The struggle is real. Before going to college, they tell you and tell you that finding a job is not easy and you should be careful on what major you choose. They say not every interest will end you up being successful in the field. I start believing in that when I eventually graduated and had to look for a job. Though my first attempt was smashed under Andrew's perfect authority, I tend to find a job again. After applying for many positions here in LA, I give up and stand up and away from my phone, because another second can kill my vibe.
Getting off the phone after my third attempt to get a hold of a company, they finally reply 'will be contacting you soon,' anyone who seeks a job knows that line stands for 'sorry, you didn't get the job,'
I was supposed to think tonight. Over what Andrew has suggested yet I find myself getting away from the subject intentionally. I'd like to think it was the impulse of the moment and Andrew suggested something that he will regret when the time comes, but I know the truth is there and he was even soberer than me.
A feeling inside tells me tonight is going to be yet another crazy night. Andrew. I have once again gone against his instruction and avoid him by coming back to my apartment, well specifically refusing to go back to his apartment. Although I had all my reasons to stay put in my apartment since I've been away for a long time, I know he will show up eventually. And nothing can prove it right better than my side glances at clock anticipating his arrival. However, another feeling tells me, if he wants me then he should want what I do. I need time to think, away from him.
By six o'clock when he doesn't show up yet, I find every second boring. My apartment is stark, clean and every grocery and every bit of my attention have been paid. As I sit on my bed and looking over at my Jane Eyre book, I realize I can't stand another second alone. Wrapping myself in my jacket, wearing a pair of flats, I grab everything I need and make my way outside. As I stand, waiting for a cab, I curse at my laziness. I should look for a car soon. I can't keep wasting money on public transportation when they keep charging me double the gas price.
"Crystal tower, please," I sit back in the cab.
The ride doesn't last more than twenty minutes with the heavy traffic. Bidding my fare, I step out of the cab and walk toward the entrance.
As I stand before Andrew's front door, I get confused whether I should knock or just use my key. Andrew may be inside and if he didn't pull up a fight to get me out of my apartment, then maybe something is wrong and I should give him enough privacy. But after he asked me to move in, he should agree to all the fights I can bring.
Am I even able to move in? We just met and besides every emotion getting challenged among us, there is a fucked-up contract binding us together and even if I keep ignoring that fact, where can I get myself when this month is over? If things were different, then I shouldn't even have to hide my feelings. If Andrew didn't hide things from me, I wouldn't doubt our relationship. Who's to ask for my trust when they can't give it to you?
Taking a deep breath, I fish out my set of keys that he has provided for me generously, a sign that he did really mean for me to move in with him. Walking further, I find Andrew sitting at the breakfast bar with his laptop on the table a glass of wine next to him. He turns to face me. His hair is tousled, a trace of hand going through them raking them backward is clear. He's wearing loose sweatpants and a comfy shirt. But none of those can bring down his rate of hotness.
"Hey," I whisper.
"Hey," he whispers back with a smile and turns to his work. So he's not gonna make a fight of this? What happened to Andrew and what has he done to him? Honestly, I sit next to him and observe him, waiting for the bomb to finally get blown.
"So what's up?" I reach for the wine glass and take a swing,
"Nothing," he types away furiously, ignoring me. Oh, I see now.
"You're trying to ignore me," I mutter, pressing my lips together and looking out of the kitchen window. "Ok, I know you asked Scott to get me back and I didn't. It's all my fault and I'm sorry. Actually, not really. I needed some time away. I needed to think." I stand up and make my way into the kitchen to grab another wine glass for myself.
"No," he mutters. His eyes still on the screen.
"No, what?" I demand, not understanding him.
"No, I'm not ignoring you and no I'm not punishing you for that. But you've been away for two fucking weeks, without any trace, I yanked my mind out. You've had enough thinking that when I showed up, you decided to come back with me, now what's with hesitation? Are you second thinking?" he sighs, taking two consecutive breaths to calm himself. "Ok, I'm going to do it your way. I'm giving you space so you can decide whether you want to move in or not," he looks up at me as I stand before him on the other side of the breakfast bar. Well, I was wondering where that beast is.
"Giving me space? Andrew, we just have a month together and you want me to move in. You know how stupid that is. What we have is temporary, or so your contract states, you can't make anything out of it. Besides, I had all the reason to run away, and if I'm back there is..." I grunt before turning away from him and walking out of the kitchen, leaving him. Enough said for one night. It was a bad idea to come here; I nearly spilled why I'm back. Why did I leave my happy peace bubble for this? As I reach for the door, he calls out. Why do we keep fighting? Why can't we just be normal? I know deep inside, there is something wrong with me.
"I never said you can leave." he stands up and shuts his laptop. Moving near to me, he puts his hands on my shoulder. "Please stay, let's talk. Why are you trying to run away from me? What's wrong? Talk to me," he lifts his hand to my cheek caressing really slowly. I close my eyes and let his hand lull me to sleep.
"Says the man who doesn't like to open up to me. How do you expect the same thing from me?" I cock my head to one side. He regards me with his eyes calm. Why is he acting so unlike Andrew? The Andrew I know would have kicked open my apartment's door a long time ago and would have dragged me out like a caveman. I don't know if I can get used to his mood changes. It's like a girl on her period.
"Come and sit with me," he takes my hand and forces my legs forward. When we sit on the couch, I rake my eyes' focus as far away as possible from him. "Why did you run away, Laura?"
"I've told you, Andrew, stop askin' me," I try to stand up, but he puts his hand firm on my thigh.
"You and I both know there is more to that and you're hiding it. Let's be reasonable here. Why did you run away?" he asks again. I groan and hold my hands in front of my face. He's gonna break through me. He wants everything.
"I was scared," I reply.
"Why?"
"'Cause I found out you were a Dominant," I repeat the exact same thing I have told him before.
"And?" he presses on the issue. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Why now after all this time? Am I ready to tell him? Andrew, you're going to be the destruction of me. Given or taken, my love for him is not going to change anything. My confession is just going to make it worse. For me, of course.
"Because I've fallen in love with you," I yell, angry tears rush down my cheek. I push him away from me and look down at my knees. "Because after all these years, I've finally found the opportunity to fall in love. I was always scared of men, thinking the second I trust them, they're going to dig a knife in my heart. I couldn't trust anyone, even myself. The first few months were even the worst; I couldn't even be in the same room with a boy. I was vulnerable and easily fooled," brushing my index finger on my cheek, I wipe away the tears. "Then I met you. And I start trusting you, something that would have never happened to anyone else. I let you in and sought for your love even when you slapped me with your contract. I thought you have trust issues too, and deep inside you want the same thing I want. And then my trust crumbled down,
"You throw that knife at me. I just couldn't stand it. I knew then that I was playing a game, nothing was real. And still after everything, after all, the reasons I put not to be with you, this love doesn't go away. I love you," I take a shaky breath, "now; my every thought is how can I heal after this contract is over? I can't forget love, can I? You gave me too much hope and I'm here all over the place thinking how I can spend three weeks with you and then let everything go." A sob escapes me. I slap my hand on my mouth, shutting it up.
"I see," he mutters. "Come with me," he tangles his hand with my free hand and yanks me up on my feet. Confused, with my blurring vision, I let him take us. We enter his office. What is he doing? "We're gonna fix this, tonight, and now. This relationship is no longer the way it used to be,"
"Andrew, no," I beg. Although he didn't use the exact words to that, I clearly see the meaning behind that. The contract. I tug back at his hand, wanting to stop him, but as soon as we hit the middle of the room, he lets go of my hand and leaves me by myself as he lumbers to his desk, deep in thought. I swallow as I brush the rest of my tears. He puts the four page contract neatly placed in a sheet protector. Sighing heavily, he puts his hands on the edge of the desk, defeated and leans on them with his head held low.
"I don't know what to say. I'd already figured something deeper was to your explanation. And honestly, I don't know if I should feel relieved you confessed about your feelings or scared it was never like this. It was always easy. What I wanted, they would give and what I wanted, I would give. Though BDSM requires attention and a lot of care for your Submissive, for the gift they are giving you, I never went beyond. I just couldn't. Like you, things were difficult on my side too, not that I didn't want of commitment, but because I was afraid I would hurt someone, I can't care for anyone deeply, emotionally. I can love someone, it's not far from mind, it's easy. It's the part after that that scares me. It's the commitment," he laughs when he realizes he proved just the opposite he just said. "And that alone scares me of loving someone. If I'm not able to do commitment, then I'm worthy of loving them."
He raises his head and the look in his eyes strikes me. Sad, sorrowful and extremely heartbroken. There is a war going on in him.
"Having you saying you love me, changes everything. Still, there is a part of me that knows I will never be enough for you. I will always end up hurting you. I'm not good for you. That's why I'm deciding for both of us."
"What are you talking about, Andrew? I don't care if you're not enough for me. I just want you. I need you in my life and if you're not there, I don't know what to do." again, tears start swelling in my eyes, making a big fat ugly tear forming in front of my vision.
"Laura, I can't give you what you want." he stares at me. And then stands up from his leaning position and goes for the papers. "This relationship will never work. I should have known better. You're vulnerable. And I was trying to get you to my side with this stupid contract." he takes off the protector and throws it on his desk.
"Andrew, please don't. We still have time to figure it out. Please, don't do this. No." I beg,
"I'm sorry, Laura, but it's over. Everything is over." he shreds the contract into half and then more and more until nothing is left out of that. I lose control of my body, as my knees give up and fall on the floor. A series of sobs irrupts the silence. Like that, everything is over now. I'm free out of the contract but with a price. And that price is a broken heart. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Then he wouldn't know about this, and then we could have three more weeks together.
"Laura," he whispers and it's then I realize he's kneeling next to me.
"Why?" I whisper in a low hushed tone.
He doesn't reply, but as he reaches for my hand, his lips seeking mine, I step away from him. I may love this man, but that love will end one day. Surely, I fall in love again and live a normal life. Right? How could not see he just broke my heart?
That contract was a string, between Andrew and me and now that it's gone, it gives an official tag that I can no longer stay here. I can't just believe that after what we went through, after all, those sweet words he used to tell me. And after all the great time we have spent, he threw away those by just calling off the contract. Was that easy for him when I was swimming in my thoughts and doubts, wondering what will happen on the day the contract gets void. Well, I guess it's better now than later.
"I'll be collecting my stuff," I push to stand up from the floor, when he crushed himself on me, pinning me down with his hands on my wrists, both pinned to the floor next to my head.
"I feel the same way about you," he confesses, leaving stunned and shocked. Did I hear that right? "I want you, Laura, not by some contract or some fucked up ways, I want you as my girlfriend, I want to spend my time with you, feel you, love you. I want your heart, and I want you to have mine, soon, just give me some time to adjust, ok?"
"Andrew, I swear to god, if this is a sick game, I'm no-" he entraps me by kissing me passionately. Through the first attack of his electricity, I struggle but then like a snow melting in the warmth hands of his maker, I calm down under his touch. His hands in my hair, his lips sucking, licking, brushing my lips, Andrew tries hard to convince me.
Coming out for a breath, Andrew puts his forehead on mine, his body covering mine like a blanket. What does he want? How can he play around with me? Is this what love supposed to be like? Played by the hands of the lover and crushed under a weight of not knowing what is next?
"Andrew," I whisper, looking into his eyes. My lips are trembling, my checks are already wet.
"Hush, baby, don't cry. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to prove you a point. That contract meant nothing to me. Sure, it did, when we started off. But since... since the yacht trip, I knew that what you and I have is much more than a contract." he gets up and sits down on his heels, offering a hand; he helps me on his lap. "I wasn't sure what your side of the relationship looks like, and I didn't want to take a wrong move, fearing I would lose you. But now, tonight, when you confessed your feelings, which I'm honored and thankful, I just couldn't let us be more tortured by this contract."
"But I thought you were going to call it off. I thought you don't want me anymore," I clutch his shirt into a ball with my fist, "Andrew, I can't let you go. Please don't give up on us. I know it's not the cup of tea and you're not the type of a guy who will hunch over a girl, but I don't expect anything from you. I don't want flowers or rings. I don't have any expectation whatsoever, but you with me. I am ready to lay low if you just let me love you," a sting sensation forms under my eyes from crying.
"Laura, please don't. Let me explain, ok?" he kisses my head, brushes my hair and rocks us. "I'm sorry if I gave the impression of not wanting you earlier. I just wanted to show you that the contract is nothing but a piece of shit. I wanted to show you that we don't need it any longer, but I guess that also let you think I don't want you anymore, which is not true. I just need some time. Please, be patient with me baby. I still have some issue with me that I need to fix them. I promise you we can work things together. From now on, there is no fucking contract. There is just you and me. I need you to trust me. Believe in me. I know even after everything, one day when you find out about my dark side, you wouldn't want to stay, but please, baby, please, be patient."
Rising up, he lifts me in his arms and takes me out of the office with the shreds of paper still on the floor. We enter his bedroom, he gently lays me on the bed, he turns the bed to the other side, so he can take his side. The only light in the room is two night lights on each side of the bed.
For the first few minutes, Andrew and I just lie there on the bed, on our sides facing each other and staring like there is a contest between us. I search his face, his eyes, in particular, to look for a sign that all of this was a show or that this is a dream and any second I'm going to snap out. But I find nothing other than those eyes staring at me adoringly and seeking for companionship, for friendship, for a lover.
"Why did you hold the contract this long, then?" I ask him.
"Call it insecurities. I wasn't ready for your reaction. I was afraid you would leave me. I was scared that once my secrets are revealed to you, you would want out and in that time, I have a contract to remind you are still bound to me. I know, it's poorly played by me. But I couldn't trust you, trust me. It took me losing you to understand, I have no hold on you, nor will I ever have. I realized I don't hold much power in our relationship and I couldn't be selfish with you. Yes, I want you, but I want your happiness too. So I think it's convenience to say I would let you go freely if you feel like you're not happy with me anymore. But when you told me about your feelings, I knew that this contract is nothing but a barrier between me and you. I trust you now more than anything. I know you will never run away from me..." he pauses. "Well, you may, after you know about my secrets."
"Andrew, out with them already. I would never run away again." I scoot over and snuggle into his body, fitting just perfectly.
"I wish I knew how to deal with it. But my secrets are going to destroy what I'm trying to build. Promise me one thing," he takes my hand and lifts it to his lips. "You will be patient with me and let me take the lead. That's the only way I'd know how to commit."
"Ok," I rise on my elbows and look down at him, as he rakes his hand through my hair. "Have your ways with me, Andrew. Take me,"
"No," he presses his lips together. My heart leaps out of my chest. Scared, I regard him. "You need to know from now on," he rises and leans forward on his hands pressed against the mattress, hovering over me. "What we do is making love. When we kiss each other is out of passionate. When I decide to punish you for your irrelevant and stupid behaviors, like tonight, that's because it's a part of me, and you like it, am I wrong?"
"I mean, sometimes, yes, if it's just a mere spanking or getting denied to orgasm, yes, but I don't know if I can go any further. Sometimes, I think what you need and that I should provide that for you and I like the idea of pleasing you but then, I'm scared-"
"Hey, don't ever think you're not enough for me. You are just perfect you are. I wouldn't change a thing about. That's the person, I'm falling for." his eyes soften,
"I'm just scared. I didn't know this world of yours actually existed and now here I am, thinking that what should I do if a part of me likes the idea of being bound and under your mercy when the other part has a free will of its own," getting to the same eye level as Andrew, I sit with my hands on my lap.
"I'm not taking you to my playroom, Laura, nor am I going to use any kink toys on you. If there is going to be any punishment, it would me and you and my hand and maybe some home furniture's, of course," he smirks playfully. I reply him with a smirk on my face as I lean forward to his face and feel the hot breeze on my face, "maybe one day, when I'm sure you're positive about this play thing, then we would do something about it,"
"Is that so?" I brush the tip of my nose to his, "wanna show me now?"
"Hell, yeah," he climbs me and covers my body like he did earlier in his office. Pushing his fingers into my locks, we brace for a kiss.
Hungrily, we attack at each other's clothes. I fumble with Andrew's buttons when he has me already naked down to my undies. As his hands torture my body, I sigh and groan.
"Andrew, Andrew, your clothes," I tap on his shoulder. He groans before getting on his knees, still on me, and takes off his clothes.
"Fuck, I think I'm just going to come looking at you," he groans, his hands on my kneecaps, holding me apart and still. "So fucking beautiful," he reaches a hand down and grabs himself. Lowering my gaze down, I meet Andrew Jr. big and bulk, to his words, I think he can come anytime. "Take off your underwear, all of them," giving me more space, he scoots back.
I take no time getting rid of the bra, however, I intend a good show for the panties. Sitting up, I bit my lips as I hook a finger in the waistband. I let out a sigh to exaggerate. Andrew is patiently sitting on his heels, eyes gleaming and lips smirking. Finally, shrugged out, I hold my panties in the air, playfully, before throwing it somewhere carelessly.
In a bat of an eye, Andrew attacks me with his body, mirthfully. Holding my wrists above my head with one, and tracing the other hand over my skin, Andrew breathes me in, brushing his lips, over my face and nipping on my ears.
"You wanna have a role play?" Andrew asks me as he continues teasing me with his Jr. skimming over where it should be by now.
"What kind of role play?" I breathe out,
"Go, wear one of those sexy lingeries, meet me in my office," he stands up and leaves the room without waiting for my answer. I sit up to stare at the closed door. Just like that? Nice move, Andrew, now I have to walk around with my pre-orgasm pressure in my lady hood. A wicked sense tells me to reach down and touch myself until I come, though I'm curious to see what this roleplay is going to be like.
Groaning, I stand up and make my way to the walk-in closet. Walking around, I check the clothes there, many of which I never had time to explore. My eyes fall on a red lingerie, standing out between a sea of black and pink. I remember this when we went shopping. Sassy and bare. Just like what I'm looking for. Mostly the piece of clothes consists of lace and then some bands. As easy and sexy it looks, I can't figure out how to wear it. There are at least four pieces. First, I start with the bodice which is completely lace and a little push-up cups for breasts that don't cover it all. The body is embedded with roses and red ropes rolling around the body. Then comes the panties. Same patterns like the bodice, only, there is just a front view with a string barely holding the piece together.
Sitting on the bench, I reach for the stocking and roll them up to my legs. They reach to my tights, snapping the clips, I fasten the bands to the bodice. Ooh, I feel so sexy right now. The final touch comes down to the bra, which covers the rest of my breasts. Wow, that was a journey, worth it. Standing in the mirror, I turn to my sides, waving my waist. Oh god, this is so cute. Andrew is going to have a boner again, not that he got rid of the first one.
Going over the shoes, I pick matching red high heels. As I'm about to exit, a wicked thought comes to me. I turn back to the closet and reach for a white coat. Shrug it on, I tie the belt and make sure nothing is peaking out of the coat, well, except the stocking and the shoes. Lace or not, my nipples and my pubic hair are visible, but this way, Andrew is going to die, seeing I broke his command.
Grinning at my conquest, I make my way downstairs happily. As I find myself before the door, I start getting nervous. I never had a role play. Sure, what he wanted at first was a role play or so as he claimed it, but now, we are going to try something different. I trust him just well, knowing he wouldn't hurt me. But since this is a role play, there is nothing expected to happen. Does he want us to act like Dom and Sub? Are we going to enter a scene? But did he just say he would do it when he makes sure I'm ready?
I reach my hand and knock on the door, twice. His voice comes from the other side, granting me my permission.
Sucking my confidence and sassiness back, I hold my head high and my lips in a smile. Opening the door, I walk into his office, where we were merely ten minutes ago. Andrew is sitting behind his desk, his head in his papers. The shattered papers of our contract are gone. I smile inwardly. That's a good sign to forget the past for a new start.
"Mr. Martinez, you've asked for me?" I step closer, standing behind one of the chairs. Should I sit? Should I wait until he asks me to? Oh, the hell with it. I sit.
"Miss Brown, did I grant you the permission to sit?" he snaps, still not taking his eyes off of his papers. Oh, I see. He's the mean boss.
"No, sir, but I'm tired and I've been working my ass off for your company so I deserve to sit," I fight back with my feistiness.
Andrew stops scanning his papers and drops his pen on his desk, before raising his head and gazing at me, dark and intense. Rolling back his chair, he stands up tall. I observe him. He's wearing a white shirt buttoned up with its sleeves rolled to his elbow. The shirt is also accompanied by a pair of black pants. When did he have time to change? Does he store clothes everywhere in his house, cause I'm pretty sure he didn't return for change of clothes?
"Is that so?" he glares with anger in his eyes. This is just a role play. He's just acting. We're just playing. I keep chanting it to myself. Andrew's anger is not something I could ever accustom myself to. I know he wouldn't and will never hurt me. But the memories of the past do. Every time I see flames in his eyes, I remember the night we were with his folks, where he got jealous and angry to a level that he punished me and left me used. That's a feeling I wouldn't want to try again.
"Uh, yes," I flatter my eyes at him. He rounds the desk toward me. Standing behind my chair, he puts his hands on the back of the seat, close enough that his knuckles brush against my coat.
"I have given you specific orders to present yourself in a specific dress code, and this is how you show up?" he leans down, his lips brush against my hair. "You are crossing many lines, Miss Brown and playing wildly. I'm afraid, there are consequences for everything," isolating me, he walks around back to his desk. "I have some interesting information on you, would you like to hear about them?"
"Oh, I would love to," opening the knot loose enough so there are enough skin and lingerie peeking from inside. That grabs Andrew's attention immediately. Lowering his gaze, he stares shamelessly.
"I have a report that you have been gone for two weeks, missing work, worrying your friends, beating my Tech team's head against the wall and... making me crazy and empty." his eyes soften all of a sudden. "Laura, don't ever leave me, please,"
"Promise," I reply.
"Enough with this," he takes a deep breath before pretending to go through the papers again when both of us know that's nothing to do with us. "You missing caused a great deal to my company. Not to mention the meeting I missed in which I had to close a great deal only to look for you. Along with other expenses, I had to pay for my poor excuse of a Tech team. Why do I even have them, when they can't even track you down? But I have to give you this. You're smart. Nice moves, Brown,"
"Thank you," I feel pleased with myself. I never imagined myself as a girl who would kick ass some Tech Team and run away smartly.
"However, you have to pay the price," he sends the paper flying on the desk. "You think this is a joke to go against your boss and miss out work. This is not a childish game. You're fired."
"Wait, no, you can't fire me like that. I'm an asset to you. You have no idea how I bust myself every day, and you don't even see me," I stand up. I know how Andrew likes me feisty. "You think I'm playing Mr. Martinez, you flirt with every girl in this firm and you don't even notice me. I work more than anyone here. If anything I deserve to have a raise. Besides, that's why I came here," I lose the knot and let it swing down, "with this, only for you, I've been dreaming about you, Mr. Martinez, I want your hands on me. I want you to cherish me." I open the coat and shrug it out throwing it on the floor.
Andrew stares at me with his mouth open, his eyes scanning up and down. Shocked, Martinez?
"My, my." he smirks wickedly, "who would have known Miss goody two shoes would turn out to be a wicked libido. What does your boyfriend think about you offering yourself to me like that?" he raises an eyebrow.
"My boyfriend doesn't care as far as I know. Besides," I sauce my way to him swinging my hips to the side, "this could be our dirty secret, no one has to know." strapping my arms around his shoulders, I stand on my toes, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. He responds with a groan before breaking the kiss.
"You think you can win me over like that. You need to be punished." he waits patiently for me to react. Strangely, I don't flinch nor step away. I trust him. "Remember I told you about the punishment's terms? Are you ready?"
"Yes," I reply without hesitation. His lips breaking into a smile.
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sorry guys. i know I've been away for a long time, but believe me, i'm just too tired when i get home from 9 hours shift. sorry. but enjoy.