You never liked hearing these things. But I can promise you that even if -" she sucks in a shuddering breath. "Even if you hate me, - hate us, - we will do everything it takes to lessen the blow we just threw at you."
My heart squeezes painfully in my chest as a glassy sheen appears in Mom's eyes. Her hands, still clutching mine, start trembling and I squeeze them reassuringly with my free hand.
"You will be able to go to college. You will be able to visit here as often as you wish. You will have our support if you'll wish to live on your own. We'll do anything it takes to make your life there better. Anything, just to pay you back for -"
"Mom." I say, my own voice hoarse. Releasing my palm from her grasp gently, I lean forward and place my palm on her shoulder. "Stop. Please."
"But I mean it." She closes her eyes and a single tear escapes, streaming down her cheek. When she reopens them, they are glassy with unshed tears. "We will do anything." she repeats forcefully. "Don't you believe me?"
"I do." I swear, my fingers tightening. "God, Mom, I do. But I don't want you to do anything. You have nothing to pay for. I am your son, not a client. We are family. And family doesn't need to pay each other."
"Family wouldn't force you to move six hundred miles." Eternal sadness and bitterness sound in Mom's words. "Family wouldn't ask so much of you. Family wouldn't make your life fall to pieces just when -"
A choked sob escapes her mouth, cutting off whatever else she wanted to say. Like a sandcastle, Mom's composure falls apart in front of my eyes and she curls into herself, letting the tears flow.
"Mom." I slide my chair forward, placing myself closer to Mom. Leaning in, I wrap my arms around her fragile frame, trying to push the broken pieces back together. Each sob is a new crack added to my shattering heart and I tighten my hold on her, wondering how the entire world can go from wonderful to shitty in just few seconds flat. "It's okay. We'll figure this out. I love you. I can't blame you. I could never blame you."
"You l-love it in h-ere so... much." Mom forces out between sobs.
"I do. We both do. But as long as you'll feel better somewhere else, ten I, too, will be alright."
Deep inside, I'm yelling, hating the idea of leaving. But on the outside, I have to be the glue that holds Mom together, especially when everybody else refuses to accept the role.
"I'll go." I whisper, propping my chin on the top of Mom's head. "I'll go with you."
And I will. No matter how much she hates it, no matter how much I hate it, I'm not going to leave my Mom alone. She has only two sons and one has already said his goodbye.
And I... I'm not going to be like Daylen. I will go the six hundred miles and be there for her.
Even if it kills me.